_Chapter one_
The breaks screeched as her car flipped over into a tree. Her side was bashed in from the side collision and her eyes were rolled back into their sockets. She let out a few harsh breaths her life flashing before her eyes. She clinched her teeth tightly together hearing others over her. She couldn't move just lay there in a compromising position, dying. She slowly lifted her tanned hands to her locket ripping it off from around her neck and kissing it before letting it go, it falling into the pit of the tree roots. She knew it would be buried with her or stolen if she had left it on. It was too precious, too meaningful to not leave for him.
~*~
He rushed to the telephone his light brown hair falling into his dark glistening blue eyes as he ran. He walked past his wife Leighanne and pulled the telephone to his ear. "Hello," he answered franticly brushing his shaggy hair behind his ears. "Hello tell me what's wrong with her." His blue eyes teared up quickly as the doctor fed him the news. His little sister had died. He was sure that Harold and his Mom and Pop didn't know a word of the news, since they were away in the Virgin Islands. Brian slid down to the floor against the wall crying his body trembling as he let the telephone slip out of his hands clanking noisily onto the dark hard wooden floor.
"Brian what is it?" Leighanne asked squatting down next to him. Her green eyes filled with concern. Brian looked up from where he sat and couldn't speak just stare at his wife with tears rushing down his hot cheeks.
"Felicity, she's, she's gone." He managed to stutter out. "She's gone."
~*~
"Dad I don't want to go!" his four year old daughter yelled. "I don't want to see her." He looked down into her hazel eyes and couldn't speak.
"You are going to visit your mother all right. She should be here soon to pick you up." Nick answered running his fingers back through his blond hair.
"If mom wanted to see me she would have stayed with you!" His daughter Carmen yelled.
"Look you will be ready… Now go upstairs before I make you stay with her even longer." The girl shut up stomping up the stairs and slamming the door behind her. His blue eyes looked down as he thought of how horrible she would be when she got older. He looked toward the telephone as it began to ring. He walked over to it slowly picking it up. "Hello." He answered softly. "Hey Brian what is it?" He answered hearing his best friend in tears. He sat down slowly as Brian told him the news. "She was… how is she?" His eyes teared up as he swallowed hard. "What do you mean she didn't make it?" He paused. "I mean like can we still see her? Is she in the hospital? Or…" He wiped the tears from his eyes before hanging up the telephone. "Carmen! Get down here we're going to the hospital." She stomped down the stairs.
"Ah Dad what for?" She asked before walking into the room seeing her father in tears. "Daddy what's wrong?"
"Your, your mommy is gone." She walked up to her dad. "She's, she's dead." Carmen's mouth dropped open a little as she walked into her fathers' arms crying.
~*~
Brian walked into the hospital tears still straining down his cheeks. Leighanne's arm was in his as they walked into the waiting room seeing Kevin and his wife Kristen. Kevin walked over to Brian hugging him before whispering, "Does Nick know?" Brian nodded pulling away.
"He should be here with Carmen soon." Kevin returned a nod before sitting down. The hospital room seemed colder than usual but of course, it should have. Felicity was only twenty-two and now she was gone for good. The four sat staring into space waiting for Nick to show. Felicity and Nick hadn't been together for a while and now it seemed as if they were starting to enjoy each other's company again. Not that they had ever really been the perfect company but they were a nice couple for a year or so. Suddenly the waiting room door burst open and Nick came charging in.
"I need to see her." He almost yelled his cheeks tear stained like the rest. Carmen walked in slowly sitting on Brian's lap and cuddling against her uncle's chest. He had always been her favorite and now he was the only one she needed. Kevin stood slowly walking Nick out of the room and down the hallway toward where she had taken her last breath. Nick swallowed hard pushing the door open and walking in. Kevin stood there and watched Nick take her cold hand in his and break down into more tears.
_Chapter two_
"Brian I don't even want to be here!" Felicity yelled as she stepped up onto the bus. "This is all stupid I just wanted to stay home." She crawled into the first bunk she saw and laid back on the dark covers closing her eyes. Brian rolled his eyes walking back to the small cushioned room where Nick and Howie his band mates were seated. Howie's brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail and his brown eyes staring at the video game Nick was playing. Brian slumped down on the couch and pulled his Kentucky hat down over his eyes.
"What's wrong Bri?" Nick asked handing the Sony Play Station controller over to Howie to dabble with.
"Mom made me bring Felicity here for the ten city tour because we quote unquote need quality time. What kind of bull is that?" Brian almost whined. "Its not that I don't like my sister it's just that she doesn't want to be here and it'll make it a hell of a lot harder on the rest of us." Nick moved up on the black couch next to Brian.
"Want me to go talk to her?" Nick asked softly looking into his best friends' eyes. Brian shrugged laying his head back on the couch.
