SOLO Scene_ Guys in the living room playing a video game_ -Chad- ay ya ya ya yay yyyeeee -Mickey- ggrrrrr, gggrrrrr -Jerry- Come on, come on! -QT- (walking in) Its here! Teen people cover! -Doug- This is it! -Jerry- Girls across the country will be taking this picture and locking themselves in the bathroom! -Chad- Beautiful! -Jerry- My earlobes are disgusting! I cant look at it! -Mickey- Once again they failed to capture my Busta Rhymes quality. -QT- I thought the camera was supposed to add ten pounds! -Doug- Wait, Whoa, whoa GUYS! Guys hang on a minute! You notice anything strange about this picture? -Chad- (laughing) Jerry’s earlobe! -Jerry- Alright come on. -Doug- Take a closer look, Anything missing? (silence..) Me!!! I’m not in it!! -Jerry- (pointing to a tree) But you were standing right here! -Doug- They turned me into a tree! Mickey- Hee hee ha ha! -Chad- That is so cool!! Next time we do a cover I wanna be a pumpkin patch (smile). _Doug-upset_ ~Opening sequence- music- 2gether~ -QT- (comforting Doug) Maybe it was just an accident. -Jerry- Sure they probably took the picture just as you stepped out of frame. -Doug- What and a giant oak strolled in? Somebody didn't want me in that picture! -Liz (new manager)- Omg you must be Chad, oh look its Mickey and Jerry, and Qt, oh and of course Doug! -Mickey- Tom, you uh, dating groupies now or what? -Tom- I wouldn't talk that way about the new senior VP of wut-ev Records, Elizabeth Porter. -Liz- Oh god call me Liz! -QT- What happened to Brumer? -Liz- Oh Glen’s moved up, he’s now heavily involved in all domestic and international corporate communication. (laughs)He licks stamps! -Tom - I think your gunna like Liz, she’s never done this before, but she seems to be a natural. -Jerry- Good, Then we can count on you to call Teen People before this thing hits the stands and make them put Doug back in. -Liz- Uh, What ‘s the problem? -Chad- DOUGS A TREE!!!! -Tom- You should be honored, because trees are turned into what? Thats right paper, and what was written on paper? The Emancipation proclamation, and what did that do? Free the slaves! So basically what your sayin here Doug, is that your in favor of Slavery, and I am afraid that is something we cannot tolerate. Doug your outta the band! -Doug- WHAT?????? -Mickey- You cant do that! -Liz- Our research does show that our target audience prefers Trees to Doug 4 to 1. -Tom- And your 1st web broadcast is coming up, we estimate 12 million viewers. -Liz- Hmm, that puts alot of pressure on us to be perfect. -TOM- And we will be, if we replace DOUG! Face it dude, stick a beauty mark on your cheek and your still not Enrique Eglesias. -Jerry- 2Gether’s a family, If Doug’s out, we’re all out! -Mickey- Yea you heard the man, Jim Carrey Jr. we came out from the hood and we’ll sure as hell go back to the hood! -Chad- Well I’ll go back to Upstate NY, but I’ll visit the hood! (with a satisfied look on his face) -Liz- WAAIITT, nobody wants to see 2gether split up, We love 2gether, Doug stays, Are you okay with that Tom? -Tom- Whatever you say Ms.Porter -Liz (hitting Tom with her bag) Tom...Its LIZ!! Oh this is going to be fun! _Scene- Kitchen_ -QT- (pushing a cart) Fan Mail!! Wahoo!! (handing out mail) Chad... Mickey...Doug...Doug...Doug! -Doug- Sshheeyyayy right! (looks through the mail) Mine, Mine, (looks through the cart) they’re all mine! (opens a letter) Dearest Hippest, coolest Doug, wow this girl can right huh? I am so po- ed at Teen People for making you a tree! But its the 1st tree I've ever wanted to climb... Naked (he questions it like naked?) -Mickey- Wooowwwweee!! Yo man, Is there a return address on that letter man? -Doug- OOOOHhh I get it, You guys just set this up to make me feel better. -All- No! No man! -Doug- So I really have fans? -All- yea! -Jerry- Yea, thats what we’ve been saying -Mickey- Yea big poppa! -Doug- Ha- ha I’m famous! (leaves room very happy!) -Jerry- You sent them right? -QT- No, you? -Mickey- No, man I thought Chad sent em... -Chad- No way! -Jerry- You didn't? -Chad- OKay wait, are you asking me if I sent the letters to Doug -Mickey- Yea! (annoyed at Chad’s stupidity) -Chad- No! _Scene- Jerry, Mickey, and Doug, walking in a park_ -Two fans- Screaming- Ahhhh, omg omg omg omg! Thats them! -Jerry- I love this part -Mickey- Let the worship of the Mickey P, begin! -Fans- Omg omg omg omg, (pulls Doug to