It was a long time before I saw anything besides darkness. During that period, I wondered if I was being judged heaven or hell. In my mind I prayed that God would except me, even so I’d ended my own life. For a brief moment I wished that Brian was there to guide me along. Or at least my cross.
When I “woke up” the place that I was in was well lit. That was the best I could make of it because my eyes were blurry and unreceptive. From the light colors and the all of the white, I assumed that I was in heaven. I wished that it wasn’t so stereotypical, but I guess that they used that so that people can tell if they made it to heaven.
My eyes began to focus and I concentrated on the objects in the room. I heard this hideous “beep…beep” noise coming from somewhere in the room. When my eyes focused harder, I realized that I was in a hospital room. I had not made it to heaven after all. This was the devil’s first punishment for me – to lay alone in a hospital bed. That was one of the things I tried to avoid.
I tried to scream, but no sound came out. It felt like someone had punched me in the throat and shattered my larynx. The beeping noise finally got to me and I begun to cry quietly to myself.
Soon after, I heard someone (or something) come into the room. My eyes had become unfocused again because of my crying and I tried desperately to fix that.
It wasn’t the devil himself though. If he was then he certainly wasn’t the stereotypical devil. He looked like an average middle aged man, except for the fact that he was cue bald.
At first he didn’t realize that I was awake. He fiddled with the machine and made it stop beeping. You wouldn’t believe how much of a relief it was – if you have tennitis then you probably know what I’m talking about.
Finally he turned to me and said, “holy shit you’re awake!” He seemed like an oblivious person to me, either that or he had his mind on something else. It took him a lot longer to realize that I had been crying.
“What’s wrong?” he asked me. He was too nice to be a devil. Maybe they had hospital rooms in heaven. Then again everyone was supposed to be perfect in heaven. Sinless, painless and full of happiness for the rest of their time in death. But I WAS in pain still, so I was still unsure of where I was.
The man went on to ask if I wanted anything, a drink of water, etc. He kept commenting on how sick I was and that he hoped that I would be okay. Finally he said something interesting.
“You know, you’re lucky that Louie found you when he did. He’s a great guy, just wait until you meet him.” This guy had on a fake smile because even he knew that Louie was an asshole. But mostly, from that statement I realized that I had failed. I failed God and myself and now I had to rot with Louie for the rest of my miserable life.
The man left the room briefly and returned with a large black object. I looked at it closely and realized that it was a TV. He must have figured that I would be bored and he dragged the TV into my room. I didn’t want to watch it because I was afraid I would see myself in it.
“I have to go for a while, so just stay here and watch TV. That’s the only thing I could think of that you could do, so just hang tight. I’ll put the remote in your hand.” Moments later I felt a cold object slide between my fingers. I realized that they must have taken the bandages off of my hands, but I still couldn’t move them.
The cue bald man turned on the TV and then left. Unfortunately for me, the TV was turned to the music channel. I tried to push one of the buttons by feeling alone, but it didn’t work for me.
I tried to fall asleep and just ignore it, but the sleep wouldn’t come. The TV was blaring “Show Me The Meaning” ironically enough. I hoped that they weren’t playing a special or something to do with me. It had been a while since I took off and I hoped that it had all blown over. Apparently it didn’t.
A blonde woman, one of the DJs I guessed, started her report after “Show Me The Meaning” finished. She started talking about the video and the concepts. They showed some clips of D talking about his sister and some short clips of me on the set.
She went on to talk about how I’d mysteriously managed to disappear and to call the number on the screen if you knew anything about the disappearance. I thought about the possibility of me giving them a crank call someday so I memorized the number.
They showed a recent picture of me from the party where I met Dania. I looked happy, but bored out of my mind. The picture was inaccurate now of course because my features had changed significantly since I left.
The report went on to show AJ at an awards show. There were a bunch of reporters waiting for him at the door. Most of them were asking about what he knew about me or for him to comment on the situation. I didn’t know that they cared enough to talk about me for that long. Three weeks must have been some kind of a record for them.
AJ just sighed into their microphones and said “No comment.” I didn’t think he would say anything about me, positive or negative. It just was that way in the music business; you don’t want to break more hearts than you need to.
The scene changed and showed a bunch of palm trees. I knew they had taken the story to Orlando not only from the familiar scenery, but from the writing at the bottom of the screen. My eyesight was poor and I could barely read it. I hoped that I wouldn’t have to get glasses because even so I liked to wear fake ones, I preferred to use my own eyes.
The reporter started talking about how devastating my disappearance was for my family. I really didn’t want to see how upset they were, especially my mom, but I couldn’t move if my life depended on it.
First, they interviewed my mom. “What would you say to Nick if he was listening right now?” the blonde news reporter asked.
My mom was all teary-eyed and the reporter offered her a tissue. She started to talk, which was hard for her because her voice was so choked up.
