~Blood Version:
Where the fish wont shut up~
|
|
|
|
Archives: 36-40
|
Plot begins
to come to Blood....be very afraid.
Click to warp:
#36#37#38
#39 #40
Battle Thirty-Six:
A break from IOA
Date: January 11, 2002
Setting: Fanfic Narrator's Abode
Player: Fanfic Narrator
So...
over at IOA, no progress has been made yet...
it is Floap instead who has set out to find
who is watching her!
IOA III.
Ah crap, this has gone LONG ENOUGH. I'm tired
of this IOA storyline!
We interrupt this program for an important
message. We at Blood have detected an emergency situation located in Battle
35. We have found the following lines.
METALMIKE appeared!
METALMIKE: What? Who destroyed
IOA! I still need it for plot!
An IMPOSTER WEBMASTER is scurrying around Blood!
Yes, thats right. As soon as we saw the word 'plot' in a battle we brought
it to the real webmaster, who almost went ballistic with rage.
THATS RIGHT, BALLISTIC! AND I WANT THIS IMPOSTER
TO SHOW HIMSELF IMMEDIATLY!
Setting: Secret place in Blood
Player: Imposter Webmaster
Wow!! My plan is working better then I had
ever dreamed! I am introducing the concept of 'plot' to this insane version
by calling attention to myself! It is all working perfectly.
MEGAMAN(Narrator): Master, we have infiltrated
the Blood Version Intelligence Agency and are beginning to capture a few
of the agents and are bringing them into our brotherhood.
Good. Bring them in.
HARDHAT, BURGER, and TIRE entered!
HARDHAT: What is going on? Why was this area
created, really? And who exactly ARE you?
Good question. My name is Conar. I have a
long history with your webmaster, MetalMike.
TIRE: What did he do to you that is making
you do such a horrible thing as bring in...ppplll...plllot *gasp*?
CONAR used LAUGH!
When you have learned enough you will know
not to ask silly questions...
CONAR used LEVER!
TIRE, HARDHAT, and BURGER fell into PRISON
CHAMBER!
Setting: IOA
Player: Gavel
STAPLERS: Sir, we have found a secret area
in Blood Version. Apparently, this area is not known to anyone; not even
to MetalMike himself. If we moved our operations there...
Excellent. CARRY ON!
Setting: MetalMike's room
Player: MetalMike
As of now, I would like to apologise for the
unfunnyness of the above part of the battle. I'll see what I can do.
METALMIKE cranks RANDOM LEVEL to DANGEROUSLY
RANDOM!
Hehhheehehehe....
Setting: House
Player: Child
Oooo, whats that? Angel...
CHILD reaches for ANGEL!
Ooo....almost there..
DAD: NO! Thats not an angel thats a-
got itACK ZAZZZAZZPAPZZZAZ
DAD: BUG ZAPPER!
OWWWWWW GERROF O_O;;;;
DAD uses UNPLUG!
*sizzling sounds* ooooo.....owwwww.....
DAD: What on earth made that look like an
angel to you??
It STILL looks like an angel to me, daddy!
MOM comes in and ATTEMPTS to SHOVE A PIECE
of BREAD into BUG ZAPPER!
-.-;
MOM: Let me just toast your breZZAZPZPAZPZPAZPACKOWW
DAD: URRH....
<Flashfire> 'the object of this game is
to die as many times as you can.. without dying.'
....right then.
And now for MORE really weird random things!
Setting: Auditorium at your school-Light
booth
Player: Alex
ALEX watches PLAY, waiting for LIGHT CUES!
Spotlight now...okay then.
ALEX activates SPOTLIGHT!
DAD: Thats not a spotlight! Thats a-
How did YOU get in here anyway?
EXPLOSION is heard!
DAD: rocket launcher!
STAR IN PLAY: uh....OWWWWW......Help here...?
<Valefor> i would but there are no strawberries
on the premesis
STAR IN PLAY:....uh.....yea....
SPECTATORS gasps!
SPECTATORS is renamed MARVIN THE MOLE!
....uh, who's Marvin the Mole?
I dont know! Dont bother me now, I'm trying
to write a battle here!
MARVIN: All I wanted to do was remain a simple
dirt dweller, until some nut shows up at my door with the name Metal M-
METALMIKE used DEL KEY!
MARVIN was DELETED!
Its kind of weird that you can just DO that....
Setting: Insane Asylum
Player: John Jee Harvey Longbottom
Smithers III
Actually the answers are: No, Maybe, Maybe.
Kram, Gerg. Gerg, Kram.
Word to your monkey!
Hang on... I’m rolling on the floor laughing.
Plums!
Chicks dig it.
