I thought about Jizzy’s suggestion awhile after he suggested it. Having him along would be both positive and negative. In a positive way, he could protect me from violent women and people much stronger than I was then. He looked like he had made it through a couple of hardcore fights in his life and he would be good to have along.
In a negative way, I didn’t want people to think that I was a bum too, that’s partly why the woman picked a fight with me. If I had him along it would make it a lot worse. Fortunately he was stronger and cleaner than the man had been and my only fear should have been that people would throw coins in our direction as we walked up the street. That would be so demeaning, and I probably would have ended up feeling bad about having other people’s money while I have plenty of my own.
I decided to let him come even though I don’t think that I ever had a say in it anyway. We started back up and I wished right away that I hadn’t picked the beach. The beach was much farther away than my house and I regretted it after about ten minutes of walking. But I had a mission, an impossible one, but it was a mission. I just hoped that Angie would be there to pick them up, because it was only 8:00. I didn’t think it would take me nine hours to get there either.
Jizzy was more helpful on my journey than I thought he would be. He kept asking me why I didn’t take a cab and I just shook my head at him. I didn’t want him to abandon me because he thought I was crazy. When I swayed to the side or near the road, he’d catch me by the back of the shirt and ask me why I didn’t take a cab. Every time, and I stumbled at least fifty times.
We rested often and I don’t think Jizzy really minded. Sometimes he would offer a rest if I looked too tired or I stumbled too often. I would keep going because I thought that he was getting annoyed about me sitting down too often. Most of the time it was go, go, go, stop. At that point I knew I was getting weaker and I knew that it was even harder for me to get up the hill. But still, having someone along kept my mind off of the impossible task at hand. I felt I had to keep going because I was afraid he’d get bored and leave.
Jizzy stuck by my side the whole way though. Once, we stopped to sit on the bench and before I was ready to stand, Jizzy got up. He usually helped me up when he got up because now I couldn’t do it on my own. He told me that he’d come back, but I sat there worrying out of my little mind anyway.
Jizzy took off in the direction of the hospital and that was the second thing I worried about. I didn’t want to go to the hospital that was the last place I wanted to be. The loneliness and worry involved in being a patient just wasn’t for me.
I had craned my neck around and after a minute of looking I had to stop. My neck had become stiff and painful. So I settled with looking at the road until my neck felt better.
Moments later Jizzy returned and I could tell it was him without turning around. He smelled oddly: like cigarettes, booze and some kind of mild cologne. I could also tell that he had brought me something, because he was grunting loudly and trying to get it in front of me.
It was a wheelchair. I gasped and clung to the arms of the bench tightly, my eyes wide and my pupils dilated. Now he was going to drag me to the hospital and there was nothing I could do about it, I thought.
Jizzy must have sensed my fear. “Oh, this is for getting you up the hill and to the beach. We’ll get there a lot faster this way.”
I relaxed my grip on the bench and allowed him to lift me onto the chair. He explained to me that the people from the hospital would never let a bum like him inside. He said that he stole the wheelchair from some old lady who didn’t need it. That made me feel badly because I thought that I wasn’t worth this kind of transportation in the first place.
Jizzy must have sensed my solemnity and he was silent. He pushed me up the hill with ease and after a while, I was beginning to enjoy it.
Jizzy decided to break the silence. “So, what’s your name? You never told me.”
“I’m Nick,” I croaked. I had no problem with making a conversation with this guy but my throat just wouldn’t allow it.
“Are you Nick from the Backstreet Boys? There’s lotsa talk about that guy.”
“No, I’m not that Nick.”
“Good, cuz the Nick from the Backstreet Boys is a fag.” I tried to keep a straight face through all of this, but I burst out laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“You thought I was a fag?”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that! He’s missing and all that, it was on the news. The last people who heard about him were the police, but they ain’t saying anything. They hardly ever do. I just thought it would be kinda cool if you were him. There’s a huge cash reward out there ya know? Like he did something criminal or something. His friends are still going somewhere, I don’t remember where, but they sure don’t look like they really care.”
I tried hard to swallow all of those words but somehow I couldn’t believe it. The only reason why people would search for me was because I am famous, not because they cared. I tried hard not to look too depressed, but it shows no matter what you do.
“What’s tha matter?” Jizzy stopped pushing the wheelchair and leaned over to look me in the eyes.
“I’m tired.”
“You don’t look tired, you look sad.” At that point I wondered what the difference was. Being sad made me tired.
“I guess that kind of hit home for me.” I coughed loudly into my arm, hoping he would get the drift that I didn’t want to talk anymore. But, no such luck.
“How so?”
“I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“Is it your parents? Nod yes or no.”
I gave Jizzy my most annoyed look. He laughed it off and forced me to answer by pretending to push me back down the hill. I shook my head no, even though the real answer would have been “sort of.” They weren’t really there for at the moment, but if I could contact them I bet they would be here in a flash. Unfortunately I didn’t get the number and I was stuck being alone.