"Just leave her alone I guess she'll be fine by herself." Brian uttered closing his eyes. The bus began to move as it pulled out of the huge garage near the studio and onto the open road. Nick looked down the small corridor seeing his curtain closed and stood up. He looked back toward Brian and then walked slowly down the corridor. The wooden bunks around him were all neatly made.
"I guess AJ hasn't been back here yet." Nick laughed to himself. He pulled open his bunk seeing Felicity's sleeping body. She truly was beautiful when she slept but once she opened those light brown eyes, all hell broke loose. He smiled slightly as she opened her eyes looking up into his.
"What are you doing you jerk?" she yelled sitting up in the bunk slowly.
"I should be asking you that question since you are in my bunk." She crawled out quickly making a gagging noise. "You are so immature." He muttered under his breath.
"And you're not Mr. I play video games all day." She spat back. He glared at her before turning back to walk toward the room. "So which bunk isn't taken?" She asked quickly. He pointed to the bottom one and smiled to himself knowing she would never take it. "That's just great!" He heard her complain before sitting next to Brian in the back.
~*~
It was hot and muggy when they pulled up to Astroworld in Houston Texas. AJ got off the bus yawning and smiled at the small amusement park knowing that not many people would even know they were there much less mob them for being who they were. He smiled to himself bringing his brown eyes over Felicity who was complaining about the Humidity. He knew her all too well. Soon she'd be yelling at Nick for doing something that was "immature and stupid," then they'd be kissing like always. Brian didn't even know that they were a heated couple. The only one who knew was AJ because he usually stayed up the longest writing in his journal or making telephone calls to his girlfriend. "What are you smiling at?" Felicity asked pushing her long brown curly hair behind one ear staring back at AJ. AJ shrugged looking away. Howie walked up to AJ and patted him on the back.
"You know they're going to be fighting in about five minutes." Howie said softly.
"I know." AJ smirked. "Its just too obvious."
"What is?" Howie asked softly.
"You'll see." AJ commented before walking into the park.
~*~
"This is stupid." Felicity said sitting next to Nick on the Ferris Wheel. "I don't even see why I have to be here much less with people like you." She said turning to nick. "I mean don't you guys ever grow up." He stared into her eyes and smiled trying his best not to kiss her.
"You know you're beautiful when you're angry." He said softly pushing her hair behind her ears.
"Nick don't." She answered bringing her light brown eyes on the people down at the bottom of the Ferris wheel. "I told you we couldn't do that anymore. I'm going to college in the fall and you're a performer. It just doesn't go." He looked into her eyes and smiled.
"It can work." He replied softly. "Kevin and Kristen have been together for eight years they're engaged now. It can work." Felicity smiled slightly.
"But what would my brother say? What would the fans say?" He looked down.
"They'd say 'they're happy together'." She smiled kissing him pressing her soft lips against his and taking in all the happiness he had in his eyes. He smiled pulling away from her. "We were meant to be together." He whispered into her ear. She smiled again kissing him.
~*~
Brian watched from the ground as Felicity and Nick made out in the air above him. He laughed slightly to himself as he thought of all the arguments they had once had. "Well at least now she might be happy for the rest of the trip." Kevin his green eyed black hared cousin said watching from next to him. Brian laughed again.
"We can only hope so." Brian smiled finally relieved about his sister.
_Chapter Three_
"The astrodome?" Felicity Complained. "What kinda place is that to perform in. And where am I going to sit huh? In the dug out how gross is that!" Brian looked at his sister then handed her the key to her hotel room.
"Are you never satisfied?" He asked running his fingers through his hair irritated. She rolled her eyes and walked toward the lit, see through, elevators.
"You know what I hope you get mobbed!" She yelled to him going up in the elevators.
"What's wrong with her now?" Kevin asked looking up at the elevators. Brian looked to his cousin and shook his head.
"Do you think its maybe a girl problem?" They both smiled and walked toward the elevators.
~*~
"So what's up with you and Felicity?" AJ asked walking down the long corridor to his room. Nick following close behind.
"What do you mean?" Nick asked bashfully.
"Um you know the whole 'kiss in the sky' thing. Sure its romantic but a little overrated." Aj laughed slightly at his own joke as he slid the card in to open his door.
"I didn't kiss her." Nick said looking away trying to open his door with the card. "She had something on her face and I was trying to get it off."
"With what your mouth?" Aj smiled slightly.
"No Aj, there's nothing, she hates me, ask her herself." Nick said trying again with the card key. "She hates you too."
"Figured." AJ said shutting his door. Nick pulled out the card heading for the elevators to go back down to the lobby to try to get another card for his room. He closed his eyes picturing Felicity kissing him and he smiled again. He liked her beyond any other person he had ever known. But of course, he knew it wouldn't work out. College was a different place. It wasn't lonely like when Kevin and Kristen were apart. Then they would both be lonely on the road. They were both stars. But Felicity was normal. She was too normal to be lonely and miss a boyfriend on the road. She was going to UCLA out in California and he still lived in Florida. He sighed as the elevator door opened and she stepped out.
