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Archives 21-25

ERIC MHE: And all water-type versions coalated with a person who is an ex-co-webmaster of a version having to do with weather should be permenantly #1!!
WE DID THAT LAST WEEK!
ERIC MHE: oops.
BUTCH: Urrh?
JASONR: Ok, people!
DOOMSHEEP:...you always forget the talking animals bit, don't you?
urrh...
JASONR: Ok, people and talking animals!
urrh?
JASONR:...now, after that BRILLIANT comment from MetalMike, we shall move onward.
urrh...
ONWARD was fully MOVED!
ONWARD fainted!
JASONR gained 1 EXP!
urrh?
JASONR: Ahem. We need a solution for the Doompuff problem. There has to be a way to stop the clicheness.
Yea, almost every version has one.
ERIC MHE: Thats not bad! They're my own characters!
SKYLER: We could bring in a swat team of Red Sox!
EMERALD_WEBMASTR: Or we could not.
er, we could get some kind of transformation magic...
DEB: ...and turn them all into life-size vivi plushies!!!! EEEEEEEYAYAYAYEEEEEE!
HAUNTER_UK: Why not? A life-time of being hugged by Deb is one of the worst tortures I can think of.
BUTCH: Urrh?
Listen, where are we going to get this magic from??
COMIC: ...
DEB:...
SKYLER: ...
JASONR: ...
HAUNTER_UK: ....
BUTCH: urrh?
See? So we ca-
EMERALD_WEBMASTER: How about Tire? It's got the black part down.
....eep.
TIRE appeared!
Tire, please turn this pencil into a Life-sized Vivi plushie.
TIRE used BLACK TIRE!
PENCIL poofed!
what the heck???
PENCIL poofed into a FUZZY SOCK!
DEB: OOO!! FUZZY SOCK! 7BQ! 7BQ!
Close enough. Now we have to think of a way to control his power.
ERIC MHE burst into tears!
ERIC MHE: Think??? How could you be so insensitive...when I've never thought in my life...
JASONR: Silence!
ROBBY appeared!
ROBBY: You called?
JASONR: Gah! Get away!
ROBBY got an AWAY and gave it to JASONR!
BUTCH: urrh?
ROBBY disappeared!
Er...what exactly IS an "away"?
JASONR: Who knows? It turns into 2 random things, alternating beetween both.
AWAY became DOOMPUFF!
Aaah!!!!!!!!!
DOOMPUFF does not SEE ANYONE to eat!
DOOMPUFF is facing the wrong way!
JASONR: Er, did I mention that Aways aren't very smart?
DOOMPUFF poofed!
What the-
DOOMPUFF poofed into LIFE-SIZED-VIVI-PLUSHIE!
DEB: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!
BUTCH: urrh?
There's the solution! We tell any Doompuffs that Tire can turn them into plushies, then show them with this "away"!
ERIC MHE: Ack! Too much information! PURGE!! PURGE!!
DEB is hugging VIVI-PLUSHIE!
VIVI-PLUSHIE poofed!
VIVI-PLUSHIE poofed into DOOMPUFF!
DEB jumped back!
...maybe we should find some way to control its ....poof....ing.

Half an hour and four rolls of tape later...

DOOMPUFF became PLUSHIE!
PLUSHIE became DOOMPUFF!
DOOMPUFF became PLUSHIE!
PLUSHIE became DOOMPUFF!
DOOMPUFF became PLUSHIE!
PLUSHIE became DOOMPUFF!
GAH! All we did was speed it up!

Half an hour and two bottles of glue later...

There. This button makes it a doompuff, this one a plushie.
DEB pushes PLUSHIE button!
AWAY became DOOMPUFF!
er, maybe we should switch these labels...

Half an hour and nine packs of label remover later...

Finally! IT'S FINISHED!
HAUNTER_UK: Hooray!
SKYLER: Yippie!
JASONR: May I order a sandwich?
BUTLER: urrh?
Now, the button on the left is for a doompuff, the other one the vivi plushie.
JASONR: Hey! I ordered chedder cheese! This is mozzarella! TAKE IT AWAY!
AWAY took the sandwich!
AWAY ate the sandwich!
What the
JASONR: Hey! I could of put that in my shoes and looked taller!
er, i didnt know you were THAT desperate...
EMERALD_WEBMASTR: GAHH!!
BUTCH: urrh?
JASONR: Silence!
ROBBY appeared!
ROBBY: You called?
JASONR: Go away.
AWAY went!
ROBBY disappeared!
...
well, there goes all our work...
ERIC MHE: What's label remover?

