Looking Back

To say that it was hard to tell the guys about my addictions is an understatement. It went far beyond the addictions though. It was such an amalgamation of things. It was my grandmother’s passing. It was the fact that I had been feeling ignored for little over a year. It was the fact that I was in love; a one-sided love to be specific. It was the temptation. It was too many things coming together at the same time.

You won’t believe me
All you will see
Is a guy you once knew
Although he’s dressed up to the night
At sixes and sevens with you

How was I feeling ignored? You ask. Well, I am a guy that requires a whole lot of attention. I need attention from the fans, fro my family, from my friends, but most of all, from my brothers. To say the least, I wasn’t getting that attention. The attention from the fans was still there although I believed it to be less prevalent. The attention from my family was non-existent because I was away on the Goddamn Black and fucking Blue Tour. I had no attention from my friends because I had no friends. Not any true friends anyway. I just had a whole bunch of whores who wanted my cock and my money. And I definitely had no attention from my brothers because they were all doing their own thing.

I had to let it happen
I had to change
Couldn’t stay on my life down that hill
Looking out of the window
Staying out of the sun
So I chose freedom
Running around trying everything new
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it to

Howie was always on the phone with someone. Most of the time it was business related. I swear that guy rivals Puff Daddy on being a mogul.

Nick was always doing his own thing. Either playing video games or jacking off, it doesn’t matter; he just wasn’t ever available for nothing else than a five second conversation about himself.

Kevin was, as always, trying to take care of everything himself and in the process, neglecting those that need him the most. The only person who ever got to speak to him was his wife, and that was only during sex every fucking night. Yes I was jealous he was getting some and I wasn’t.

And last but not least, Brother Brian. Always having some kind of crisis about his life when really it was nothing. Sometimes I think he has to take little things out of proportion because his life is too damn perfect and there’s nothing really too wrong with it. To him, LeighAnne’s bitching about her nails not being done is the worst problem in his life. I know I sound a little too harsh but that’s only because I love him. Yes you heard me right; I love Saint Littrell. And yes, I meant that romantically so there you have it! I, Alexander James McLean love Brian Thomas Littrell.

And as for fortune
And as for fame
I never invited them in
Though it seemed to the world they were all I desired
They are illusions
They’re not the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time
I love you
And hope you love me

Now that everything is “fine and dandy” with my life, I can deal with brother Brian more reasonably. I ignore him completely. He and I have not spoken to each other since June. Trust me, it’s hard to be on tour with someone and not direct a single word at them but not impossible.

Have I said too much?
There’s nothing more I can think of to say to you
But all you have to do is look at me to know
That every word is true

Hold on… someone’s knocking on my door.

“We need to talk AJ. Right now.”

Oh shit! Damn that Brian. Why? Everything was going fine until he decides to show up to my room in that wife beater and baggy jeans and that fucking bandana. Does he know how fucking dirty my mind is? Guess not.

“We have nothing to talk about Brian. Please go away.”

“Oh I beg to differ.”

Oh my freaking god! He is fucking kissing me on the damn lips! They’re so soft, so good, so hot.

THE END

MAIN PAGE

My Bsb Fiction