HOTTIES _Scene- In the kitchen with all 5 of the guys and Tom_ -Jerry- Brreaakkkfast is served! Mickey Pigsfeet side porkrines, Doug scrape of cottage cheese, melted toast, one raisin, QT lucky charms hold the blue moons and Chad bowl of Blue moons. _Tom- Eat up little dudes, think about all those starving boy bands in Orlando. (steals Doug's one raisin) -Doug- And at this Table! -Tom- Ha Ha Ha- I've got awesome news, Jerry you've been nominated for teen dream of the year. -All- Yeaaa... -Mickey- Yea Man! -Jerry- Nominated by who? -Tom-By the Pubesic Patrons of my new favorite clothing chain, Urban slut, they're sponsering the awards. -Jerry- Man, this whole Jerry the heart throb thing is so tiring, Im not a label -Doug- Thats exactly what a Heart throb would say. -Tom- Well thats exactly why your going to do it, with you as a candinate, the band gets to perform at the awards on national tv and if you win you all fly to beautiful hawaii to get interviewd by regis and lil kim. -QT- What do you mean if we win Jerry is our very own official girl band. -Mickey- Yea man player cant loose. he he -Tom- There's gunna be some stiff competition, some of its suprising... -Jerry- Like who? -Tom- Like CHAD! He's been nominated too! (Chad stops putting the blue moons on his lips and spits them out in shock!) -All-~shock~ _Opening sequence_ -Scene- Still in the kitchen_ -Chad- I've been nominated Teen Dream of the year??? -Doug-Way to go Chadwin! -Jerry- Well I'm out im not gunna run against my band brother! -Chad- Jerry you have to run! Cuz im not gunnu. -Tom- Ha, you both run and its twice the publicity. Do the math Jerry plus Chad equals lawless gets a raise. -Chad- I can do it, I wont, I know I come across sometimes as a bomb ass pimp but the truth is I'm Shy! -Mickey- You shy? Your craping me! -Chad- If I'm in this contest 1st I'll faint then I'll come to and then I'll die. I dont feel so good. Doug will you help me to my room ( Doug picks him up and takes him to his room) -Tom- Whhhaats going on? -Doug- Eh thats alright... Sometimes when he gets embarressed his legs dont work. -Jerry- Alright fine, I'll run in the stupid beauty pagent, costs me a a fortune and bronzer but I'll do it. _Scene- The guys rehearsing their dances to "5Gether"_ (guys dancing really bad) -Dance instructer- So guys guys I think these brazillian martial arts moves will make you look awesome on stage so heres that 1st part one more time (does alot of flipping and stuff) Douh you've got this down let me work with the otehrs. -Doug-Chad, I'll be with my cool now... (Chad goes over to talk to him) I really need you to be in this teen dream thing... I realize your afraid of loosing it. -Chad- Uh-huh, I'm afraid of winning. -Doug- Winning? Why? -Chad- Girls counting on me to act like a Teen dream for a whole year? And what about the winner's other duties, like inspecting meat? -Doug- What? -Chad- Doug dont play dumb with me I hate that, Let Jerry be in the contest, being a hottie is his job not mine. -Dance instructer- MICKEY YOUR NOT READY FOR THIS (crash) -Mickey- Damn sneakers fell apart, this crap could of killed me! _Scene- Living room- Jerry doing a photo shoot for Teen dream_ -Tom- O'keefe get your dimples over here... America's loosing its wood. (Chad looks up after helping Jerry to see that Doug is upset with Chad, Chad goes to their room where Doug is) -Doug- Oh dad, mommy (Looking at a pic. of their mom and dad). -Chad- Something wrong? -Doug- Wrong? No... (breaks down in "tears") oohh I cant keep a secret from you, I was just thinking about the Linus curse. -Chad- I've never Heard of the Linus Curse... Is it some sort of special swear word like... Shazbot? -Doug- No.. its worse than that... -Chad- What is it? -Doug- Being a Linus man means that at some part of your life... a good looking man's gunna screw yah! I mean my x- left me for a handsome contractor in pittsburgh and dad got it at the alter when the love of his life ran away with the ruggidly handsome priest. -Chad- At least thats how he met mom... -Doug- Ooohh mom shmom! For the 1st time , a Linus with a full head of hair has been nominated for Teen Dream! (opens shutters to see Jerry dancing in front of the camera for the photo shoot) But its the chisled chin hottie who