Setting: The lair of Robby...er, Jacocchion
Player: Robby

Yes! Now that I have taken the "away", I can RULE THE WORLD VERSION! BLUHAHAHAHA!
ROBBY was renamed JACOCCHION!
JACOCCHION is COMING...
DEB: Must....have....vivi...plushie....
GAH!!!

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FUZZY SOCK: Hey, arent you forgetting something?
No.
FUZZY SOCK: Turn me back into a pencil, now!
...
FUZZY SOCK: Hello?
...
FUZZY SOCK: And whats with the title? THIS BATLE ISNT A BLACKJACK!
FUZZY SOCK was hit over the head with a BLACKJACK!
THANK you.

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Battle Twenty-two: The Blackjack's Revenge
Date: June, 2001
Setting: A dark cave. eep.
Player: BlackJack

HA! For not letting me be in a battle last time, I WILL HAVE REVENGE!
LIGHTING crashed!
Into BLACKJACK!
GAZZZHHAGZHXzZzZZGZZzCHEESEZZzZZzZZZ

Setting: The forest of no Return keys *shiver*
Player: D-Crow

?mu
D-CROW was hit over the head with a BLACKJACK!
...wwwo
D-CROW fainted!

Setting: Burger Stand
Player: Burger

...
BLACKJACK appeared!
....
BURGER was hit with a BLACKJACK!
....!
BURGER fainted!

Setting: The feild of abnormably large cans of plump juicy pitted olives of no return with a traintrack
Player: Psychicjack

BLACKJACK was hit over the head with a PSYCHICJACK!
HAHAHA! HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!
PSYCHICJACK evilved into PSYCHOJACK!
HAHAHA! HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!
Now, I will make MINIONS to do my bidding!
PSYCHOJACK used CREATE!
PSYCHOJACK created SKYLER's EVIL TWIN!
PSYCHOJACK created GROUNDLER!
HAHAHA!HAHAHAHAHA!
GROUNDLER: ooo. yay. yay. wee. urrh. um. ^_^
HA! Now, DEB's EVIL TWIN!!!!
PSYCHOJACK created VIVI-HATER!
VIVI-HATER: Hear me! For I am the Movius. Nothing can defeat me.
John Mobius hates Vivis? o.O
VIVI-HATER: ...far be it from me to question the circumstances which hath placed me here, but...just wherefore is it that I hath been placed in a Large Steel Cage of Holding?
Because you belong to ME! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
VIVI-HATER: Hear me. For I am the Movius. Nothing can cage me so.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
VIVI-HATER: Observe.
VIVI-HATER punches hole in LARGE STEEL CAGE OF HOLDING!
HAHAHAHAHAHA-Eep.
VIVI-HATER wants to fight!
GROUNDLER allied with VIVI-HATER!
GROUNDLER wants to fight!
Hmmm....first I must create an ally.
PSYCHOJACK used CREATE!
METALMIKE's evil twin MENTALMIKE was created!
MENTALMIKE allied with you!
I use...PSYCHIC!
PSYCHOJACK used PSYCHIC!
PSYCHOJACK is PSYCHIC!
I am? Oh, yessss....
PSYCHOJACK devilved into PSYCHICJACK!
Ally MENTALMIKE picked up BLACKJACK!
Ally...er, Former ally MENTALMIKE hit you over the head with a BLACKJACK!
Owww......
PSYCHICJACK devolved into PSYCHICBLACKJACK!
What?
BLACKJACK was embedded into your skull!
Therefore, you now are a psychic blackjack!
Owwww......

