JILLIE -QT- There it is, feel the burn, feel the wrath. -Whisper- QT. -QT- Who’s there? -Whisper- QT. -QT- If there’s someone there I should warn you, I’ve been pumping. -Girl in Closet- QT. -QT- AAHHHH!! -Girl- SHHHH...QT, its okay. My name’s Jill and I’m like your biggest fan, I took a bus all the way across country just to find you, hopefully to get busy with you. -QT- Really? -Jill- I think about you all the time, thats not weirding you out is it? -QT- No, I’d be thinking about you all the time too, if I knew you. -Jill- Well what do you wanna know? -QT- Everything, like what’s your favorite color? -Jill- Blue. -QT- This is too freaky, thats my favorite color. -Jill- What are the chances. ~Go in for a kiss when Jerry and Mickey Break in~ -Jerry- QT, are you okay we heard screams. I’ll call the cops. -Mickey- Back off Satins Bitch!!! -QT- Hey, Guys, guys its okay. -Mickey- You mean she aint a stalker? -QT- Oh yea, but she’s my stalker. ~Holds her hand~ -Doug- Hey, has anybody seen the lotion? Jillie! -Jill- Oh umm hi daddy. -Jerry and Mickey- Daddy? ~QT drops Jill’s hand~ _Opening Sequence to 2gether_ _Scene- In the living room_ -Doug (on the phone)- Me go to hell? how about this.. YOU GO TO HELL! Well, the good news is your mom is going to let you my precious daughter stay with me a little while. -Jill- Hmm thats great uh where’s QT? -Jerry- Uh, he said he was caught in the grips of some moral dilemma. -Mickey- Yo, I hope he’s got enough tissue. (Jerry hits him) What? -Doug- Hey Jillie its not too late, we could go bowling, or play uno, or do each other’s hair it’ll be fun. -Jill- Yea uh actually I’m kinda tired, I think I’m gunna wash up and go to bed. -Chad- Jillie, before you go... -Jill- Yea Uncle Chadwin? -Chad- I got your nose!!!!!! -Jill- Keep it. -Chad- She loves it when I do that. -Doug- You guys can you believe she came all the way across country to see me? -Jerry- No. -Mickey- Not really. -Doug- I’ll tell you this is my big chance, I know you guys look up to me as being perfect and everything, but I have had a few failures in my life. -Jerry- You mean your marriage. -Mickey- The fact that you cant sing? -Chad- Or dance. -Mickey- You have a hard time getting outta chairs. -Jerry- Your a chronic masturbator? -Doug- Hey fellas, those were not failers alright? Those were character building experiences, my failer was as a father. But I have a chance to make up for that all right now... Oh Jillie hunny that’s QT’s bedroom, your bedroom’s upstairs. -Jill- Oh my mistake, your the best dad. I’LL LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN!!!! _Scene- Next day in the kitchen_ -Mickey- Wassssaaappp? Come on, Come on, Mickey P’s got a date with Pamela Anderson. The Pamela Anderson. -Chad- Sure, and I got a date with Bette Midler, The Bette Midler. -Mickey- I speak the truth, I entered the win a date contest with Pamela Anderson on PamTV.com 167,000 times and Bam! Sucker’s got a date! -Chad- Well, then you know what you have to do dont you? -Mickey- Yea, buy condoms... -Chad- No, you’ve got to give your date to Jerry. -Mickey- Say what? ~Chad points to the porch to where Jerry is naked yelling from a bullhorn~ -Mickey- Oh, damn (Shields his eyes) What’s he doing? -Jerry- And this message is for all of the women... Whhhhhyyyy!!!!! -Chad- Jerry found a alot of Erin’s old shirts in his closet and he went nuts. Mickey, Jerry’s gotta start dating again or Erin’s shirts are gunna haunt him for the rest of his life. -Mickey- Yo man he’s not that crazy. -Jerry- WHY WONT YOU LEAVE ME ALONE? Huh? Answer me, Answer me! I’m waiting!!!! -Mickey- I’ll do it. -Chad- Excellent. Jerry, uh Mickey’s got a date for you. -Jerry- A date? Nah uh, no way, women