_Chapter 1_
The sunset off the shore chilled me to my bones. The bright orange and purple colors mixed with the blue sky as if it were a painting by my favorite artists. I wiped at the tears as they slipped slowly down my tanned skin. I tucked my long brown hair behind my ears before placing a white cowboy hat over my hear. "Calm down," i whispered to myself tucking my knees up against my chest. Tonight was the last time I would ever see him. I never wanted to look into those blue eyes again. They had brought me too much pain. Somehow, I was still so afraid to tell him I wanted to leave. He has never hit me before but several times, he had come close, slugging a hole through the wall or just hitting dead air.
Now my hazel eyes wondered over the sandy shore seeing our home in the distance. A few candles burning brightly at the steps of our white verandah. I closed my eyes remembering what had happened hours earlier.
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"Lauren, you cant keep doing this." Nick yelled charging into our bedroom slamming the wooden door behind him. My body tensed up as it always did when anyone yelled at me. I stood slowly lowering my eyes to the ground.
"Nick, I cant do it anymore." I said softly looking up into his eyes hoping he'd understand.
"I'm not going to keep doing this for you." He yelled his usually tanned skin turning bright red. "You cant keep leaving this for me to straighten out. I'm not going to do it."
"Nick I know." I whispered standing. "Its just I cant seem to do this alone. And when I go there they make me feel so insecure. It just tears me apart." I said my eyes tearing up slightly.
"I send you there to help you." He said quickly his voice still enraged. "I don't spend all this money on treatment and counseling for you and you say, 'hey I'm not going today, could you go tell them,' that's not what I'm here for." His blond strands fell into his eyes as he sat down on our bed. "You have to go to a shrink for a reason." I walked toward the Verandah lighting a few candles as the sun began to set.
"Maybe I should just kill myself." I yelled turning toward him.
"You know what Lauren maybe you should." He yelled back. I felt my face drain of all its blood as I stared into his eyes. "Lauren you know I didn't mean that." I felt a few tears slip down my face as I bit my lip. My mind was racing with so many thoughts.
"You mean everything you say Nick, I said softly. It turned and ran for the beach my heart hurting as I thought of the cruel words he had just said.
_Chapter 2_
Now I sat on the sandy beach my mind still racing, my heart still hurting, and my eyes still lined with tears. I knew soon he'd come looking for me to apologize and I knew that right now I wouldn't take it. My life had been horrible since the day I was born. My mother died when she gave birth to me and my father gave me away to an orphanage. Once I got to the age of eighteen I left the orphanage, got a job as a secretary to a casting agent where I met my best friend Andrew. He was eighteen also and we became best friends ever since.
A year later he left to California where the stardom was for him on seventh heaven, I stayed here in Florida. For a while I spoke to no one, and no one spoke to me. Until I met Nick, he was everything I could have ever wanted in life the perfect guy. A great personality, great looks, great sense of humor. But after two years I guess they would say, the honey moon was over and we fought all the time about my counseling. The doctor calls it "suppression of the emotions" I don't know why, I have more emotions than anyone I know. But I go to counseling to release those "angry" emotions and I hate going, I really do!
Now it seems like he cares too much, or doesn't care at all. But after Andrew's run on seventh heaven was over, he moved back. And Nick's been jealous ever since. No matter what I say he thinks I like him, or he likes me.
"Lauren," I turned slightly seeing Andrew behind me. He sat down next to me. I looked into his brown eyes. "What's wrong?" He asked softly. I looked down at the sand sticking to the base of his boots.
"Nothing," I mumbled still looking down. "I just like it out here that's all." I smiled slightly. "There's a lot of you know, air." I sighed slightly as he wiped the tears from my eyes.
"You know its a sin to lie to a friend." I smiled slightly as he wrapped his arms around me. "Tell me that's wrong." I stared out into the waves that crashed at the shoreline.
"We fought about the counseling thing again, and I said maybe I should just go kill myself and he said maybe you should." I looked down. "I know he didn't mean it but it still hurt. He knows how vulnerable I am right now. But he continues to fight with me and tell me things that hurt and it took me a long time to decide this but I'm leaving him. I'm not going to keep coming out here crying I hate how sensitive I am. I should be stronger than this." Andrew ran his fingers back through his black hair.
"So its over?" He asked his voice cracking slightly.
"Yes," I said standing slowly. "I have to tell him now, before I cant."
"Want me to come with you?" He asked standing to his feet his eyes rushing with emotion and caring vibes. I shook my head slightly, my brown strands falling into my eyes. I pushed them back slowly readjusting my hat.
