_Chapter 1_
*Sophia's View*
"We're getting married yet again," AJ grinned walking into the room holding a newspaper in his hands.
"We are, huh? That's funny - I never remember you proposing a first time." I grabbed the tabloid to find a whole article on an engagement ring AJ had supposedly given me a few weeks ago. "Hmmm… what a shame - I've lost it already," I said staring down at my bare fingers.
"These people are unbelievable," AJ muttered taking the paper back. "They see me across the street from a jewelers and assume I'm following Kevin's lead."
"And why shouldn't they think that?" I asked raising my voice. "You would think after being with a girl for almost five years the guy would propose." I was beginning to get angry. I always did when the topic of marriage came up.
AJ sighed and repeated the same line he always had ready for me in this situation. "Baby, you know I have every intention in the world to marry you someday. I love you and I can't imagine my life without you, but I'm not ready to get married yet."
"K," I said quietly. I must have looked as hurt as I felt because he came over then to give me a long kiss that only made me want him more.
"You do know the only reason I put up with you is because you're a good kisser, right?"
"Yea, I know," he answered, smiling down on me. "I love you," he added as if to reassure me.
"But not enough to marry me…"
"Sophia, what's the rush?"
"Five years is rushing to you?!"
"What does it matter whether we get married tomorrow or ten years from now? As long as we stay together and end up together…," he took a deep breath, "that's all that matters."
I looked up at him and realized he just didn't see things the way I did. He didn't understand that I needed to be as close to him as I could… that I couldn't risk losing him. Marriage would make our promises to each other final. But he didn't get that.
_Chapter 2_ *Sophia's View*
"Life sux," I announced to Colleen during a commercial break for "Felecity." We were at me and AJ's house. I'd met Colleen once she started to go out with Nick over a year ago and we'd been inseparable ever since. It was just a girls night… AJ had gone to see a movie with Howie and Nick was over at Brian's.
"How could life suck? You're dating a Backstreet Boy. A Backstreet Boy that loves you no less."
"Nick still hasn't said it?" She shook her head sadly.
"I'm beginning to doubt he ever will. It could be all one-sided for all I know."
"You know that's not true."
"Yea, he likes me. Like and love are two very different things."
"Well, give him time. And don't say it first."
"I won't. But I really love him, Sophia. I really do," she sighed. "Sometimes I just want to tell him that, but I know I should wait for him to say it."
"He will," I consoled her. "He's probably just scared."
"You're right. And no signs of AJ asking you to marry him?"
"Nope. Five freakin years together, but no."
"Yea… You know, I hate Felecity sometimes."
"What? Why?" I laughed.
"She's got all these guys all over her begging her to be their girlfriends and telling her they can't live without her. Blah, blah. She makes me sick."
"You're right," I smiled. "It's like she's the only girl in that whole college."
"Bitch…," Col muttered under her breath. This set us both laughing hysterically. It felt good to think of something other than Nick and AJ. And if it was trashing Kerri Russel… so be it.
*AJ's View*
The movie had just ended and Howie had suggested going out to get a drink. We "had to talk" he said. Whatever… as long as he was paying.
"You don't seem totally carefree tonight. What's up?" Howie asked as we sat down at the bar.
"Well, all this marriage shit Sophia's talking about."
"I thought you already had that fight."
"Oh, trust me. With Sophia you can have fights about the same topic over and over."
He laughed as he ordered us drinks. "I can't even believe how long you've been together - that's enough like marriage to me. I mean, 5 years! I give you props for that."
"Yea… five years. They've been good ones though. I don't have any regrets. I just don't want to be married yet."
"I don't blame you," he grinned. "But you know," he said getting serious, "Nick's thinking of asking Colleen."
"Your kidding me!" I shouted, eyes wide. "Nick? Baby Nick? You're joking right?!"
"Nope. Seriously. Brian just told me today." He stopped to think a minute. "God, this isn't gonna help things with Sophia is it?"
I just put my head in my hands. This is the last thing I need right now. Damn Nick.
_Chapter 3_ *Colleen's View*
I have never been happier in my whole life. I was riding over to tell Sophia. I mean I had to tell someone - someone had to share my good mood. Once I got to Sophia and AJ's house I quickly parked the car and ran up to the door. I don't know why I was in such a hurry… I was just so excited. Sophia answered the door, took one look at me, and started to laugh. "What's up Col? I've never seen you so happy!"
"Oh My God, guess what? Nick asked me to marry him!"
"He did?" she said softly, her grin fading. What was that about? She should be glad for me. She's probably just shocked.
"I know, I can hardly believe it myself! But just a few hours ago, he took me to the beach, got down on one knee, and said he loved me and wanted me to be his wife! I was crying like hell… it was so unexpected, I mean.." I was so caught up in my story, I didn't even notice AJ enter the room.
"And you said yes?" she asked sadly.
"Of course I said 'yes'! How could I say 'no' to the man I love! Stupid question, Sophia!"
"Yea," she said forcing a smile.
"Congratulations," AJ mumbled.
"Thanks! Did you know before this?"
"Yea, Howie mentioned it last night."
Sophia turned around to stare at him, and I knew that I wasn't welcome anymore. "Uh, well just wanted to let you know. I gotta get going. Me and Nick are going out to dinner to celebrate."
"Ok," Sophia said. Her mind was obviously elsewhere. "I'm sorry I can't be more enthusiastic - it's been a tough day. I'm soo happy for you, Col, I really am," she said giving me a tight hug. "This is so great!"
"Yea, isn't it? Oh, I love him soo much! Alright well I'm going now. Call me later."
"Ok," she smiled walking me to the door.
She seemed kinda upset… I mean, when your best friend is getting married you're supposed to jump up and down with them, and… suddenly, as I drove away it hit me. I'm such an idiot! Poor Sophia…
AJ's View
The minute Colleen shut the door, Sophia burst into tears and ran up the stairs to lock herself in our room. I knew that was coming. I'm surprised Col didn't. I tried to stop her but she pushed me aside. I knew this Nick proposing was a bad thing. I mean, not for him and Col of course but for my relationship. But I couldn't just say to him "you can't ask her!" I don't know what to do. This should be the time for me to go up and ask her to marry me, but I'm seriously not ready for that. I feel like a jerk. Nick's ready to take the plunge yet and I'm not. I hope she understands.
*Sophia's View*
I feel like I'm gonna be sick. I would have never ever guessed in a million years that Nick would propose. He hadn't even said "I love you" for God's sake! But I guess that was all his plan… this is so unfair. I am happy for them, but I feel so hurt. After only a year and half, Nick asks Col to marry him, yet it's been five years and AJ can't! There's only one thing I can think of that could be keeping him… he must not know if I'm the one yet. I have to be honest with myself… if he had no doubt in his mind that I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of this life with then he would have asked me to marry him a long time ago. Years ago. So, I guess I don't mean as much to him as I thought. Cuz, trust me, if it was the girl's job to ask the guy to marry them, I would have asked him b4 even the first year. I knew I loved him right away. I knew I wanted to be with him from the start. And I don't think these feelings are mutual. Maybe I should just break it off before he does…
_Chapter 4_ *AJ's View*
I figured I'd give Sophia some time alone, but 3 hours? That didn't seem right, so after her being locked up in that room for most of the afternoon, I went up and knocked on the door. "What?" I heard her ask. She didn't sound angry, but not too happy either.
"Baby, let me in."
"K, hold on." After a minute she opened the door and let me in. She sat down on the floor, her back against the wall. Tissues were everywhere. She'd made a real mess of this room. I sat down next to her, and took her hand.
"Honey, I'm sorry I didn't tell you that Nick was going to ask Colleen. I just knew you were gonna get upset."
"Of course I would get upset," she said weakly. "We should be the ones getting married, not them."
"Some couples do things earlier than others," I said awkwardly. I really had no clue what she wanted to hear from me. "We had sex before most people," I grinned.
She gave me a strange look before looking down at her hands again. "So, uh, what I'm saying is," I stuttered, trying to make my way through the sentence, "is they might be ready for marriage but we're not."
"Correction. You're not."
"I'm not," I said softly. "You're right. Marriage scares me, I can't help it."
"Whatever…" she muttered, wiping her eyes. "I'm going to get some fresh air," she said getting up.
"Can I come?"