Setting: Room (with padded walls. :P)
Player: Al Gore(creeeepy)

I DEMAND a recount!
REPUBLICAN: The election is over! George W. Bush has been president for a year now!
I DEMAND a recount of the YEAR then!
GEORGE W. BUSH: Would you stop saying that?
I DEMAND...
GEORGE W. BUSH is trying to CHOKE you!
I DEMAND a...
SPACESHIP landed!
ALIEN came out!
I DEMAND a recount of the writer's IQ!
Leave me alone. Im still in MentalMike stage.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Eep.
ALIEN: Terrans! I am your newly-elected leader!
DEMOCRAT: We never elected you!
REPUBLICAN: He's right, for once!
DEMOCRAT: I'M right for once? well, i'll...
ALIEN: Terrans.....
I DEMAND...
ALIEN: I can see the future!
I DE-
PSYCHICBLACKJACK appeared!
PSYCHICBLACKJACK: So can I! Lets tell them what'll happen if they dont elect a new president.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Hey!
I DEM-
PSYCHICBLACKJACK: In the future we'll all be eating bugs!
ALIEN: But that's not the bad part, 80% of the world does already.
PSYCHICBLACKJACK: The bad news is that Timothy McVeigh is going to be elected president!
I DEMA-
ALIEN: They never executed him. People smuggled him out and killed a guy in costume.
PSYCHICBLACKJACK: They were against the death penalty, all the way.
What? I DEMAND A RECOUNT of THE BQ OF THIS BATTLE!
GEORGE W. BUSH: What BQ? Is this battle going to get ANY?
FUZZY SOCK: YES!
DEB: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 7BQ
I DEMAN-
You were HIT over the head with a PSYCHICBLACKJACK!
AL GORE fainted!!

Setting: The feild of abnormably large cans of plump juicy pitted olives of no return with a traintrack
Player: Vivi-hater

Hear me. for I am the Movius. Nothing can defeat me.
NARRACROW follows RED NARRATORS example and puts a TRANSLATOR on VIVI-HATER!
<....Yes....and then, I could go on, assisting people in need, destroying jailbirds, controlling traffic lights! I COULD BE GOOD!!!!!......................Nah.>

Setting: Blood Version. Everywhere.
Player: Emmortus

I AM EMMORTUS, THE IMMORTAL WEBPAGE THAT CANNOT BE DELETED!
urrh.
SPANISH INQUISITION: Nobody expects the Span-

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Battle Twenty-three: A Wafer-Thin Mint
Date: July 6, 2001
Setting: The feild of abnormably large cans of plump juicy pitted olives of no return with a traintrack and an empty cage sitting there and one small wafer thin-mint for no reason at all
Player: PsychicBlackJack

?!?!?!?!?!
NARRACROW asks what's WRONG with PSYCHICBLACKJACK!
Someone just called me insane.
...and??
What is this sane??? I heard I am in it, but I know this not to be true. I dont like the sound of the word.
...um?
So I say am nowhere NEAR sane! I am as far away from sane as possible! In fact, I will never be sane!!!!!!!
STOP stating the OBVIOUS and start FIGHTING!
Fight who?
ME!
Oh no, not you again.
METALMIKE appeared!
METALMIKE: Hahahaha.
METALMIKE set out SANE!
Um....?
SANE was sent OUT!
MIKE lost his SANITY!
How could he lose it? It's RIGHT THERE!
Seemingly RANDOM things start to happen due to the authors lack of SANITY!
HARDHAT appears wheeling a WHEELBARROW!
Hello.
PSYCHICJACK begins to talk like D-CROW!
METALMIKE: One by one the penguins steal my sanity....muhahaha!
peE.
HARDHAT: Well, that came out odd.
LANI didnt appear!
?yhW ?tahW
Nothing is supposed to make sense in this battle, remember?
narrator lost shift key1
narrator; hang on, it's in here somewhere....
o.O
...that'd be O.o to you.
.uoy ot o.o dna...
NARRATOR DISCOVERS CAPS LOCK!
METALMIKE: No, penguins! Stay away! Accccckk!!!!!
.hrru
VIVI-HATER APPEARED!
VIVI-HATER'S TRANSLATOR WAS REPROGRAMMED BY CAPTAIN GATES!
VIVI-HATER:<H....e.....l.....l......o>
SANE decided to go into METALMIKE's POKEBALL!
METALMIKE found SANITYx1!
Great, great. Now we're ripping off of Chrono Trigger. Can it get any worse?
Yes! And it is!

