Warnings: Weird, silly, not a shred of seriousness... or shounen ai, actually

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer and authors notes: Real names and allegiances have been changed to protect the people portrayed in this fanfic: AKA someone's mother. Someone is Satoshi. I'm Hiroshi. Someone's mother is Shigeru. Can you see why this would have been squicky if we actually made them a couple? Uh huh, uh huh. So, for the length of this story, this is just a tale of three boys who are hungry and would like to be fed.

As a note, this happens to have been the most entertaining disclaimer that I've ever written in my career as a fanfic writer. Oh yes, I suppose I should mention that neither pokémon nor the characters involved belong to me. Otherwise, Satoshi would be smart and I would be a millionaire.

PS: No, I know Satoshi's truly not stupid. If you ask him, that is. I'm only basing my judgment of this on his actions in mine and other writer's works. So, no offense is meant to Satoshi. He knows I love him the way he is.

PSS: Yes, I know he's not a real person. Bite me. Have a nice day.

PSSS: Liz just bit me.

PSSSS: No, we weren't this rude during the actual evening. Maybe I'm channeling the Great Spirit of New Jersey... shimmer...

PSSSSS: I feel like I'm at the movies and I've forgotten what I'm there to see because of all the previews. *sigh* Um, I think that I was trying to write a fanfic and I got carried away with the disclaimer... Liz has just confirmed that, Yes; I was indeed trying to write a fanfic. And so...

PSSSSSS: Dear god, I wasn't as bad as Hiroshi was in this. Really, I wasn't. I wasn't... Liz just agreed with me on that. Yay! Um, anyway, more fanfic, less babble.

It's a cold January evening. Satoshi says it's not as cold as I seem to think it is, but hello, he's not the one who's just spent the last year of his life in the Orange Islands. The cold is quite a shock to my system, thank you very much.

Not that I'd tell him that, of course; if I did, he'd just tell me that I was whining. And, um, well, I would be whining. So I know when to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes.

Now happens to be one of those times. You know, I've always wondered why Masara can be so damn cold. I mean, it's right by warm tropical islands for god's sake. So I don't go and question weird quirks of weather... out loud, at least.

"Shigeru, slow down! You're going to make me fall out of my seat." I snap at our auburn-haired driver. His convertible is in the shop, so Satoshi's mother is letting him borrow her mini van. He's not happy, and that's putting it lightly.

He glares at me in the front view window then shifts it and plasters his attention to the road. Yes, I wasn't going to complain, but I doubt that Hanako-san wants blood on her upholstery. Satoshi glances back at me and I fidget with the seat belt. The stupid thing isn't buckling... it doesn't like me.

"We're almost there, so a little time on the floor won't hurt," He tells me pleasantly. "Why thank you, Satoshi-kun, I'll remember that one when I'm the one who gets to sit in the front seat."

He just smiles right back at me. I stick out my tongue at him and he turns and gets nice and comfortable in the front seat, from what I can tell. I wonder what the front seat is like... it looks so nice and comfortable.

"We're here!" Satoshi chimes as we pull into the parking lot of Masara's only Pizza Hut. You have no idea how long it took to get here... this place is so small. But trust me to have all ready gotten lost... yep, I'm talented.

We file out of the mini van and I slide into my jacket. Satoshi snickers as I zip the thing up, and he grins at me as he twirls his finger in front of my face, and then zips my jacket up that much more. "I'm sorry that I'm cold." I mumble.

"It's all right, but the snows melting... you're acting like we're sub zero." Well, he might be right, but it's been snowy out ever since I got here... I really wish it had been fresh snow. It was all icy and mushy... Oh well, maybe it'll snow again before I leave.

I know; one minute I complain about freezing, and the next I'm wishing it were snowing. I'm just a bundle of contradictions... Satoshi snags my hand and Shigeru's and drags us up towards the building. Okay, maybe this will be a nice evening. I mean, it could happen. Really. I'm not even being sarcastic about this one.