"If you want." She didn't seem to care in the least. I don't like these feelings I'm getting from her… not at all. She doesn't want to talk about it. Usually, all she wants to do is talk about any problems we're having, but now she seems to just want to forget about them. That's what I prefer, but I don't want her changing on me.
"So, you want to go out for dinner tonight?"
"Whatever." I looked over at her. She had a strange look in her eyes. She wasn't acting like herself at all.
"Um, we don't have to."
"Actually," she said stopping in her tracks. "I don't want to go outside." She turned around and started to head back to our room.
"Ok…" I said nervously. "What do you want to do?"
"How many things can you do in a bedroom?" she said giving me a devilish grin.
"Sophia… now? Don't you want to talk?"
"No, I really don't. Why should you be complaining. You're always saying we don't do it enough, now aren't you?"
"I know. I'm just saying… you're not acting like yourself… you're…"
She interrupted me by pushing me down on the bed. She started ripping off my shirt, and kissing me forcefully. Of course I kissed back… and I didn't protest anymore, but what in the world has gotten into her?
_Chapter 5_ *Sophia's View*
I woke up with an awful headache. I struggled to get up, pulling AJ's arm up from around my waist. I wasn't sure what to do. I just knew I had to end things between us. I didn't want to, that was for sure. Looking at him while he slept was almost too much to take… I did love him more than anything else. But I was wasting my time - he obviously didn't want me to be his wife, and I wanted to settle down… even if it was without him. I would tell him as soon as he got up…
*AJ's View*
I opened my eyes at 11 to find Sophia gone. She was probably downstairs. I hope she was in a better mood this morning. Before I could make my way out of the door, she came in. She looked a wreck, and she was about to cry, I could tell. "What's the matter?" I asked walking over to her.
"AJ, I have to leave you," she sobbed.
"What? What do you mean 'leave'…?"
"Maybe it's better if we see different people, or something."
"But, why? I thought you were happy with me!" This can't be happening…
"I am… I mean, I was. It's just…"
"Sophia, does this have anything to do with the marriage issue?" Through tear-stained eyes, she gave me a long stare.
"Um, no, it really doesn't."
"What?" I asked wide-eyed. I had been sure that was the problem. If it was, I would have proposed right this moment. "Then what is it?"
"I just… I don't have the same feelings anymore, that's all," she choked out.
"What the fuck?" I screamed. "We just slept together last night, and you're telling me you don't have feelings anymore!"
"I thought I'd get one more night out of you, before we broke up."
"Are you kidding me?!"
"Look, I'll pack up my stuff and be out of here by the end of the day."
"I can't believe this! I can't believe what a bitch you're being!" Aw, shit, I didn't mean to say that. That slipped. She looked up at me, dried her eyes, and started to pick up her stuff from around the room.
"I knew it," she muttered sadly.
"You knew what?" I asked weakly.
"Nothing," she whispered, running out of the room.
I didn't bother to follow her. I have no clue what's going on with her. Ever since Nick proposed to Colleen… that's when she started acting like this. And now after five years, she breaks up with me! I mean, we've been together so long I can't even remember what my life was like without her. I don't want to remember. What did I do to make her want to break up… what did I do… All of a sudden I felt a sickening feeling. I ran into the bathroom and threw up. I'm not going to be able to handle this.
_Chapter 6_ *Nick’s View*
“I’m so happy we’re getting married,” I smiled to myself, holding Colleen in my arms.
“Not as happy as me! I’ve been so upset the last month or so that you didn’t have the same feelings for me that I had for you.”
“Really?” I said looking into her eyes. “Why would you think that?”
“Cuz you hadn’t said you loved me.”
“Oh!” I grinned. “But you see I was waiting to tell you when I proposed!”
“I know that now, and I’m glad you waited.” She leaned in to kiss me, but just at that moment the doorbell rang. “Ugh, always interrupted!” I groaned. She laughed as I got up to answer the door.
I opened up to find Sophia crying. “What’s the matter?” I asked concerned. Col got up to join me at the door. “Sophia, honey, what’s wrong?”
“I just broke up with AJ, and I don’t even know why,” she said between sobs.
Col gave me a look that meant “get out of here – girl talk” so I took the hint. Maybe I should go see AJ. Although, I’m sure he’s in no mood to see me…
*Colleen’s View*
“Come on, let’s sit on the couch. Now what happened?”
“It’s just… Col, I know he doesn’t love me as much as I love him.”
“How could you know something like that?”
“Let’s not kid ourselves… if he loved me enough to spend the rest of his life with me, he would have asked me to marry him years ago.” She had a point there. I didn’t know what to say to that. “So,” she continued, “I figure what’s the point of staying together. So I broke up with him.”
“Did you tell him why?”
“I told him I didn’t have feelings for him anymore.”
“You did what?!” I screamed. “But that’s so untrue!”
“I know, I know,” she said, crying into her hands.
“You should have told him it was about the marriage thing.”
“But then he would have felt forced…”
“But now he thinks you don’t love him anymore! He won’t try to fix things if he thinks that!”
“Maybe it’s better if we don’t fix things…” she said quietly.
“How can you say that? You love him.”
“I do, but … I want to get married. I want to have a baby. I want…”
“So does he, he just needs time!”
“5 years,” she reminded me.
“You’re right,” I sighed. “He would have asked by now if he wanted that.”
“Exactly,” she muttered sadly.
“Well, you stay here as long as you need to.”
“Thanx so much. I’ll try to stay out of the way of you two. After all you are getting married,” she smiled. But then that smile turned into her crying hysterically. Note to self: Do not mention the marriage AT ALL!
_Chapter 8_
*Sophia's View*
The minute I woke up I had to run as fast as I could to the bathroom to throw up. Why did I feel so sick? As much as I hated it, I would probably have to take a ride to the doctor. I headed over to Nick and Col's room. "Coming in!" I screamed, pushing the door open. The two of them were making out on the bed. Hey, it could be worse.
"Sorry, guys, but I did warn you."
"You could of knocked!" Nick whined.
"Look, I feel really sick. I just had to run into the bathroom so I could throw up. Could you please drive me to the doctors, Nick?"
"Now?"
"As soon as you can. I feel like such shit."
"Come on, Nick, you're not doing anything else today," Colleen pointed out.
"Ok, ok. Just let me get dressed."
"Alright. I'll see you downstairs in about 15 minutes?"
"Yea."
*Nick's View*
As soon as Sophia walked out the door I complained to Col, "And she has to stay here because…?"
"Nick, you're being such an ass. Because she needs someplace to stay, and we're her friends, that's why!"
"I know, I just don't want her getting in the way of us."
"She won't," she said pulling me back onto the bed. "I know you gotta go, just give me one more kiss."
"If I have to," I grinned, grabbing her closer.
"Nick!" I heard Sophia scream from down the stairs. "Hurry up!"
"Ugh, this girl is driving me crazy," I groaned, throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. "I'll be back soon. Love you," I said leaning in for one last kiss, before I ran out the door.
"What do you think's wrong with me?" Sophia asked, after we'd been in the car for about 10 minutes.
"You probably just have the flu or something. I'm sure it's nothing serious."
"Yea, you're probably right," she said, staring out the window.
"Um, I don't mean to pry into your private life or anything, but you do plan on working things out with AJ, right?"
"No."
"What do you mean 'no'? You love him right?"
"Yea."
"And the problem is…?"
"Look, Nick, just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be with them!"
"But you should want to be with him."
"I do want to be with him."
"Then why the fuck did you break up with him?"
"Because he didn't want to marry me!"
"W-what? That's not what he told me…"
"I know. I told him I didn't have feelings anymore."
"Sophia, you have to tell him the truth."
"No, I don't." And that's where it ended. We had reached the doctor's office, and I didn't want to continue the argument in the waiting room. We'd waited a few minutes in silence when the doctor said he was ready to see Sophia. "Can you come with me?" she pleaded.
"Oh, you're such a baby!" I laughed. "Yea, I'll come."
*Sophia's View*
The doctor had checked me over and he said he couldn't find what was wrong. "Um, Sophia, you said you threw up in the morning?"
"Yea."
"You ever think you might be pregnant?"
"PREGNANT?!" I screamed.
Chapter 9
*Sophia's View*
Nick gave me a surprised look, and turned to the doctor, "You really think she might be pregnant?"