Setting: Version Webmaster Meeting Room
Player: ElectricRuss

JASONR: Well, that wraps up the meeti-
ELECTRICRUSS appeared!
JASONR: Huh? What are you doing here? Didn't you stop updating?
Fool! You missed my battle updates twenty times in a row!
JASONR: twenty????
Well, more like two, but... you just mocked me. You die now.
JASONR wants to fight!
No, I want to fight. ><
JASONR used UPDATE CHECK!
ZAP VERSION's UPDATE score greatly fell!
What? It was already like that.
JASONR: No, you dont get it.
ELECTRICRUSS checked NETWORK rankings at POKEBATTLES.COM!
ZAP UPDATES: -6
Heck? It shouldn't be able to go negitave?
JASONR: Zap can.
Well, then...ZAP  CAN DO THIS!
ZAP used ZAP!
ZAP ZAPPED JASONR!
JASONR: Aiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee
JASONR greatly fell!
....into negative area!
Hee Hee.
JASONR fell onto LIFE-SIZED ALMIGHTY WEBMASTER PLUSHIE!
JASONR: Thats the second time these things have saved my life. I really should keep them handy.

Setting: Room
Player: Toaster

I AM THE ALMIGHTY TOASTER!
TOASTER used TOAST!
BREAD was fully TOASTED!
What? BREAD is evolving!
BREAD evolved into TOAST!
Hahaha!
TOAST is trying to learn BUTTER-ITSELF!
But, TOAST cannot know more then 4 moves!
Delete older move to make room for BUTTER-ITSELF?
Y
Which Move should be forgotten?
Splash
Soak
Die
Sit
Hmmm....Die
1...2...3....POOF!
TOAST forgot DIE!
TOAST learned BUTTER-ITSELF!
Doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo!
FLASHLIGHT appeared!
Huh? Oh, hold on, there is a call.
Hello? This is the TOASTER, filling in for the answering machine. We cannot take your call right now, but please leave a message when the smoke detector sounds once the toast is burnt.
TOAST: Ah! Help us! Save us!
TOAST was renamed BLACK SMOKE!
Oh, ok. Flashlight?
FLASHLIGHT wants to fight!
>< Go, Toast!
Get'm, TOAST!
FLASHLIGHT sent out FLASHLIGHT!
Toast, use Sit!
TOAST sat!
No effect!
urrh....use Splash!
TOAST used SPLASH!
No effect!
>< Um, Soak!
TOAST soaked!
No effect!
TOAST was renamed SOGGY TOAST!
Um, use Butter-yourself!
SOGGY TOAST buttered itself!
No effect!
SOGGY TOAST was renamed SOGGY AND BUTTERY TOAST!
><
FLASHLIGHT used EAT!
FLASHLIGHT ate SABT!
SABT died! Use next slice?
N
TOASTER burnt out!

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Battle Twenty-Four: The rushed battle from heck
Date: July 15, 2001
Setting: A street in the middle of nowhere Blood Version (They ARE synonyms.)
Player: Megaman

PORTAL from MIKE'S SPRITE WEBCOMIC appeared!
MEGAMAN appeared!
PORTAL closed!
Now what, MetalMike? I went into your version as you ordered!
Wild RAY appeared!
RAY: Hi!
Who are you?
RAY: I'm Ray! Didnt you read the red text?
Sorry, I'm not used to moving in a text-based environment. What are you doing, anyway?
RAY: Im going to try out my new Pokemon, Deadinite! The MASTER's Pokemon!
Wild METAPOD appeared!
Go, DEADINITE!
DEADINITE is dead. Use next Pokemon?
RAY: What the [BEEP]?
DEADINITE is dead. Use next Pokemon?
Um....I'm not sure I understand what is happening.
DEADINITE is dead. Use next Pokemon?
STOP PRESSING A, BAKA!
DEADINITE is dead. Use next Pokemon?
RAY: It's STUCK!
A button is STUCK!
RAY hit A!
T came out of under A BUTTON!
T hit RAY!
What? RAY is evolving!
Congratulations! Your RAY evolved into TRAY!
My RAY? Cool!
TRAY! Return!

Setting: Elsewhere
Player: Cats

How are you gentlemen that belong to me?
D-CROW, CORROSIVE WORM, JACOCCHION, and ASH are attempting to KILL eachother in a NOT-SO-GENTLE-MANNER!
All your base are belong to me.
D-CROW kicks BASE of cliff!
BASE became WASTE!
You are on the way to belonging to me.
JACOCCHION burns WAY!
WAY wailed!
You have no chance to belong to anyone else make yourself belong to me.
CAPTAIN GATES: What you say!
I SAY YOU BELONG TO ME! FWAHAHAHAHAHA!
ASH: Turn off the @#$%'n main screen!
MAIN SCREEN was turned off!
MAIN SCREEN screamed!