"Hey," She said pulling her overnight suitcase onto the floor. He smiled back at her.
"Hey," He almost mimicked her. "You're on this floor?" The conversation seemed so uncomfortable as they stared at each other.
"Yeah are you?" She said looking down the corridor.
"Yeah." He replied pushing his hands into his pockets. She nodded.
"Well gotta run." She said turning and walking down the corridor. Nick sighed stepping into the elevator realizing it really couldn't work.
~*~
Felicity walked into her room and looked around. It was pretty big compared to what she normally got being just the sister of Brian Littrell and just the cousin of Kevin Richardson. She looked out the window to the night air and smiled to herself. She could make this the perfect trip with the perfect guy. But she knew it wouldn't be that way. She didn't want to get close to anyone she would only see twice a year. She pulled out her diary and wrote.
Dear Diary,
I kissed him again. And I loved every minute of it. He has the most amazing eyes I've ever seen. But we're not supposed to be together. Well I'm not supposed to. I bet Brian would be happy if I were to get me off of his back but oh well I love stressing Brian out. So no more nick thoughts, no more nick thoughts, no more nick thoughts!
Felicity
~*~
Backstage Nick, Kevin, Brian, Howie and Aj could hear the fans cheering for them to get out, it was their come back tour and they were extremely nervous. Felicity hadn't made it any better with her sarcasm about being a bunch of old guys in a young crowd. But she smiled after so maybe this time she was kidding. They were going to sing three new songs, three off millenium, three off Backstreet boys, and three of their European releases. Felicity sat in the font row facing the stage so she could see everything and she pretended that it was so lame to be at a Backstreet concert, but she loved it all, the excitement of it.
"Now we're going to get some of you up here to sing with us." Felicity froze as the fans began to scream. She watched as Nick walked over to her and grabbed her hand. She looked around seeing girls around her give her dirty looks and she shook her head slightly.
"Come on." Nick said pulling her up on stage. This was so not, what she wanted. She wanted to be behind the scenes not in front, where people would know she had kissed him. "Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine I'm leaving my life in your hands. People say I'm crazy and that I am blind risking it all in a glance and how you've got me blind is still a mystery I cant get you out of my head. Doesn't really matter what was in your history as long as your hear with me." Felicity slouched in the chair embarrassed, but here he was living a fantasy of millions of pubescent girls and she hated it. She couldn't do this every night. See other girls screaming for him. After the song was over they all returned back stage, did their meet, greet, and talked about where to celebrate.
Felicity knocked on Brian's dressing room door and waited for his blue eyes and brown hared head to surface. He opened the door seeing his sister standing in front of him. "What are you going to complain about now?" She looked down as she walked into his dressing room. He sat down seeing a different look on her face.
"I want to go home." She whispered.
"You know what mom said." Brian said softly. "Not till they get back."
"Brian I promise I'll be good. I won't have any parties or boys over. I won't even invite girls over if you'd like. I just don't want to be here." Brian watched her sit down on her chair her voice lower than it usually was when she complained about going home. "Please before I do something I'll regret."
"Felicity I'm sorry I cant." He said walking over to her. "There's only nine more shows. And you don't have to come to the shows if you don't want." She looked up feeling tears in her eyes.
"Alright." She said swallowing hard.
~*~
The club that night was filled with people all over twenty-one. Brian had paid Felicity to get in through the back door. Felicity loved to dance but tonight she wasn't up for it. She walked over to the bar, asked for a Long Island Ice Tea, and drank it looking down at the counter. "Anything wrong miss?" The bartender asked walking up to her.
"Nothing out of the ordinary." She said looking into his hazel green eyes.
~*~
"What's wrong with Felicity?" Kevin asked sitting next to Brian at a booth.
"She wants to go home." Brian said softly.
"But she always wants to go home." Kevin uttered taking a sip of his drink.
"No I mean this time she means it, Well she always does but she really wants to I think she might be home sick." Brian looked down. "I mean she is just from Kentucky y'know. It has to be horrible on her."
"She's been through it before." Kevin muttered looking into Brian's eyes. "For a longer amount of time. Maybe, maybe it's something else."
"I don't know, I've never seen her like this."
_Chapter four_
Felicity sat in the back of the bus already irritated by the fact that she couldn't go home. She decided that if the only way to avoid Nick was fighting Then that's what she was going to do fight for the next six weeks. She turned up her radio closing off the back room she figured now everyone would be asleep. She smiled to herself as Eminem blared into her ears.
You think I care about a Grammy half of you critics can't stomach me, let alone stand me. 'But slim what if you win wouldn't it be weird?' Why so you can just lie to me to get me here. So you can sit me here next to Britney spears. Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs, so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst. so I can listen to them argue who she gave **** to first, little **** put me on blast on MTV. Yeah, he's cute but I think he's married to Kim he, he, I should download an audio on MP3 so I can show the whole world how you gave Eminem BD. I'm sick of all you little boy and girl groups. All you do is annoy me. So I have been sent here to destroy you, and there are a million of us just like me. Who cuss like me? Who just don't give a **** like me. Who dress like me? Walk talk and act like me and just might be the next best thing but not quite me.