"That's the only thing I can think of. You mind going to take a pregnancy test now?"
"Um, no, I guess not," I stuttered. I gave Nick a scared look as the doctor walked out of the room to find a test.
"Oh my God.. Nick, what if I am pregnant?"
"Shhh, don't worry about it. Whatever happens, it'll be alright," he said pulling me towards him for a hug.
"How will I tell AJ? He's going to freak out. How am I going to tell him that I'm having his kid after we just broke up? Nick, what do I do?" I asked him, looking for a comforting answer.
At that moment the doctor came in and handed me a test. I headed into the bathroom; I had never felt so nervous in my life.
*Nick's View*
God, this is bad. I really hope for Sophia and AJ's sake that she's not pregnant. This is not what either of them needs right now! The doctor interrupted my train of thought, "If she is pregnant, are you the father?"
"What?" I asked surprised. "Oh, no, no. I'm just a friend."
"Oh, ok. I just assumed…"
"Yea, I guess it looks like that, huh?" I said giving him a weak smile.
"You just look so worried."
"Just a concerned friend, that's all."
All of a sudden Sophia came back in. She was all pale, and I had never seen her so scared. She didn't need to say anything, we knew just from the look on her face.
"Do you know who the father is?" the doctor asked, gently.
"Yea, I do," she choked out. "I'm alright, really, I am." She was NOT alright.
"Let's go," I whispered in her ear, taking her by hand out the door. I was treating her like a little kid, but she seemed to need that right now. The minute we stepped out of the building, she started crying hysterically.
"Shhh. It'll be ok, Sophia."
"No, it won't."
"Well, you have to call AJ."
"Obviously…"
"You've always wanted to have a kid."
"But not like this! Not now!"
"I know… I promise, things will work out fine," I told her, giving her a tight hug, before we got into the car.
We drove home in complete silence. I figured she needed time to herself to think. Well, I don't know how much she thought, but she sure could cry! And I don't blame her.. If anyone should be having a baby it should be me and Col and I'm not even sure I'm ready! Imagine Sophia and AJ… Well, all I can do right now is be as supportive as possible. I'll try real hard at that
_Chapter 10_
*AJ's View*
Sadly enough I'd hardly been out of my bedroom since Sophia left. I just lay on my bed, and thought about what an ass I'd been not to propose before it was too late. And it was too late. The phone ringing made me jump. I'd lived in almost complete silence for almost 2 days now, and that loud ringing startled me.
"Hello?" I said groggily into the receiver.
"AJ? It's me," Sophia's voice answered.
"Hey, what's going on?"
"Um, well, I went to the doctor's this morning."
"What for?"
"AJ, I'm pregnant."
"You're what?!" I almost screamed.
"I know. I felt really sick this morning - I threw up and all. Morning sickness I guess. So, Nick drove me to the doctor and he couldn't find anything wrong with me, so he gave me a pregnancy test and… well, it was positive."
"Oh my God," I moaned, taking a big breath. "You seem so calm…"
"Yea, well I've had my time to freak out all this morning… how are you?"
"Oh, um, I'm good," I lied. "I'm doing real good."
"Oh, ok…"
"So, you're going to keep it, right? The baby I mean…"
"Oh, yea, of course."
"Good, good." An uncomfortable silence came next. I just held the phone pressed to my ear, waiting for something, anything else she had to say. When I realized that wasn't coming I gathered up all my courage and said, "Sophia, we should probably talk."
"We are talking…"
"No, I mean in person. You should come over."
"Uh, I don't think so. I'm still not feeling so great."
"Honey, it's gonna be a whole other 9 months of you not feeling so great. We should really talk."
"AJ, just because we're having a baby doesn't mean we have to get back together. I don't want you to feel we have to." Have to? I wanted to… I couldn't take this anymore.
"I want to get back together more than anything in the world. You don't miss me at all?" I asked, sadly.
She ignored my question. "I'm staying at Colleen and Nick's house. You can come visit once the baby comes of course."
"Once the baby comes?" I cried out. "You're not planning on seeing me until the baby comes?!"
"AJ, I love you, I do. But some things just aren't meant to be," she said just before hanging up the phone.
I just sat there, phone still pressed against my ear, listening to the dial tone.
_Chapter 11_
*Brian's View*
I drove up to Nick's house a little bit nervous. I'm sure I have nothing to worry about… I mean, it was only once. But I still felt I had to drive over here to talk. Nick answered the door, surprised to see me. "B, what are you doing here?"
"Actually, I wanted to talk to Sophia. How is she doing?"
"Um, alright considering…" he trailed off. "I'll go get her." I followed him into the living room where Sophia was watching an old "Dawson's Creek" episode.
"Stupid, stupid Joey," she was muttering at the TV.
"You got company," Nick told her, waving his hand infront of her face. "It's time to come back to reality now."
"Who?" she asked curiously, turning around to see me. "Brian!" she jumped up, running over to give me a hug. "You came to visit me!"
"Yup," I grinned.
"I hate to leave you two, but me and Col are gonna go see a movie. I'll catch you later," Nick said, grabbing his coat.
"Alright, bye," Sophia said without much interest.
As soon as Nick had left, we sat down on the couch and just stared at eachother for a few minutes. She knew what I was here for. Atleast I think she should…
"So, you're definitely pregnant?"
"No doubt about it," she said glumly, picking up the remote to shut off the TV.
"Are you sure it's AJ's?"
She looked at me, surprised. "What do you mean, am I sure it's AJ's? Of course I'm sure."
"How do you know?"
"Brian, I don't know what you're getting at. I know because he was my boyfriend for five years, and…. Oh my God, Brian! What night was it that I came over to your place?"
"A few weeks ago… I just wanted to make sure the baby wasn't mine."
"I never even considered it being anyone elses but AJ's, but you know what? It could just as easily be yours!" she said, clearly disturbed by the new thought. "Oh, God," she groaned. "This just keeps getting better and better…"
"Sophia… this may sound weird… but I hope the baby's mine."
"You do? But that was just one night… that was just one confusing night right in the middle of all my problems with AJ…"
"But I love you," I blurted out.
"You do?" she asked softly.
"Always have."
"Brian, I don't know what to say. I don't love you. I love AJ."
"I know you do," I sighed. "But that doesn't make me feel any differently towards you." I took her hand, never taking my eyes off of her. Eventually, she turned her eyes away, not knowing what to say.
"You know I want to settle down and have a kid. That's what you want too, isn't it?"
"You know it is."
"I'd be such a good father, Sophia," I pleaded with her.
"I know you would."
"Well, do me a favor, and get a test done to see who's kid it is."
"I will. But Brian, there's like a one in a million chance it's yours. You have no idea how often me and AJ did it."
"Oh, sure I do," I said resentfully. "You don't know him as well as you think if you don't know he brags to us all. I hear you're pretty good," I joked.
"What?" she screamed, embarrassed.
"Sorry," I said backing up. "Shouldn't have said that."
"Oh, it doesn't matter anymore. Me and AJ are over," she said softly.
"But we don't have to be," I tried again.
"There never was an us, Brian!"
"That one night there was, Sophia… that one night there was," I said getting up to go.
"I'll make an appointment to get that test," she said blankly.
"Thank you. Call me."
"Alright." I walked out happy, considering how hopeless my future with Sophia seemed. That night… she loved me. She can say whatever she wants, but that night she came to me, I was all she wanted and needed. I just have to make her admit that.
_Chapter 12_
*Sophia's View*
Brian had just left, but I was too stunned to move. I didn't see much point in getting that test. What were the chances the baby was Brian's? I would anyway, of course. It's not that I'd forgotten that night I went to Brian's… it's just it was a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing. A fling. It upsets me to know he thinks of it as more. He's just going to get hurt, thinking that.
Like I told him, it was a night right in the middle of me and AJ's problems. We had fought that day about getting married… what else, and I had been really upset. I had needed someone to talk to, and Brian is the best listener I know. He means the world to me… but only as a friend. I had gone over there and poured out my heart and soul to Bri. I'd told him things I could never tell AJ, ever. He'd been so kind and comforting about it, and well, I lost myself to him. Brian just recently got out of a nasty break-up, I was having problems in my relationship - we both needed someone. It seemed alright at the moment, but I felt awful I'd cheated on AJ, and chose to forget it. Then, Brian had come to tell me tonight that that one night might have produced a kid! Way too much to take…
*Nick's View* Next Morning
"You what?!" I screamed in Brian's face. "You've got to be kidding me!"