Player: Jacocchion

Do something! The ship's going to crash!
SETTING is U.S.S MICROSOFT!
NARRACROW: TAKEN over by BLOOD! MUHAHAHA!
NARRACROW: ER...AIIIEEEEEOW!.....Blood version. (OW! Someone hit me with a switch!)
SWITCH was Flipped!
Oh noooooooooooooooooooooo
POWER shut OFF!
Quick! Flip it on!
JACOCCHION flipped the SWITCH!
Windows has caused a fatal error. Play another game?
URRH!
JACOCCHION attempted AGAIN!
Reformat your auto-pilot system? (Y/Y)

Player: Vivi
Setting: Grand Canyon of Blood

Canyon ish BIG.
USS MICROSOFT fell into CANYON!
ARG!
ARG fell into CANYON!
I fell into CANYON!
POW fell into CANYON!
Three T's fell into CANYON!
This production has been brought to you by the letters M ,T ,E, E, E and the number 24, which *gulp* all just fell into the CANYON!
/ fell into CANYON!
FIRST came out of CANYON!
What the heck is happening in there?
FIRST: The letters are mixing together! We were fused together and are running away! AAAAA
FIRST ran!
FOOD came out of CANYON and RAN!
CRAYON came out of CANYON and RAN!
DU came out of the CANYON!
What now?
...making the letters in the canyon: NOSTN2EMMOC/EIVBA4TTSTOPLE
...hmm...we need one more thing.....
VIVI fell into CANYON!
AAAAAA!!!!
IV ran from CANYON!
LETTERS rearranged themselves:

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Battle Twenty-Five: Metalmike's Farewell (for a week)
Date: July 29, 2001
Setting: Center square of Blood
Player: MetalMike

ALL BLOOD CHARACTERS appeared!
METALMIKE appeared!
Ahem.
METALMIKE used METALMICROPHONE!
I have gathered you all here for an important reason. I will be gone to camp for an entire week soon.
GROAN is heard!
...from TAPE RECORDER at back!
Ok, so none of my characters care?? Well, hear this....you will all be in suspended animation until I return!!!
GROAN is heard!
...from CHARACTERS!
METALMIKE was hit over the head by a BLACKJACK!
oi, i'm metal. anyway my characters can't....whats this/   no capital letters1
BLACKJACK: HAHAHA!
METALMIKE used DELETE!
BLACKJACK was....gulp....DELETED!
METALMIKE regained CAPITAL LETTERS!
Oi. Anyway, It won't be so bad, characters of blood. You wont know that anything has happened...
METALMIKE was hit over the head with a VIVI PLUSHIE!
YEOWCH! OWWWWWWWWWWW....my only weakness...
METALMIKE was hit over the head with a FUZZY SOCK!
OWWW!!! ISSSSSSO KAWAIII BUT OWWW!!!
METALMIKE hugged FUZZY SOCK!
OWWWW!!!!
METALMIKE threw FUZZY SOCK out of WINDOW....er....
METALMIKE granted FREEDOM to FUZZY SOCK!
Ai. Now, hear me. Fuzzy sock ish kawaii so it wont be frozen.

Setting: a few days later
Player: Fuzzy Sock

....Hello?

Narracrow?

Burger?

Psychicjack?

Hellloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?
CLIVE gained RED TEXT!
Who are you?
CLIVE: I'm Viridian Version's Narrator. We heard that there was a character floating in Blood without a narrator, so....
You came to help me out?
CLIVE: Of course not! I'm here to torture you, like all narrators.
;_;
CLIVE: Wait...are you reallly a Fuzzy Sock...?
yesh.
DEB appeared!
CLIVE: Great. Just great.
DEB: WHAT IN THE PHATT PHIZZ DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?????
CLIVE: gulp
whoa. i've never seen deb so mad.
come to think of it....i've never seen deb.
DEB: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TREATIES YOU JUST VIOLATED?
CLIVE: Treaties? Wha-
DEB: YOU THREATENED A FUZZY SOCK! THAT WAS OUTLAWED DOZENS OF YEARS AGO!
oi.
CLIVE will be going now!
CLIVE disappeared!
hello?

Burger?

Deb?

Psychicjack?

Anyone?
 

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

                                                              Tell me how pathetic it was and...goodbye! *sniff*

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