"Felicity could you turn that off!" Brian yelled through the door. "We have a show tomorrow." Felicity opened the door.
"Oh you do?" She smiled slyly. "I must have forgotten." He stared at her sleepily.
"What is this about?" He asked looking into her eyes.
"I like music, don't you?" She asked sitting back on the couch. "Now excuse me I have to meditate." She smiled to herself as he closed the door back.
~*~
"Nick could you go talk to her?" Brian asked dragging him out of his bunk. "Every time she's like this you talk and its okay, I don't care what you do yell, kiss her whatever, just let me get some sleep." Nick yawned slightly, walking back into the back room closing it off.
"Felicity what is this?" Nick said sitting next to her on the couch. She looked up into his eyes fighting her urge to give into him.
"Oh they send you to talk to me." She mumbled rolling her eyes.
"Could you just shut the music off so we can get some sleep. We have a show tomorrow." She looked into his eyes seeing them pleading. She turned it up smiling. He walked over to the radio pulling it out of the plug. "Now go to sleep." He muttered grumpily.
"You can't tell me what to do!" She yelled.
"Look Felicity this has gone on long enough alright. You don't come to our shows, you yell at everyone in your way and you pretend to like that music that disses us. What's wrong with you?" He asked squatting down in front of her. She looked away from his eyes. "Is it me?" She swallowed hard trying her best not to fall all over him.
"You are so egotistical!" She yelled back. "It's always about you!"
"Fine if it's not me what is it?" He yelled standing up again. "What is it about us that pisses you off so much huh?" She stood up facing him her face almost even with his.
"Maybe I just don't like people like you." She shouted. "You make me sick."
"Oh and you're miss perfect!" Nick yelled back. "What do you want from me?" He yelled. She couldn't speak staring into his heated eyes.
"All I want is you." She whispered sitting down.
~*~
AJ crawled out of his bunk standing next to Brian, Kevin, and Howie at the door. "You guys know what's happening in there." AJ said groggily. He looked into Brian's eyes and smiled. "We'd better get some sleep." The others moved away from the door as Brian stood there listening to the silence of the room. "Bri come on."
"What do they do?" he whispered to AJ.
"Kiss, that's all." AJ said softly. "That's all." Brian laughed at himself.
"Yeah, she's only seventeen what could she do right?" AJ nodded.
~*~
She pulled away from him once again gaining her composure. "Nick I cant do this alright. I cant you don't mean anything to me. You're nothing." She turned away from his eyes. "The only reason I stay here is because, I have to."
"You don't mean that do you?" He turned her back facing him. "You enjoy it here, as much as you enjoy being with me." He smiled sitting on the couch.
"Nick you're the reason I hate it here." She said not looking into his eyes. "I hate being here with you, the only reason I kiss you is because I'm bored." She swallowed hard as he brought her down to his eye level.
"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love being with me." His heart thumped in his chest as he thought of what she might say next. She tightened her lips and closed her eyes trying to remember what her acting teacher had taught her. She opened her brown eyes again facing his blue eyes.
"I hate being here and I hate being with you." She spat looking deep into his blue eyes. He looked away hurt. She stood opening the door seeing Brian and Aj staring back at her. "What are you looking at?" She yelled walking down to her bunk crawling in.
~*~
Nick sat stunned his heart pounding harshly against his chest. He swallowed back whatever emotion he had and stood seeing Aj and Brian staring at him. "You alright?" AJ asked looking into Nick's eyes.
"Yeah why wouldn't I be?" He asked softly looking back into AJ's eyes.
"About Felicity and all…"
"Nothing happened between us, we were nothing. That's it get off my back about it." Nick yelled brushing past them toward his bunk getting in. Brian looked toward AJ and sighed going back to bed.
~*~
"Alright guys lets have a good show!" Kevin said loudly his voice bouncing off the walls of the arena. The boys all got into their positions and ran out on stage. Felicity watched from the front row seeing Nick sing to other girls this time. She bit her lip gingerly and watched the show from the sideline. There was no reason they couldn't be together anymore. It could work. She thought to herself. It could.
After the show, she waited backstage waiting for the boys to surface from their dressing rooms. Brian came out first then Howie, Aj, and Kevin. "Looking for Nick?" Howie asked bumping into her slightly.
"No, I, I, I was just waiting to see the, um, lights guy." She sputtered.
"Oh Joe, he left with the crew." Howie said smiling slightly.
"Oh darn." She said aloud. "I guess I'll have to wait till we get back to the hotel then, where are you guys going anyhow, partying?" She asked slightly nervous.
