When Brian woke up he still saw nothing but black. But he was really awake. He felt around with his hands and realized he was in a bed.
“I can’t be dead, can I?” he wondered aloud. But no one came. Brian felt around for a call button if there was one, but he couldn’t find it. He decided just to lie there for a while and see if anyone would come to his rescue.
Meanwhile, he started exploring more with the touch of his hands. They flew up to his face and he tried to find his eyes. He felt bandages around them and around half of his entire face. On the top of his head he felt skin where his hair should have been. The bandages stretched all the way down to his nose and over one ear. ‘Maybe I got shot in the head,’ he thought, ‘but they were sloppy with bandages.’
Brian didn’t stop touching his face, even when he heard someone enter the room. He wanted to know what was going on.
“Brian,” the doctor called softly. Brian didn’t hear him that time, so he called his name again. “Brian!”
Brian jerked a bit in surprise and his hands flew to his sides. “Hmm?” was his weak reply.
The doctor began to walk towards him and cleared his throat. Brian took this as a bad sign. He prompted the doctor to tell him what was the matter.
“What’s wrong with me doc?” he croaked.
“That’s what I came here to tell you. I’m afraid that it isn’t good. You’re mom already knows, and she’s just outside. I’ll send her in after I tell you what’s wrong. But Mr. Littrell…”
“Brian,” he corrected quietly.
“Brian, don’t forget that she’s willing to do whatever it takes to help you through this.”
“Please tell me what’s wrong, I can’t take it anymore!” The doctor realized that Brian was on the verge of tears because of his slow speech and decided to hurry the process.
“You took a bullet right in the middle of your face. We tried to remove as much of the lead as possible from your brain, but there are still many small pieces left.
Now the problem is that your face took the toll. When you fell, you landed on a letter opener and it cut up most of your ear. We can’t repair it with plastic surgery…I’m sorry.” Brian just nodded. He knew that the doctor was saving the worst for last.
“Your nose totally shattered with the blast. Again, it’s unrepairable.”
“Does that mean I can’t play basketball?”
“Yes…that’s part of the reason why. See, your eyes, they took the worst toll of all. Since they were right next to the blast, they’re gone…”
“I’m blind...” Brian croaked.
“Yes, you are. I’m terribly sorry Brian. We just don’t have the technology to fix that right now. That was a bullet aimed to kill.”
‘I wish it had,’ Brian thought.
“The worst part is that you’ll never be able to take off your bandages.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s a large hole in the middle of your face that we can’t fix.”
There are so many little things in life that you don’t actually miss until they’re gone, even so those little things run most of your life. Mine lost touch with me when I forgot my mother’s wise words. “Don’t be the hero Brian,” she always reminds me. It’s not that she is unkind and uncaring when it comes to helping others in need, it’s just that she’s afraid to lose her son. And in a way she did lose me. I no longer lived my life for myself, but for those who were afraid to lose me. I felt that I had lost my purpose when I felt that I could not go on for myself. In some ways I no longer was myself. I was no longer the comic relief and I rarely laughed at a joke. Life just wasn’t as funny as it had been. I had become something I never wanted to be and I aged faster each day of my life. Not for the wiser though, but into someone I hoped I’d never be. I am a shadow of my former self. I am B-rok, and I’m ghost.
End