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Taoism: **** happens.
Confucianism: Confucious say, "**** happens". "If **** has
to happen, let it happen PROPERLY."
Buddhism: If **** happens, it isn't
really happening TO anyone.
Zen:
What is the sound of **** happening?
Hinduism: This **** happened before.
Catholicism: If **** happens, you deserved it.
Charismatic Catholicism: **** is happening because you deserve it, but
we love you anyway.
Protestantism: Let **** happen to someone else!
Presbyterianism: This **** was bound to happen.
Calvinism: **** happens because you don't
work hard enough.
Lutheranism: **** happens, but as long as you're sorry,
it's OK.
Anglicanism: It's true, **** does happen -- but only
to Lutherans.
Judaism: Why does this ****
always happen to us?
Islam: If ****
happens, it is the will of Allah
Christian Science: When **** happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
Southern Baptist: **** will happen. Praise the lord!
Unitarianism: **** that happens to one person is just as
bad as **** that happens to another.
Deism: God does
not make **** happen.
Mormon: This **** will
happen again.
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock Knock! "Let us in and we will tell you why
**** happens."
Branch Davidianism: May **** happen to the FBI!
Jesuitism: If **** happens and nobody
hears it, did it really make a sound?
Scientology: If you leave us, bad **** will happen
to you.
Dianetics: "Why does **** happen?" (p. 157)
Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this ****
stop happening...
Native American Church: **** has been happening to our sacred lands
for 500 years.
Shintoism: You inherit the **** of your
ancestors. **** is everywhere. So as long as you're stepping in it,
show it some respect.
Graeco-Roman Mythology: The Gods will tell us when **** happens.
Wicca: The Goddess
makes **** happen.
Voodoo: **** doesn't
just happen -- somebody did it to you.
New Age: Visualize **** happening...
Shamanism: Whoaa...Holy ****! I dreamt
**** happened outside my body.
Astrology: Jupiter is being really ****ty
to me today.
Rastafarianism: Hey, this is good ****, mon.
Satanism: **** rules!
Creation Science: **** has only been happening since October 23rd 4004
B.C.
Secular Humanism: **** happens through the free will of mankind.
Atheism: Why try to explain
why **** happens? **** happens for no apparent reason.
Evolutionism: **** happens as a process of natural selection.
Existentialism: **** is, therefore it happens.
Mysticism: It is an awe-inspiring mystery
why **** happens.
Discordianism: Chaos is beautiful in the way that it makes ****
happen.
Solipsism: All this **** is a creation
of my imagination.
Stoicism: We become more resilient
through **** happening.
EST: You're responsible for the **** that happens to you. And through
this $500 weekend intensive, you'll learn why you're letting **** happen
to you.
Twelve Step: **** happens one day at a time.
Illuminism: We make **** happen.
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