"Aj and I are, Kevin and Brian are going to work out and Nick," Howie paused seeing her eyes light up. "Nick is going out." Howie looked toward the dressing room door as Nick walked out. "I'd better get going." Felicity nodded, seeing Nick look her in the eyes, his jaw tightening. He looked away and walked past her.
"Nick wait." She shouted running to catch up to him. "Nick!" He stopped spinning around.
"What?" He asked angrily. She looked into his heated blue eyes seeing no compassion. She swallowed hard not saying anything. "I'd better go before the fans start mobbing the place." He spun around and rushed off toward the bus. Felicity stood silently the words not able to seep through her lips.
~*~
Felicity crawled into her bunk pulling out her Diary. The boys had stopped at a local Burger King and she had said she wanted nothing. She didn't want any of this to happen. Of course, she knew she wanted to not be with this man for the rest of her life, but, then again, she wanted to at least be friends.
Dear Diary,
There are three more shows on the tour and Nick hasn't spoken to me since that night I told you about. I know in my heart it was Wrong what I said about the whole I hate being here thing but I Can't be with him. He knows that. I just wish he'd talk to me about it I just wish he'd care what I'm going through.
Felicity
"Felicity I brought you back something," Brian ducked his head into her bunk looking into her eyes.
"No thanks Bri, I'm cool." He squatted down next to her bunk. "Why don't you just go in there and apologize, then we'll all be alright."
"To who?" She asked dumbly.
"You know who, to Nick, now go, you'll feel better, he'll feel better, it'll be all good." Brian smiled his trade mark smile and pulled Felicity out of her bunk. She smiled slightly walking to the back where he was playing his game boy. He looked up as she entered the room and then stood to leave. She closed the door quickly looking into his eyes.
"Nick I need to talk to you." She voiced loudly.
"Better hurry before you start hating it." She looked down slightly hurt.
"About that night." She began.
"What night?" Nick asked sitting back down on the couch crossing his arms.
"You know what night," She said raising her voice.
"How would you know?" Nick asked smirking.
"Nick shut up and listen to me." She yelled.
"No you listen to me Felicity," he said jumping up. "I can't take this anymore. I don't want you coming in here expecting to make everything better because you cant. We are no longer what we were. We never will be. You looked me in the eye and made that up for yourself."
"Nick, I just wanted to say…"
"Sorry, I know," He yelled. "Brian told me all about it."
"No, I mean, I really wanted to."
"Don't give me that crap Felicity, I'm not the immature teenager you are." He paused letting his words sink in. "I'm twenty years old, I know a lot more than you do."
"Oh do you?" She spat.
"More than you can ever conceive of."
"Well then, Mr. Carter, we don't have to have this conversation any longer, knowing that I'm an immature teen and you are the big man." She answered sarcastically.
"Then its over." He pushed her out of the way opening the door.
~*~
Felicity sat in the back all day not talking to anyone occasionally crying about the situation. She never thought it could actually turn on her. She let down her curly brown hair and walked into the front of the bus sitting next to AJ on a seat. He looked into her brown eyes not saying anything. "Now what?" She asked aloud.
"What?" He asked looking toward the window.
"Now what do I do? Walk away?" He turned back to her and smiled.
"Just wait, you'll see what happens." AJ smiled at her as she hugged him tightly.
"I should have gone for you."
"Don't tell Amanda that." Felicity smiled again walking over to her bunk. The curtains were open and nick was laying in it reading his back facing her.
"What are you doing?" He jumped startled.
"Nothing." He crawled out of her bunk and into his own. She smiled crawling into hers lying down. She smelled his sweet cologne and looked over her bunk seeing her diary open. Her heart dropped as she stared at the page that was open.
Dear Diary,
I miss him more than ever now. I was so wrong in what I said Now I lay here thinking about him and what he must be going through He'll hate me tomorrow I know it. I told Brian I wanted to apologize for everything I said. He said I should. I think I'm in love I miss him that much.
Felicity
"Do you have no decency?" She yelled getting out of her bunk. "How are you going to read my diary?" She yelled dragging him out of his bunk on to the floor. "These are my thoughts in my head they don't belong to you." She yelled slamming the book across his face. He stood towering over her his hand to his face. He grabbed her hand dragging her back into the back room.
"Don't you ever do that again." He yelled.
"Nick you read my diary, mine, it was private."
"You shouldn't have anything private on this bus."
"I hate you." She yelled tears coming to her eyes. "More than ever." He pulled her into his arms hearing her whisper I hate you repeatedly. He smiled feeling her rest against his body again.
"I love you too." He whispered hearing her stop crying.
_Chapter five_
Felicity stood in the bathroom looking down in horror. It was pink. She swallowed hard pulling out another pregnancy test and trying it again. It was positive. She was now nineteen years old and a sophomore at college. She hadn't thought that one night alone with Nick would do so much damage. She hurriedly threw the tests away in the trash as her dorm room door opened. "Brian hi!" he walked in smiling like always.