"I have to do this alone. I'll be over later." I left Andrew standing on the beach watching me make my way back up to my house. I walked up the stairs to the Verandah seeing Nick seated at the top step. His teary blue eyes looking deep into mine sending chills up and down my spine.
_Chapter 3_
"I'm sorry," He said again. "You know I didn't mean it. I never mean half the stuff i say when I'm mad." He stood slowly. "You probably hate me now right?" He looked off toward the beach. "And so does he..."
"Andrew has nothing to do with this." I said softly diverting my eyes to the ground. I walked up the rest of the stairs into the bedroom pulling out my large green suitcase and began to pack my things.
"Where are you going?" He asked standing next to me. I looked up into his puffy red eyes seeing the tears streaming from them. I turned toward him wiping away his tears.
"If you cry it'll only make it worse." I whispered turning back to my packing.
"Where are you going?" He asked again the heat from his body overcoming mine.
"I'm leaving Nick." I said softly moving away from him to get a few of my things in the bathroom.
"Where?" He asked following me into the bathroom.
"I'm not sure yet." I said walking past him putting the rest of my things in the big green suitcase. "Anywhere but here." I looked down as he grabbed my arm.
"I'm not going to let you leave." He said his voice beginning to fill with anger.
"Yes, you are." I said raising the tone of my voice. "I'm not taking any more of this. I'm quitting counseling and I'm leaving you." I yelled. I jumped back as pain ran through my cheek. I placed my hand on my cheek seeing Nick holding his hand. I felt the warmth of my cheek penetrate into my hand.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry," He said looking down. I bit my lip slightly beofre grabbing up enough courage.
"Sorry, Sorry you're always sorry." I said walking toward the bedroom door. "Don't you ever touch me again." I yelled my feet pounding down the stairs. "we're not ever going to be together. Ever!" I screamed tears running down my face. I walked into the living room picking up a few of my things shoving them into my suitcase then walking toward the door. I looked back toward the staircase expecting to see Nick coming after me but he wasn't and I was glad. I walked over to the window seeing a few people walking past the house. And then I grabbed up my suitcase and headed for my car.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
I road around in a circle for hours figuring on where I wanted to go. And suddenly it hit me. I drove up to Andrew's house leaving my suitcase in the car. I ran up his balcony seeing his back door open. All the lights were off but his bathroom light was on. "Andrew," I called from the balcony door. "Andrew," I clicked on the light seeing a trail of blood heading toward the bathroom. My heart was pounding louder than ever before in my ears, Thu-thump, Thu-thump. I walked closer to the bathroom and opened the door as the blood seemed to increase. "Andrew," I whispered. I peeked in the door seeing Andrew in a puddle of blood a gun wrapped in his fist. My bottom lip quivered as a sick feeling rose in my stomach. I swallowed hard seeing a note on the floor covered in blood. I picked it up and read it. 'Lauren, you didn't think I would let him have you did you?' I dropped the note backing away, a fear I had never felt before crawling through my veins.
_Chapter 4_
I backed toward the telephone picking it up hearing the dial tone hum in my ears. I could hardly dial 911 as my hands shook from number to number. "911, may I help you." I heard the operator say quickly. My voice choked out air as I tried to breathe.
"I, I, I found him dead. My friend Andrew he's dead." I cried almost hysterically. "Oh my god help me," I cried. "he's dead," I said again.
"Address..." She asked softly.
"Um, 823, Western Starre," I cried out. "Please come quickly!" I looked toward the bathroom hanging up the phone. His hand was just in my eye sight and the note covered with blood on the ground next to it. The words kept running through my head. I leaned back against the wall my whole body shaking. I pulled my knees up to my chest holding them my mind racing as I imagined Andrews last words to me.
Once the police showed up, they reviewed the scene as Brian and his girlfriend Leigh came to calm me down. I watched as they pulled Andrew out on a stretcher his dead brown eyes staring into mine.
"it'll be okay," Brian said sitting next to me. His light brown hair taking on a rougher look and his dark blue eyes showing all the care in his heart. "I tried to get Nick down here but he said you wouldn't want to see him right now." I touched the side of my cheek feeling a pain surge through it. I bit my lip as I rocked back and forth.
"Maybe I should talk to her." Leigh said softly. Brian nodded as she led me out onto the verandah. "Anything you want to say?" She asked her green eyes saddened by the whole incident. I shook my head quickly. She ran her fingers back through her brown hair. "Its okay if you don't want to talk to me but you have to talk to someone." 'Great another counselor,' I thought looking toward the beach.
