To My Mom
I could scream for an hour and you wouldnt hear my plea.
I could slit my wrists and you wouldnt remember me.
I could call out your name and you'd turn the other way.
I could ask for your assistance and far away you'd stay.
I could ask for your forgiveness and a grudge you'd still hold.
I could get on my knees and question what I've been told.
You'd still pay no attention and you still wouldnt try.
If you told me you cared, It would just be a lie.
But it doesnt make a difference; I dont need you anymore.
I see you for you now. One of them, nothing more.

Burn the Sadness
burn the sadness
rid the power
that feuls the body to only devour
what's hate is love
what's love is hate
it's the irony that binds this twisted fate
purge the anguish
engulf the pain
its a never ending cycle of distorted shame


For Once
For once I feel I can change myself
from the inside out.
For once I feel I can live my life
realizing what living's about.
For once I'll stare at my own reflection
deep into my very own eyes.
I am who I am and there's nothing I'd change
It's now that I finally realize.


Quitter
Never giving up is considered "right"
and quitting is considered "wrong".
But when quitting refers to saving my life
I'll be called a quitter and stand up strong.


Thank You
I just wanna thank you for staying strong.
When I was at my lowest,
You've returned me to where I belong.
You've reminded me I have a reason to live.
You've given me all that you could give
And you've awaited my recovery all along.
Because of you, I know why I live.
My gift to you isnt much
but an open heart symbolizing mine you've touched
In hopes that you'll forgive.

Pass
The dates will change
But it will forever be today
Society rushes by
I move out of the way
Footsteps and car horns inhabit the air
I sit down amused but without a care
Hands of the clock spinning too fast to read
Trees are fully grown at the drop of a seed
Life will pass by at a speed no one will see
But the few remaining souls who chose to sit beside me


Every day
every day depresses me more
the pain and growing strife
each day is worse than then the day before
so every day is the worst day of my life


Forthwith
whats not yet over has already begun
My portraits painted blank
exchanging the moon in return for sun
My introspect to thank
reflection casts an ominous face
auguring a forthwith cease
a memory will soon replace
cannot bestow what i cant release


Fairytale
Youre everything Ive ever dreamed
I couldnt ask for more
Everytime I talk to you
I find more that I adore
I'll cherish you forever,
my fairy tale come true
whoever said no ones perfect
obviously never met you


This Gift
This gift I'll treasure
In my heart forever
This gift could not ever be cloned.
This gift wasn't bought,
Framed, made, or caught
This gift is in a class of it's own.
This gift is the best gift I've ever received
Better than any goal I've ever achieved
But I'd never give this gift to a soul.
Why is it that I could never bear
To give this gift for others to share?
Because without it, I wouldnt be whole.
And without this gift, I couldnt be
The happiest Ive ever been; the completed me
So this gift I'll forever hold.
No other gift anyone could give
Could affect me inside and help me live
So this gift I'll cherish to my grave.
No other words can explain, yet this gift is so real
No words can surface, but my whole body can feel
My gift, my best friend, Dave.


Two
I'm not who I seem to be
I'm different once you know me
Inside myself, I think there's two
On the outside only one
You only see the quiet me
The one who speaks to none
Paranoia sets in
When the barriers cave in
and I think I can do my best
Fear of rejection
My own resurrection
sets me aside from the rest.
Your interpretation of me is wrong
You've known the other me all along
I'm coming off as blank and solemn
with nothing at all to say
but in reality,
If you'd just see
I'm scared I'll go back to before
Although I've changed since years ago,
and have learned to push it away,
It still stays with me
I don't think it'll leave me
I havent always been this way


Footprints
Of everyone I've come to meet,
Upon my soul, You've placed your feet
You've left your mark and there it will stay
Forever inspiring; shall not fade away
Shaping and guiding with each helping hand
For you are the footprints and I am the sand


Friends
the only friends i can trust with my heart
who understand my pain
are the ones i know will never part
the ones inside my brain


Gates
I'm leaving soon
So say good bye
To the person you never even said, "Hi"
Magical gates soon to greet
a new life ahead for me to meet
Can't bare to take another step,
Can't blink another eye.
Can't wait to arrive and live in peace
to let this all pass by.
If ever you wanna talk,
Don't hesitate to say.
Although I wont be here,
I won't be far away.
My last resort, years I've tried
Don't worry we'll meet again.
On that day when its your turn
to cross to the other side


If in my dreams
if in my dreams is where you'll stay
dont wake me up,ill sleep today
cause i'd rather live my life asleep knowing you were here
then be awake alone again with you not being near


Dignity
I could stop myself from eating
If you wanted me thin
I could wear a lot of makeup
If my face is a sin
I could wear high heels
If you wanted me tall
I could by designer clothes
To mirror them all
I could get plastic surgery
and pop out of  my shirt
I could show my whole ass
and wear a mini skirt
I could sleep with everyone in hopes to be accepted
Or use sex as a treatment to feel less neglected
When it comes to society, I stand alone
It's taken me years but I've matured and grown
In the world of acceptance, I'm an endangered creature
I'm flying solo and feel like a preacher
What it all boils down to, It's obvious to see
I'm proudly myself, It's called dignity.


