Starr moaned as her eyes opened and a bright light blinded her. She put her hands over her eyes and sat up. Once again, she tried opening her eyes. This time, it was to a very familiar sight. Sitting at a nearby table, Starr caught a glimpse of her mother next to Adrien, who had his hands on his head, grabbing at his hair. From the expression on his face, it struck her why she was there-looking at that. She stood up quickly and had a sudden urge to cry. She kept screaming her mothers' name, but her mother didn't turn around. No one in the simulation living room turned around. She tried to walk, but her feet were stuck to the ground as if she were wearing cement block shoes. She tugged, pulled, yanked, squirmed...anything to move! But she stayed so still, she felt like her knees were about to pop out of there sockets.
After drastic attemps to free her feet and an expedition through her mind to find an explanation, she froze. She felt as though she'd gone crazy. She sat and watched everyone; the little kids playing with their dolls; Marta at the front desk typing away at the computer; the janiter rolling his bucket of grungy mop water to the elevators; her mother sitting next to Adrien, her son-Starr's brother...Starr's brother. She didn't know how it could be.
What really struck her was how could her mother have gone nineteen years without telling her she had a brother. There she was, lonely and uncomplete with no one to talk to for 15 years and her mom simply didn't tell her she had a caring, intellegent sibbling that was lonely himself sitting here in LA in this stupid hospital, drawing pictures of the family he never had and probably never will. A family he saw only through a glass window inside a box. But wait, another question evolved in Starr's head as she sat paralized from the ankle down...How did he get here in the first place?
"Mom!" Starr sprang up from her laying position on the polyester sofa of the hospital visiting room. She paused for a second, looking around her. She lifted her ankle and twisted it in a circle. That's weird... She thought to herself. Must've been a dream.
"Yes...Starr?" Her Mom stood in the doorway. Starr looked at her face. It looked alot thinner. Her eyes' drooped more than before and her natural tan seemed pale in the shadow of the doorway.
"Mom..."
Jan walked cautiously to her and sat down. "Are you alright honey? Is your head hurting?"
"Why would it be?"
"Well when I told you about...Adrien...you fainted. So we layed you in here." She fiddled her thumbs as if I called her in here by her middle name and was about to punish her for a bad thing she had done.
"Adrien...yeah uhm, do you mind explaining that one to me?" Starr said sarcasticly.
"Honey...me and your Dad had just gotten married and we weren't expecting two kids-"
"So you threw one out?"
"No! He was born with that mental disorder and we-we-" Tears began streaming down her face. She could tell by the way her mother sniffed she had done it way to many times while Starr was sleeping. As she sat and looked at her sniffle and wheep like a child, that's what Starr felt she was...a child. A little girl that just got her doll stolen by the bully next door.
"You what?" Fristration built up. It was at it's peak and she was about to burst.
"I was scared Starr! I didn't know what to do. We made up the excuse that we didn't have enough money to support two children and gave him up for adoption. I know it's wrong, but I didn't know what else to do. I was only 16."
"Then you should have given us both up Mother. I hate my life anyways. Instead, I sit here alone for 19 years without even knowing I have a brother. You could have at least told me! Do you realize what I'm saying?"
"Yes honey, and I'm sorry."
"Did you even ever plan on telling me my twin brother was here in LA? Did you?"
"No...well we were, but we didn't want you getting mad at us, so we decided to wait. I had no idea you'd come here and find him."
Starr paced...something she'd been doing since the day her mother had gotten here. Maybe it was a sign she would find out something that would change her life forever. She inhaled deeply-she couldn't be in the same room as her mother, breathing the same air as a liar. She felt she'd catch the disease.
She heard her mom call her name as she left. When she didn't answer, cry's came from the room. She walked towards Adrien. As she got closer, she started slowing down. A smile appeared as she imagined him as a little boy, smiling up at her-his sister. Happy to be alive and with people that loved him dearly. She began thinking of all those birthdays he spent sitting on the cold tile floor of his hospital room, drawing pictures of a tall; dark haired women bending over to a small boy sitting at her feet with ribboned package in her hand. The smile on her face so bright and joyful it reflects onto the boy's.
