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Gary Larson:
Don't ask me. I am retired.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Heisenberg:
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was
moving very fast.
Xeno of Elea:
To prove it could never reach the other side.
Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken
depends on your frame of reference.
Darwin:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Chicken Little:
The sky was falling!
Neil Armstrong:
That's one small step for (a) chicken, one giant leap for chicken-kind.
Buddha:
If you meet the chicken on the road, KILL HIM!
Nietzche:
If the chicken gazes too long across the road, the road will also gaze
into the chicken.
Newton:
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross
the road.
Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.
Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?
Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?
Jack Nicholson:
Because it [expletive deleted] wanted to, that's [expletive deleted]
why.
Timothy Leary:
Because it was the only trip the establishment would let it take.
Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
Vergil: Arms and the chicken I sing, who first from the side of
the road
To the other side driven by fate, came at last to the foot of the "don't
walk" sign...
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.
Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.
Pierre de Fermat: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.
Michel Foucault: It did so because the dicourse of crossing the
road left it no choice; the police state was oppressing it.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do
it.
H. P. Lovecraft: To escape the eldritch, cthonic, rugose, polypous,
indescribably horrible abomination not from our space-time continuum.
Paul de Man: The chicken did not really cross the road because one
side and the other are not really opposites in the first place.
Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed
the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own
preservation.
Mr. Spock:It was not logical for the chicken to do so, but I have
frequently observed that the behaviour of chickens is not logical
Rene Descartes:It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming
anyway.
Descartes (again):The chicken was merely a machine and was crossing
due to the deterministic nature of the universe.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe:The eternal hen-principle made it do
it.
George Lucas: Because the Force was with it.
Hegel:Only through the synthesis of the dialectical chicken and
road could the spirit transcend the experience of crossing.
David Hume:Out of custom and habit.
Carl Jung:The confluence of events in the cultural gesalt necessitated
that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurences into being.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Anonymous: To show the armadillo it could be done.
OTHERS:
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian
biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly
relegated to homosapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
George Washington: Actually, it crossed the Delaware with me back
in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie
during the duration.
The Gipper: He did it for me.
J. Danforth Quayle: Ite sawe ae potatoee.
Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.
Candide: To cultivate its garden.
Marshall McLuhan:The Road is the Medium. The chicken is the Message!
Ludwig Wittgenstein:The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into
the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which
caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Karl Marx:It was a historical inevitability.
Wolfgang Pauli:There already was a chicken on the other side of
the road.
Jean-Paul Sartre:In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
B.F. Skinner:Because the external influences which had pervaded
its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that
it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be
of its own free will.
Mark Lane:There is new, irrefutable evidence that the chicken did
not act alone.
Gottfried Von Leibniz:In this best possible world, the road was
made for it to cross.
Jacques Derrida:Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation
is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because
structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
T.S. Eliot:It's not that they cross, but that they cross like chickens.
Sir Charles Grandiose:
As surely as the golden hairs turn to silver, as surely as the sands
drift silently through the slender neck of the hourglass, the last sunny
days of summer flee soundlessly under autumn's chilly embrace. And with
those last days of that warmest and most joyful of seasons, left the road's
edge the sprightliest young chicken ever a Baronet did see
Robert Heinlein:
The more widely dispersed chickens are throughout the Universe, the
better the long-term prospects for the survival of the chicken species.
Doug Hofstadter:
To seek explication of the correspondence between appearance and essence
through the mapping of the external road-object onto the internal road-concept.
H.P. Lovecraft:
To futilely attempt escape from the dark powers which even then pursued
it, hungering after the stuff of its soul!
Machiavelli:
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which
has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear,
for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of
avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
General Buck Turgidson (Dr. Strangelove):
Because it could not afford to be caught on the wrong side of the road-side
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