I had to always examine Islam from a point of looking at “life”,
and trying to bring to my family, others, and of course foremost myself, the
true picture of justice, which is served through our religion (Islam); when correctly
practiced of course. I had to
rupture the thought of a man who is only chasing after his physical desires,
and place before them the truth.
It is the western man who is allowed such freedoms of indulging in the
sexual aspects of more then one woman,
for within Islam, any sane man would re-evaluate, and re-think the issue
of another woman1000 times before jumping in a second relationship due to the
strong responsibility he has to bare (within marriage) from fairness, to
kindness, to provisions.
Written by: Souladvisor
I must admit, that as a women I would not wish upon
myself or another, for my husband or anyone else’s husband to take another
wife. I would be a hypocrite to
stand before you writing on a topic with full support, pretending that I (as a
women) have no jealousy, and would with open arms accept it if my husband came
marching home, and said, ‘Guess what dear, I am taking another wife’. But I can see the wisdom behind Allah’s
injunction, and we have to know that allowing polygamy is a security from the
women. It does not serve any
justice if I decline to accept this wisdom due to my personal shortcomings, and
my instinctive jealousy. May Allah save me from ever facing this
situation. Oh Allah, do not test
my faith with this.
I would like to remind everyone along with myself,
that life sometimes forces us to face some un-liked realities. Due to this, there is a secure base and
wisdom behind the allowance of more then one wife. There can be a lot of
situations, which pass between two people in the long run of their married
life. When getting married, no one likes to look past what they are feeling at
that particular moment, and the jealousy they feel with regards to her husband
possibly loving and feeling affection for another. We are all in a sense
looking for the love of Romeo and Juliet.
Passion allows us to submit our thoughts to this illustration of
love. This is a normal response
and these types of feelings are part of what secures a marriage in the first
place.
In most societies, if the marriage doesn’t seem to work out,
there is divorce, separation of children from one or both parents, and many
other hardships. (I’m sure we all can think of many people we know and many
true stories in relation to this.) Allah is aware of all these possibilities and
Islam defiantly secures the women.
Men are the maintainers and providers for women, and in reality, I will repeat
myself that polygamy is that which secures the women. Ok….How? I’ll give you an
examples, and I know we do not like to face the realities of life, but ignoring
these truths only lead us to where societies are today: A MESS.
Example: A man and women marry, and during the years they find
themselves incompatible and drifting away from each other. He inevitably meets
someone and falls in love with her, and feels as he does not feel and did not
feel with his wife. His wife also feels that she doesn’t want her husband and
their fights are killing what little they had left. She doesn’t want a divorce
because she is secure with her life, and does not ever plan to remarry. She would also like that her children
do not grow up in a broken house. Both women in this situation are through
marriage with this man secure through legality to be treated, as well as
maintained properly. Through any
other system, either one or both of these women would not have any security.
In a country where polygamy is forbidden, the man would be forced to choose.
What chooses would he have to make? To divorce his wife and destroy that family
unit and marry the women he now loves, or to stay married and cheat on his
wife; not to mention a religious point of view which is adultery, or he would
have to stay married and break of his relationship with this women he fell in
love with. This of course as you
know, would be a rarity of chooses, and sooner or later due to his feeling
would eventually, if not with that women, find someone else to fill the gap he
feels in his life.
And please
let us not forget, if he chooses to keep providing for his wife and children
and also be with the other women, we have to really seriously think about the
security the other women is forced to live without. I know we all like to think of her as deserving this fate,
but is that really the case? Legally she is not married and has no rights.
(Yes, focus momentarily on that too.) One of the women has no rights and if any
children are between them, (which is a norm that most people want to raise a
family as a result of their love), those children also are faced with a life of
no security, no legal father, and no legal rights. This is one small example
and if you really look at it seriously, you can see where it secures so many
women and children.
Like I said this is only an example and only one of the
scenarios. You can later remind yourself
of other examples, for further examination of the life and tragedies faced by
women due to divorce, war, or other related situations.
My expressions not being able to articulate on the subject as one of the examples
published by The Institute of Islamic Information and Education, which
I place as the final paragraphs, (all of the following) and I’m sure the one
example that will always stick in your mind as it has mine.
[“Some Western men
take the position that monogamy protects the rights of women. But are these men
really concerned about the rights of women? The society has so many practices,
which exploit and suppress women, leading to women's liberation movements from
the suffragettes of the early twentieth century to the feminists of today.
The truth of the matter is that monogamy protects
men, allowing them to "play around" without responsibility. Easy
birth control and easy legal abortion has opened the door of illicit sex to
woman and she has been lured into the so-called sexual revolution. But she is
still the one who suffers the trauma of abortion and the side effects of the
birth control methods. Taking aside the plagues of venereal disease, herpes and
AIDS, the male continues to enjoy himself free of worry. Men are the ones
protected by monogamy while women continue to be victims of men's desires.
Polygamy is very much opposed by the male dominated society because it would
force men to face up to responsibility and fidelity. It would force them to
take responsibility for their polygamous inclinations and would protect and
provide for women and children.
Among all the polygamous societies in history there
were none, which limited the number of wives. All of the relationships were
unrestricted. In Islam, the regulations concerning polygamy limit the number of
wives a man can have while making him responsible for all of the women
involved.
"Marry women of your
choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to
deal justly with them, then only one or one that your right hands possess. That
will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice." (Qur'an 4:3)
This verse from the Qur'an allows a
man to marry more than one woman but only if he can deal justly with them.
Another verse says that a person is unable to deal justly between wives, thus
giving permission but discouraging.
"You
will never be able to deal justly between wives however much you desire (to do
so). But (if you have more than one wife) do not turn altogether away (from
one), leaving her in suspense..." (Qur'an 4:129)
While the provision for polygamy
makes the social system flexible enough to deal with all kinds of conditions,
it is not necessarily recommended or preferred by Islam.”]
See how beautifully it has been
clarified by the above examples to the wisdom within the acceptance of polygamy?
May Allah guide us, and allow us correct application of this religion in our
lives so as to not only attain righteousness through our endeavors, yet also to
be a source of guidance to all of humanity.
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger
of Allah (PBUH) said, "The believers who show the most perfect Faith are
those who have the best behavior, and the best of you are those who are the
best to their wives".
[At-Tirmidhi]
Sa`d bin Abu Waqqas (May
Allah be pleased with him) reported in a Hadith included in the chapter of
Intention, that Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Whatever you spend
seeking thereby the Pleasure of Allah, will have its reward, even the morsel
which you put in the mouth of your wife".
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]