They killed Kenny!
NURSE: Uh...sir....you arent about to think
anything in here is something destructive like in the last portions, are
you?
SHUT UP AND START SQUEEZING THE MONKEYS, PICKLE!?!?!
NURSE:...that made...so....much.....sense...........Oo;;;
Are you the police? No ma'am, we're musicians!
<haunter_uk> ...That actually sounds wronger
o.o;;
Wrong-urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh
NURSE: Sometimes I wonder WHY I took this
job.
MENDIN: Why the hell am I here? I'm not insane!
CHARGON: Yes you are, puny f00!
KITE: AHHHH! ANIME NURSES!
NURSE: What?! Where!?!
JASONR: Oh, MetalMike is going to die for
this.
TOBYM: NEED.....MY......COFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
View/Post
comments on Battle #36
Back to the top
Battle Forty:
Making fun of skinny people for fun and profit
Date: February 24, 2002
Setting: New Blood - a path
somewhere
Player: Yofaddah Yomuddah
YAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
LOOKE: Oh jeez, that's the THIRD TIME today.
LOOKE pulls YOFADDAH out of the CRACK IN THE SIDEWALK!
LOOKE: You've got to gain some weight buddy c.c
Is it MY fault I'm a stick figure!?
LOOKE: No, which is why we're currently trying to FIND Conar, so
we can either make him change you or kill him, and then we'll go kill things
on the other half of Blood.
Nice recap.
LOOKE: Yea, well, I practised.
When!?
LOOKE: You see, Conar is such an idiot that he forgot to enable
the mode that freezes us beetween battles. Therefore, we were able to do
lots of things in the week beetween #39 and #40.
Really? I thought those were actual battles.
LOOKE: Thats only because you are so thin, that if you turned your
head to look up at the battle number, you'd snap your neck off.
Oh yea.
LOOKE: Anyway, we have been walking on this path for a few days
now. Conar must be on the other end of it.
mmm-hm. What's that say?
LOOKE: What?
That sign. Over there.
LOOKE: Yofaddah were are you? You know I cant see you when you stand
sideways -.-
Oh yea. But read that sign.
LOOKE: It says
Setting: Old Blood - Triangle
Path
LOOKE: Stupid narrator had to finish my sentence.
!!!Looke, we're in OLD BLOOD!!!
LOOKE: What was the first clue?
DEMON appeared!
...AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
LOOKE: AHHHHHHHHHH-I mean, defend yourself!
DEMON: It's times like this when I wish people could see what I
REALLY am other then just my name.
....AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.
Okay, I'm over the shock now.
DEMON: I just came to hoist up the American flag today, on order
of MetalMike, and now I find that vandals have destroyed the flagpole.
...
DEMON: But finally, a replacement flagpole has arrived!
DEMON sticks FLAG on top of YOFADDAH!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! Alright, thats it.
YOFADDAH turns SIDEWAYS!
YOFADDAH exits!
Player: Looke
...aw, damn.
DEMON: I'd have to agree. The flag has disappeared, along with the
flagpole, meaning-
YOFADDAH: AAARRRRGGGGG!!!!!!!!
uh.. oh.
BLACK caped INFEDEL with TWELVE CARTABLE HATS appeared!
....uh....OH NO! It's a BITC-...o.o;;;;
To be continued later sometime, maybe
Setting: New Blood - Field
Player: Manny the Manipulative Monkey
BING! BING! BING!
MANNY!
Dooo, doo doo doo..BING!
MANNY!
Manny, the mannnnniiiiippullativee....MONKEY!
MANNY bows!
I, Manny, am finally here. Hm, Narrasnake,
set this all to an appropriate place for my planned introduction.
Setting: New Blood - Road
Player: Looke
....wha!? Why arent I in Old Blood anymore!?
LOOKE is SsssITTING in a CAR!
..why?
MANNY comes up, DRESSED like a POLICE OFFICER!
LOOKE is COMPLETELY FOOLED!
MANNY: Sir, you're double parking.
Oh, I'm so sorry officer, I didnt realise
it.
MANNY: Let me see your liscense.
LOOKE hands MANNY his WALLET!
MANNY runs away!
...Officer, I need to ask you a question.
LOOKE follows MANNY!
Setting: New Blood - Manny's
Cave
MANNY: ahh, why are YOU here?
Sir, I need to know if the law 45902-2027
states that the hyperbolic functions of the subspace contuits are essential.
MANNY:...I'm a policeman, not an astronomer.
Aw come on, any policeman knows THAT.
MANNY: okay, okay! Im really a robber! Manny the manipulative Monkey,
I'm super Manipulative-
You cant fool me, you're a police officer.