"Just take me home." I said looking back toward Nick's house. She nodded grabbing a hold of my arm. We walked down the balcony steps heading for my Verandah. I saw all the lights on flooding onto the dark beach. I walked up the stairs into our bedroom. "Nick!" I yelled slightly my voice shaking. I knew I should be here. That letter had to have been from him. He never liked how close Andrew and I were. But if he did do that terrible thing. I wanted him to confess to my face. "Nick," I called again feeling a horrible feeling creep into my stomach. I turned to Leigh.
"He's probably just in the bathroom or downstairs or something." She said with a warm smile. I nodded walking into the bathroom seeing his body unconscience on the floor.
_Chapter 5_
"Nick," I said frightened. I bent down next to him hurriedly seeing his chest rise slowly and fall. I sighed slightly with relief. "Nick," I said again lifting his head up slightly. I heard a soft moan as I tried to hold back whatever tears I had left. "Jennifer go get me some coffee." She nodded running out of the room. His body started shaking violently as I pulled him into my arms wondering what could have done this to him. "Nick hold on," I whispered. "Nick you can't die."
"Here you go." Jennifer said handing me a cup. I held it to his mouth and I poured it slowly into it. He opened his eyes slowly looking into mine. For a moment it seemed as if everything were okay againg and that we were in love. But we weren't and it was over.
"Lauren." He said softly. I nodded brushing his hair away from his eyes. "God I feel sick," He said throwing up into the toilet. I sat next to him as he vomited tears beginning to slip down my hot cheeks. I pulled off my white hat. I wanted to hold him and say that everything was okay. But it wasn't with either of us.
"Nick what happened?" I asked softly looking toward him as I slowly rose to my feet. He pointed over to the sink as he leaned against the bath tub weakly. His blue eyes leaking tears silently.
"What were you thinking?" I asked seeing bottles of pills spawned out across the counter. My hands began shaking as I tried to clean up the mess.
"That I lost the only women I've ever cared this much for." I turned to him for a second about to say something that would ruin it all then continuing to clean.
"Maybe you should have been taking the counseling." I said softly. "This was really stupid Nick." I said throwing away the bottles of pain relievers.
"I never wanted you to find me like this. You shouldn't have." He looked into my eyes and for that moment everything seemed to freeze. "I care for you Lauren and I don't and cant live without you. If I ever lost you I, I would just die." He looked down. "I'm going to go get cleaned up." He said standing weakly walking past Jennifer in the doorway. I nodded finishing cleaning the bathroom.
"Well, in a sick twisted way," Jennifer said sitting down on the bathroom counter. "It was sweet." I turned to her brown eyes not saying anything. 'sweet' i thought looking into the mirror.
"Jen, Lauren are you in here?" We both turned hearing Brian behind us. "The news cameras are already outside to interview you. Look you don't have to say anything if you don't want to." I nodded slightly. "I've got an idea." He said smiling . "There's this house that my great grand parents left me. We all can hide away from the press for a couple of weeks. I think we all need a break." I nodded slightly.
"Yeah I could use a break," I said quietly.
"I'll call the other guys and we'll get this show on the road." Brian smiled slightly. I closed my eyes hoping that this trip would take me away from all of this, hoping that it all would just go away,
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As we rode on our way to the house, I stared out the window. In the back of Brian's mercadies the world seemed to perfect, so complete. I could feel Nick watching me from the seat next to me but i could face those eyes again. In my mind, it was over. As I thought of him lying unconscience in the bathroom it sent sharp pains through my heart. Jennifer leaned up to the radio turning it on. "Twenty year old Andrew Keegan died today in his West Florida home. He was found in his bathroom by old time friend Lauren Simpson, the girlfriend of the pop star Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys. Sources say that it was a murder attempted to frighten the young girl who is now away visiting friends." Jennifer turned the radio off looking back at me.
"Sorry Laruen." I nodded swallowing hard. I felt tears in my eyes as i stared out the window. I turned slowly toward Nick seeing him staring back at me I looked away back to the safety of my window.
_Chapter 6_
Once we pulled up to the huge mansion, we all got out seeing about five multi colored cars in the driveway. "Howie, Kevin and Aj must be here." Jennifer said getting out of the car.
"Yeah," Brian answered walking up to the door ringing the doorbell. We stood silently waiting for the door to be opened.
"Yo what's sup?" Aj answered letting us in. His black curly hair had red streaks through it. And His brown eyes seemed happier than usual. We walked in slowly. It was huge inside. Two great grand staircases. There were marble floors lining every room and every room seemed to have a back up room.
"Its beautiful," Jen said walking in.
