Okay, so maybe it's not the end.

Ideals of Perfection is my own take at an AU in the Pokémon Universe... I don't seem to remember to put the actual Pokémon *in* the story so... This is what you see. I guess... you could call it a different past for Shigeru and Satoshi. You can really feel the sexual tension in this one... It's written in first person POV and shifts from Shigeru to Satoshi. Yay! Anyway, I do hope you enjoy. So... read on.

Last but not least, this story is dedicated to the people that I have collaborated with, because they're all very important to me, and they're my friends. So... Nezumi, Nicole, Liz, and Uneune... this, and every chapter after, is for you... ^_-You each, in your own way, make it all worth while...

It's been years since I stood in this room. It smells faintly of lingering dust and memories that might best be forgotten. But won't let go of my mind...

This was my sisters room... I'm not sure how I feel about it being used by another. The memories I hold of my sister are distant, and faint, much like the pale paint that coats the walls. My sister loved the color of the skies after a storm... Grey blue swirls of color surround us.

Us... I set down upon the dresser the heavy box I hold, and look back over my shoulder at the middle aged woman who entered the room behind me. Her hair is pulled back, and worry etches it's way onto a face that should still be young and free... She isn't that old. She...

"Thank you..." Her voice is musical, it chimes as she wipes a hand across her brow. Hair falls and shields her eyes, and she sets down the suitcase she held in an iron grip. "It's kind of your grandfather to allow me to stay here..."

I nod. "Ojiichan is just that way." Is he really? I never thought that he could include himself in such an act of generosity. But this lady has been his neighbor since before I can remember... Maybe if I paid attention, I would have noticed. Maybe if I hadn't spent my childhood hidden behind books... hidden in my room.

"Hai, your grandfather is an extraordinary man..." She smiles wistfully. "Still, thank you with that box. I... I wish I could have salvaged more." Dark eyes flicker, haunted by the tragedy that brought her to this position. The fire that ravaged her home... Destroyed nearly all she held dear. "It's a miracle I made it out..."

I don't know what I should say. "Do you need any other help, Hanako-san?" I ask softly, and she shakes her head.

"Iie, but thank you for the offer, Shigeru-kun."

"You're welcome, Hanako-san." I turn to leave, but something catches my attention. A picture frame, half available, peaking out of the box I carried up. I pick it up, turning so that I can take a look at the vision that looks back at me. I've always been cynical, and a skeptic. I've never believed in love at first sight. Until ten seconds ago, that is.

"That's my boy, Satoshi." Her voice pulls me back from the abyss. I've been staring... I look back at her, still clutching the picture. She... "He's studying in Hanada right now. I'm glad he wasn't here... I'm afraid the fire could have taken him from me..."

"But you're all right, Hanako-san. And so is he..." I look back to the picture, memorizing the details of the pale face, the dark eyes, black hair that seems deeper and darker than the midnight sky... "He's beautiful." I whisper, not aware that I've spoke the words, until she replies.

"He is something special... He's all I have." Her voice trails off, and I linger in the silence created. "Ne, Shigeru-kun..." She begins, softly. "He's visiting here; he doesn't know about the fire, though. I..." Worry soaks it's way into her voice again. "I'm being irrational, but I'm afraid he'll be angry with me, for not informing him..."

"He... You didn't want to worry him, that's all." I wish I could pull my gaze away from the picture. I wish... I set it down, carefully, on the dresser. He looks so very said... that darkness that lingers in his mothers eyes, effects him too. He... He really is beautiful.

My choices in life have never been something that I've hid. It makes me me, and that's all that matter. And now... "I'm sure you'll like my Satoshi, Shigeru-kun..." She whispers, as she sets about the task of putting away the few items she has with her.

I hope she's right. No... I know she's right. But I worry on what he'll think of me... I can't believe how hopelessly smitten I am, and I haven't even met him. "Me too." I whisper in reply. "Ne, Hanako-san... when is he going to reach Masara?"

"Well, he's currently studying at Hanada Gakuen... He's going to be visiting in a week. I... I don't want to impose any more than I already am, I don't..." I turn, she's clenching her fists tightly, worrying over this, more and more every second. I stride to her side, and take her hands.

"Don't worry about that, Hanako-san. You're welcome here, and the same goes for your son..." She manages a smile.