them!) -Fan in purple- Doug Linus I think I’m gunna wet my pants! -Fan in pink- Do that thing you do that , that I’m edgy and huggable look! -Doug- What this? (does a look) -Both- Omg omg omg omg! AAhh!! -Fan in purple- Will you sign my 2gether photo? -Doug- Sure, But you shouldn't of cut off their heads. -Fan in pink- Well, who cares you don't need them! -Mickey- Are you getting all this down!!! -Girl in pink- Will you sign this? (unbuttons her pants and bends down so he can sign her butt) -DOUG- Okay... one name each side? _Scene- Miyagi’s Restaurant, where Doug is having dinner with Liz and Tom_ -Doug- I cant believe you guys are taking me out to dinner... poison? -Liz- (laughs) Oh you are so Funny... -Doug- (laughs) -Liz- You are the heart and soul of 2gether! -Doug- Will you excuse us Tom? Liz and I would like to do it! (laughs) -Liz- (Laughs) -Tom- (Laughs) -Liz- Ooohh stop it! Doug, I think it’s time you went solo. -Doug- Solo? -Tom- I never thought of that, Doug.. Solo? -Liz- Yea think about it! -Tom- Doug, Solo! Brilliant!! -Liz- Congratulations Doug! -Doug- Wait wait, I cant go solo, those guys are my best friends! -Liz- This isn't me asking you to go solo, this is America asking you, lets here what 12 year old Kenny Meriss from Turl, Oklahoma, Has to say... Dear Doug, They call me fatty, did that ever happen to you? Please go solo, it would mean alot to me, and the kids who get called names everywhere, but If you don't thats okay, I’ll just kill myself. -Doug- Holy crap! You really think I could do it? -Liz- Does this answer your question? Your 1st album cover (pulls out a piece of white board with Doug, written on it in Bold letters). -Doug- he he ha, I like it! But it needs something (grabs a marker from a waitress and makes an explanation point) DOUG!!!! Thats Doug explanation point! -Tom- I smell quadruple platinum! -Doug- I'm gunna go tell the guys. (leaves) -Tom- That was the dirtiest, lowest, most underhanded maneuver I’ve ever seen! From the fake fan mail, to the phony fans in the park to the suicidal lard ass! Props Miss Porter! -Liz- Oh Tom, Its Liz! _Scene- At the house_ -Mickey- You call it solo? I call it sell out! -Doug- I don't wannna leave, I have an obligation to my fans! They need more Doug, They need pure Doug! -Jerry- When the label wanted you out of the band, I fought for you!!! Now I cant wait to see You go!!!!!!! -Doug- Well thats just great! Because they want me to move out right away!!!!! I’ll just get my stuff! -Chad- Doug. -Doug- Chad I already told you that’s not my name anymore. -Chad- Sorry, DOUG!!!!! -Doug- Yes Chad... -Chad- IM AFRAID! -Doug- I’m not moving that far away, and I really think this would be good for yah, you get to take care of yourself, not rely on me all the time. -Jerry- I cant think of anyone better not to rely on. (Doug leaves room) -Chad- I’m gunna be independent, I’m gunna take care of myself, oohh, I gimme three days. _Back from commercial break_ _Scene- IN the wut-ev records_ -Tom- We’re already exploring venues for your solo tour, Hollywood Bowl, Dodger Stadium, The Vadicun. -Doug- Oh scratch the Vatican, the acoustics there blow. -Tom- Naturally we’ll set you up at some low profile gigs 1st, get you try to be used up without out all the press hoopla (?).. (stops at DOUG!’S office) Here we are... -Doug- Oh wow! Tom, I’m gunna work my keestra off to justify your belief in me. (hugs him) -Tom- Oh, hooo, hoo stop before I turn into a puddle! Now, go write us a few songs with that special DOUG! quality! (Doug goes inside his tiny office) _Scene- The house_ -Tom- Hold onto your world because its about to be rocked, introducing the new fifth member of 2gether. (puts a disk in the computer) Austin Adam Allen Palmer (computer guy dancing around on the screen) -QT- He looks weird... Is he from Europe? -Tom- He’s from a wonderful magical place called stinemets Microsystems. Austin is the ideal pop star, recombining Brian Macfaddens dimples, Eminem’s edge, Carson dailys down to earthiness, and Jennifer Lopez’s ass! He’s perfect, doesn't put on weight, doesn't throw tantrums, and he’ll wear whatever we’ll tell him to wear, check this out Jester outfit! -Austin- Dope Threads, Thanx! -Tom- He loves it! Word up! -Mickey- Daammnnnnn, Jennifer Lopez Does have a fine ass! -Austin- Thanx dude! _Scene- Outside in The park- Doug trying to Make up songs with his