haven’t changed since the caveman days, they tell you they love you and then they run of to college, well I’m through with women. -Mickey- Its with Pamela Anderson. -Jerry- Should I wear my stretchy shirt? _Scene- Doug and Jill in the living room_ -Doug- You know uh I dont wanna spoil the surprise or anything, but uh tomorrow I’m taking you to..... Giggle Land! -Jill- Giggle Land? -Doug- Yea, I know what your thinking. -Jill- I dont think so. -Doug- We’re gunna have alot of fun. -Jill- Hey, you know what might be more fun, is if we invite someone my own age. Hmm do we know anybody my own age? -Doug- Well lets see uh, well there’s QT. -Jill- Oh QT, eehh oh I guess he would be okay. _Scene- Jerry’s date with Pamela Anderson_ -Pamela- So, are you a head banger? -Jerry- Ummm Yea in a 5 man pop ensemble close army. Kinda way. -Pamela- Do you have any tattoos? -Jerry- I’m sorry no. -Pam- No, I mean dont get me wrong every girl likes a good sexy ass tattoo, but uh I’m just looking for something a little different now. -Jerry- Really? Get out. -Pam- Yea, yea someone a little more clean cut, cute. -Jerry- Erin used to say there was no one more clean cut than me. -Pam- Erin? Who’s Erin? -Jerry- My girlfriend, eexxxx girlfriend, we we used to date. -Pam- Um let me just give you a little advise, when you take a girl out on a date its probably not a good thing to talk about your ex-girlfriend. -Jerry- Your right, your right, Erin used to tell me that all the time... sorry my bad.. look I'm not trying to mess this up, I'm really having a good time. -Pam- Me too. So lets just put everything else out of our minds. -Jerry- Absolutely. -Pam- So are all of you clean cut or are there other parts of you that are really perverted? -Jerry- Oh, I have my parts. -Pam- I’d like to hear about them -Jerry- Man if Erin could see me now. Damn. -Pam- Damn! *Gets up, kisses him* If they dont have tattoos, they have flashbacks. *leaves* -Jerry- Erin used to kiss me on that cheek. _Scene- At home_ -Doug- So we want you to come with us to giggle land tomorrow. -QT- I’d like to but uh, my doctor told us to avoid giggling. -Doug- Come on QT, we’re not gunna take no for an answer. -Jill- Come on, it’ll be fun. -QT- Okay sure. -Doug- Alright, great we’re gunna have a great time (hugs Jill). -Jill- Oh yea, You’re the best dad *while hugging him, she turns to QT and says:) I love you. -Doug- I love you too Jillie Poo. _Back from commercial break_ _Scene- Jerry looking through old memories- Box 3 of 9_ -Jerry- Erin’s hair was always perfect , and she used to wear Cha Cha cherry lipstick. -Chad- Jerry (slaps him) -Jerry- Whats was that? -Chad- Erin’s got you so screwed up that you ruined a date with Americas sweet heart Pamela Anderson!!! -Jerry-Your right! What the hell am I doing! I’ve got to get over Erin. -Chad- You’ve got to start to try to date again, now think is there anybody you could see yourself falling for? -Jerry- Well there is this one girl at the salon, she seems nice, she washes my hair. -Chad- Well see, you’ve already been intimate. _Scene- Giggle Land_ -Jill- When’s QT gunna get here? -Doug- Well he said he’d meet us here, dont worry I wont let him ruin the fun. -Jill- Oh thanx! -Doug- Hey I’m gunna win ya a prize, what game should I play? -Jill- That one way down at the end. -Doug- You got it. -Jill- Oh dad your the best (during a hug she takes out his cell phone). ~On the phone with QT~ QT? Its Jill, I miss you. What do you mean your not coming, you have to save me...... QT please get over here! _Scene- Jerry’s date with the hair person_ -Jerry- I think I had a real nice time with you tonight. You’re smart, funny, you understand the wants and needs of my hair. -Girl- Thats so