Hanako-san is out with Ookido-hakase; they went to Tokiwa I was informed when Shigeru picked us up from Satoshi's house, so no one's cooking... I don't want to see what sort of disasters we could inflict upon Hanako-san's kitchen, actually. Satoshi is the one who suggested Pizza Hut. I'm actually sure he'd eat anything we put in front of him... That's just the fun of being Satoshi, I suppose.

Satoshi lets go of us and I grab the front door. It gives me a small electric shock. I love the cold... am I being sarcastic enough for us all? "Thanks Hiroshi!" Satoshi says brightly, and Shigeru nods and follows him in. I let the door close and it's not long before all three of us stand in the warm pizza scented room.

There's not many people here tonight... beyond the salad bar-which is scary looking, I might want to add, there's a family of six or so. Mostly children, with some adults to supervise them... there are also a couple other well, couples. There's nothing very exceptional at all. A waitress comes up to us; "Has anyone helped you?" She asks with a smile on her face.

Shigeru has that look on his face that says, 'If someone had helped us, would we be standing here like idiots?' but Satoshi grabs his arm and answers the waitress before he has time to strike. "No, no one's been here to help us." He says, and the waitress nods. "Smoking or non?"

Now it's Satoshi's turn to bite back the sarcastic comment. "Non," Shigeru cuts in before Satoshi starts going on about how the non-smoking section is nothing but a big joke anyway...

I think we're all amazed to actually make it to the table intact. She sets down our menus and I sit next to Satoshi; Shigeru's pleasant smiling face beams at us from the other side of the table. I think if he knew that I just thought that he'd kill me... or at least leave me here outside this wonderful establishment without my jacket.

"I'll be back in a moment to take your orders," She says and wanders away with a flighty look on her face. "Yeah, and the world will end before that happens..." I mumble.

"Do you want me to take your jacket, Satoshi?" Shigeru asks, but Satoshi shakes his head. I wonder if I should take off my jacket at all... I'm probably going to freeze without it. "What about you, Hiroshi?" He asks, and I shake my head as well. "Not thanks, Shigeru."

Satoshi's exchanging looks with Shigeru, who's tapping his fingers on the table. "Garlic bread with cheese?" He asks in the most plaintive tone that I can imagine. It's kind of cute, and it kind of gives me the creeps. Satoshi nods, "Garlic bread with cheese." It's like they're on some sort of eerie breaded cheese wavelength or something... (Authors note: This made Liz fall off of her bed... Oops. ^^)

"Um..." I finally remember to actually look into the menu that I'm holding. "What about breadsticks?" I ask. There's not exactly a lot of room to flip through in the menu... and I can't find the drinks.

"Can we get them with cheese?" Satoshi asks in this completely endearing way. "Okay, that actually sounds good." I think he just squeaked. This will definitely be a night to remember.

Our wonderful waitress returns, "Can I take your drink order now?" Shigeru nods. "You have Pepsi products, ne?"

The waitress nods. "That we do, plus we have Hawaiian Punch, root beer, and Slice. What can I get you?"

I don't know what I want... there's too much to choose from. "Um..."

"I'll have Pepsi," says Shigeru, and Satoshi's quick about his order as well, "Root beer for me, please." I still don't know what I want... why does there have to be so many drinks? Why don't we just all drink, I don't know, water or something... It would be so much simpler then.

Oh well... Satoshi starts to reel off the different drinks. I hope he's not just confusing me more... I guess I'll go with something fruity because he's so lost me with all of the carbonated ones, "Hawaiian punch, please."

"All right, I'll be right back with your drinks," She says and turns and wanders away again. "So, what are we going to have?" Shigeru asks, looking through the menu again. "Extra cheese?" Satoshi asks.

"Is that all you want? I mean, what do you both like on your pizza?" I ask them both. I like pepperonis... and that's about it. Maybe I should go ahead and share this with them... I think Satoshi knows already, though.

