After taking a quick shower when the concert ended that night,
I walked back into the dressing room to find all for of my band mates crowding
around the couch.
“What do you think it is?” Joey asked, staring down.
Justin slapped him on the head. “What the hell do you think
it is, a breadbox?”
“Hey, what’s going on guys?” I asked, walking up to
them.
“No, not that. Like what it is. Gender wise.”
“Did you not read the letter Joey?” Justin asked, rolling
his eyes.
“Well maybe if Chris didn’t hog the stupid thing, I would
know,” Joey retorted.
“Let me see,” I asked again more urgently.
“Thank god I already know. I was not looking down there.
Mechanical bull, yes. This, no.”
“I bet you’d like to look up Lance’s ass too, if you had
the chance, Chris,” Justin said suggestively.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Timberlake,”
Chris replied nonchalantly, with the tips of ears turning pink.
“I think your blushing Chris,” Justin said in a sing-song
voice.
“Oh, shut-up, Justin.”
“Let me fucking see!” I shouted.
Justin, Lance, Chris & Joey visibly flinched and turned
around to face me. A sudden wail could be heard throughout the room.
Justin came up to me and kissed my forehead. “Uh, hey baby!
What’s the matter?”
“What’s that noise?” I asked suspiciously, avoiding his
question.
“What noise?” he asked with his best innocent voice.
I pushed him to the side and moved Chris away from the couch.
“Oh. My. God.” Two little legs, two little arms, two
little eyes and one, big and wailing little mouth.
“Cute thing, isn’t it?” Justin came up to me and smiled.
“A baby?! You guys have baby?! Of all the half-assed things
you’ve done, this has got to be the worse. Who in their right minds would give
you people a baby?!”
“Actually, we kind of found it outside the dressing room,”
Lance said handing me a letter.
Dear Finder,
I’m sorry to leave such a burden on you, but please, if you
are to find this baby, please take care of it. It needs the love and tenderness
that I just can’t give it right now. I’m sick and I have no money, and this
baby wouldn’t be able to live the life it deserves. Love it, just like I wish
I could. It’s a boy, born on November 2nd. 7 pounds, 2 ounces.
B-
“This is a joke right?” I asked scanning the faces of my
friends. Each of them looked back at me with a blatant seriousness.
“Well, there’s got to be some explanation for this and Joey I’m
looking in your direction.”
“Jesus, I told you guys already,” Joey shouted. I stop
doing that back in Europe. I haven’t slept with a fan since. Honest!”
“Yeah right, Joey and I’m still a virgin.” Lance replied
rolling his eyes.
“Wait a minute. You’re not?” Chris asked suddenly, his
eyes widening.
“I swear to god, the kid isn’t mine! Does it look like it
would be mine?” Joey asked angrily, pointing at him.
I scanned the baby over. It had dark tufts of brown hair and
light blue eyes. To my dissatisfaction, Joey appeared to be right. The child was
too small and too hairless to bear the blood of a Fatone. I suppose I would even
call it cute, if its face wasn’t red and scrunched up and it wasn’t
screaming like a banshee in my ear. I rubbed my head in frustration. “Will
somebody shut that thing up?!”
Justin rushed over and picked up the baby, cooing to it in a
small whispered tone. Within seconds the baby stopped it wailing.
I paced back and forth. “Then I suppose we’ll have to drop
it by the police station or an orphanage or call Johnny or something.”
Justin exchanged glances with the other guys. “Actually JC,
me and the guys were thinking about you know, keeping it for a while.”
I looked at all of them. I laughed. “You aren’t serious
are you? Cause it would be against all laws of humanity to let you keep this
baby.”
Justin held it protectively. I sighed. “You guys, Justin,
you can’t do this. It would be impossible. We don’t live stable lives. I
mean just look where you found the thing! I bet the mother was some crazy-assed
fan who was doped up on crack or something. She said herself that she was sick.
Hell the thing might be drugged up, just like her!”
Justin narrowed his eyes at me. I guess I shouldn’t have
said that.
I held my hands defense. “All I’m trying to say is that it
would crazy to do this. We’re performers, not baby-sitters. We have a job to
do, and taking care of a baby in the middle of all that wouldn’t be fair to us
and it probably wouldn’t be fair to the kid. I mean, how’d expect this to
work? Sing a cappella for the rest of our lives and one of us has the kid
strapped to our back?”
Chris spoke smiling. “We came up with a plan already. See, I
told you we would need one, Justin. JC is such a tightass and would never
agree.”
Chris was right, except for the tightass part. For that he
would pay later.
“We could split into shifts. Each day someone would take of
the baby,” he explained.
I snorted. “Don’t expect me to help with that. I’m dead
set against this.”
Justin held the kid up to my face. “Come, JC, how can you
say no to this face?”
I stared at thing. It gurgled and spittle flowed from its
mouth as it giggled. They were making this too easy for me.
Chris continued. “Fine then. I think that Joey, Lance,
Justin and I can handle this on our own.”