"I'm not, and you know it," he said annoyed.
"How could you do that to AJ? I mean, I can see her doing that. But you? Bri, you?"
"Nick, I know it was the wrong thing to do. But you know I love Sophia."
"That doesn't mean you can stab one of your best friends in the back like that!"
"AJ's not one of my best friends. You know we've never really gotten along. You're my best friend, and that's why I'm telling you this. Because I know you'll understand."
"Ok," I said calming down a little. "So you and Sophia have been having some sort of affair, or…?"
"No, it wasn't like that. It was just one night. I had just broken up with the psycho bitch, and she was having her problems with AJ. We needed each other. We still do," he sighed.
"And you don't want me telling anyone?"
"No one, Nick! Not even Colleen. No one."
"Alright, I hear you, I hear you."
"I want to get together with her so badly. And if she's having my kid, well then, that's the perfect excuse to spend time together, and maybe she'll start to feel differently for me."
"She loves AJ," I said softly, glancing up to see how he would react.
"She'll get over him," he said confidently, but I saw worry in his eyes. "So, you're on my side, right?"
"Of course I am. You're my best friend, Brian."
"Thanks, man."
"I can't help but feel bad for AJ, though."
"It's his fault he didn't get her when he had the chance," he said icily.
_Chapter 13_
*Sophia's View*
"Brian, get over here as soon as you can," I said into his answering machine. I don't know where he could be. He should be waiting for my call. All of a sudden, I heard a knock on the door. I opened it to see Brian's nervous face.
"Bri! I just left a message on your machine."
"Oh, I figured I'd just come over. I knew you'd be back by now."
"Right."
"Well?" he said anxiously.
"Well, surprisingly enough… it's yours, Brian!" I said, trying to seem as happy as possible.
"Oh my God, you're kidding!"
"Nope."
"Oh my God," he shouted, happily. "I'm gonna be a dad, Sophia!" He pulled closer for a hug, and was about to kiss me, but I pushed him back.
"You didn't want it to be mine, did you?" he asked sadly, pulling back.
"It just makes things so much more complicated, that's all," I said, my voice weak.
"Well, I'm going to be by your side every second of your pregnancy, I swear! I'll go to those classes your going to take, I'll be there when the baby first kicks - Sophia, I'm going to be there through it all," he promised me, leaning in to try and kiss me again. This time I let him. He was being so sweet about all this. I had a feeling soon enough, I could fall for him. There'd always been something deep down I felt for him, but I never gave it a chance. I couldn't. Not with AJ around.
*Brian's View*
She was finally kissing me back. This was a good sign. I didn't mean to try to rush things with her, but I had a dream in my mind of us getting married before the baby came. Nick said it would never work, but Nick's been wrong before, he can be wrong again. "Do you want to go out to dinner to celebrate?" I asked.
"I guess so," she said, hesitating. She still didn't know how to feel about this. She still loved AJ… it only made sense that she would want the kid to be his.
"We're not going to tell AJ," she announced.
"What do you mean? We have to tell AJ."
"I can't bear to tell him. He'll never get over something like that."
"Then I'll tell him."
"No, if anyone tells him it would have to be me, and I'm not going to," she said stubbornly.
"What?" I screamed. "You can't just lead him to believe it's his kid!" All of a sudden it hit me what she must be trying to do. "Sophia," I started, my voice getting soft, "you're not planning on pretending this kid is AJ's and raising it with him, are you?"
"That's the only thing that we can do."
"You can't do that! I am going to raise my own kid!"
"Brian, I'm sorry. You can see the baby of course, but we can't raise it together."
"Why not?" I demanded. "AJ never even wanted a freakin kid!"
"What?" she asked, surprised. "He didn't?"
"No. He always said how he could never take having kids. Ask anybody. Me, on the other hand, I want to be a Dad more than anything in the world." I could tell she was softening up. "And I want you to my kid's Mom more than anything in the world."
"Ok," she said quietly. "But give me time to tell him, alright?"
"As long as you need, honey," I said wrapping my arms around her waist. "As long as you need."
_Chapter 14_
*Sophia's View* 8 months later
It's been eight months since I found out I was pregnant, and a lot has changed. I've spent more time than I ever have with Brian, for one thing. In fact, I've fallen in love with him. He's just such an amazing, funny guy. I always knew he was something special. Of course I still have feelings for AJ… how could I not, but they're not as strong anymore. I still see him. About twice a week or so. He comes over to see how I'm feeling. AJ's alright now I think. He didn't do so well the first month or two, but I think he knows that we can't be together. AJ's been seeing a few girls, but they've never lasted more than a week. I know what he's using them for, but it doesn't really bother me. I still haven't broken it to him that the baby isn't his. Every time we're alone and I have the chance I freak out and blow it. Brian's angry of course, but he loves me too much to show it.
"How's my baby doing?" Brian asked, peeking his head through the door. I still hadn't gotten out of bed. I was just lying awake, thinking.
"Oh, the baby's doing alright," I answered, struggling to get up.
"I meant you," he smiled, coming over to sit next to me.
"Tired, but I'm always tired."
"It'll all be worth it in just a month," he said kissing my forehead. He looked into my eyes for about a minute, before speaking again. "I love you so much."
"I love you too Brian." He gave me a huge smile, and leaned in to kiss me again. This was the first time I'd actually said it back to him. But I meant it. I've spent every minute of the past 8 months of my life with him, and I don't think I'd mind living with him for the rest of my life. He's everything I've ever really wanted. And more.
"AJ's down stairs."
"He is? Why?"
"One of his 'hourly checks'. I don't know."
"He doesn't come over every hour!" I laughed.
"Seems like it. Sophia, when are you going to tell him?"
"I mean to, Brian. It's just… every time I try…."
"So let me do it."
"No. It has to come from me, and you know that."
"Alright. Well, let's not keep him waiting." We walked downstairs to find AJ on the couch.
"K, good luck. I'm going to go talk to Nick," Brian whispered in my ear. He gave AJ a quick wave, and turned around to walk out of the room.
"Hey," AJ greeted, getting up to help me over. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired. I'm alright though."
"How's the baby?"
"Same as it was yesterday," I smiled.
"Right. Um, I was wondering… you wanna maybe go for a ride so we can talk or something? I'll drive extra careful, I promise."
"That sounds nice and all, but I really don't think I'm up to that."
"Oh, ok. Some other time. How was that class you went to the other day?"
"Uh, it was ok. A lot of breathing exercises to prepare me for when the baby comes."
"Sophia," he said softly, " I was just wondering. Why does Brian always go with you to those classes? Shouldn't I be the one to go?"
"Well, it's just he always offers to go."
"I'm offering to go right now. And I have before. You seem to want Brian there."
"He's a great guy to have there, that's all."
"Oh," he said sadly. "I just thought maybe I should know what to do once the baby comes. I've never been through this before, you know."
"AJ - the reason Brian goes…."
"Yea?"
"Well…" Once again - this was the perfect opportunity to tell him, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
"What is it, Sophia?"
"Nothing…. I, uh, I forgot what I was going to say."
_Chapter 15_
*AJ's View*
I walked out of Nick's house feeling depressed as always. I always came to visit Sophia hopeful that she would change her mind and decide to get back together with me, but it never happened. I never said it straight-out, but she knew the offer was always open. She seemed to be getting awfully close with Brain. Too close for me. I'm not sure exactly how she feels about him, but Brian loves her. He always loved her. Ever since the first time I introduced them. He quickly learned it wouldn't work out… Sophia loved me, not him. But now… they did everything together. Who went with Sophia to her pregnancy classes? Brian. Who was there when the baby first kicked? Brian. I wouldn't be surprised if he was right there by her side when she went into labor. Wouldn't surprise me at all.
"Hey D," I muttered walking into my house. He'd been rooming with me for awhile. I need the company.
"How'd it go?"
"How do you think?" I snapped.
"Bad," he said grimly. "I'm really sorry, man."
"Howie, can you do me a favor?"
"Sure. Name it."
"Talk to Brain for me, if its possible to separate him from Sophia for a minute, and ask him what's going on between those 2."