"Well... do you like sausage?" I think the look on my face just answered that question for our dear Shigeru. "I'll take that as a no."

"Well, I know Hiroshi likes pepperoni... we could always get that on one half, and something else on the other." Oh yes, you're my savior, Satoshi! I could kiss you if Shigeru wouldn't look at me-well, us-weird.

"Hmm... do you like green peppers, Satoshi?" Shigeru asks. Satoshi nods. "The things I can't stand are mushrooms and olives."

"Okay then... we can have extra cheese throughout the entire pizza, with pepperoni on one half, and green peppers and sausage on the other. Is that a good idea?"

I look at Satoshi, and he nods. "That's the best idea I've heard so far," I say with a smile. "Okay then, we have our pizza."

I flip through the menu again. "Well, we could always get personal pan pizzas for each of us..." I pause for a moment, noting the glare on Shigeru's face. "Or maybe not."

He smiles. "That's better."

We end up talking about nothing and more nothing as we wait for the waitress to come with our drinks, and when she arrives it's quite the shock. "So, are you ready to order?"

Shigeru nods, "Hai, we'd like one large pan pizza with extra cheese. We'd like it to have sausage on one half and pepperoni on the other. We'd also like to get an side order of both breadsticks with cheese, and garlic bread with cheese."

She nods and smiles, "Thank you." She chirps much like a bird, and then for the millionth time she wanders off towards the kitchen.

It's about then that we have someone else seated behind us. I don't know who it is, but I know that they have an irritated baby with them. "Children should be put in bubbles." I mumble.

"I think the baby's sick..." I think that Shigeru's now receiving the same look from both Satoshi and I. I know I wonder how he knows this... has he had children and not informed us about it any time lately? Well, I do know that he and Kasumi like to spend a lot of time together... but I'm sure they would have mentioned this to us.

"And how do you know this, Shigeru?" Satoshi asks.

"She sounds congested," Is Shigeru's all knowing answer.

"Ahh..."

I still wonder how he knows that at all. And I think Satoshi can read my mind. "Hmm... I know you and Kasumi have been hanging out a lot lately, Shigeru..." Satoshi says with a devilish look on his face. And then he yelps in pain.

"Sorry, I was stretching." Shigeru says with a sincere looking smile on his face. I think I kind of forget what's going on but I do hear Satoshi crying out in pain periodically. Shigeru keeps apologizing...

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Satoshi glares at him through his root beer. "Yeah, and I'm the pope."

"Oh, I never knew that about you. I just thought you were a pokémon trainer, Satoshi." Shigeru says with a smile. Of course this has to be when I come back into the conversation completely... "What's going on?" I ask, blinking. Satoshi glares at Shigeru again then gives me a wounded puppy look.

"Shigeru's kicking me." He says plaintively. Shigeru shakes his head. "I was not, I was stretching."

"And you kept kicking my shin!" Satoshi shot back at him. I think I'm glad I'm not paying complete attention to this part of our evening. "I said I was sorry!"

I sigh and the waitress arrives with a steaming basket of breaded cheesesticks. "Hi, they just brought these out so I thought I'd get them before anyone else did... enjoy."

We say our thanks and then she wanders away again. We're left with a basket full of breadsticks and something to distract our attention away from Shigeru and Satoshi's kicking war.

Shigeru takes the first piece, and then Satoshi follows. I'm not really sure about this... they really do have a cheese fetish... but in the end I get myself a piece as well. (Authors note: You see, Liz does have a cheese fetish. That's why I didn't cause her to fall off of the bed this time... but the weird cheese wavelength comment really got her. We even made her mother read that part.)

So now we're busy eating cheesy breadsticks. You know, it's going to take an hour for them to bring out the pizza... I shouldn't keep chugging my fruit punch this way or I'm not going to be able to stomach anything else. But it's *good*... (Authors note: This actually happened. Most of the other parts of this story is me trying to remember things with my horrid short-term memory...)