will grab the brass rein, (closes shutters) oh its not Jerry's fault he cant help being a tool of god. _Scene- Mickey- IN his room on the phone_ -Mickey- Hello humpty-um shoes, Yea I just bought these kicks and I want a refund, They're defective! I did a simple little airelle scissor kick leap and they feel apart! What'chu mean no refunds! Gimme my scrillor back or I swear I will refund my foot so far up your ass you can tie my shoe laces with your tounge! Hello? Hello? Damn! Now thats just plan rude! _Scene- photoshoot with Jerry_ -Tom- Your a Lion, Oh your a eagle! Oohh Your that thing thats Half lion Half eagle, Whats it called, Oh dont tell me... is it griffon, Its a griffon right! Your a griffon! We're done! -Chad- (approaches Tom and Jerry in a nice blazer outfit) No we're not! I've decided to run in the teen dream awards. -Jerry- Cool! It'll be fun! -CHad- Fun for you maybe, but I'm in it to win it. -Jerry- Well, Im not in it to loose it. -Chad- Fine -Jerry- fine! -Tom- Guys, Just dont scratch eachothers faces, we still need those! -Chad- Fine! -Jerry- Fine! -Chad- Fine! _Back from Commercial break_ _Scene- All of the guys except Mickey are in the recording studio recording "5Gether"_ -All- We are 5, 2gether... We do our thang, baby, and siinngg, We are 5, 2gether, we do our thang, baby, and sing... -Jerry- Ha alright thats our backup, now we shoulda rehearse the rap. Where's Mickey? -Doug- He's on the phone again, Something about his shoes... -Jerry- (phoning Mickey through the intercom) Mickey we need you for the rap. -Mickey- I'll do it from here, hold up the mic to the intercom. -Chad- Boy, whats more important, the Band or his sneakers? -QT- I wouldnt be talking about band loyalty if I were you. -Chad- What does that mean? -QT- First you were like, noo way I'll run for teen dream, now its like your out to get Jerry! -Chad- Im just trying to score one for the Linus' against the square-John hotties. -QT- Well I wanna go to Hawaii. Jerry's our best chance at winning. -Doug- Chad's got what it takes to get us there, look at the puppy dog eyes, the carefree curls, the overall lovablenesss. I think Jerry's alittle afraid to go up against all this! (Doug Has Chad's Faces all squeezed 2gether). -Jerry- Hey I'm not afraid of anybody. -Doug- Well maybe you should be, Maybe there's a new pretty boy in town and maybe his name is Chad Linus. -Jerry- Once against the Linus brother's gang up on somebody two against one. -QT- This time its two against two. I wanna go to Hawaii, hang out with that topless chic from The Real World. -Doug- Well I guess the Battle lines have been drawn hot pants. -Jerry- These are brand new 90 Dollar Banana Republic chinos, you just crossed the line Mister! _Scene- Chad and Doug at a store_ _Doug- This is the perfect place to campiegn this is where they vote for teen dream of the year! -Chad- I dont think I'm supposed to see some of this stuff till im 18, hhhuuuh!!!! -Doug- Just stand over there and smile! -Chad- Okay but dont embarass me! -Doug- Chad will you give me a little credit. (whistles)- Okay Urban sluts here he is, Teen dream of the year candinate Chad Linus. -Slut person- Who? -Doug- Chad Linus! (to Chad:) go ahead say hello to the nice hooker. (Chad faints) -Slut person- Whats wrong with him? -Doug- He fell, For you!! Ha ha- Get it? Why dont you fill out a ballad (she sparay him in the eyes with perfume) Aahh you slut! (he falls next to Chad) -Chad-Doug, I cant do this! -Doug- Yes you can! I'll be your legs and you be my eyes! And 2gether we'll beat Jerry! -Chad- But I'm not smooth like him. -Doug- Yea but you got something he'll never have, and thats shyness. Girls love that in a guy! -Chad- The girl that blinded you didnt. -Doug- Yeaaa, all you have to do is be unshy just enough to let them know just how shy you really are. Do it for the Linus', do it for all the proms we missed, for all the goodnight kisses we didnt get, for all the money we speant on personal ads, and we'd by some chic an entire lobster dinner and all we'd walk away with is a new friend! -Chad- I'll do it! -Doug- Alright now go out there and be proud of your shyness! -Chad- (walking up to random girls) Hi, I'm Chad, I'm shy. Hi' Im Chad, Painfully shy. _Scene- Mickey on the phone_ -Mickey- Mr. Powls, District supervisor of Humpty-humpt shoes? Mr. Powls, I was recently denied a refund by one of your store managers who was quite impolite to me, as a result I was forced to take action. I got Humpty-humpt, Powls and If you ever wanna see him alive on the top of your store, you'll credit my account for your wack kicks, I aint playin' no games, I wont shut up powls and the big boy is here! _Scene- QT and Jerry in the Living room campeining_ -QT- I dont get it, If you wanna show how hot you are, dont you need a girl? -Jerry- The camera is the girl this way anyone who sees this online can imagine she is my date. Take a look, Hi there beautiful. -QT- Cool, Every girl with a computer is gunna vote for you, do you know how many boobs that is? -Jerry- Just roll it... Hi, I'm so glad you could come on this virtual date with me... Sure as away I'll tell you anything you wanna know... color- blue, hmmm long walks on the beach. The smell of cheap liquor on my mother's breath. -QT- Hold it! -Jerry- What is it? -QT- Jer, You've got it all wrong girls dont like small talk, she wants get busy! -Jerry- SO what am I supposed to do hump the camera? -QT- Now we're on the same page aaannd action! -Jerry- Ever since I 1st saw you, I've wondered what I'd be like to kiss you. So you've wondered too. Maybe we should find out he... (starts making out with the camera). -QT- Yea... Yea thats the good stuff. Gimme the tounge Jerry! (Chad and Doug walk in) Yea, Yea Jerry, yea, Once this hits the internet your gunna have that contest tight up. -Doug- What the hell are you doing? -Chad- Noone said anything about campeigning. -QT- Oh, So I guess you went to Urban Sluts to buy underwear! -Doug- NO! To buy these (pulls out slippers) And if there happened to be any eligable voters. -Jerry- I knew it! -Chad- Well the only way you could win is by cheating! -Jerry- You probally had to buy votes your so desperate! ~All 4 of them argue~ -Mickey- Ahhh Stop, aahhhhhhh (hits himself in the head with a ninja toy) ~Guys continue to argue~ _Scene- Urban Slut Teen Dream Awards!!_ -Announcer-Welcome back to the Urban Slut Teen Dream of the Year Award Live from Hollywood. -Host- SO here now are the 5 finalists for the Teen Dream of the Year- From smash group InTune its ABCD! He's muy caliante recording artist Benito Nova! He knows his calculus, 2geTher memeber Jerry O'keefe. Star of Day Time Drauma Pacific Coon Johnny Howey Stevey. And also from 2gether the shy one Chad Linus. (Chad sticks out his tounge to Jerry). They're all winners! Well, except the ones who who get cut, they're loosers. Thanx guys! (Guys walk off to backstage) -QT- Saw the face you made at Jerry Yah big baby! -Chad- Jerry Made a face at me only it was much worse and it was on the inside like this (makes a plain face). -Host- Next up Please welcome the hot new boy band that gave us two of our finalists, put your hands 2gether for, 2gether! -QT- 2gether, what a joke... ~Music- "5gether"~ -Doug- Hey watch the tune. -QT- Drop dead! -Chad- Drop dead twice -Jerry- Hey you dont say that to a kid with a liver disease you moron! -Mickey- He-he finally this bands got some edge! _Back from commercial break_ _Scene- ON stage ready to perform_ ~Its 2gether~ -Qt- Its 2gether whoa, #2-g-e-t-h-e-r with a cd you play in your car. -Chad- Drive to cry to blow that star, Tiger Woods we takestrokes under par! -Doug- Always have to brown nose the heart throb dont yah? Yah little weasle! -QT- Go diaper your baby brother old man! -Mickey- SO tell me how far you can get at the super star side show that aint it dont throw no fits just ride on the energy its 2gether from now until infinity. -All- We are 5, (we are 5) 2gether (2gether) we do our thanngg (baby) and we sing (5gether) We are 5 (we are 5) 2gether (2gether) we do our thang (baby) and we sing (5gether yea) -Doug- See all the girls with their hands in the air you can tell by the screams this aint lilithfair. -Jerry- We're in a world now 2g's dragon laer and We'll take off our shirts if yah double dog dare! -QT- Splitting my pants as I sit in the chair revenge of the nerds funny hollywood square... -Jerry- Butthole -CHad- Your a whole butt! -Jerry- Screw you! -Chad- Eat crud! -Jerry- Eat day old crud! -Chad- Eat your own