"You think something's going on?" I don't know. It's just… he's always had feelings for her. What if she likes him back."
"I'm pretty sure she still loves you. That's last I heard from Nick."
"Then why the fuck aren't we together?" I screamed loudly. Howie looked up surprised at my outburst.
"If we love each other… why aren't we together?" I repeated sadly to myself.
*Brian's View*
"Did you tell him?" I asked eagerly when Sophia came to join me in the kitchen. She shook her head apologetically.
"That's alright," I sighed, pulling her down into my lap. "Hey," I said, trying to think of a new topic, "have you thought about what to call the baby yet?"
Her face lit up at the question. "Well if it's a boy I was thinking maybe Luke… or Jake. What do you think of those?"
"I like the name Luke," I nodded. "Jake reminds me of this ass I knew in high school, but I could live with it," I laughed.
"Ok. Then Luke if it's a boy. And if it's a girl…"
"Yea?" I asked, placing my head on her shoulder, my arms wrapped tightly around her waist.
"Bionka is a cute name."
"Bionka?" I asked, making a face. "That's a weird one."
"Fine, be like that! Why, what girls' name do you like?"
"Anything but Bionka and I'll be happy!"
"You're so difficult!" she grinned, turning back to kiss me lightly on the lips. "I guess if it's a girl, it will just have to be nameless!"
"I guess so!" I smiled.
_Chapter 16_
*Howie's View*
"Hello?" Brian asked, after a few rings.
"Hey Brian. It's Howie."
"I know it's you! I only hear you talk every day, I should know your voice by now!"
"Sorry," I laughed. "I'm on a mission for AJ."
"A mission, huh? Sounds good."
"He just wants to know what's going on between you and Sophia."
"What do you mean 'what's going on'…"
"They're his words… not mine. I think he thinks you two have just been a little too friendly. And, Brian… I mean, we all know how you feel about her."
"What if I told you she loves me back, now?"
"AJ would freak out…"I trailed off.
"Oh. I thought he was over her."
"That's what he wants you to think."
"Oh, God. You're saying he's not?" he asked, panic filling his voice.
"No way near it. He loves her more than anything."
"This is bad."
"Oh yea."
I ended the conversation soon after that, and walked into AJ's room to see him holding a picture of him and Sophia. He looked up for a second when I entered the room, but then returned to staring at the picture. "We look so good together, don't you think?" he asked absent-mindedly.
"Yea, you did. You did, AJ."
"We still do," he shrugged.
"AJ," I said as softly as I could, "you're not together anymore. You have to face that."
"I know, I know. Will you stop saying that?!"
"Sorry, AJ, but sometimes it seems like you need reminding."
"Did you talk with Brian?" he asked, trying to change the subject. But how would Brian be changing the subject… talking about him would only make this harder.
"Yea, I called him."
"And?"
"Well…" I started, uncomfortably.
"Don't even go on," he said, his face twisting into a pained expression. "I know what you're gonna say. She's with Brian isn't she? I should have known."
"I'm sorry, AJ."
"Don't be."
"You'll get over her."
"No, I wont… but, you know what I just thought of? It wouldn't fuckin matter if she loved Brian. I'm her kid's father!"
"That's true…"
"Of course it's true! I have absolutely nothing to worry about!" he continued, happily. "Once our child is born everything will be different. We'll be forced to see each other all the time… eventually, the feelings will come back… for her atleast. They've never left me…"
_Chapter 17_
*Brian's View* 1 month later
"What do you find so great about this show?" I asked completely mystified. Sophia had forced me to sit down and watch the season finale of "Felecity" with her. Honestly, I was afraid to do anything but obey her orders. The woman was 9 months pregnant - I was not gonna mess with her!
"I don't know… it's stupid, but what else is there to watch on a Wednesday night."
"We could have rented a movie or something," I shrugged.
"Yea… but I have to watch Felecity go back with Ben."
"He's an ass."
"Yea, I don't like him either." I laughed at how seriously she answered me back.
"Shh! I wanna hear what she's saying. I can't hear over you."
"Well sorrrrry!" I sad playfully.
"Oh, Brian, please be quiet… Oh My God… oh, shit," she said all of a sudden, doubling over with pain.
"Baby, what is it?" I asked, jumping up to help her.
"Brian, I think it's the baby," she blurted out before crying in pain again.
"Oh, God… uh, I'll help you to the car." I had no idea what to do except drive her to the local hospital. "Nick! Colleen!" I called up the stairs, as I helped Sophia out the door, "Sophia's having the baby! I'm gonna take her to the hospital. Call everybody!"
"Oh my God!" I heard Colleen scream soon followed by two pairs of feet running down the stairs.
"Are you alright?" Colleen asked Sophia, her face full of her concern.
Sophia could hardly answer… I had to get to her to the hospital.
"I have to get her over to the hospital. Tell everyone. I'll see you over at the hospital soon," I said as I rushed out the door fast as Sophia could move. I drove to the hospital in complete panic. No, I had never done this before, and I wasn't sure what to do. So I just drove. Luckily the drive was a short one - only 15 minutes. But I could tell Sophia was in a lot of pain… and that made it seem like hours.
"Oh my God, Brian. This is so much worse than you think," she managed to get out, before moaning in pain again.
"You're doing great, honey. You're doing real great. Just hold on."
Just my luck I'd hit some traffic on the way and by the time we made it to the hospital everyone was there… Colleen and Nick, Howie, Kevin, Sophia's friend Marietta, and… AJ. He looked much worse than the rest of them. He jumped up faster than lightning when we walked in.
"Oh, God, Sophia, are you alright? How you doing, baby?" She just gave him a face that said it all : "How do you think I'm doing?"
Why'd he call her "baby"? I could understand he was concerned, but she was my girlfriend. She was having my kid.
A doctor rushed in to help Sophia into a room. We all started to follow after her, but another doctor soon motioned for us to stop. "Only the father can go in with her."
"That's me," AJ and I said at the exact same time.
_Chapter 18_
*AJ's View*
I looked over at Brian in shock. What the hell did he think he was doing? I could understand him claiming Sophia was his girlfriend, but saying she was having his kid? That was going too far. He'd crossed the line with that.
More than anyone the doctor was confused. "Um, you can't both be the father, now can you?" he asked with a nervous laugh.
"Brian, what the fuck are you doing?!" I whispered, angrily.
"Sophia never got a chance to tell you, but it's my kid, AJ." He could hardly look me in the eye. What was he talking about?
"Stop the bull shit!" I screamed, frustrated. They were wasting my time. Sophia needed me right now, and they were holding me back.
Brian looked around him, seeming to be searching for help. Finally, Nick stepped forward.
"He's the father," Nick said, motioning to Brian.
"Alright," the doctor said weakly, letting Brian through. Brian ran as fast as he could down the hallway Sophia was taken until he was out of my view.
The doctor left us all in the waiting room completely silent. I just stood there in the center of the room going over in my mind what had just happened. This was like some nightmare… some nightmare that wasn't going to end. Slowly, I turned around to face everyone.
"Nick, are you fuckin out of your mind?! Why the hell did you tell the doctor Brian was the father?"
"Because he is," Nick muttered, softly.
"Say's who?" I shouted.
"Says the test Sophia had done."
"What test? She never told me about any test."
"She didn't want you to know… but she had the tests done. It's Brian's kid."
I sunk down into the empty chair next to Colleen. She took my hand and gave it a tight squeeze. "I had no idea," she said quietly, giving me a sad smile.
"Nick, why didn't you tell me?" My tone wasn't even angry anymore. I was too upset to be angry.
"Brian made me swear. I'm sorry," Nick pleaded. There was nothing but sympathy in his eyes.
"You still should have told me…" No one said anything for the longest time. We were all in shock.
"I wonder if it'll be a boy or a girl," Colleen said, finally breaking the silence.
"You can tell she wants it to be a girl," Kevin announced.
"No, she'll be happy no matter what it is. She's always wanted a baby," Colleen said thoughtfully.
No one asked what I thought. So I didn't say anything.
"You should have seen Brian when she told him they had to go to the hospital," Nick grinned. "I've never seen him so freaked out!"
I gave him a cold glare. Did I have to hear about how Brian reacted to that right now?
"Honey, shut up," Col warned him.
"Oh, uh, sorry," Nick said awkwardly.