At least with our mouths full of food, Shigeru and Satoshi aren't continuing with their kick war. Really, they remind me of children... seventeen year old nearly grown up children, but children nonetheless. They should go in bubbles...

My gaze wanders around the main room. You'd never know how interesting a Pizza Hut could be until you were sitting in one, hungry, and you had nothing else to do... I think Shigeru and Satoshi are talking about pokémon... I think...

You know, I don't know when, but sometime throughout our delightful time here I put my jacket back on. I knew it would happen; I just didn't know when.

"Um..." Satoshi looks at me. "Hai?"

"When did I put my jacket on?" I ask him, and he gives me a confused look. He turns his attention to Shigeru. "Did you see when he put his jacket on?"

Shigeru shakes his head. "Iie... you mean he took it off?" All right, so I know I obsessively enjoy the heated blanket but... well... okay, so maybe I didn't take my jacket off. It could happen...

I'm sure it did. They start talking again and I end up watching my face in the glass pane between us and the party sitting one booth away. "Yay! I can see my face in her hair." Satoshi giggles and I think Shigeru's giving me his, 'We could leave you here and no one would miss you look...'

I don't get to comment on his unspoken comment, though, for the waitress returns again, this time carrying our cheese bread and the pizza. "I hope you enjoy your meal."

Time number seven or so; she wanders away blissfully ignorant. Ahh, to be a high school student and to work at Pizza Hut.

They pass out the plates and Shigeru starts flicking the sausage away from my side of the pizza; I'm touched. He cares...

"Here you go... wait, there's a piece of pepper." He flicks it across the pizza and shovels a piece onto my little plate. "Thanks."

"Oh, you're welcome. What do you want, Satoshi?" Once we're all situated, I give my piece of pizza a nice, long poke. It smells good... I think. I pick it up and take a bite. Oh yummy, it tastes like I'm eating a wet shoe.

I set the pizza down and glance towards Shigeru and Satoshi. Ooo! They're eating their pizza with their forks. That's different. We use our hands back in the Islands...

They take their bites; I'm just waiting for their reactions. I can't be the only one who gets to taste the wonder of uncooked cheese. They must be making up for the breadsticks having been steaming...

Shigeru makes a face that can only be explained as 'icky'... there's a similar look mirrored on Satoshi's face as well. He sets his fork down for half a second before picking it up and poking at the pizza. The cheese doesn't look cooked.

"What are we supposed to do?" He asks in a cute and confused tone of voice. "I have no idea." Shigeru sighs.

"They didn't even cook the pizza all the way." I think I could cry. I don't want to, though. That would be embarrassing... But I'm *hungry*!

"Well, I guess we could let them know. Or we could get up and walk out of the building." Shigeru shares an evil look with Satoshi. Everyone's heard the story of the time where they spent over two hours in a Pizza Hut in Yamabuki a couple years ago and they never got served, beyond the manager giving them a pitcher of Pepsi. They ended up walking out of the Pizza Hut, and Satoshi was terrified that they were going to be arrested for not paying... (Authors note: This actually happened to Liz... okay, so she wasn't in Yamabuki, she was in Baltimore, but it was pretty much the same. Yeah, I'm just chatty in this fic, aren't I? We just watched my Japanese pokémon tapes and y-o-u didn't!)

This would be so much worse. And I can see that look in Satoshi's eyes. I mean, we've eaten cheese bread, breadsticks, and we've eaten off of icky pizza. I have no idea what they'd do to us...

And I don't happen to have the desire to find out, actually. "We could always go up and let them know, couldn't we?" I ask them both. And now the great question... "What's our waitress' name?"

So she's been up and away from here ten or so times... that doesn't mean that I was paying attention to her. Or reading her nametag... or caring at all that she has this hellish job. Nope, not at all.

"Hmm..." Shigeru picks up the receipt. "Her name is Kiri."

