Some Rambling by Shadowspawn
Communication is the key. Without it you cannot
relate, if you cannot relate there is no relationship.
Listen to me though, god. What am I some sort of
philosopher giving advice designed to enlighten you.
:)
I mean me, I just talk about shit. Analyzing humans,
mixing with them, part of them yet isolated.
Looking at my life I really have no room to talk.
There is a difference between knowing the path and
walking the path. Like I think I'm some sort of
intellect, or artist of sorts, or some sort of
thinker.
But to accomplish what? Nothing. Almost nothing. I
give advice to so many people. And it starts to
get to me, but I don't know what else to say. Wish I
could just be stupid, or talk. Like a normal person
does. But then what is normal? Just a setting on
your washing machine. And if common sense is so
common how come no one has any? Almost like I get some sort
of vendication, redemption or something for helping
someone else, instead of myself. Giving, giving. The
selfish son. I don't know, you know. I really don't
know, everything is too complicated. Life is too
complicated. If before I was born, I just didn't
exist, and after I die I will no longer exist...Isn't life
just an interuption from nonexistance? Can you
relate?
Can anyone relate? Is it that the way I see things is
the way everyone sees things, they are just smarter
than me and avoid the core of the issues. Because you
don't live by thinking of death. Death is not a bad
word either like so many use it. It has a beauty all
of its own. Everything has a beauty. Even as little
as I see it, maybe I do too. But then what is beauty
just a flash of the eye. Do you realize how many
people looked up at the same sun, the same moon at different
times, even before humans. Everything one, yet its
all divided. God I wish I had a piece of mind. Just a
little fraction. And listen to me. I'm full of shit.
I'm just so confused myself. I promised myself I
wouldn't break and ramble like I did above. But I
have.
And I'm not going to page up and delete it. Because
maybe it needs to be said. Maybe it needs to be said
out loud. I don't know. I really don't.
Getting out on your own is a good thing. you get more
smoothed out inside. To know me before I could take
care of myself was not a good sight. I think too much. I
did massive amounts of hardcore things, not to
socialize like all my friends but to seperate. It got me no where.
And I'm still getting no where fast. As long as I
have a pack of cigarettes, and some noodles, I'm just fine.
Bare essentials. I can look back on my breif little
period of life and see no good for myself. Sure but I have
been there for so many souls. Its painful to know
that not a one would, and even if they wanted could be here for
me. I like single serving friends. They never really
know me.
Really know the core. So lost. Dragging hands over a
barren mother earth.
Don't quote me on anything I say. As soon as you
place a theory on reality, the theory changes the
reality it describes.
Can I trust my own observations. Maybe always being
in a relationship is good. How should I know? I
don't. I don't have the answers.
I hope you understand what I have been saying and
don't run away from my friendship. I'm just as
confused as you, maybe more so. Because the more you analyze the more
confused you become. And I have been analyzing to
deep all my life. If you analyze a grain of sand, you never see
the beach.
Wish I could be there to party. Sorry if my message
is not understandable. This is why sometimes I cannot
talk.
Because I guess somethings are better left unsaid. I
don't know. Maybe I should not have just spouted so
much.
But maybe I should have. Oh well whatever
nevermind...
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