"I'm sorry guys, but I'm starving. We could be here the whole night. Who wants to go grab a bite to eat?" Howie asked, rising to his feet.
"I'll go with you," Kevin offered, reaching for his coat. "What about the rest of you?"
"I'm not going anywhere," Colleen said, stubbornly.
"I'm staying," Nick agreed.
"What about you, AJ? Maybe you should come get some fresh air," Howie suggested.
"Nah. I think I better stay here."
"You sure?"
"I'm not sure about anything anymore."
So now it was just the three of us. Nick and Colleen would whisper to each other every so often, but I didn't care. They learned quickly enough that I wasn't going to talk. Colleen just held my hand… I needed that more than anything they could ever say.
_Chapter 19_
*Brian's View*
"He's so beautiful," Sophia said tiredly, but with a huge grin on her face.
"Sure is. Luke, right?"
"Yea," she answered dreamily, never taking her eyes off the baby.
"Can I hold him?"
"Sure," she smiled, handing my son over to me. It had been a long night, but it was all worth it to hold Luke in my arms.
The doctor had to take the baby away from me soon enough to do a quick routine check-up. I reluctantly let go after being promised Luke would be right back.
"You must be so exhausted," I said, going over to give Sophia a kiss.
"I am," she laughed, "but not enough for this," she said practically pulling me down on top of her.
"My God, you're a strong woman!"
"Aren't I?" she said slyly, her face directly under mine.
I started to kiss her and she returned it eagerly. Unfortunately, the 5 in the waiting room had heard about the baby, and interrupted us in no time.
"Jeez," Nick muttered, being the first to enter the room. "You're at it already?"
I grinned and stood up to let everyone in.
"Where's the baby?" Colleen asked, eagerly.
"The doctor had to take it. Luke should be back any minute now."
"Luke?" Kevin asked. "You had a boy?"
"Yup," Sophia and I both answered, proudly.
I finally took the time to look for AJ. He was still at the entrance of the door, kind-of withdrawn from the rest of us. He had a strange look on his face. It wasn't anger. But it certainly wasn't happiness.
At that moment the doctor came back in with the baby in his arms.
"Aw, come here Luke!" Sophia grinned, her arms outstretched.
She obviously hadn't seen AJ. I didn't want her to. It would only spoil her happy mood.
"Oh, he's adorable!" Colleen gushed. "Look at those eyes! Definitely Brian's eyes!"
"The baby looks a lot like Brian," Sophia nodded. "The hair, the eyes - everything."
At that moment AJ left the room. Sophia didn't seem to notice. She was too busy holding her baby.
"I want you two to be the God parents," Sophia said, finally looking up at Colleen and Nick.
"Brian and I want you to be, I mean," she corrected herself, giving me a small smile.
"Oh, God, thank you so much!" Colleen screamed, giving Sophia and then me a hug.
Nick just stood there grinning to himself. "Godfather Nick. I like it."
I laughed as Sophia went back to fussing over the baby. From the looks of it this was going to be one spoiled kid!
"Come on, you've held it enough! I want to hold the baby," I whined playfully.
"Oh, alright!" she laughed. "But I'm timing you!"
"Ok," I said, cautiously lifting Luke into my arms once more.
"You two are going to be great parents," Nick smiled.
"Thanks Nick! And some day you will be too!"
"I hope," Nick grinned, wrapping his arms around Colleen's waist and giving her a kiss.
"Hey," Sophia said suddenly. "Where's AJ?"
_Chapter 20_
*Howie's View*
Once Sophia asked where AJ was, I noticed he wasn't anywhere in the room or the hallway. He was with us when we came in to see the baby… and now he was gone. Strange I didn't see him go.
"I'll go look for him," I offered.
"Alright," Sophia said a little nervously. "Tell him I want to see him."
"Sure you do…" I muttered under my breath as I walked out the door and down the hall. I would have thought he'd be in the waiting room but no luck. Maybe he'd left the building. I walked out the entrance doors to find his slumped figure sitting on the steps, a cigarette in his hand.
"Hey," I called out once I spotted him. No answer. He didn't even turn his head, even though he was the only one out there.
Without waiting for the invite I would never get, I sat down next to him on the steps. He took one last drag of his cigarette before turning to look at me. "What do you want?" he asked, coldly.
"People are wondering where you went," I said without faltering. I'd known AJ long enough to not let his moods get to me.
"Well you found me."
"Nick was an ass for not telling you."
"Nick's always an ass."
"Um, yea. And Brian… that was just cold."
"Brian's one screwed up mother fucker."
I looked at him a little shocked. Sure, he'd never loved Brian, but the 5 of us for the most part had always gotten along pretty well. We'd had to, I guess. Being with each other every minute of the day on tours.
"Sophia wanted to see you."
"What for? So she can tell me how much the baby looks like Brian? Something like that?" he asked, raising his voice only slightly over his usual calm tone.
"I don't know. She just said she wanted to see you."
"Bitch…" AJ muttered before lighting another cigarette.
Once again, I looked up shocked. Never and I mean never had he called Sophia that before. Even when he was really angry… he never called her that. In his eyes Sophia had always been perfect… she could do no wrong. It had always sort of annoyed me, but I was so used to it by now.
"She ruined my life, that girl. She had me under her thumb. I was such an idiot…" he continued, staring out over the park across the street.
I felt I should say something to that, but I couldn't think of anything.
"I was going to ask her to marry me, you know that?"
"No… you never told me that."
"I planned on proposing the day that little bitch broke up with me. I loved her. She's the only girl I ever loved. But I don't anymore… that's for sure. She's got Brian now. She probably always wanted Brian… and he always wanted her. So they can be a happy little couple now - good for them," he said, bitterly.
"It's gonna be weird when we go back on tour in September."
"I'm quitting."
"Quitting what? Smoking?" I joked as he pulled out a third cigarette.
"Nope. The band."
"The band?! You can't do that!"
"Watch me," he snapped back, as he walked over to his car, got in, and drove away.
_Chapter 21_
*Colleen's View*
"You know Brian's right… you are going to be a really great dad," I said playing with Nick's hair as I sat in his lap.
Sophia needed to rest so we were kicked out of her room in the hospital and went home. Brian hadn't gotten any sleep last night either and he insisted on staying at the hospital and resting in Sophia's bed with her. The doctor had given him a sort of strange look when he suggested it, but Sophia just grinned, quickly falling asleep in his arms.
I'd always been close to AJ, and I did feel bad for him, but Brian was better for Sophia. They got along better than Sophia and AJ ever had in all their 5 years together.
"You think so?" Nick asked, curiously, tightening the grip of his arms around my waist a little.
"Yea, I really do," I said, leaning back to rest my head on his shoulders.
"Well, you know you're gonna be one kick-ass mom."
"I'm gonna try," I laughed.
"You know, I'm kinda jealous of Brian and Sophia…"
"Why's that?"
"They have a baby. Watching them at the hospital… they were just so happy and excited… it made me realize how much I want a kid."
"Yea… me too."
"Really?"
"Yup. After we get married… I'd really like to try for one."
"Really?" he asked again, his eyes lighting up.
"Yes, really," I smiled, giving him a kiss.
"Aw, I love you, Col," he whispered, pulling me back for more.
We started a heavy make-out session which I didn't pull away from until I noticed how heavily Nick was breathing.
"You alright, baby?"
"We should stop."
"Why?"
"Because… You have no idea how badly I want you. If we don't stop now, I won't be able to."
"Nick, it's alright. I'm ready."
"Positive?" He asked, giving me a long stare, as if trying to detect any un-sureness I might have.
"Positive. I wouldn't say it if I weren't."
At that he picked me up in his arms and brought me into our bedroom.
"You sure?" Nick checked once more, after placing me down on the bed.
I answered by pulling him down on top of me. "You didn't have your heart set on losing your virginity on your wedding night, now did you?" I asked playfully.
"Nope. Now's good," he laughed, throwing his shirt to the floor.
_Chapter 22_
*Sophia's View*
I woke up to find the surroundings of the hospital room. I didn't really want to be here, but Brian had stayed with me… so that made everything all the more brighter.
"You up, baby?"
I turned around to see Brian's loving face. "Yep. I had a good rest. Thank you for staying with me," I said giving him a soft kiss.