"Thank you, Shigeru!" I'm so glad that they do have nametags... I also don't happen to remember what she looks like. I don't think any of us do, actually. I slip out of the booth and make my way up to where the register is, next to the jukebox. Now, to find Kiri... Ahh, there she is!

...Ignoring the hell out of me. "Um, hello?" I don't think she can hear me... Just because I'm this sarcastic in thought doesn't mean I say half of the things that I think.

She talks to another employ, and then she talks to a child who's wandered up to the counter. I feel so very ignored... and then she turns to me and smiles and I wave my hand in a beckoning manner. "We have a problem," I tell her as she follows me to the table, "the pizza isn't cooked all the way."

I don't know what I expect to hear from her... perhaps we can eat free because of this disaster. Maybe we should have just tried to see if we could *not* burn down Hanako-san's kitchen... Or perhaps we could get another pizza, one that we hadn't picked through. Yes, I'm that picky. Whoever is up above, bite me.

"I can take it back and they could put it back in the over for a bit," She says. No, I didn't expect that... "All right, that will work," Shigeru says. The waitress scoops the pizza back into the pan and then carries it away.

This is so much fun. I can just taste the excitement in the air. Someone shoot me, I've never had this much fun in my life. "So..." I swing my legs back in forth. I'm glad no one's sitting before me, or else we'd be having Shin Kicking War II...

"This is just a great night." Satoshi sighs and sets his head down on the table. No, it's not detachable or anything... He's resting his head on his arms, and they're crossed over one another.

"It's going to be all right." Shigeru replies. I have the feeling we could just end up walking out on the bill, for real this time.

"It's probably going to come back burned, though," Satoshi sighs again. "Well," Shigeru begins to reply. I knew my thoughts would come into play now, "we'll just leave and say, no check please."

Satoshi looks terrified this time; I mean, more than he had when Shigeru had mentioned this earlier. Ah, earlier... it hadn't been very long ago at all, had it?

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I ask. Okay, I think I actually agree with him on this one. Maybe we could go to McDonald's again... I really like their orange soda. I think all of this Hawaiian punch is making me queasy... Or maybe it's the old shoe taste that's still in my mouth. "Of course it is. Maybe we could go to McDonald's..." Oh Shigeru, I think I'd kiss you but you'd *really* be giving me a weird look. I'm sure I would be left here without my jacket...

And I don't want to try and find my way through the back roads of Masara Town. No way... I can't even find my way from street A to street B without becoming completely lost.

"Okay then... let's give them another try and if it doesn't work, we can go," Satoshi's so horribly cute when he's this nervous...

"Okay." And then wonderful blissful silence descends yet again. Did I say this was going to be a wonderful night? Okay, it actually is a pretty good night. At least I have wonderful company. But the scenery... ick.

"I hope it's not burned." Shigeru sighs and I nod. "I know, that would really put a damper on my appetite..." Appetite... just the thought of that word gives my stomach pangs. Maybe chugging all of the delightful reddish fruit stuff wasn't a good idea...

The pizza has returned! Yay! It looks like it's cooked. But don't count your pizza slices before you've tasted them... Looks can be deceiving. I know that so very well...

And so take two begins. Satoshi looks ecstatic. Shigeru looks thoughtful... And I don't even know if I'm really hungry anymore. I push my glass away and pry out a piece of pizza instead.

I glance down at it and poke it with my fork. It didn't move or make a sound so that's always a good thing. I feel like I should be at college, I really do. "Hmm..."

I pick a piece of pepperoni up and nibble on it. So I'm afraid to see if it's cooked or not... At least the pepperoni tastes like It's done. Thing is, it did before as well.

Oh well... I'm going to have to see if it's done, we can't sit here all night. And Shigeru and Satoshi seem to be brave enough... All right, so Shigeru's just scraping the toppings off of his pizza.

"What are you doing?" I ask the obvious question. "I'm just going to eat the toppings." He answers with a slight shrug of his shoulders. You know, that might be a good idea...