Cobblestone Path
Voices are silent
Visions no longer violent
Fits of rage abruptly supressed
Heart still shattered but no longer depressed
Mind is blank, body numb
trying to recognize what I've become
Image reflects back with an oblivious stare
Realization sets in, I've gone nowhere
Fortelling the future, I see the same
Redundant trail of pity and shame
Slow treading footsteps, vacant mind
Kicking rocks just to pass time
A circular path forever under my feet
For the end is too far for me to ever meet


Accident
now i clearly see
i wasnt meant to be
an accident is all i was
i know this all just because
it stays inside me; i'll forever know
my mother told me long ago


Box
Oh, dusty cracked wooden box
I see antiques and treasure
Those gifts inside, you must keep locked
For their beauty cannot be measured
Oh, hand painted, heart shaped box
Where did your treasures go?
I anxiously turned the key in the lock
But your vacant stare captured me so
Sitting alone on the shadowed shelf, The heart has nothing to show
Seeping through the cracked wooden box, Inner treasures shine and glow
I'd choose the dull box, where the real gifts hide
because true beauty and elegance lie inside
If these boxes were people, what would you look for in a friend?
Look to the inside where it matters in the end.


Blame Me
My heart speaks but only I can hear
My body aches because I live in fear
The world would benefit at my final depart
I can not take another stab to the heart
The day you lie me down to rest
and say your final goodbyes
is the day your life will be at it's best
and no one will suspect your lies
They'll all blame me
cause they've listened to you
They'll take your side
and never read into
the pain I've had to go through
I've nothing more to gain
These thoughts are nothing new
The bruises will remain


My Plan
I plan to kill you all
I'll throw you off a cliff
I'll joyously watch you fall
Down the raging river you'll drift
smacking your fucking face
against the jagged bank
a painful fucking death
your body just sank
I cheer and applaud my great success
one more gone, tonight I'll rest
I'll plan some more,
Tomorrow's another day
I await the gore
of another beautiful array


Image
A mirror reflects the struggle and pain
A window that shows exactly the same
But who's to say I look like this
underneath my skin?
Why is someone's image considered an evil sin?
Ive put myself through horror
Wishing I wasnt me
If only I could look like them
Can only dream of how that would be
Maybe life would change
If I had a different face
Then I thought of how dumb that sounds
And for once was happy in my place
Who's to say we have to look great
for a good life to begin?
I'm happy with myself
Beauty comes from within
I dont care what people think
I dont listen to what they say
It's hard to do
But I've learned to see through
I'd rather be me any day


Move On
from hugs and kisses to a shattered heart
I'm standing alone torn apart
thunder and lightening, rain soaked hair
somehow I dont seem to care
my dreams are smashed and my hopes are gone
I didnt think it'd be now I'd have to move on


Things Happen by Choice
First time she saw him
She knew it was love
She thought his presence
was a gift from above
"he has this certain smile"
She gasped to her friend
"It makes me wanna go back and watch it again."
Soon enough it was time to tell
the admiration burning inside
"Im too nervous to speak, I'll write a note, and then I'll run and hide."
The very next day, She gathered her strength and knew what she had to do
Nervous yet happy she handed him the note and said "This is for you."
A smile grew upon his face as if he felt the same way
The two parted way, went on with their day, as if they both knew
At the end of the day, he approached her to say,
"I read your note" with a grin so sweet
"Can I take you out for something to eat?"
"Sure!" she said with a  great surprise
Smiling as she stared into his blue eyes
"I'll call you at 5, is that ok?"
They casually hugged and then parted way
Anxiously awaiting to hear a ring
Hours went by, still nothing
She fell asleep confused and mad
with the phone still in her lifeless hand
She awoke the next morning
and all on her mind
was to find out the reason
he left her behind
But when she got to school, he was nowhere in sight.
Waiting by his locker, something wasn't right
After school, she called right away
"Hello?" answered a voice trailing astray
The conversation led on for what seemed like forever
for the words that were spoken were hard to endeavor
"He was with a friend...
They had too much to drink
Crashed into a tree.."
She could barely think
Tears rolled down her now pale face
As she sadly remembered their first embrace
All remaining words were unclear
Trying to make sense of what she was to hear
"I thought that stuff was in his past..
I thought he cleaned up..I thought it would last.."
I learned a quick lesson today
as I wiped my tears away
"So did I" said the placid voice
"Things happen by choice."


She
She feels like hell, She has no way to deal
Stuck in a cell, She's grown immune to feel
Reality sets in when there's nowhere left to turn
Spinning around in circles, She watches her soul burn
On the wall casts a shadow of a faint hallucination
She can't fall nor follow and be caught in her own frustration
Breaking down the barricades, Shattering the walls
Slips a little, blood cascades, to her awaiting grave she crawls
A lone light shimmers, Illuminating the warm blade
Thrown off by a distant lamp, peeking under the shade
Eyes blink twice before they slowly close
As if to say goodbye to this world she no longer knows


No Future
Darkened soul, Inexistent fate
What lies ahead - a world of hate.
No excuse to live, no reason to strive
A waste of space by being alive
Over the years, I've come to see
No future lies ahead of me


One
Ocean crashes
Screams in the night
Violent tides gleam in the moonlight
Whistling wind
Howling like wolves
Rumbling thunder
Mimic galloping hooves
pellets of water project in the trees
Branches swing their tattered leaves
Peering out the window; no thought in mind
Im one with nature. Human and Earth intertwined


Serrated Knife
serrated knife
against her pale skin
had enough strife
her existence is sin
alone on this path
of painful uncertainty
trapped in a whirlwind wrath
of what outsiders call insanity
nervous, shaky hands
she slides the shimmering blade
too many of life's demands
a crimson river begins to cascade
her knees unlock and the floor races near
Her mind for once is crystal clear
A lone dancing shadow inhabits the room
Projects on her wall by a distant candle
her eyes stare lifeless as she slams the door of doom
Her motionless fingers still grasp the handle
Blood fills the cracks of her planked wooden floor
A deafening shriek as her Mom opens the door
Tears fill her eyes
she crashes to her knees
an empty room hears her cries
and to God, she directs her pleas
but little does she know, it's her fault anyway
For her absent mind, She must now pay
If she'd listened to her daughter just hours before
Her tears would not be hitting the floor