"I knew you wouldn't want to be alone. Besides… you know I'd do anything for you."
"I know. I can go home today, right?"
"Yup. The doctor says we can bring the baby home today," he said with an excited voice.
"Home…" I said, thoughtfully. "I don't have a home. I can't stay with Colleen and Nick forever."
"Well, you're coming to live with me! Aren't you…?" he asked fearfully. "I just assumed…"
"If I'm welcome of course I'll go live with you!"
"Sophia, we just had a kid… of course you're welcome! I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"Promise?" he asked, reaching for my hand.
"Promise."
"We're going to get married, right?"
"Hell yes!" I laughed.
"Good," he smiled. "When?"
"The sooner the better."
"Yea, that's how I feel. I wanted to get married before the baby came, but I thought that might be rushing it."
"Probably would be. But now, I'm more than certain you're the one I'm meant to be with."
"That's how I feel too," he said, cupping my chin to give me a kiss. "Except I always knew it."
*AJ's View*
I need someone to talk to. But not just anyone… I'm sick of Howie's shit. He just agrees with every fuckin thing I say… I need a different outlook. I want to talk to Colleen, but that would mean seeing Nick. I can't take that right now. I guess I'll give her a call.
Ringing… ringing… ringing… it's late too. Where the hell are they…
"Hello?" said an out-of-breath Nick.
"What the fuck's wrong with you, man?"
"Nothing… just let me catch my breath…"
"Alright, I'm waiting," I said, impatiently.
"K, what's up?" he said, after he'd gathered his breath.
"Actually, I wanted to talk to Col. She there?"
"Yea… wait a min."
"Hello?" came Colleen's voice.
"Col, you think you could come over?"
"It's so late…" she trailed off.
"Fine. Be like that," I said, angrily.
"No, no I'll come. Just give me fifteen minutes alright?"
"Ok. Thanks."
"No problem. See you soon."
Finally… I'd have a real intelligent person to talk to. Plus I'd make Nick angry at the same time… 2 accomplishments in one day.
_Chapter 23_
*Colleen's View*
"What did you do this place?!" I gasped, after walking into AJ's house. Everything was a complete wreck. Clothes, magazines, and CDs were scattered everywhere. There was even an empty McDonalds bag on the floor.
"I haven't been doing too well," AJ muttered quietly, making his way through all the trash to couch.
"Obviously." I still couldn't tear my eyes away from the mess he was living in. Nick and I are pretty neat so I guess this was bothering me more than the average person.
"Listen, I didn't call you over here so you could tell me how bad my place looks!"
"Sorry," I apologized. "So, what is it you want to talk about?"
"Well, more than anything I want to say goodbye."
"Goodbye?" I asked, confused.
"Yea, I'm leaving Florida."
"Your kidding… why?"
"I don't like it here anymore," he answered with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Where are you going to go?"
"New York. I think that might be a good change of pace."
Sure, AJ had always loved New York, but you don't just suddenly decide one night you're going to move there after happily living in Florida your whole life. Not just for a change in pace.
"AJ, why are you really moving?"
"What do you mean? I told you, I'm sick of this place. I need a change in…"
"Yea, but I know you too well to believe it," I interrupted him.
He gave me a long stare before speaking. "I need to start over," he admitted with a sigh. "The life I'm leading here is just too screwed up right now…"
"Yea, right now. Things will get back to normal… just give it time."
"I found out the girl I thought I was going to love and be with for the rest of my life just had a baby that isn't mine, Colleen! I don't have the friends I thought I did; I can't trust anyone anymore - things aren't going to work out!"
"It's not Nick's fault…"
"I never said anything about Nick," he argued.
"But I know he's who you mean. Him and Brian. That's who you're talking about."
"You want the truth? You can believe whatever bull shit they're feeding you, but the truth is Brian and Nick are both back-stabbers that I never want to be involved with again. That's why I quit the band. We can't go on touring and making music together like we used to… not after what they did to me. Things can never be the same."
There was a slight pause before he went on… "I need a fresh start… away from them, away from everyone! You're the only one I care about right now. The only one I don't want to leave behind. But I have to."
"You quit the band?" I asked, weakly. I knew the answer, I knew the reason why… I just had nothing better to say.
He didn't bother to answer me. He didn't even look at me; he kept his eyes down.
"Are you sure this is what you want?"
"Of course it's not what I want." It surprised me how calmly he was speaking now… "What I want was taken away from me a long time ago, Col. I'm never getting her back. And I don't see what the point is in staying here and pretending everything is fine for the rest of my life. I deserve better things… And that's why I'm leaving."
All I could do was stare at him and wish I could find words that would make him stay. But I was too shocked to make sense of anything right now. He was leaving and there was nothing I could do.
"When are you going?" I asked softly, my eyes red from trying to push back tears.
"Tonight. I just wanted to say goodbye. You're the best friend I have… I'm really going to miss you…"
"I'm going to miss you too, AJ," I stuttered, finally starting to cry. He wrapped his arms around me for one last hug, one neither of us wanted to let go from.
"You'll come visit me right?" he asked, trying to smile.
"Of course. Call me once you've settled."
"Say bye to Howie and Kevin for me."
"And the rest of them…?"
He looked up and shook his head sadly, "The rest of them don't mean anything to me anymore."
_Chapter 24_
*Nick's View*
"It's about time!" I shouted, jumping off the couch once I heard the door close. Colleen had been gone almost the whole day and I wanted to continue from where we'd left off, but once I saw her I stopped in my tracks. "What happened?!"
She had obviously been crying… her face was all red and blotchy. "Baby, what's wrong?" I asked again.
"AJ's leaving."
"Leaving? What is that supposed to mean…"
"He's going to New York. His flight just left. I was at the airport…"
"He left? He can't leave! The tour starts up in like four days! He can't just take a little vacation now! What does that crazy ass think he's doing…"
"Nick, you don't get it," she said, giving me a long stare. "He's not coming back."
"Not coming back…" I muttered, repeating her last line.
"He quit the band."
"He did WHAT?!" I screamed.
"You heard me…"
"He can't do that! He… what does he think… that's crazy!" I blurted out, flustered from what I'd just learned.
"Well, it's done. AJ's gone."
"Aw, shit. You know how many fans we're gonna lose over this?"
"You're such an asshole," she whispered angrily.
"What did you say?" I looked up surprised.
"I said you're an asshole!" she shouted louder.
"I'm the asshole? I'm not the one that just jeopardized 4 other guys' future by just leaving the state when a tour's starting up in no time, and…"
"Do you even care that maybe AJ's hurting a lot right now? Do you even want to know his side of the story? All you fucking care about is if you're paycheck is going to go down, not what your friend is going through! I can't believe you, Nick!"
"Look I know you were always close with AJ… but try to see this from my point of view."
"No, Nick. I don't think I want to. AJ was right… you're not a true friend. I honestly don't blame him for leaving."
"How can you take his side over your husband?"
"You're not my husband yet, Nick," she shot back.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, suddenly afraid.
"Nothing," she muttered. "I'm going to bed."
"Look, Colleen, I'm sorry," I called after her as she ran up the stairs. I was answered by the slamming of the bedroom door. I'd be sleeping on the couch tonight.
_Chapter 25_
*Colleen's View*
I woke up the next morning with an awful headache. I didn't want to be fighting with Nick right now, but AJ was one of my best friends and Nick was being so selfish instead of understanding. I walked downstairs to see Nick reading the paper at the kitchen table.
"Morning," he said giving me a small smile when I entered the room.
I ignored him and walked straight to the phone. It was early but Sophia would be up. I didn't want word getting to her before I could tell her about AJ leaving myself.
"Hello?" answered Brian's southern accent after the phone had rung a few times.
"Brian, I'm sorry to call so early, but I really need to see Sophia."
"Um, she's kinda busy with the baby… wait, let me get her."
"K, thanks." I waited about 5 minutes before Sophia's voice came on the other line.
"Is something wrong, Col?"
"Yea, something is wrong. I really need to talk to you."
"Oh, um, alright. I can get Brian to watch the baby for awhile. I'll be over there in a few."
"Good. See you soon."
*Nick's View*
How mad is she… she can't even say good morning? Just goes straight on the phone… I don't get Colleen sometimes. Once she hung up the phone, I attempted to talk to her again.