"You used to pick on me when we were younger when I did that," Satoshi says with a petulant look. Shigeru just smirks and shrugs.

I scrape at the pepperoni and bit of cheese left on my piece... I never knew that eating could be so difficult. And as we finish our piece... yes, piece... none of us seem to want to eat anything else.

"I guess this means it's time to go," I muse thoughtfully, "we just need to wait for the waitress to come over..."

At the time, she's seating a new party in the smoking section... Okay, I really am being more sarcastic than normal tonight. "Here waitress, here waitress!"

I whistle and pat my leg. Satoshi giggles and Shigeru glares at me.

"That's rude." He says with a supreme air about him. I can't help but blink and stare at him. "And you're the only one who's allowed to be rude?"

"It's also embarrassing." He replies with that same glare on his face. I think I should stick my tongue out at him, and I do. That gains us a yelp from Satoshi.

"You kicked me!" He shouts, glaring at Shigeru. He actually looks apologetic. "Sorry, I was trying to kick Hiroshi."

I open my mouth to make a comment, and the waitress arrives. "Are you ready to go?" Satoshi answers in the affirmative and she gathers everything up and wanders away from the table with our pizza.

"Maybe we can cook it when we get back to your house, Satoshi," I sigh. I don't know if I'm hungry, though... And if I am hungry, I think I want something sugary.

The waitress returns and we're given our boxed up pizza. We linger at the table for a bit and then we head up to the counter. Hah! They have to put on their jackets again. I'm all nice and warm...

It's Shigeru's turn to pay. He's such a lucky guy. Well, he is the one who gets to sleep on the floor when we get to Satoshi's house... I at least get to use that lovely inflatable mattress type thing. And no, I'm not being sarcastic. It's really comfortable.

I sigh and my gaze wanders away from Shigeru and Satoshi. There's a grip tester... No, I don't have change, but let's see if I have a good grip at all. I take hold... and Satoshi breaks out laughing as I drag the entire thing forward. "You're supposed to squeeze it, not pull it!"

He pauses for a moment, "I didn't mean that the way it sounded!" He says right away. I don't even want to know what type of look is on my face. I'd imagine it must be a big grin, though.

I nod and smile. "Of course not, Satoshi."

After that, Shigeru finishes paying and we wander out into the night. "It's cold." I murmur, watching my breath in the air. Satoshi pats my shoulder and smiles. "It's January."

"I know." I whine right back at him. He drags me over to the mini van of doom and after Shigeru kindly remembers to unlock the doors. I give the front seat a plaintive look and Satoshi crawls right on in. I sigh and get back into the back seat, and pull closed the door. I'm getting better at it, actually. Shutting it, that is.

I sigh and try to work with the seat belt and actually get it to work. It might actually be working, this time. Like the first time in forever... I sigh again and then again as we pull out of the parking lot and immediately turn away from the highway and go into the back roads. I really hate these things. I swear that he's taking us to other cities and just not telling us... All right, he's doing that to me alone, Satoshi has lived here all of his life.

"Don't you know what a highway is?" I ask dryly, gazing at Shigeru's reflection in the front view mirror. I don't like the look in his eyes... I really don't like the look in his eyes...

"Shut up or I'm going to make you walk back to Satoshi's house." He says with a pleasant, oh god I've never seen such a pleasant smile, upon his lips. Shigeru's so very sadistic when he needs to be.

I shut up immediately and enjoy the ride through gods know where in the middle of nowhere in Masara... Um, I think we're still in Masara. I think... Maybe... Perhaps... I don't really know anymore...

There's one thing I do know, though. I don't think any of us are actually going to touch that pizza again. Oh yes, that's one thing that I have faith in. And that faith doesn't shed it's light on Shigeru's ability drive... and his ability to get me more lost than I ever was on my pokémon journey...

But there's one thing that won't leave my mind alone... Just an observation that won't leave me alone. What's the point of going to Pizza Hut if you have to cook your own pizza? The world will never know.

~~~~~

The end