“I would…tell him that I love him. And…that we all miss him very much. Nick, honey, anytime you’re ready to come home, come to our house. Aaron and all of your sisters miss you very much. And…and…please be alive…I love you!”
I tried my hardest not to cry for her. As soon as I could get to a phone I would call her because now I knew were she was. She seemed to be the only one that cared, my whole family did, and I guess that was all that mattered to me.
The report kept going and saying that they couldn’t interview Aaron for personal reasons. I hoped that I wasn’t messing the little guy’s head up by going missing.
They ended the report by saying that the last person to see me was Mandy, but she’s not revealing any details. I wondered if George was behind that somehow. Either he was controlling her or he had moved on.
I was thankful that the report didn’t upset me because the cue bald man returned to the room after it finished. He had on a grin that went from ear to ear.
As he fiddled with the machine that I was hooked up to, he whistled. I pretended that I couldn’t hear him because supposedly I was deaf. The man tapped me on the shoulder and I turned my attention to him. I even watched his lips move to achieve effect.
“My name’s Charlie,” he said. I smiled weakly because I couldn’t afford to do more than that.
“Do you know any sign language?” he asked me, peering into my eyes. I held my pointer finger half an inch above my thumb.
“A little? Darn, I was hoping you could show me my name in sign language. Well, I’ve got some bad news for you and unfortunately no good news comes attached.”
I nodded my head slowly and he continued. “You have extremely advanced stages of cancer, I’m afraid. If you don’t take treatment right now, you’ll die within a few days. Even if you do take the treatment, you’ll only have a thirty- percent chance of living. I’ve done the best I can for now, starting with chemotherapy. I’m sorry.”
I looked at him in astonishment. He had started the treatment without my permission and now I would have to suffer longer. By rights he should have known that I wanted to die because I’d taken thirty pills beforehand!
“But don’t worry too much because I’ll be here for you whenever you need me. If you’re sick or hungry or lonely, just push that button by your bed and I’ll come running, ok?” Again I smiled weakly at him and touched the button lightly with my hand.
Charlie’s beeper went off and he got up to answer his call. “I’m needed elsewhere again, but I’ll be right back,” he promised. He squeezed my arm one last time and left the room.
Moments later, someone else came through the door. At first I thought it was Charlie coming back to get something that he had forgotten. But I was wrong; it was Louie.
The moment I saw his figure in the doorway, I pretended that I had fallen into never ending sleep from which I’d never awake. I felt his hands on my shoulders and I thought that he was going to shake me awake. But instead he gave me a gentle push, which I pretended to wake up from.
“How are ya feeling buddy?” he asked me with false sincerity. I yawned and looked at him tiredly, hinting that I wanted him to leave so that I could sleep.
“I know you’re tired, so I’ll be brief. Since you’re being treated here, in my little hospital, you’ll need to pay us off once you’re all better. If you die in the process, we won’t hunt down your family membahs like we usually do. Let’s just say that I like you. I know that you tried suicide and you would be dead by now if one of my men hadn’t forced twenty o’ those pills ya took outta yur stomach. I never knew that people threw up so much while they slept.” I kept a straight face through the conversation; even so I was boiling inside. How dare he deprive me of my decision to live or to die. At a different perspective, maybe God had decided that I wasn’t ready to go to heaven (or hell) because I hadn’t served my purpose.
Louie finished laughing at me and looked me straight in the eye. “Since I’m being so lenient, you gotta understand something. While you’re with me, you have to do exactly what I say to cover the debt. Sure, you can’t do much now and you need a haircut, but if you don’t die, we could use a guy like you. One question though, “Can you talk fancy with broads?”
I looked at him strangely then shrugged my shoulders as best I could. It wasn’t a question of if I could; it was a question of why would I? I didn’t want Louie to make me do something awful to a lady.
“The reason I asked,” he continued, “is because we need someone to keep them busy while we rob them blind or something. Part of my “business” is to make the money. To make the money, I do one of two things. Either I steal the money, or I sell drugs for the money. Ya need money to make money, know what I’m saying?” I nodded as knowingly as I could; even so I had no idea what he was talking about.
Louie went on and on about his drug trafficking business until noticed that I was getting tired. At first he thought I was bored and he became angry with me.
“How dare you!” he screamed, “ I should get someone in here to kill you now!”
He had caught me off guard with that one. There I was, listening intensely to God knows what and trying to stay awake just so that I wouldn't get killed.
Fortunately for me, Charlie bounded in the doorway and to my rescue. He explained my condition thoroughly to Louie and Louie apologized to me straight away. I was lucky to remain unscaved after that.
As I started to fall asleep, Charlie sat by my bed and explained some of the things he would have to do to me to keep me alive. The first things he mentioned were standard, then lastly he said, “Oh, and we’ll have to surgically implant a Groshong catheter into your chest.”
At those words my eyes snapped open.
Chapter 26
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