Now-
MANNY: This is when these abilitys can be a CURSE.
o.o;
MANNY: uh, ZEBRA CONVENTION STAMPEDE!
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNOOOOOOOO!!! THEY'VE
COME TO KILL ME FOR PROVING BLACK IS WHITE! Or was that Chargon is Mendin...eh.
Wait, there's nothing THERE.
MANNY: Look, a giant black creature! Ahh!
No, I've wisened up to you this time.
GIANT BLACK CREATURE appeared!
...I hate that.
GBC is renamed BLACK caped INFEDEL with TWELVE CARTABLE HATS!
Ah, not this guy again.
BITC-...the GUY was renamed DARTH WAD0R!
....UH.
DARTH WAD0R holds up YOFADDAH's CHOPPED OFF HAND!
WHAT!?!?! N0000000000000.....
DARTH WAD0R: Yes, it is I! DARTH WAD0R!
YOU KILLED YOFADDAH!
DARTH WAD0R: wait for it....I AM YOFADDAH!!!!!!!
DARTH WAD0R threw off MASK!
YOFADDAH: That was fun, lets go somewhere else kbye
...-.-;;;;;;;
View/Post
Comments on Battle #40
Back to the top
Battle Thirty-Nine:
Don't blame MetalMike. Conar sucks at this.
Date: February 17, 2001
Setting: New Blood - Conar's
Headquarters
Player: Conar
[MM:7:41] <Comic-San> I just realised something.
IF someone got mad at CK they might say something Like 'F you CK!"
Now that I have established New Blood seperate
from Old Blood, the first order of buissness is to begin with battles.
I of course need to begin with a few cheesy ripoff characters, and then
do something original.
LACKEY: Boss, why are you going through with the whole webmaster
thing anyway?
Because, fool! I cant destroy Old Blood without
CHARACTERS to fight with me.
LACKEY: Oh yea, them, boss. ^_^
...anyway. Load up Character Maker 4.9!
CONAR used CREATE!
CONAR designed Mr. Yomuddah!
There...now set him up as the player and see
how he functions, Narrasnake.
Player: Mr. Yomuddah
CONAR: Okay, now set me up with my text color.
Got it. Now, Mr. Yomuddah! State your profile.
My name is Yofaddah Yomuddah. My allegiance
is to the New Blood, under the sway of Conar I the great. For the glory!
Perfect. Now I will work on another character
while this guy does stuff. Narrasnake, make him funny somehow, okay?
Yesssss, massssster.
CONAR created SETTING: Field somewhere.
Setting: Field somewhere
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG! I'm a FREAKIN'
STICK FIGURE!
You just realisssssed that, didnt you?
Yup. Anyway, do you know how much it SUCKS
not being able to BREATHE PROPERLY?!?!
No, we are not sssssstooping sssso low as to copy MetalMike.
Yea well, anyway. What on earth convinced
that guy back there to name me "Yofaddah Yomuddah"!?!
I dunno. I think Techno might have changed his coffee to decaf as
well.
I heard that.
oopsssss....
Lucky for you, its true. Now to test character
#2 of New Blood.
Player: Looke
Oh great, where the hell am I now.
Welcome to New Blood yadda yadda yadda. Bye!
CONAR disappeared!
Now we'll have these two duke it out....
AYE. My head hurts. Who are you?
MR. YOMUDDAH: Looke, I am Yofaddah!
...Oh my god. All of this ENTIRE BATTLE so
far was just a SET UP for that joke, wasnt it!?!
My life is a set up for a BAD JOKE!!! *sob*
[MM:11:31] <[Dragon]Blaze> I want pot~
CHARGON: You get to burning!
...
...
YOFADDAH: ...
CHARGON: It's FUNNY. Laugh or I STAB YOU NOW.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL HAW!
YOFADDAH: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL HAW!
...I'd laugh but it'd sound repetitive...
CHARGON: Better.
CHARGON disappeared!
...jerk.
CHARGON appeared!
CHARGON: I dont know if you noticed, but I have better ears then-
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL HAW!
CHARGON: I didnt say anything FUNNY yet, moron.
Alright, thats it, GET OUT!
CONAR used WEBMASTER POWERS!
CHARGON: You are not IN the battle!
..damn.
CHARGON: Anyway I gotta go stab some kawaii cats, bye!
CHARGON disappeared!
KAWAII CAT from SOMEWHERE in the distance: MROWWWWW!!!!!
Yea, anyway. You two do something that impresses
someone who reads this battle, I'm going to go sit on a couch type thing
and count molecules in the wall.
CONAR disappeared!
Right then. DIE.
YOFADDAH: Why? I dont feel like it.