nice, so... -Jerry- But I should go... Good night. -Girl- Oh well, good night... Stupid necklace (puts hair back and up, Jerry notices her like Erin) -Jerry (to his self)- Erin.... Do you ever wear your hair like that? -Girl- Umm no, but I have been thinking about getting it cut shorter. -Jerry- Can I come up? _Scene- At Giggle Land_ -QT- Hey Jill. -Jill- QT! -QT- I cant do this. I’m best friends with your father, I live with the guy. -Jill- Oh my God so did I, see we have so much in common. -QT- I see your father as like my dad. Which means you’d be like a sister. -Jill- Thats hot. -QT- But your dad still looks at you as, as innocent. -Jill- Well I am innocent, can’t I innocently touch your hand? And is it innocent if I gave you a little peck on the cheek? -QT- You know its uh probably still innocent if we kissed like this..... (on the lips) -Doug- QT GET OFF OF MY DAUGHTER!! -QT- I wasn’t on her. -Jill- Not yet. -Doug (grabs his chest in pain) Oh my God.. Alright everybody just stay calm, everybody just freaken calm down. QT? How could you force your self on my innocent baby. -QT- Force? There was no forcing, we’re into each other. -Jill- Oh my God! -Doug- Listen you little wise guy with your fancy pop music hair cut. I happen to be her father. -QT- And I happen to be her lover. -Doug- AAHHHH.... Alright thats it, you are going straight home young lady and you are grounded. -Jill- But daddy he’s my lover. -Doug- AAHHHH, now you’re super grounded. _Scene- Jerry with his girl_ -Girl-Are you ready? -Jerry-Oh yea. -Girl (takes off hat and reveals her short hair)-Okay look..... -Jerry- Its the exact right length. Here... -Girl- Jerry you shouldn't have. -Jerry- Open it... now. -Girl- Oh, thank you, Cha Cha Cherry, I dont have that color. -Jerry- Wanna know what goes great with Cha Cha Cherry? -Girl- Whats that? -Jerry- Blonde hair. -Girl- Really? I think about highlights now and again.... -Jerry- No, No the whole thing. -Girl- Like strawberry blonde. -Jerry- Honey blonde, it was Clairol, number 12, RE. I got some in my room. _Scene- At 2gether rehearsal_ -Jerry- Yo what happened to QT? -Doug- Oh uh I accidentally told him that the rehearsal was down at antihide... my bad. -Jerry- Oh alright well lets do this I’ve got a date with honey blonde perfection. ~Music starts- Rub One Out~ -Mickey- Heeeyyy, Oh baby. -Doug- Girl, when I think about you, I only think of one thing, and you know what that is. -Mickey- I only think of one thing. -Jerry- I lock my door, get down on the floor and I rub one out. Baby... ~Jill sneaks in with a sign for QT~ -Chad- I sit back in my chair, like I just dont care and I rub one out.. baby. -All- When I’m feeling lonely and I want you to hold me. -Mickey- I rub one out yea... -All- Rub one out hey dont be shy. Rub one out girl dont ask why. Rub one out, I dont grab my crotch... -Mickey- Grab my crotch. -All- Rub one out do you wanna watch me... -Jerry- Girl.... -Doug- Give it up, stop stop stop stop stop, Jill what the holy crap are you doing here listening to this filth. -Jill- I just came to see QT. -Doug- Yea well he’s not here and I super grounded you. -Jill- Dad, I’m a teenager so why dont you get off my ass and stop treating me like a baby!! -Doug- Sweet God, you see what QT’s done? This little girl came all the way across country to see her father and now she's a potty mouth skanky whore! Cover your ears, and its all that pasty face pip squeaks fault. -Jill- You dont have a clue do you, Oh my God! You are so incredibly lame, you are a 35 year old man who still lives in a bunk bed with his little brother. The only reason why I came out here was to be with QT, not you!! And you’re ruining everything for me just like you always