"Yeah it is," Nick uttered. "We'd better go find our rooms," He said softly. I nodded walking up the stairs after him. Upstairs was even more beautiful, roses were everywhere and the marble lined every room. The gold doors where laced with silver and diamonds and each door lead into a different theme. Nick turned to me seeing a blue room with white roses surrounding it. "Do you want to share a room?" He asked turning toward me his eyes filled with hope.
"I," I looked down seeing the blood covered note in my head. "I, I, guess." I said softly. "But this doesn't make up for anything." I added under my breath.
"I know, we're not together." He mumbled. "We had this conversation before, in a different tone." I nodded slightly as he closed the golden door behind us. I set my green suit case down on the marble floor looking around the large room. I sat down on the window seat keeping my eyes to the ground before pulling off my black leather coat. "You think I did it don't you?" He asked slowly. My eyes rose to his, "You think I killed Andrew."
"Nick, I don't know what I'm thinking now," I said softly. He sat down on the dark blue bed across from the wooden window seat I was seated in.
"I didn't," He paused his eyes cast down to the floor. "If you ever trusted me you would know that."
"I know," I mumbled softly. "Its just you and Andrew are the only people that I care about." I swallowed hard. "Or cared about, Its just so much going on."
"I can't believe this," He said standing pacing the room almost angrily. I pulled my knees up against my chest as I thought of Andrew's dead eyes. "I really can't. How could you think that I..."
"Nick I don't want to talk about this right now. I'm not obligated to tell you anything that I'm thinking or feeling. Andrew was my best friend and now he's dead and you're the only one I knew of that didn't like him what am I supposed to think?" I asked raising my voice. "That he did it himself, why would he? He was perfect and rising star. He was, he was everything and he knew that." I said standing walking toward the door.
"I almost died today," He said softly, "I almost died because I lost you." His voice began to rise as he turned and stared into my eyes. "I stand here now and think that all that wasn't worth it. You weren't worth it." I bit my lip softly.
"If I'm not worth it then why even try huh?" He looked down shifting his jaw from side to side. "Why'd you even try Nick, maybe you do need me as much as I thought I needed you."
"You thought?" He yelled. "You thought you needed me, I am you." He said softly. "I'm everything that you've ever needed in your life because no one else ever gave a fuck about you." My heart stopped in my chest as those words rang through my ears. Tears filled my eyes slowly as I looked deep into his blue enraged eyes.
"I guess you're somebody just to add to the list them."
_Chapter 7_
We both turned as the door opened and Brian peeked in his head, "Yall coming down stairs?"
"In a minute," Nick answered softly. Brian nodded before closing the door behind him. Nick sat down on the bed calmly sighing as if he hadn't just said the few words coming out of his mouth. He looked up into my tear filled eyes and sighed again. "I'm doing this all wrong aren't I?" I didn't say anything. Just stared into his eyes. "Sometimes," He said softly. "Sometimes I get so mad at myself that I take it out on you. Because, you are everything to me and there are so many times I get so close to loosing you by your mistrust and obviously fear that I cant take it."
"You're like one long broken record Nick, break up to make up that's all we do." He looked up into my eyes. "I don't want this." I finally said after a long pause. "I don't want this arguing and bickering. "I don't want us to be an 'us'" He swallowed back the few tears he had been holding back for so long and turned away. He was precious this way, like a new puppy.
"Don't do this to me." He said slowly. "Please." I licked my lips softly then turned toward the door.
"There comes a time when you just have to walk away." I looked toward the beautiful door. "And I guess this is one of those times." I turned back to him. "Don't try anything stupid all right. Brian already knows about that. And maybe I don't mean as much to you as you say I do. But I know that, that, I'd rather deal with cameras than with this." I opened the door my heart racing.
"Don't go." He whispered softly. "I love you." I turned looking into his eyes, and finally knew. I smiled slightly, but knew what was right this time.
"No, you don't, not now anyway." I looked down before walking back over to him. He stood up slightly as I wiped away his falling tears. This time I was stronger than usual, this time I could do it without crying. This time my heart was free from lies and betrayal. He kissed me his arms pulling me up against his strong body and for all the world nothing could pull us away but one word. "Good-bye." I uttered turning walking toward the door.
~@~
"The murder of Andrew Keegan has been solved just three weeks after the mysterious murder. The young actor was invaded by a mysterious gun men that later was revealed as a fans boyfriend. He is now serving 50 years in the states penitentiary." I turned off the Radio looking out at the waves of the Californian coast as I drove past the colorful sunset. Life would never be the same again.
Written by: (saphire1700@aol.com)
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