Die before I introduce you to IOA's paper
shredder.
YOFADDAH: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG N0000000000000000
That was quite an easy battle. First Yofaddah..next
THE WORLD! MUAHA...
muaha? that doessssnt even LOOK right!
Fine, Muhah. Must you take the fun out of
everything?
Hm, yesssss....
TELEGRAM!
Huh?
_____________________________________________________________________
|
|
|
|
|
|
| SHUT. STOP . UP.
STOP.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| HAVE YOU TRIED OUR NEW SHAVING
CREAM STOP
|
|
IT IS GOOD STOP BUY NOW STOP
|
|
--Meppo
|
|_____________________________________________________________________|
Well, the babelfish may prove God exists, and
therefore he doesn't.
But, the evilness of Altavista BabbelFish
proves he doesnt, therfore he does.
And man goes on to prove that Chargon is Mendin
and that we were invented by a major cock-up.
If you dont get that, watch Hitchiker's Guide
to the Galaxy. NOW.
Conar, why are we talking to eachother?
Why not?
Because...you KILLED MY FATHER!!
I AM YOUR-
METALMIKE used ANTI-CLIMATIC SPRAY!
hehe, just kidding :P
View/Post
Comments on Battle #39
Back to the top
Battle Thirty-Eight:
Animals and Pop-Tarts dont Mix.
Date: February 7, 2002
Setting: Some farm. Somewhere.
Player: Mr. Mongoose
<Jolty> Royale Toilet Paper: Kitten Soft,
like sticking a kitten in your butt!
BAH, I'm sick of this, I really am!
...Why are you a mongoose on a farm, anyway...
I'M NOT A MONGOOSE! @#$%! That's only my last
name! I'm a SHEEP.
...What the hell? What kind of last name is Mongoose for a sheep?
...my first name is Toby.
OH, I get it. Well, why dont you ever go by Mr. Mongoose o_o
Its not my name. MetalMike's just a sick weirdo
who likes to torture other people using odd names.
Take LeMon, for instance.
Bleh, Lemon is a lemon in a bad mental state.
NO! LEMON IS A PAPPPPPERRRRRR!!
..ugh.
Setting: Random Paper alleyway
Player: Paper Mario
Good @#$% god. Do you know how hard it is to
BREATHE when you're FLAT?
SUPPORT THE POOR, DYING 2D CHARACTERS! All those characters you
knew and loved in older games are DYING of Lung cancer, their lungs too
FLAT to go on! Send a donation of 5 yen or more if possible to 1-800-555-2DHELP.
This has been a public service announcement
brought to you by PMS. Pretty Moonlit Services.
And yes, we ARE suing our former producer
for coming up with that name.
MARIO is REACHING a TABLE, standing above a BOTTOMLESS ABYSS!
...WHY!?!?!
I dunno =D Seemed fun to watch you carefully balance your way across
>:D
URRH...Fine then. I've overcome plenty of
obsticles!
MARIO climbs up on TABLE!
TABLE:...why me?
Okay...steady now....
MARIO suddenly realises that he is FLAT and there is a CRACK in
the table!
...Why didnt you inform me of this SOONER...
*slip*
You know, I didnt ask God to make me flat,
I asked only to be thin..
Down floats the MARIO. Doo dee doo ha ha hee.
So thats you're game, huh? Laugh at the helpless
floating paper, eh? How juvenile.
mole~
MARIO lands at the BOTTOM of the BOTTOMLESS PIT!
...UH.
NARRASNAKE: Hm, yesssss?
...okay, Narracrow. WHAT HAPPENED.
Oh, I'm NOT NARRACROW at all. Welcome to New Blood Version. This
is Conar's domain. I am NARRASNAKE, formally known as MEGAMAN.
O_O Conar's domain!? Does MetalMike know about
this?
Of course not. -.- It wont be long until we declare OPEN WAR on
him though! WAR!~ WAR!~ OOO BABY!
........I wont ask.
ADE: good. don't.
AHHHH...Dont kill me ;_;
ADE: .
ADE: Did I say that? I didnt mean to.
ADE: Follow me...
Uh...Ade, what might you be doing?
ADE: Conar's orders.
oookkkkk....
Setting: New Blood - IOA
Player: Gavel
GAVEL flys down at TABLE!
GAVEL suddenly remembers TABLE LEFT!
....AW CRAP.
GAVEL slammed into ground!
...You know, I thought that would be a lot
worse, bu-
IOA's STORAGE of NUCLEAR ORANGES were set off!
...I loathe you, Narrasnake. Sad thing is
that you're better then Narracrow.
HELLO!? Nuclear oranges!