Tears escaped.
She started crying and crying and crying; a constant flow. The tears were sad...sad for Adrien. The tears were also happy! Happy she'd found her one brother. They were anger tears, anger towards her mother. But she found that those tears were also sympathetic. She knew she had to put herself in her mothers' shoes. She knows that even at 19, she wouldn't give up her baby because of a mental disorder...but everyone's different. She had to understand and except that. For the first time that cold night and the first time in her life, Starr excepted the fact that no one's perfect...even her mother.
She leaned over and hugged Adrien tightly. She felt him put his hand on her arm. It was so cold and rough. That must be how he's feeling right now. Cold and shattered into tiny confused pieces. She felt a hand on her shoulder and closed her eyes, knowing it was her mothers. As the three of them sat there with their eyes closed and there hearts pounding, Starr felt complete...more complete than she has ever been.
Starr tapped her fingers rythmicly against the steering wheel. She woken up in an extremely good mood...and of coarse, AJ made it better. Today was their two month anniversery and he was gone, but in his place next to her was a beautiful red rose. There was a little note attachted to it that read "A rose for your tears". It confused her but she thought it was sweet. He said he had somewhere to be all day, so she decided tody would be her erand day. She wanted to hurry and get done so she would be back in time to meet AJ at Rue de Lamour...her favorite restraunt at six. Her first stop of the day was going to be the dry cleaners. She whistled to herself while putting her whites onto wash. A man approached her.
"Are you Starr Axen?" He had a very artificial, mundane voice that really interested her.
"Yes, may I help with you something...?"
"Oh yes, well your boyfriend wanted me to give this to you..." He handed her another rose that looked exactly like the other one-note and all. She smiled awkwardly at him and thanked him for it. After he walked back to where-ever he came from...Starr flipped over the card and read "A rose for your fears" aloud. She couldn't help but smile at AJ's little game. After that, she headed to the salon, where yet another rose awaited her that said "A rose when we're together". By 4 o'clock when she got home, she had 10 roses laying in front of her. Everywhere she had gone, there was a rose given to her by some strange person, each containing a note. As six o'clock neared, she got more anxious to find the 12th rose.
"One?" The waitress asked in southern tone that made Starr laugh inside.
"No, I'm waiting for someone."
"A young man by the name of Alexander?" She smiled and faced her left.
"Yes..." Starr smiled wider. She followed the girl and almost hopped in excitement. She caught AJ's eye as they turned the corner. He had on a penguin tuxedo, with a bow-tie that looked like it squeaked when you pulled it. His hair was slicked back. Starr almost frowned when she saw no rose sitting on the table. It was funny how this rose game got her so infatuated.
"Good evening." AJ greeted Starr as she sat down. He commented the curvature of her black dress and said she looked very pretty. "I know you can't wait for that twelth one, eh?" He laughed and pulled something with a long green stem out from his lap. Starr smiled and took it gently. After the twelth rose, She re-played the messages in her head..."A rose for your tears..." "A rose for your fears..." "A rose when we're together..." "A rose when we're apart..." "A rose for sweet kisses..." "A rose to admire..." "A rose to sing about..." "A rose to always remember me..." "A rose to always remember us..." "A rose for our friendship..." "A rose for our love..." and the last one, Starr read "A rose for you..."
Starr was so happy, she felt she was going to cry. He was so romantic she just leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek.
"I love you..." She whispered softly in his ear.
The rest of the night was like magic to Starr. They didn't do anything extrodinary, but she would never forget it. The way the moon light perfetly over AJ's brown eyes in the garden of the ball made her heart melt. They reminded her of melting Hershey kisses.
When she first began college, right away the clique of party's and sex planted a permanent figure in her mind, but after meeting AJ, it turned into a romantic, 19th century goth tale of moonlight walks and sweet nothings. Set aside the dramatic details, she was begining to feel at home.
A soft breeze sent a chiver racing down her spine. When she shook, she felt like one of those corny chicks off that Wrigley's commercial. She lifted her shoulders to her ears and rested her head.
People say Paris is the city of love...what about LA?