have. _Back from Commercial Break_ _Scene- Doug- sad and depressed all alone in the rehearsal room_ -Doug- *Cries on stage*- Nooo Jillie doesn't love me!!!! *In the audience seats*-My daughter hates me, *on Stage*- Im a bad Father, Bad father (whips himself with his belt), *Crawls down the steps backwards*, *Whips himself with his belt while crying on stage* Ow, Ow ow, ahh, ow, ow ow.... _Scene- At home_ -Jerry- (with his girl) Ta da. -Girl- What is that. -Jerry- Your dress for tonight, you can change upstairs. -Girl- I can’t wear that, people might see me. -Jerry- Come on, for me? -Girl- Oh I dont know. -Jerry- Please, please ,please, please, please, please, please, please. -Girl- Jerry... -Jerry- Please,please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please.. -Girl- Oh alright... -Jerry- Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go... Go. _Scene- Doug still at the rehearsal place_ -Doug- *Singing* Rub one out or I’ll grab my crotch, rub one out... -QT- Doug? -Doug- *singing* Do you wanna watch? -QT- I’m sorry Doug, I didn't mean to come between you and Jillie. I wish I wasn't such a tasty morsel. -Doug- Oh its not your fault, I was just hoping to be her knight and shining armor, but most knights dont live in bunk beds. _Scene- In the Bathroom, QT in a stall, and Mickey at a urinal_ -QT- Mickey? -Mickey- Hmm? Ohh... -QT- I need your advice about how to talk to women. -Mickey- Whooaa man... are you sure your ready for that? -QT- I figure with your words, I’ll get exactly what I want. _Scene- In the living room_ ~Jerry’s girl comes down in the dress~ -Jerry- You look perfect, I want this moment to last forever, now lets hurry we have 7:30 reservations at Red Lobster. -Girl- Red Lobster? -Jerry- Isn’t it perfect? -Girl- No, I’m allergic to shellfish. -Jerry- No, No your not. Now stand over there. (They go over o where a camera is set up) -Girl- Jerry, Whats going on? -Jerry- We’re gunna be the best looking couple at the prom. -Girl- Jerry what is wrong with you? -Jerry- Erin please lets not fight. -Girl- Who's fighting, who's Erin? Look Jerry... -Jerry- I love you too. -Girl- We’re over... -Jerry- Whoa whoa whoa whoa we cant be over, we’re gunna spend the rest of our lives together. -Girl- Rest of our lives, look Jerry I’m leaving town next week. -Jerry- Leaving? What about us? -Girl- Jerry, look this isnt gunna work out, I’m going away to college... Goodbye. -Jerry- College.... NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! _Scene- In QT’s Room_ ~QT walks in~ -Jill- I’ve been waiting for you. -QT- Wassup Biotch? -Jill- What did you just call me? -QT- What you throwing CBs my way? QT’ll look for new talent! -Jill- I thought we liked each other. -QT- Like me up all you want. Gimme a lil somethin’, somethin’. -Jill- I’m not a somethin’ somethin’ kinda girl.... -QT- Fine, I got swingin’ betties out there callin’ me ghetto fab! -Jill- I dont know what kind of game you’re trying to play here but you’re acting like a real jerk. ~She leaves really sad~ ~QT sighs...~ _Scene- Jill with Doug in room_ -Doug- You okay? -Jill- No. -Doug- Want some chicken? ~She shakes her head saying no~ ~QT appears in door way seeing Jill hug her dad and realizing his plan worked~ _Scene- Saying goodbye to Jill_ -Doug- Jillie, I just want you to know I’m with ya. And if you turn out lesbian I’m there for ya, If you turn out to be a two dollar hooker I’ll still love yah... lets just keep this going. (signaling communication). -Jill- Okay Dad, you’re the best! _Scene- Jerry with Pamela Anderson again_ -Jerry- When I look at you, I know I’ll never look at another women again. You make it so easy getting over Erin. Have you ever thought about cutting your hair?