"Got a big surprise." Brian said softly. "We are touring again, this summer and it would be great if you could join us. I know you have nothing to do over break and must miss Nick terribly."
"No I don't," Felicity answered sitting on her bed. "I just, talked to him."
"Oh,"
"And we're not on good terms."
"And why is that?" She ran her fingers through her long dark curly hair.
"I don't know." She answered looking into her brothers blue eyes. "I don't know."
"Well then you'll have to fight it out." He answered quickly. "You'll have to do like the good old days." Brian smiled grabbing her hand. "Now pack your stuff I kinda miss you around too."
~*~
Felicity sat alone in the back of the bus her mind racing. She placed her hand on her stomach thinking if she really wanted to be a mother. She looked up as Nick walked in sitting next to her. For about an hour they said nothing lost in their own mind. "I kinda missed talking to you in person." He finally said.
"Well now you have a whole three months." She answered softly.
"What's wrong?" he asked suddenly. She stared in his direction and said nothing. "I know you too well. You're way too quiet."
"Nick," She held her breath. "Nick I'm pregnant." He turned staring into her eyes.
"You're what?" He asked shocked.
"I know, I'm sorry."
"No, No, Oh my gosh I'm going to be a father?" She nodded slightly then looked away.
"You're not happy?" He answered looking her direction.
"I'm not sure I, I want a baby just yet."
"Well you're not giving it up." He answered matter-of-factly. She felt tears in her eyes as her jaw tightened.
"I don't want to fight." She answered getting up walking out the room.
~*~
"Can you take me to 27th?" She asked stepping into the taxi. She looked back seeing the tour bus get smaller and smaller behind her. She couldn't deal with what the fans might say when she did show, or what Brian and Kevin might do when they found out. She was going to go to the airport and fly home and stay there with her mom and dad for a while. Then once she had her baby give it away to an adoption agency. She didn't want to go through all the fighting this time. She just wouldn't be able to take it.
~*~
Nick laid in his bunk his head under his pillow. He tried his best not to shed a tear as he thought of her all alone out in the world with their baby. Brian and Kevin were worried sick as they paced the grounds outside waiting for her to return to the bus. "Hello," Brian said picking up his cell phone as it rang. "Yeah Mom, I…" He paused. "She's with you?" He paused again. "Alright." Nick sat up seeing Brian sit next to his bunk. "She wants to talk to him?" He paused again. "Alright." Nick crawled out of his bunk and sat across from Brian on the floor.
"Hello," He answered hearing her voice on the phone.
"Nick, I'm sorry, I, I just couldn't stay there." He held the phone close to his ear hearing her voice get shallow as she began to cry. "And I, I'm thinking about adoption."
"No," He answered plainly. "No, I'd rather die than do that." Nick voiced looking into Brian's eyes. "We are keeping our baby."
"Nick, I don't know, I'm too young."
"We'll talk later." Nick answered a sudden rage in his voice. He threw the phone to Brian.
"You're having a baby?" Brian yelled.
_CHAPTER six_
The wind outside the house creaked as Felicity sat rocking her child in her arms. She couldn't give it away once she saw those beautiful eyes and the look on the child's face. Nick had bought a huge house for the three of them just so his little angel could grow up properly he had said. Keri was now two years old and the hardest to control until she was asleep. She looked down at her curly blonde locks and picked her up placing her in her crib. Felicity had been going out every night since Keri had turned two. She was young and vibrant she deserved to go out and party. She hadn't even managed to return to school. She looked at the clock seeing the ten, roll over and walked into her bed room pulling on her plastic leather pants and dark blue halter top. She looked to the corner seeing Keri still asleep and grabbed her keys. As soon as Nick walked into the door she was going to leave. She hadn't talked to him without yelling in ages and she wasn't going to stop the tradition now. She sat on the couch in the living room. The door opened as she closed her eyes trying to calm down before he got home.
"Felicity,"
"Nick," She stood making her way to the door. "I'll need you to watch Keri, she's asleep."
"I just got home Felicity, I'm tired." He answered sitting on the couch. His head ringing from the extensive choreography he learned.
"Nick, I'm going out." He looked over her outfit and then looked toward their bedroom where Keri was sleeping. He got up closing the door.
"You're a mother now," He said softly at first. "You can't be going out every night, she cries for you sometimes when you're gone." She looked into his blue eyes and shrugged nonchalantly.
"She's a kid Nick, kids cry."
"She wants her mother Felicity. If you didn't want this baby then you should have put it up for adoption." He said raising his voice. She walked closer to him looking him deep into the eyes. His body began to tremble as it always did when they fought about Keri.
"You wanted me to keep it!" She yelled pointing toward the door. "I stay home with that brat everyday and do nothing but watch after her. When you get home its your turn." Nick's face reddened slightly as she spoke. "Now I'm going out tonight Nick, I'm going to grind with other guys and I'm going to have a good time."