“Okay, um, is it a girlfriend problem?” I shook my head no, at the moment it wasn’t her.
“Friends?” I shook my head yes slowly because it was their fault that I was so depressed.
“Ahh, so they’re abandoning you just like that Nick guy’s are?” I shook my head yes again.
“Then where are your parents?” I shrugged my shoulders at that. I knew they were with Aaron, but I didn’t know exactly where they were.
Jizzy couldn’t think of anything else to say about that, which was good because I was getting dizzy from shaking my head so vigorously. We were almost there at that point and I could hardly believe it. It would have taken me hours longer to get there and we already were there. I was so amazed that I forgot why I was there until I looked at the pictures in my hand.
“So what do we do now?” Jizzy was getting impatient. I could tell because he was moving the wheel chair back and forth, making me incredibly dizzy. I don’t think that he knew that he was making me dizzy, because he was a nice guy. In fact, really liked him in a non-sexual way. He was my only friend at the time and I was beginning to change my opinion about bums. I still wonder why he was so nice to me in the first place.
I told him to roll me over to the water, exactly where I went when I met Angie. He struggled to get me over there, but he was really nice about it. Once a wad of sand and garbage got stuck in my wheel and Jizzy didn’t notice until I half-flipped off of my seat. We were laughing about it all the way to the water because it looked funny if you were there. It’s hard to explain that something is really funny if it’s been abused in many sitcoms over the years. But somehow it doesn’t lose its magic when it actually happens to someone. It sounds so stupid, and it looks stupid as I read this over, but then it just wasn’t.
Anyway, when we made it to the water, we just sat there in complete silence, waiting. I knew that Jizzy didn’t know what we were waiting for and he was probably waiting for me to say something. But I was mesmerized by the tide once again and I hardly noticed anything besides it. I matched the colors in the sky to the scenic beauty of the water. For the first time in a while I felt my sanity return in the gusts of wind that caressed my face. I could feel that my hair had grown tremendously and the wind was gently brushing it.
Jizzy’s eyes were on me the whole time, probably because he’d never seen the relaxed peaceful look on my face before. We’d only known each other for a couple of hours, but we hit it off just like Bri and me did so many years ago. If you’re older than I am, six years may not seem like a lot. But his friendship was a big thing to me and the second he decided to end it, my life turned for the worst. I hoped somehow that Jizzy would revive my sense of trust and take care of me while I was in the hospital. He would do that; I could see it in his eyes.
I looked down at Jizzy and he had on the same peaceful expression as I did. The waves and wind were working their magic on him and I hated to disturb it. Jizzy sensed that I was watching him though, and he looked up at me.
We waited in silence for one of us to say something, but it took us a long time to answer. Finally, Jizzy asked, “So what are we waiting for?”
“A friend.”
“Uh huh. And why are we waiting for this friend?”
“Because this is her film, it isn’t mine. I want to give it to her.”
“Lemme get this straight. You struggled all the way downtown to get the film developed then struggled back up to give it to her? Are you some kind of a nut?”
“Sort of. I felt bad.”
“You torture yourself because you feel bad? Man, you need to get some self-esteem! If I had the money, I’d get you some help!”
I smiled and looked up at the sky. I rested my head on the back of the wheelchair and closed my eyes. “You don’t understand. She was the only friend I had left. I had to do it.”
“Wow, you must be really lonely.”
“I was, but you’re a great friend. Without you I’d probably be decaying on a sidewalk somewhere.”
“Oh God don’t say that! I thought I’d never feel sorry for someone like you but now… I also have a feeling that that’s not even a quarter of the story.”
I shook my head no and sighed. He was a great guy and I hated being so dependent on him. If I hadn’t grown up near and around people all the time I wouldn’t be so lonely or scared right now. I was so vulnerable at that point that this guy could have murdered me. Either he didn’t think I had the money or he really cared. Maybe I looked more pathetic than I thought trying to get those pictures back into the package.
“So what time does your friend usually come by?” Jizzy was skipping rocks along the water. He was very entertaining to watch because he could get up to five skips. I had a feeling this was his thinking spot too.
“Later,” I replied to his question. I knew it was much later, but I didn’t want to tell him that because I was afraid that he would lose his patience and leave.
“No, what time?”
“Later time.”
Jizzy laughed quietly to himself and shook his head. “You know what? I’m so on to you, it’s not even funny.”
“What do you mean?” I gave him an innocent look to go with my innocent thoughts. I really didn’t know what he was talking about; I hadn’t done anything wrong.
“I know that you’re Nick Carter. I’ve watched you come here all the time. This is my favorite thinking spot too you know. I was trying to throw you off with the gay thing.”
I sat there with my jaw wide open. My mouth was paralyzed and I didn’t know what to say.
Chapter 21
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