When she woke, she found herself breathing heavy as her dream took her once again through the experience. She looked over at Jon to find him sleeping peacefully. She was glad because she was afraid that she might have been vocal, not just inside the dream!
Her body was covered with perspiration, so she slipped out of bed and quietly closed the bathroom door behind her. Safely inside, she turned on the hot water in the shower, slipped off her clothes and stood under the pounding water.
Her thoughts raced about the day before. And then they turned to her relationship with Jon. They had been on the island for 6 days now and not once had he even remotely approached her to make love. It was obvious that he did not find her attractive anymore. And she now knew that she was attractive. She was a woman who needed a man to love her.
She took her time getting ready for the day since it was so early. She quietly called down for some breakfast. After it arrived, she took the food and her magazine out onto the balcony for some relaxation. As she sat there, she heard the rustling of Jon awakening.
“What are you doing out there?” he asked.
“Just enjoying my last day in paradise,” she somberly answered. “Tomorrow we return to reality.”
He quietly joined her on the balcony overlooking the gardens. “Yep. Soon it’s back to work for me. No more luxurious golf courses.”
Caryn looked over the table at him. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the past few days, Jon.”
He didn’t respond…just stared at her waiting for her to continue.
“I just want you to know that you were right.”
“I was? About what?” he quizzed.
“About our marriage. It wasn’t necessary to spend time going to a marriage counselor. And it probably was stupid coming here to try and repair our broken marriage.”
Jon sat up in his chair, thinking that he had won the battle. A subtle but smug smile crossed his face as he folded his arms on the table in front of him and leaned on them.
“Yes. You were right and I was wrong. I was wrong to believe that this marriage could be salvaged. I was wrong to even try. Because both partners have to want to try and make it work if it’s going to work. It can’t work if only one of us tries.”
Now the smile had fallen off his face and was replaced by the look of panic. “Wha…what do you mean?”
“I mean that I want a divorce when I return home.”
“I don’t understand. I thought everything was fine.”
“That’s right. YOU thought everything was fine. Even though I told you time and time again how unhappy I was. But guess what? I’m not unhappy anymore. And I’m going to get on with my life, Jon.”
“Wait a minute. What brought all this on?” Jon now started to raise his voice.
“Quiet down, Jon,” Caryn said trying to coax him back inside. The last thing she wanted was to air her dirty laundry outside for all to hear.
Following her inside, he closed the sliding door. “Ahhhh. I got it now,” he began in an accusatory tone. “It’s you and that kid, isn’t it? That Backstreet Boy. Has he been hitting on you?”
Caryn spun around and looked Jon square in the eyes. “I don’t believe you. Don’t drag Nick into this. Yes. He’s been paying a lot of attention to me. And why not? I’m an attractive woman. But this is NOT about Nick. This is about you and me and our inability to talk anymore. Let’s face it. We don’t even find each other attractive anymore. You don’t want me and I don’t want you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“When’s the last time we made love, Jon? Huh? Can you even remember?”
Jon stood there unable to speak. Words escaped him. He could not answer, because he could not remember. He looked down at the floor for a minute then returned his gaze to Caryn as she stood there waiting for an answer.
“You’re right,” he conceded. “I guess there’s nothing left to say.”
Caryn slipped into the bathroom and changed into her two-piece swim suit. She had decided to relax her last day in Maui and come to grips with the decision she had made. It would be a hard to tell the children. There would be a lot to do. But what hurt the most was that Jon gave up so easily without a fight. She had always thought their marriage was worth fighting for. Now she knew that she had been wrong.
When she emerged from the bathroom, Jon was dressed and gone. He left no note telling her where he was going and suddenly she felt very empty inside.
On the beach, she easily found an empty lounge chair as most of the people were out sight-seeing that day. She lay there most of the day alone. And it gave her a lot of time to reflect on her life. She realized that her life, for the most part, was pretty good. She had two wonderful children whom she greatly loved and who loved her back. Who could ask for more?
She stayed at the beach for lunch, ordering a light snack from the little bar there. Later in the afternoon she began to think about Nick. Not a day had gone by since the day she arrived that she didn’t see him. Yet today he was not around.
Caryn began to question her own sanity on the previous day. Her stomach began to ache and she suddenly felt like such a fool. As tears welled in her eyes, she rolled onto her stomach to avoid exposing her pain to others around her. She closed her eyes tightly, forcing the salty liquid out of her eyes to drip onto the towel below.
‘Was he just in pursuit? Is that why I saw him every day? Where is he now when I really need someone to talk to?’ Questions bombarded her mind, and the pain grew worse. She really needed him there to listen and to tell her that everything was going to be OK.
A few people came to the beach and left again. But Caryn remained until the sun began to set. Resigned to her decisions, she collected her things and made her way back to the hotel.
As she walked up the long side walk, she looked up expecting to see Nick there grinning as he did the other day. But he wasn’t there. Her head hung in disappointment.
Returning to the room, she found a note from Jon. In the note he had apologized for every time he had hurt her and hoped she could forgive him some day. He also said that he had changed his ticket and had flown back to California that afternoon and had arranged a car for her the next day to take her to the airport.
This was the last straw and she collapsed onto the bed in wretched pain. She tightly held her stomach and cried out in deep despair, “Oh what have I done to my life!?”
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