"Th... thank you, Shigeru-kun." The relief is rather evident in her dark eyes. So like his. I smile, then.

"It's nothing, Hanako-san. Nothing at all..." I hope to think that this will be my greatest summer yet. I'm glad I came to visit Ojiichan during school break... Or else I wouldn't be getting this chance.

"He's going to be taking the train to Tokiwa... I have to pick him up." I move away from her, and she goes back to putting her things away. I linger at the door. "I don't know how I-"

"I'll pick him up, Hanako-san." I offer, looking away. I can hear the relief when she speaks.

"Thank you... again. You're making this all very easy, Shigeru-kun."

"I said it's nothing, Hanako-san..." And it's more for me, than it is for you. "If you need anything, just cal, all right? I need to start dinner for you and Ojiichan..."

She replies graciously, and then I head down stairs. This, the making of dinner, is a ritual that I cling to. I've had to be here for my grandfather for years. We're the only family for each other. It's been twelve years since he lost his son and his family... My sister and my parents.

I'm seventeen, you know. Seventeen and in my first year of college...

At times I wonder how it's ever possible that I, of the four, survived that accident... I've always been grateful, and thus I've always held onto guilt that I couldn't let go of completely. I've had to live for the sake of another... Maybe I'll find something different, in a week. Maybe...

Maybe I'll be able to figure out why my heart lurched so when I saw that picture, that piece of time frozen forever. I move down the stairs, and into the kitchen. I'm paying attention, but I'm not, as I begin to prepare the meal. In time, I can hear my grandfather and Hanako talking...

"My son is coming home from the private school he goes to in a week..." The worry has returned to her voice.

"Oh my... does he know about the fire?"

I can imagine her shaking her head. "No... ne, Ookido-san..." She pauses. "Will it be all right if he...?"

"Of course he can stay here, Hanako-san. It's a delight to have you staying here... with the tragedy and all.

"Thank you, thank you..."

I hear them move away, and I go back to paying attention to the meal, keeping the meat from burning. I'm left alone with my thoughts. Aren't I always? Yes, I am...

His eyes... I can feel them on me, gazing into me. The night is filled with the painfully clear image of his face, imaging how he would look if he smiled, imagining it all...

It's a beautiful night. Stars splatter across the sky like paint dropped from an easel... It's beautiful, and in a short week, I'll not be able to see this view of stars. Not for a month...

I miss my mother. I miss my home... Sometimes, I wish I'd never come to the Hanada Gakuen. But if I had, I would never have met Kasumi or Hiroshi, and they're two of my closest friends. What am I trying to kid myself with... they're my only *real* friends.

My mother called earlier, letting me know about arrangements in Tokiwa. A friend of the family, Ookido Shigeru, will be picking me up at the train station. She has such a busy life... I can understand why.

Ookido... Shigeru... That name sounds familiar. I can't place why, though. Wait... Isn't that the name of the family across the street? Ookido? It could be... And then I try and lose myself in the stars. Sitting by the window, I look away, though, as there is a light knock on my door. I move across the room and call out, "Who is it?"

"Mou, Sato-chan, it's Kasu-chan and I... are you going to let us in, or do we have to freeze out here in the cold of the hall?" I grin and unlock the door, ushering in Hiroshi and Kasumi.

"It's not freezing in the hall, Hiro-kun." I grin, and he shrugs, blond hair bouncing. I close the door, and they have free run of the room.

"Yes, but would you have felt pity if I said, 'Or do we have to revel in this wonderful warmth?'..." he asks with a grin and a wink. He has a point there...

"I suppose you could be right, Hiro-kun."

Kasumi shakes her head and plops down on the bed, taking books out of her backpack. "You two can be such babies."

I sigh and shake my head, slumping back into my chair. "Oh god, not calculus..."

"The final is tomorrow, Satoshi. We need to study more... *You* need to study more."

Hiroshi sits down opposite her on the bed, "It'll be fun, Sato-chan." He grins, grabbing a book from her and opening it... I sigh.

"Whatever you say, Hiro-kun..." I say with a weary smile. But... I know I won't be able to pay attention to the studying. I... I have someone else on my mind. A someone I haven't even met yet...

