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Affleck Looks to Star in Terminator 4
"Doing Daredevil and Jennifer Lopez have made me realize that I can accomplish anything."
Hollywood, CA - Actor Ben Affleck recently announced his disire for a lead role in the movie Terminator 4, even though there are no currently known plans for a fourth installment of the action series.
"I think that I'd be great for the part," proclaimed Affleck at a recent outing. "I mean, look at me for pete's [possibly Townshend] sake! I am like a golden god. I have a huge, buff physique, thanks to my work in Daredevil, and I'm boning the hottest girl [and most Hi-Ma] on the planet. And Lord knows I spent enough money on her, so I deserve a role in Terminator 4."
Affleck noted that he feels that new blood needs to be added to the series to prolong its lifespan, ant that he's just the man for the job.
"It's not just that I want the role--the role needs me. I am the perfect Terminator already. I mean, I have no no shame, no integrity, no conscience and I don't like to think much. I'm totally perfect. And now that Arnold [Schwartzenegger] is getting older, it's natural that someone take his place, so that the series may continue and bring in large amounts of revenue for the film industry. And I've been practicing day and night to become a total badass. And I think I'm doing a damn fine job [points at sunglasses he is wearing]."
Although the third movie in the series, Rise of the Machines, has yet to be released, and no firm plans for another sequel have been laid, Affleck remains confident in his chances.
"I don't sweat it. When all the parties involved find out that thee Ben Affleck wants in, then they'll definitely make a fourth one. How could anyone turn me down? I'm an instant goldmine. I mean, I was in Pearl Harbor, Boiler Room, and now Daredevil. And I like frickin' wrote Good Will Hunting, man! I'm a shoe-in for sure."
Other than his new involvement in the Terminator series, Big Ben [a pet name J.Lo gave him, he says] has a hand in the 007 series of movies, as well as wedding plans with Jen.
"Yeah, I'm the next Bond. I just own that look, you know? I mean, just look at me in Jen's video for New Kid on The Block or whatever--I am superspy material, 100%. My hair is pristine and sublime, and I just look like a total badass. I am 007. I feel it in my bones. And when I do the next Bond film--I'll kick Pierce Brosnan's ass--Jen's gonna be my Bond girl. 'Cause no one would ever expect it, ya know?"
Despite no confirmations of his claims by industry execs, Affleck remains completely confident that everything is on track.
"My life couldn't be better right now. I'll be boosting two existing movie series with my presence, and I blew a cool million on just one little rock for an engagement ring. Just imagine how much the wedding will cost me! But Jen's got everything under control. She's so good at planning weddings! It's amazing; it must just be some natural skill she has. She says our blissful union shouldn't cost more than a few million. What a bargain!"
Despite claims that Affleck can't afford this relationship, he maintains that it will be no problem for him.
"I've got a fat bank roll, man. That's what movies like Armaggedon and Pearl Harbor can do for you. Make you filthy rich. That's the real moral of the story, kids--do a bunch of shitty movies and you'll get rich beyond your wildest dreams, not to mention getting some 'tang from an overpriced Latin hoochy-momma."
-- Courtesy of Casual Gamer News Service