"Sophia?"
"Yea, she's got to know…" she answered, quietly, looking down at the floor.
"I'm really sorry about last night."
"Yea, well I'm not. I called you an asshole and I meant it."
"Whoa. Hold on. I apologized, now it's your turn!"
"But I'm not sorry. I meant everything I said."
"I am upset AJ left, Col… he was like a brother to me. You know that…"
"It's just… You should have told him, Nick. You should have told him it wasn't his kid the minute you found out."
"Brian made me swear!"
"Brian's to blame too. The two of you… You kept a secret from him that true friends wouldn't have."
"What about Sophia? Huh, what about her? Why didn't she tell AJ?"
"I don't know…" she muttered. "She was having her own problems… I'm not saying it wasn't her fault. It was. I just would have counted on you to tell AJ."
"Col, I'm sorry. I really am. I just wanted to keep Brian's secret. I never knew it was going to cause this much pain. I'm sorry, honey, really," I pleaded.
"Alright… it's over now. It doesn't matter anymore."
"So, you're not mad?"
"No… I just wish AJ hadn't left."
"Me too," I agreed, pulling her down onto my lap. "Me too."
We were about to kiss when the door bell rang. Col immediately jumped up. "Nick, sorry, but could you kind of get out of here for awhile?"
"Trying to get rid of me, huh?" I laughed.
"Yep. Go play basketball or something."
"Yes, ma'am," I grinned, strolling out the kitchen door.
*Colleen's View*
"Col, what happened?" Sophia asked, the minute I opened the door.
"No one's hurt or anything… sorry, I made it sound like that, didn't I?"
"Oh, thank God," she sighed. "I thought something happened to Nick…"
"Nope. Nick's fine. We had a fight last night, but we're good now."
"Really? What about?"
"Um, what I'm about to tell you… Sophia, AJ left."
"What?" she asked, confused. "From Florida?"
"Yea… he left for New York last night. He called me over to say goodbye."
"Damn. I really had to talk to him. He's coming back in a few days, right?"
"No… Sophia, I don't know how to tell you this, but he's gone for good. He moved to New York."
"He's not coming back?" she asked with a tear in her eye.
I shook my head sadly and watched as she started to cry hysterically.
"He was really upset… he couldn't stand staying here anymore with the baby being Brian's and all…"
"Colleen, I have to go after him," she choked out.
"What do you mean go after him?"
"I was going to tell him… I needed to tell him at the hospital, but I never got the chance…" she mumbled, reaching for a tissue.
"Tell him what, Sophia?" I urged her on.
"That I love him."
"You WHAT?" I screamed.
"I love him, Col. I can't lose him. I have to go after him." she said desperately.
"But you're with Brian now. You can't love them both."
"I care a lot for Brian… but I don't love him. I was planning on trying to work things out with AJ after the baby was born, and now he just leaves…"
"You know what? You're right. You have to go after him."
"I do, don't I?" she whispered, looking up to give me a sad smile.
"If you love him," I nodded. "That's all you can do."
"What about the baby… I can't just leave Luke."
"I'll go stay with Brian until you come back and help him out. Luke will be fine. You have to worry about AJ right now…"
"Oh, God, Col… what if I'm too late?"
"You won't know unless you try."
"You're right. Well, I have to go back home, check on Luke, and buy the next plane ticket to New York. I'll call you before I leave."
"Ok, thanks."
"Please don't let me be too late…" I heard her mutter to herself as she walked out the door to her car.
_Chapter 26_
*Sophia's View*
I walked out of Colleen's house more upset than I'd ever remembered being. I have to go to New York as soon as possible. I feel awful leaving the baby… I probably shouldn't be. But I'm not going to ask the doctor… he would just say I was out of my mind; I couldn't leave a newborn just with the father and a friend, but he didn't understand my situation. The way I see it, it would hurt the baby more just to have the mother all upset and depressed all the time - which would happen if I didn't get AJ to come back…
"Bri, I need to go to New York," I said breathlessly, running through the door. He was sitting on the couch with the baby screaming in his arms.
"He hasn't stopped crying," he said wearily. "Wait a minute… did you just say something about New York?!"
"Yea, I have to go as soon as possible. I'm so sorry. Col is going to come over here and help you with the baby while I'm gone."
"You can't just leave Luke! He just came home from the hospital… that can't be good for him…"
"I know, I know Brian. I'm sorry, but I really have to go."
"Why?"
"AJ."
"Oh, yea… Nick told me," he said quietly.
"You understand, right?"
"No, I don't understand, really. Isn't it better that he's gone? We can go on with our lives without having him glaring in the corner watching us…"
"Brian, he has to come back. The band… and other things," I trailed off.
"Other things?"
"We'll talk at the airport. I have to call and buy tickets for the next flight…"
"Sophia, you still love him don't you?" he blurted out. I looked up surprised he would understand my reason so quickly. I guess it was obvious… but I didn't expect him to accuse me so openly… I felt so bad. This wasn't fair to Brian at all. I did care about him - God, I did. But I only had room for AJ in my heart, right?? I mean, I couldn't love them both… right? I sighed as I realized the problem: I did love them both.
I didn't have to answer. He knew. I could tell by his expression he knew. He looked so hurt and angry… what could I say?
"What happens if he does come back, Sophia? What happens then…"
"I don't know…" I said uncomfortably. "I couldn't possibly know."
"You can't take Luke away from me," he said, clutching the baby closer to him. "You can't do that to me…"
"Of course not. I would never…"
"We were going to get married…" he muttered sadly. "You loved me 2 days ago, Sophia… you said you wanted to marry me. Remember at the hospital? How could your feelings change in 2 days? I could never do that…"
"I'm so sorry, Brian. I… I thought I did love you at the hospital."
"You thought? You don't just think you love someone. You know."
"Maybe you know… I was so confused that day…"
"That's what you always say. You blame everything on confusion, Sophia," he said bitterly.
"Brian, I want you to be the father of Luke. I'm glad you are. I would never change that…"
He didn't even bother to look up, so I continued. "But we can't be together. It wouldn't be fair to you if we were. I love someone else."
"But atleast tell me this… you did love me? At one point, you did love me, didn't you?"
"I thought I did… I thought I loved you."
"You did," he nodded. "I know you did. Maybe you still do..."
"I better call the airport," I said quietly, trying my best to avoid his eyes.
"I love him so much," Brian said quietly, looking down at Luke in his arms.
"You're a great dad."
"Yup. I'm going to be the best dad," he laughed weakly.
"I know you are," I said, coming over to give him a kiss on the cheek.
He didn't even blink. He just kept staring at the baby.
"Colleen will be here soon. Are you going to be ok?" I asked, concerned with the way he was acting.
"Oh, yea I'll be alright. I'll take good care of Luke. And Colleen will too I'm sure."
I called the airport and found out the next flight left in exactly 5 hours. That left me just a little time to pack everything. I had no idea how long I was going to be there… I didn't know how long it would take to convince AJ. Colleen had given me his address and phone number to track him down, so now it was just up to fate I guess. I was really worried about Brian. Of course I loved him. I couldn't tell him that though. I couldn't actually tell anyone that. I hated myself for what I was doing to him, but AJ was the most important thing right now. I had to get him back.
"You almost ready?" Brian asked coming into our room.
"Yep."
"How long are you going to be gone?"
"I don't know… as long as it takes to get him to come back."
"Yea…"
"Take this," he said, shoving a picture into my bag. It was one we'd taken the day we'd come back from the hospital with Luke. It was just the 3 of us in front of this house… all smiling, all happy. "So you don't forget about us," he smiled. But it wasn't his normal smile.
"You know I'm not going to forget about you."
"Ok… well, we better go."
"Yea, I guess so," I said giving the room one last look. "Don't let the place get too messy!" I smiled, punching him playfully.
"With Colleen around here? It'll be spotless!"
"That'll be a change!"
We drove to the airport and talked about everything but the subject of us until the plane came.
"Ok, this is my flight," I said, getting up and gathering my things.
"I, um… I hope you get AJ."
That more than anything else made me hate myself for what I was doing, but I just smiled and said "Me too."
"I love you…" he whispered just as I was about to walk off.
I broke down crying and didn't look back.
****Wanna know what happens next?****
~Written by: Sophia(ajsnumber1grl@hotmail.com)
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