JOURNAL 16


9:17 pm, 04/05/01

subject: my trip to disney

So, he didn't show up. Right now, I am just so worried about Evan, knowing he would never "stand me up." Though he has never promised to be at Disney FOR SURE, he did ask me to give him all the info the night before I left for my concert choir tour. I know if he couldn't make it, he will at least send me a note letting me know. "There is not a cruel and careless bone in his body;" thus, he must have a good reason for not being there. I have faith in him. But still, no words from him yet. What if something has happened to him? I really hope he is okay.

Understandably, I was disappointed, and embarrassed, though not upset knowing everything happens for a reason. I felt like I have let my friends down, since all of them were just as excited as I was about perhaps meeting Evan. Thinking back the night before Disney, I was utterly taken over by excitement, nervousness. I mean, God only knows how much time and energy I have put into this site, for this special individual whom I admired; and finally, we'll be meeting each other face to face for the very first time. But really, it is no one's fault that he didn't show up. I just hope he is fine. And if you think I am mad or hurt, actually, NO. God has been so good to me, allowing me to run Evan's site, blessing me with a friend like him, and introducing me to so many wonderful individuals that I would have never known if it weren't for this site. Why should I be mad? I know Evan and me are gonna meet sooner or later, if fate allows. This is life: be prepared for disappointments.

I still don't know how I managed to concentrate and sing my solo. During most of the show, I was looking at the crowd, searching for that familiar face. After the show, I wish I could dig a hole and hide, when everyone was asking me, "did you see him? where is Evan?" I wish I didn't so openly publicize about this whole thing. Disney could have been the happiest place on earth. But don't worry, I still had fun. Everyone at Disney is just so darn nice, wearing a smile on his/her face 24/7.

This trip to California has made me realized how much I actually love Los Angeles. I really think I might end up going to USC. Right now, I still have to hear from Princeton, and Stanford is putting me on its waiting list. Michigan has accepted me, but I heard the weather is pretty bad up there and I think I probably wanna go to a private school anyway. So just gotta wait and see where to go from here.

Evan, I am praying for you.