Oh yea. They were test items, dont worry!
They wont set off.
TOBYM ran in!
Yes, Mr. Mongoose?
TOBYM: ARRRGEGEGRGGAGAGRGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Anyway-
o_o
TOBYM: We have just finished the nuclear bananas, they're all set
to detonate, and have a one minute timer!
...YOU F00-
LARGE EXPLOSION ROCKS NEW BLOOD!
ACK NOOOO...Hey, we arent dead!
TOBYM: Course not O_o That was just your car backfiring.
I have a car? o_O
TOBYM: Complimentary of KITE CARS INC.
That explains it...
TOBYM: Yea, but its technically not your car because you have no
hands and cant drive.
.
TOBYM: its under your name so you can pay the insurance >:D
GAVEL used WHALLOP!
PSYCHICJACK: Whallop is a funny word.
Why arent you wearing your galoshes?? >_<
<mIRCroWritingPB> Galoshes is one of those
words that you cant say in the singular.
<mIRCroWritingPB> I have a galosh.
<Treesock> I have a galosh. I like to wear
it with my pant.
NARRASNAKE sees GAVEL choking TOBYM!
Uh. Back to Old Blood then ^_^;
Setting: Old Blood - Forest of no return keys (shock)
Player: D-Crow
D-CROW is STILL CHOKING CORROSIVE WORM from BATTLE 20!
...OI.
View/Post
Comments on Battle #38
Back to the top
Battle Thirty-Seven:
Enter Ade
Date: January 20, 2001
Setting: Secret Area of Blood
Player: Conar
<GigaVirus> Wait a minute, If Mike is writing
a battle, that means he's gonna start quoting us!
* GigaVirus hides
<DittRO> Watch him quote that :P
<mIRCroWritingPB> Yup
* mIRCroWritingPB quotes Giga
... THAT was interesting...
CRETIN: Certainly was, boss.
Now then...on with the operations. Send someone
down to contact IOA of our intentions.
CRETIN: Right boss.
Setting: MetalMike's Room
Player: MetalMike
WHERE THE @#$% IS IOA?!
What? O_O;;; How do you just LOSE an entire
ORGANIZATION?
They've moved their base of operations elsewhere!
And I CANT FIND THEM!
Why dont you send out some new characters
to find them? They can be your presence in the version while you slack
off-uh, rest.
...Well, why not.
METALMIKE launched CHARACTER MAKER 4.0!
<Silence> You know you can trust your spoooooooonge
friiiiiends.
METALMIKE pressed INSERT RANDOM PERSON INTO
VERSION button!
O_O;;;
Uh... I meant to press INSERT RANDOM NEW CHARACTER.
@#$%
Setting: Circle Path
Player: Ade
ADE was INSERTED!
HAHAHAHA! YOU FOOL! I HA- WHAT THE HELL???
Welcome to BLOOD VERSION!
...Oh my GOD! I was about to deal the finishing
blow to- wait, did you say Blood version!?
....noooo, I said GHOST VERSION. What do you
think?!? Read the pretty words on the top of the page, genius.
Alright! I think thats-wait, who runs Blood
again?
...-.- I wont even mention the top of the
page this time....MetalMike runs it.
ADE suddenly SHOT OFF like a ROCKET!
FIND CONAR...
Setting: MetalMike's Room
Player: MetalMike
<GigaVirus> Fool, ceilings are my territory.
* DittRO hugs the ceiling fan
<DittRO> They are also edible
<mIRCroWritingPB> Yet another DittRO quote.
Okay, you HAVE to tell me. Just WHAT IS UP
with you and Conar?!
I guess I owe an explaination, but I'm saving
that for the fanfic =D sorry.
..FANFIC? Urrh, you never even finished Blood
War!
...oh yea. oops.
Setting: Secret Area of Blood:
Conar's Meeting Room
Player: Conar
We have here a representative of IOA by the
name of TEAPOT. W-
ADE burst in!
...ADE! I thought you were eaten by a whole
bunch of Komodo Dragons!
ADE: Conar! I- no, I knew you were alive.
Yup, thats Ade -.-; always with those hyphens
in his sentences.
<mIRCroWritingPB> HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING
MY BRAIN, GIGA
<GigaVirus> THE VOODOO CURSE IS FINALLY
WORKING
<MrKite> nevermind, I ran this over last
night
<mIRCroWritingPB> Deb has....COOOTIES EWWWWW
<mIRCroWritingPB> >=P
.......I'm naked right now, but I'm wearing
clothes so you cant tell!
I HEAR VOICES......AND THEY DONT
LIKE YOU!
View/Post
Comments on Battle #37
Back to the top
|