"You are such a," he paused not finishing his sentence. "If you didn't want to be a mother you should have left your legs closed, head up and eyes open." She smacked him sending her fist across his face. He stood staring at her, tears glistening in his eyes. Her fist stung as it always did when her bones attacked his cheekbones.
"I'm going to have fun tonight." She exclaimed charging for the front door. He stopped her walking in front of the door.
"I, love, you," He whispered. "And I'm not going to send you out there to get wasted, maybe you don't realize this but I need you."
"To what? Wash your clothes, look after your daughter?" She breathed. "I'm not your wife and I'm not your girlfriend. I live here because I have to." He looked hurt for a moment. Keri started crying, for a moment, they were silent, as Nick moved away from the door letting Felicity past.
~*~
Felicity sat at the table her head spinning as she sucked down another glass of vodka and rum. She noticed to club had gotten smaller since she had been sitting there and the heat of the room a hundred times hotter. She ordered another drink placing Nick's credit card on the table. She could hardly see as she gulped down half of it. "Hey Felicity," She heard someone sit down.
"Yeah," She mumbled.
"Do you remember me?" She stared at the blurred face for a long time trying to figure out who it was.
"No, no I don't," She answered softly trying to make her voice sound deeper.
"Miss," another person said walking up. "I think you need to be getting home." Felicity stood slowly seeing the man across from her and then seeing the bartender. They had both been watching her all night the bartender for obvious reasons but the other guy for more manly reasons.
"Don't worry I'll take her home." The other man said softly. Felicity nodded trying her best not to stagger as she walked. The man took her arm in his taking her out to his car.
~*~
"A night of passion?" Nick asked looking into her light brown eyes. "A night of passion, a night of f*ckin passion, Felicity." Nick yelled at the top of his lungs. "What were you thinking?"
"That I'm single Nick that's what I was thinking." She said calmly checking on Keri in the other room.
"Your not single Felicity you have a child you have to take care of."
"Nick don't start with me right now alright?" She looked back into his eyes. "I'm sick and tired of this." She said walking up the stairs to her room.
"What are you doing?" He asked watching her throw her clothes into a huge suitcase.
"I'm leaving I cant take this crap anymore Nick, I cant." She said softly.
"What about Keri?"
"She's yours you take care of her." Felicity shot back feeling a pang shoot through her heart.
Nick watched as she piled more clothes into the suitcase. His eyes were lined with fresh wet tears that seemed to seep from his eyes unknowingly. She turned looking into his eyes then looking away as she zipped the suitcase. He stood at the door as she turned again this time looking away from his eyes. "Let me go by." She said not looking up.
"Look me in the eyes and tell me this is what you want to do… to leave your daughter like this." She looked up into his eyes trying her best not to return his tears.
"We're like a picture Nick, you and me, picture perfect." She paused holding back her tears. "It's not my fault that all along the glass has been shattered." She pushed past him feeling his heart beat uncontrollably. He held her hands to his heated chest as she looked away, tears now coming from her eyes. He kissed her hands closing his eyes tightly. She looked up at his closed eyes running her hands along the side of his face. She loved him enough to make him hate her just to make sure he'd find someone better that could treat him better. 'Nick I love you, I'm sorry.' She thought as she wiped his tears away. 'I wish I could take everything back since the beginning.' He opened his eyes again looking down into hers.
"Please don't do this Felicity, please don't do this to us." She looked away again her heart hurting more than it had ever before.
"Look you know how I am Nick, you know it. And I cant stay here and, and go through this anymore Nick, I love," She stopped herself walking down the stairs past him. "I love you" she whispered not looking back.
_CHAPTER seven_
Kevin stood at the doorway to the hospital room watching Nick cry harder than he had ever seen him cry before. His head hunched over her cold body. Death had defiantly claimed her well. Her lips had already turned blue and her glassy eyes were closed. Kevin walked a little closer to his cousin and friend, touching him gently on the shoulder. "Nick lets go for a walk." He uttered deeply. "We can have a talk." Nick dragged himself to his feet slipping on a pair of glasses over his reddened eyes. They walked out into the hallway together seeing the others staring back at them. Nick smiled slightly to his daughter as she jumped up into his arms from Brian's. He swallowed hard then turned back to Kevin. "Where we going?"
"Just for a walk." Brian said from behind them. Nick nodded again somewhat dazed.
~*~
The wind outside the hospital blew harder than it had ever before. Hot raindrops poured from the dark sky, Brian, Kevin and Nick walked alone amongst their own thoughts. Nick still lost in his dream state he didn't notice that Brian and Kevin were with him. Just two dark images taking him somewhere he wasn't sure he wanted to go. He choked out a sob as tears poured from his dark blue eyes. It was true she was gone forever, from him. For no reason at all. "Why?" He finally breathed. "Why'd someone take her away from me?" He started screaming. "I loved her. You hear me?" He shook his fist at the raging storm around him as the wind picked up.