If he was beautiful in picture, then... In real life, in motion, he's beyond compare. Sunlight cascades off of jet hair, giving it a faint azure tinge. His skin is so pale - how does he manage that? Hanada is rather warm and sunny... But his skin is pale. Like pristine ivory... I stop the car and put it in park, and start walking to him calmly.

"Toraeru Satoshi?" I ask after I move away from the car. Dark eyes fixate on me, and a look of mistrust slips onto his features. No, it isn't that he doesn't trust me. He isn't sure... He takes his time to reply.

"Hai? That's me..." Oh god... his voice... I have to remember to walk to him, taking off my sunglasses and slipping them into the front pocket of my jacket as I come to a stop.

"Ookido Shigeru. Your mother called about me picking you up..." And then he smiles, and it's the most stunning thing I've ever seen.

"Hai, Mama did... I'm sorry, I wasn't sure if it was you."

I nod, swallowing. "Hai, it's me... Do you need help with anything?"

He shakes his head and picks up his duffel bag. "No, I'm fine. Thank you for offering, Shigeru."

"It's nothing..."

My gaze lingers on him after I open the trunk, and he puts the bag away. Light muscles ripple under the pale cloth of his shirt. He's... Oh god, I have to stop staring, or I'm going to need a cold shower. "Ne, Shigeru, I'm done..." He murmurs. I have been staring... Oh god... Did he notice?

I close the trunk, and move to the drivers side. "Do you want anything to eat before we start back to Masara?" I ask, changing the subject before it even has time to form.

"I am hungry... But I promised Mama that my first meal back would be her cooking."

I manage a smile. "Well, we're not back yet..." He pauses for a moment, and I finally manage to unlock the door and get into the car. I hit a button and his door unlocks; he gets in, and slips into the seat. For a moment I wish I was that seat, leather pressed up against him, so close... I turn away, I can feel the blush on my cheeks. I'm sure I'm going to need that cold shower...

Silence lingers in the car, and I'm afraid to look to him. Yet then he speaks up, and the moment is shattered. "You're right." I look to him again, not helping myself, slipping on my seat belt as he does the same.

"Well," My throat feels dry. "I know a place you might like..."

"Really? If you think so, Shigeru... I'd like to get to know you more."

I don't know what to say, so I glance around and pull the car out of park, and then we leave the train station behind. "I'd like that too, Satoshi." I murmur, and then I turn on the radio. He...

The music drowns out my thoughts of him, but not for long. He's nothing like he was in the picture. He was still and silent and trapped in sorrow, yet now... He's bright and beautiful, a smile lingers on his lips. Perfect lips, I want to see what they taste like, what he tastes like...

Thinking like this isn't helping me at all. And the restaurant... "Almost there..." I murmur, more for myself than for anything else, I need to hear something beyond the somber sound of music. I'm trying to ask myself why I did this again... And I know it's just because I want time alone with him, before...

Before he finds out why he's returned.

The sun is shining on us both. I gaze with interest at the teen across the car. Wind ripples through fire touched hair, and his face is a mask of controlled calm. He's painfully beautiful. I wonder if he knows that... I'm trying to figure out why my mother sent him, and only him, but a reason is stirring at the back of my mind.

I let myself relax in the seat as we speed through Tokiwa.

It would be rather easy just to start up a conversation, but I'm not sure of myself. I'm not sure of anything at all. I never have been. I feel somewhat exposed, with him so near, but it's not a bad type of exposed. It's...

Strange, that's all I can say.

"We're here." He speaks up, and then we pull into a parking lot and he parks the car. I try and undo the seat belt, but I can't. "It's stuck."

His gaze snaps to me. "What?"

"The seat belt..." I murmur. "I can't get it undone."

"Oh... it does that sometimes. Let me help."

He undoes his own, and leans over. I can feel warmth on my cheeks, I can feel *his* warmth, as he works at undoing the stupid item near my midsection. I can feel his eyes on mine, and then it unlatches.

"All better." He murmurs, and then he coughs lightly and pulls away.

It all started with an innocent question, "How long have you lived in Masara?"

I don't know why... I hardly know him... And I want to know him so much more... So why do I know if he wanted, that I would tell him my life story? At least... at least this is old pain. "Twelve years," I begin, and I know I won't stop, not until he knows everything about me. Maybe he'll give me the same benefit...