keyboard_ -Doug (singing)-There was a tree in the woods, The woods was made of stones... You took my pants and my legs!! My legs.... Breaking up is so hard to do... You took my truck and my duck, you don't give a ( ducks go quack quack)... You ever break up with a girl and she calls the police? Man wassup with that??? You are embaddered... no.. yyeeaaa!!! _Scene all 4 guys with Austin dancing_ - Come on guys the web broadcast is tomorrow night, lets just do what Austin does. (Guys try dancing) -Austin- Get down homies! -Mickey- What? uh huh don't make me come in there! -Jerry- Come on guys, we can do this, lets do it for the human race!Lets go (Mickey leaves, music gets very fast, the guys have failed at trying to keep up). _Scene- Doug Playing his new song At a Japanese Restaurant_ -Doug- (singing) Breaking up is hard enough... say you have nothing but I called your bluff -Japanese guy- Yo soooyy! (in japanese lol) Hello! Welcome! -Doug- You got my sweaters my hat... I cant find my hat! The hardest part ... -Japanese guy- (in Japanese) Good night! Come again! -Doug- (a little confused and frustrated) of breaking up, is getting back your sttuuff! -Japanese guy- (in Japanese) Thanks! Come again! -Doug- (in Japanese) Shut up! I’m trying to sing! hhheeee!!!!! _Scene- Chad and what was Dougs room,Chad getting ready for bed_ -Chad- (Stuffing stuffed animals into Doug’s old football jacket)* Shuts the light and leans on the Jacket- Good night Doug! -Doug (still singing at the restaurant)- The hardest part of breaking up... is getting back your sttuufff! Thats not the hardest part really. (takes a puff from a cigarette and like chokes) The hardest part is what it does to your heart, I went through a break up recently, not with a girl, not with a guy, no nothing like that, it was a whole bunch of guys, boys really. I left them, but now I'm thinking, what if I made a big mistake, well they’ll never take me back! Well Chad probably would, well hell we’ve been sleeping 2gether for most of our lives! -Guy in the audience- Get of Mariellin!! -DOUG- Excuse me sir, if you wanna talk, get your own keyboard (sushi was thrown at him ) -Crowd- Laughs at Doug -Doug- Wanna have a little respect for open mic night? -Crowd- booo, get ooff, bboooo!!!! -Doug- Doug explanation point is a great performer, a great solo career act! Shut up!! Shut up!!! _Scene- The house_ ~Sound- Doorbell~ -Jerry- Hey Doug, I mean DOUG! -Doug- He-he, thats okay, I’m off duty! yea he! Yea I just came by to pick up some, yah know stuff, how you guys doing? -Jerry- We’re doing great... -Doug- Great, he he, thats great -Jerry- How you doing? -Doug- Great! he he ha How’s Chad doing? -Jerry- Ah, He’s He’s doing Great! -Doug- Yea I thought I’d pop in and say Hi... -Jerry- I wouldn't wake him, I put him down about an hour ago. -Doug- Okay, so you guys doing great? -Jerry- Oh yea, totally That new guy he’s working out uh... -Doug- Pretty good? -Jerry- Actually great, he has got some moves, he does this one thing, well you’ll see it on the web cast. -Doug- Yea, yah know if I only had time, yea the label’s working my behind off... I did this gig tonight at this Japanese... Venue... the crowd went wild. -Jerry- Sounds great! -Doug- Listen , Jer, I wrote this song, I think its the best thing I’ve ever done and I cant really do at justice as a solo, but i think 2gether could kill with it, I want you to have it. -Jerry- Thanx but uh, we have to get along on our own now, you know, we probably shouldn't take songs from outsiders, I mean you understand -Doug- Yea! Sure, sure yea, thats great yea, I gotta get going, I gotta do some stuff, (leaves) (Doug sad outside) Jerry- (sad) Great. _Back from commercial break_ _Scene- The guys fighting in the kitchen_ -QT- So back up you batch of skin heads! -Jerry- You two have always doing this and I’m getting sick of it! -Mickey-What are you talking about! Watch it!! -Chad- What are you talking about! -Jerry- Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, whoa Everybody Chill! Lets just agree to disagree! Okay? -Chad- Fine -Jerry- I think we all know whats going on, we’re all a little on edge because we miss Doug. -Chad- You miss him too? -Jerry- I just think that we were a better band and a better... just better with him here! -Mickey- He aint gunna come back with that solo thang happening! -Jerry- If Doug sees we’re in trouble