Brian stopped walking watching Nick yell at the skies. Kevin stood next to him contemplating on whether to let him continue. "I'll go talk to him." Brian finally said walking toward Nick, who had continued walking. They all stopped near a huge tree. "Nick?" Brian said placing his hand on his friend's shoulder.
"Nick I loved her too, and it wasn't right she had to die this way." Nick turned to Brian then to the tree watching it closely. The remains of her car were still twisted into it. Nick walked closer touching the tree that took her life. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a small golden object glisten as lighting struck. He dug his hand into the pit of the tree pulling out her locket. He opened it as lighting struck again.
~*~
He opened the door staring into her light brown eyes. She hadn't called in two years, hadn't written, and hadn't done anything to talk to the two of them. Nick stood silently for a second too scared to breathe. Her hair was to her mid back long and curly like it had been when they first met. She looked a lot cleaner cut; she smiled slightly showing an amazing smile. He swallowed hard still disbelieving she was standing in front of him. She wore dark blue jeans and a white tank top that showed off her freckled shoulders. "Come in." He said stepping away from the door. Keri wasn't home; she was at her grand mothers out like always she loved it there away from the tension and cameras of home life.
"Is Keri here?" She smiled again. He shook his head slowly moving toward the couches in the den. "Um, so how have you been?"
"So, so," He choked out.
"Nick don't look at me as if I'm a ghost."
"It 'kind of seems like you are."
"I know," She paused. "I know I haven't called much."
"In two years Felicity, you haven't called in two years." He looked away from her. "Keri has grown up all this time without you. I'm not even sure she remembers you."
"I know, I'm sorry Nick, I just had to get that whole growing up thing through my system."
"Growing up thing?" He turned to her raising his voice. "You slept with someone else while living in my house. You disrespected me and, and you disowned my child." She looked down hurt. Her light eyes glazed over with fresh tears. She had been gone so long she had forgotten what she had done. She had been in rehab for years. She thought it would all be perfect when she returned. Her parents had told Brian nothing in hopes of keeping it a secret from Nick. All Brian knew was that she was okay now.
Felicity looked up again seeing Nick still talking but she couldn't hear him. It was just a jumbled set of words that sounded like nothing. His face was reddened and his arms were flaring around, which always happened when he was really upset. She could hardly breath as she felt hot tears slip down her warm cheeks. 'It wasn't supposed to be this way,' she thought looking up at him. 'I never stopped loving you.' She pulled a small locket out of her pocket and stared down at it. On one side was a picture of them kissing on the Ferris Wheel at Astroworld; taken by AJ, The other was a Picture of Keri as a baby. She set it down on the table looking up again seeing him staring down at her. "Here," She stood handing it to him. He took it looking down at it then up into her eyes.
"I'm sorry," He said roughly taking her into his arms. She held him breaking down into harsh sobs. "I'm so sorry, I just missed you so much." He kissed her harshly bringing her face to his then looking into her light brown eyes. He held her there wiping her tears away with his thumbs. "I've missed you so much." He ran his fingers through her long curly hair. "I'm so sorry." He said again wiping away her tears. "Where've you been Felicity?"
"I," She paused taking a seat next to his burning fire. "I went to rehab about six months after I left here. My mom thought I needed it since I drank almost all the liquor in the house and did a lousy job of sneaking it. I got out six months later and went back to drinking again. I woke up at some guys house near the beach and figured I needed to go and actually listen this time." She watched the flames burn through a huge piece of firewood. "So I went and the first thing I wanted to see was. "She paused. "Were you two." He sat down next to her staring into her eyes. "I did some pretty rotten things to you guys and I know I can't make them up to you. But I can try cant I?" He held his hand out to her face feeling her soft skin in his hand. She looked so beautiful. So perfect, nothing like he had remembered. She stood slowly bringing him to his feet along with her. "I've never stopped loving you." She whispered. "Never ever, even when we argued." She stared into his eyes fighting the urge to kiss him. Her shrink told her she wasn't ready just yet. But what did he know? She leaned in hoping he'd kiss her back. But he didn't it was nothing. She pulled away seeing him staring down at the locket she had handed him.
"This is everything to me. You, still, after so long are everything to me. And, right now, I know that, I can't keep your only image of us being together and happy." He walked closer to her wrapping the chain around her neck. He kissed her softly then pulled away. "Maybe we weren't the shattered picture after all."
~*~
Nick smiled slightly the rain pouring down his face. Kevin and Brian stood behind him looking down at the small locket and the pictures inside. Nick closed it holding it to his heart then fastening it around his neck. The wind picked up again as the three headed back for the hospital to meet up with the others. "I love you," He whispered looking up at the dark skies. He could almost swear he could hear her voice whispering, 'I love you too.'
A shattered life
A shattered Dream
Two hearts remain as one
Two lives still bonded
Through life and death
Yet, shattered from here on
~Written by: Scotia (Jag7701@aol.com)
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