One slender ebon eyebrow raises. "Really?" There's such innocence in his eyes, and a want to know...

"Hai. My parents were traveling from Kuchiba with me and my sister to visit my grandfather. There... there was an accident, and they were killed."

Sympathy wells in his dark eyes, and he reaches across the table, and takes my hand. The hold lingers, "I'm so sorry... I know what it's like to lose a loved one, Shigeru. I do... It's a horrible pain, and I... I wish you didn't have to suffer through it."

I'm left speechless. "But I... I grew over it... I... It happened a long time ago..." I'm stumbling over my words, I don't know what to say.

He smiles, and the warmth of his hand lingers that much more before he draws his hand back across the table, setting it down on the white of the table cloth. "Old pain is still pain, though..." He's right, though... I wonder who he lost. It... maybe his father. His mother does live alone...

"What about you?" I ask softly. He smiles a soft smile that seems so sad and out of place. The inherent sorrow and pain...

"All my life. I was born and raised in Masara Town." Something settles and lingers in his eyes, a darkness that I can't touch, a darkness that I can't cut through. Yet as soon as it appears, it flutters away like a dark angel of the night... His words... where there should be pain, I find that there is none. He talks about this in a completely neutral tone. "My father left us when I was ten. We found out he committed suicide."

"We don't know why. He left us his debts... I'm actually amazed Mama was able to keep the house as long as she has." Yes, now is where the pain begins to seep in, flooding his words with repressed agony. I want to reach out and let him know that it's all right, he can show the pain. I know that... but I just can't.

"After that, I was enrolled at the Hanada Gakuen. I earned a scholarship... It-It's a very refined private school. I... I wasn't alone, you know. I had a few friends. I... I always had trouble letting them in. You... you know what they know." I swear with his words, he wishes he could tell more... but he's trying to block that out. Hs shoulders tremble, yet then the fit passes.

"Are you all right?" I ask softly, and he looks up at me, sorrow replaced with a calm smile that takes my breath away. He nods, bangs bouncing slightly as he does.

"Hai... like I said, old pain is still pain."

I nod abruptly, and then we're saved from further conversation as the waiter arrives and serves us our drinks. "Are you ready to order?" She asks with a reserved smile.

Our meal has ended, and now we're on our way back to Masara. I never knew that silence could be so pleasant... but it is. It's as if his mere presence is something wonderful to bask in.

We're nearing the turn off for Masara Town when the need for conversation finally arises. "Satoshi..." he whispers my name, and I look to him.

"Hai, Shigeru?"

He half looks at me, surprised written on his face like words carved in stone. Flowing, yet beautiful in a strange sense. "Why did you call my name?" I ask, works abrupt.

He blinks, and then remembers where we are. He looks ahead, lingering, trying to find the proper words to say. I know. I've seen that thoughtful look a million times on my mothers face.

"I didn't know I had." He whispers.

Just what I thought...

He speaks up, again. "I do have something to tell you, though."

"And that is?" I ask softly.

"It's the real reason why your mother couldn't pick you up..."

That grabs my attention. "Why, Shigeru?"

"There was an accident. Your house burned down. She was lucky to get away with her life..."

I feel a weird clench go around my heart, and I look away, the rolling scenery as the car speeds by.

"My grandfather is letting her stay at our house. That's where you'll be staying as well..."

I nod. I don't know how to take this. Years of memory... my entire life. Gone...

"I'm sorry, Satoshi. You're mother was afraid you'd be angry with her..."

I shake my head. "I'd never be angry with her. But... she worries. It makes her... her."

"I understand..." he murmurs, and then silence falls.

He's beautiful when he's thoughtful. He's always beautiful... but this expression makes him even more so. We pull into the drive way, and I turn off the car. We move from the car, and I get his bag from the trunk. "I'll take it in..." I offer, and he smiles. He says nothing beyond that...

I think I've gotten used to the silence. But... I think my heart stops and forgets how to beat whenever he actually speaks.

I unlock the door, and lead him inside. Here he is... in my home. He's be staying here a month... Where exactly is he supposed to stay, anyway? I'd hate myself if he had to stay on the couch while here. I could, though. I'll offer him my bed, and take the couch myself.