crud! -Doug- Trippin' Skippin' To my lil hooch, Choo Choo's coming thru, fast on the train tracks... -All- We are 5, 2gether, we do our thang, (baby) and we sing. We are 5, 2gether, we do our thang (baby) and we sing. ~5 as one, 5 as one... 5 as one.. ooohh ( everyone except Mickey walked off the stage) -Mickey- We are 5, 2gether, oohhh, doing our thang (makes up stupid dances)- Backstage- I got an idea, why dont we change the name of the contest from Teen Dream of the Year to backstabbing no talented punks about to get off by Mickey P of the year! Damn! -Jerry- He's right, I'm always talking about holding the band 2gether, an ass kicking job Im doing. -Chad- I dont wanna fight with Jerry anymore. -Doug- Oh, Its my fault, I have been a little jealous of Jerry now and then I mean come on his hair does rule. -Chad- You just were trying to save me from the Linus Curse. -Doug- Chad, what if instead of trying to beat the Linus Curse, we let Jerry win? -Chad- You mean throw the contest? Okay but what if I cant do it? -Doug- Well you gotta embrace your worthlesness, You know just think about all the greatest losers throuhout history, UPN, the metric system, Kevin Cosner. -Chad- Darth Vader IN episode 6! Couting the prequel as one! -Doug- Yea thats what I'm talking about, embrace the Linus Curse! -Chad- Well it'ss named after us. -Doug- Dont worry about it I'll help you loose every step of the way, no one's a bigger loser than Doug Linus! ~Talent portion of the show- Jerry- Just on a chair, watchin tv, eating pizza and he gets pizza on him. - Chad- Rides his scooter and like falls off. ~ ~Swimsuit Portion of the show- Jerry- Garbage Bag, Chad- Overlarge blue swim suit with a cap on.~ ~Skills Portion- Jerry- blows a balloon. Chad- Spits in his hand. -Host- And now for our last and most important round, our judges will be listening as our finalists answer these questions from our audience. Benito, the most important atribute you look for in a dream girl.... -Benito- Intelligence, I like them to know about stuff about stuff. -Host- Johnny, Same question... -Johnny- Well my dream girl has to be plain, a little bit over weight and she has to like going to the mall, I just hope shes out there somewhere. -Host- Thankyou, Jerry same question. -Jerry- To me the most important atribute in a dream girl is that she has a tight ass and massive hoots. -Host- Chad, same question? -Chad- That she doesnt get all boohooey when I have to straighten her out. -Jerry- (whisper) Chad what are you doing? -Chad- (whisper) I think you know, I'm not sure what your doing, but I think I know. -Host- Ab, same question. You dream girl's most important atribute... -Ab- That she's secure enough in her women-hood to let me do everything for her. -Host- Good answer, Ab, Final question whats more important in your life, love or friendship? -AB- Love, because love starts with friendship, thankyou. -Host- Johnny Howey Stevey? -JHS- Well I can live without friends, but I cant live without love. Thank you. -Host- Fantastic, Benito? -Benito- Love baby, thats why I'm muy caliente like the name of my current hit single on arista records. -Host- Jerry O'Keefe? Love or friendship? -Jerry-Um I have a very special love in my life, and without her I'd be miserable, but without friends, the kind of friends that would take a hit for you I dunno what I'd be so Uh Im gunna have to say friendship. -Host- Very Nice Jerry. Chad, Love or Friendship? -Chad- What He said, Friendship, But ask me again when I'm not a virgin. _Mickey- (laughs) -Host- That about does it our judges have tallies their marks, and the winner of the Urban Slut Teen Dream of the Year competition is Abcd! (All others go backstage) -Abcd- Thank you but I cant accept this award on good concience due to the on going political termoil in Canada. -Mickey- I just wanted to say I always thought this was a sorry ass award and oh and i'd like to give shouts out to all my homies at humpty-um shoes, props for the refund, oh and you can pick humpty up at 3rd and fair fax, but come alone. -Doug- Thank you!!!!! (runs off with the award) ~Music- "5gether"- We are 5, 2gether, we do our thang (baby) and we sing (and sing and sing) we are 5, 2gether, we do our thang (baby) -Doug- Dude, next week we're stealing a grammy!