I need some sensation.
I need some sort of change,
Of scenery-imagination
To try and arrange
A pure train of thinking
An honest remorse
For actions all linking
My heart on a course
Of self-hate and of darkness
Of impending doom
Of secrets so heartless
Where sadness would loom.
Of seeing my image
Of shame and despair
And ugly black visage
Awaiting me there.
When will I be forgiving
For just being born,
And learn love of living
And greet each new morn
With happiness-hopeful
Of each coming day?
When, oh when will I ever feel this way?
Never ever-Ever have I known love so deep
That it envelopes my soul, knowing secrets I keep.
Openly hateful of all that I'm seeing;
The unbearable hatred of being.
Tears shed for gladness,
Some shed for loss.
For me, I shed sadness-
Filled tears at the cost.
Of being loved-I lose all I am.
I give it away-To me love's a scam.
I don't understand-Why can't I understand?
So each day's a stuggle
Each minute's a year
For me as I smuggle
A heart stained with tears
In a smile all knowing,
I know not a thing
If I don't understand
What a heart's love should bring.
Never ever-Ever have I known love so deep.
Never able to feel what I give I should keep,
For I am a gift
Of all that I'm seeing.
No--There's always a rift-
The unbearable blackness of being.