I make my mind take a different route when it whispers that maybe, some chance, there might be some way we could share the bed...

"Ne, Shigeru...?"

I look back at him, pausing. "Hai, Satoshi?"

"Where is my mother?" he asks softly.

"Most likely helping my grandfather in the lab... she's been helping him trying to repay him for his kindness."

He nods and smiles. "I understand." Yet then he pauses. "Ne, Shigeru...?"

"Hai, Satoshi?" I ask.

"Where are we going?"

I think I'm blushing, and I'm glad the room is dim. The light is off. "You can take my bed. I'll sleep on the couch."

His brow creases with worry. It's a look so similar to his mothers. "No... I couldn't do that, Shigeru."

I shake my head. "I insist, Satoshi."

"But..."

"Don't try and change my mind." I add, with a grin.

He watches me silently, and then nods. "I give... you can have your way with me."

I become even more thankful for the darkness, because as warm as my cheeks are they might possibly start glowing at any moment now. "H...hai..." I whisper, and then I start up the stairs.

He follows after me, silent and obedient. I set the bag down on my bed, and he looks around, before sitting down on the bed as well. He watches me as I switch on the light.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

I nod. "Definitely, Satoshi. Definitely sure..."

He looks reluctant, yet he nods and smiles, accepting finally.

I'm glad.

"Thank you, Shigeru."

"Anything... It was nothing, Satoshi."

"No... you may say that, but... It was more than you could imagine. I don't have many friends..." He looks away, averting his gaze to the carpet. "I'd like to think that in the next month... we could become friends."

And more, but that's something I know is impossible. But to have him in my life, but not *in* my life... I don't know if I could go on. "I think I'd like that, Satoshi. I... I don't have any friends at all. I... I never have. I... I think I'd like that, Satoshi." I repeat, words that are safe and sound.

He smiles that sad smile that makes my heart turn over in my chest. So very said... yet so achingly beautiful. "Thank you."

He leaves the room, and I lie back on the bed, looking up at the faded off white ceiling. He touches me in a way that kindness has never touched me before. I... I think I could get used to it.

I lie there, and then he returns and offers me a drink. I take it, as I sit up. "You can put your things in the closet..." he murmurs. "But I need to go make dinner."

I nod. "I understand... again, thank you, Shigeru."

He shakes his head. "It's nothing, Satoshi. Believe me..."

I want to, but I think I'd be content to thank him until the day I die. "If you say so..."

He watches me as I put up my clothing, yet then he leaves without another word.

The next time I see him, or signs of life, is when I crawl down stairs, not literally, for dinner. My mother is there, she comes in with the man I assume must be his grandfather... Ookido-hakase. Her eyes alight on mine, and she crosses the room and pulls me into a hug.

"Satoshi!"

"Mama!" I hug her back, and revel in the feel of reunion. It's been so long since I've seen her. Summer break is the longest class break of my school, and it lasts a month. Beyond that, the breaks are few and far between.

"It's been so long, Satoshi!" She cries, and I think there are tears on her cheeks. "How have you been?"

"I've been fine, Okaasan..." I whisper, holding her.

"So this is Satoshi, ne Hanako?" Ookido-hakase asks with a smile.

Hanako pulls away from me and nods. "Hai, this is my boy, Yukinari..."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Ookido-hakase." I say with a smile, shaking his hand.

"And you, Satoshi. I hope Shigeru wasn't too much of a bore bringing you from Tokiwa..."

I smile, gaze flickering to Shigeru, standing silent and statuesque in the corner. I think he smiles when he sees my gaze on his... I return the look. My mother reaches out and takes my hand, and squeezes.

"I'm so glad you're here..." But there is sadness in her eyes. I think it's sadness that I understand.

"Mama... I know." I whisper, and I can't judge the look on her face. "I'm not angry," I continue, just as soft. Relief flutters in her eyes.

"I... I would have told you. I was worried, Satoshi."

"I know, Mama. Don't be worried... I love you, and it isn't as if it was your fault. It isn't as if you started the fire yourself, Mama."

"I know, Satoshi. But I couldn't help but worry..."

Dinner proceeds to pass us by, and that night I lie in the bed of another, unable to sleep. I watch the stars until rose touches the dawn sky. Then, and only then, does sleep finally take hold...

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