he will! So we gotta get ourselves in trouble Aergo we sabatage the we broadcast! -Mickey- What the hell does Aergo mean? -Chad- It mean therefore in Latin. -Jerry- Alright Chad, you get Doug to come over here tonight, now all we need to do is make sure that Austin screws up, now all that requires is a little cutting edge hi-tech know-how, and since we don't have that we use violence. -Mickey- Its about time! _Scene- room with Austin_ -Jerry- Austin, we hardly knew you. (takes his disk and scratches it with a knife) -QT- Gimme that (evil look, and throws the cd on the floor with force) -Chad- I hate you Austin!! (steps on the cd) -Mickey- Aight hold him! hold him, hold him (Jerry hold the cd) He’s gunna die!!!! *Mickey runs toward the cd and kicks it!* _Scene- Live web broadcast_ -Tom- 9 million people and we’re not even on the air yet... this is ill! And I'm talking like the good ill, not the sick, like awesome. Ill! -Liz- Okay, this is it guys lets kick some cyber butt! -Jerry- Hi, and thanx for tuning in or should I say logging on. We’re 2gether or should I say 4/5ths of 2gether.The other 5th is on his way. -Mickey- Oh wait here he is, must of been heavy traffic on the internet. -QT- America. We know, you’ve been waiting for him, put your hands 2gether for... -CHAD- Austin Adam Allen Palmer *Austin appears* -Jerry- So uh, how are you feeling Austin? -Austin- Got it going on... -Mickey- What’s it like to be all of the sudden in a hit boy band like 2gether? -Austin- Its really cool, I’ve always dreamed of being a singer, I just wanna live up to everyone’s expectations. Especially the fans because they’re the ones that really (his head popped off and started flying around) I just wanna keep it real, keep it real and 2gether. -All four guys- Ha ha ha ha ha (continues to laugh) -Liz- Hand me the back up disk. -Tom- I don't walk around with the backup disk thats why Its called a backup disk. -Liz- Hit, whatever thingy makes this thing stop. (The broadcast is in a pause- 2gether please stand by...) -Tom-Which one of you killed Austin? -Liz- Alright your gunna have to keep going without your virtual buddy. -QT- Fine with us, but we are not going on without Doug. -Tom- Well then your not going on. -Jerry- Liz, Please explain to Doug how much money you would loose if we walk out on uh, 11 million people. -Liz- That is 6 zeros Tom (the guys walk over to Doug who just arrived). -Jerry- Doug, We’re in a really tough spot man, yah gotta help us out. -Doug- Sure, Jer, I could help out in a pinch. -Jerry- No, not just tonight, Band wants you back. -Doug- Really? -Mickey- yea man, the band aint been the same without you, for Chad! -Doug- What about you? -Jerry- What can I say I mean if yah came back it would be... -Doug- Great? -Jerry- Yea, Great! I mean I know you’ve got this big solo career going on... -Doug- Ssheesh, solo shmolo. -Liz- Guys! -Jerry- Alright, swing around, come in the back. -Doug- Sure. *guys go back to the broadcast* -QT- Hi, its QT, we knew our fans would never be fooled by something that wasn't real. -Mickey- But we had fun trying to run game on yall. He he. -Jerry- And now for the real surprise, Doug’s back! (Doug walks in) -Doug- When do we sing? -Jerry- And now we would like to premiere a song by 2gether’s own, Doug Linus. *Music- The Hardest Part of Breaking Up (Is getting back your stuff) -Chad- Yea! -Mickey- Yea, 2gether’s in the house, put your hands in the air, gunna make yah bounce come on, Yea, 2gether’s in the house, put your hands in the air, gunna make yah bounce come on... -QT- Its been so long, Since I’ve seen your face, so long since I’ve been to 1st base. -Doug- Strike 3 your out! -All- I really Miss -Mickey- feelin’ your kiss *mwa!* But can I have back my tthhaannggss before I get really pissed? -Chad- You had my heart, my soal, my attention, but you walked out my life, with my cd collection. -Doug- We’re breaking up! All- Breaking up is hard enough, whhoooaa! Say you have nothing but I called your bluff, you’ve got my sweaters my hat, I cant find my cat! *meow*The hardest part of breaking up is getting back your stuff! -Mickey-Yea, 2gether’s in the house, put your hands in the air, gunna make yah bounce come on, Yea, 2gether’s in the house, put your hands in the air, gunna make yah bounce come on... -Chad- Doug! I need some advice! (music still plays) -Doug- Just keep dancing...