“You’d better. Oh and who’s going to take care of it
during concerts and stuff? A fan? Perhaps Wade would like to join your little
Baby Sitters Club?” I said sarcastically.
“Mike would do it. He loves kids. He’s always talking
about his nieces and nephews,” Lance put in.
“Yeah, I’m sure Mike would be glad to help. And then after
the hell freezes over Satan and I are going to put together our own variety
show. Besides how do you know Mike won’t go and tell Johnny about it? Johnny
would freak and make you give it up anyways.”
“He’s got the Satan part right,” Chris mumbled to Lance.
I gave them one of my well-known glares
Joey looked at Justin. “He’s right. Johnny would freak.”
Justin was adamant. “We’ll just have to talk to Mike
then.”
I love Justin and all, but sometimes he can be so damn
irritating.
“Oh Lord. The Devil came on earth and gave you guys a baby
to spite me,” Mike said shaking his head.
“Isn’t it cute Mike?” Justin asked putting it into his
arms.
Mike stared looked at the kid. For a second he smiled down at
it and I thought I was screwed. Mike looked back up at them with a frown.
“It’s cute alright. But what you guys are doing with the baby is really the
question. Joey...”
Joey huffed in exasperation. “IT’S NOT MY KID! Gees, with
friends like you people who needs the Backstreet Boys! You get one girl pregnant
and you’re branded for life!”
Mike gave a comical smile. “I guess it’s not yours, huh
Joey?”
Joey glared in reply.
Lance handed him the letter and took the baby.
Mike scratched his head after reading it. “This is a big
thing guys. Bigger than I can handle I think.”
“All we’re asking is for you or Lonnie or the guys to
watch it while we perform,” Justin explained.
“Wait, you aren’t thinking about keeping this aren’t
you?” Mike asked taken aback.
I smiled. Good. Maybe Mike would be able to talk some sense
into them.
“Just for a little while. Until we can find it home. A good
home where we know it will be taken care of,” Chris said.
Mike narrowed his eyes. “How much is a little while?”
“A month, or so.”
“A month?! Johnny would have my ass dropped back on the
Backstreet Boys tour if he found out about this!” he exclaimed.
“Come on Mike can you do us this little favor? If not for
us, for the baby?” Joey asked.
Uh-oh. I feel a guilt trip coming on. “Yeah Mike, remember
that time I baby-sat your nephew and he flushed my cell-phone down the toilet?
Its pay-back time. You owe us.” Lance said, as the baby tried to pull on to
his finger.
Mike smirked. “I owe you nothing. You owe me. I put my ass
on the line everyday so you pretty boys don’t get killed by teenyboppers. I
say you owe me a lot.”
Lance glanced at Chris who glanced at Joey. Joey nodded to
Justin.
Justin pouted at Mike. “Pretty please, Mike? With sugar on
top? And a big fat bonus. Please?”
Mike shook his head. “That’s real low you guys, sticking
demon child on me. That’s an all new low.”
“Did it work?” Chris asked mischievously.
Mike sighed. ”I don’t know…”
Justin collapsed to his knees and started to pull on Mike’s
pants. “I wuv you Mike. With all of my pretty boy heart. Please?”
“I hate you all, you know that?” Mike said closing his
eyes. “Alright I’ll do it.”
Justin, Chris, Lance & Joey let out a whoop. I gave a
frown.
Mike turned serious handing the baby back to Lance. “But if
Johnny finds out, I know nothing. Nothing. Just call me Switzerland, o.k.? The
things I let you brats get away with…” Mike walked away in the other
direction muttering to himself.
“Uh you guys, I think I found out what our first duty as
official baby-sitters is,” Lance said turning slightly green.
“What?” Justin asked.
Suddenly a smell wafted over in our general direction. A
horrible Joey-after-eating-chili-like smell.
“Damn!” Joey exclaimed, covering his nose.
“I was wondering why it was turning red,” Lance mused.
I backed away. “Get that thing away from me.”
“I’m not cleaning that. I have a date tonight.” Joey
said backing away.
We all turned and looked at Chris.
“You are the oldest you know,” Justin stated as a matter
of factly.
“Aww, man, it sucks to be me.” Chris grabbed the baby and
ran down the hall.
“Don’t drop it!” Justin called after him.
Chris returned a few moments later, smiling proudly with a
clean baby in his arms. “I did it! And he only peed on me once!”
“Hey, isn’t that my sweatshirt!” Joey exclaimed pointing
the make-shift diaper.
“Well, what do you expect, Joey. We aren’t exactly a
drug-store here. I had to make do with what we had,” Chris replied rolling his
eyes.
“Yeah, but couldn’t you have used Justin’s sweatshirt
instead,” Joey muttered under his breath.
Justin gave him a glare.” Not funny, Joey. Not funny at
all.”
The baby gave another wail.
I rubbed my head, the screams getting louder as my head
pounded harder. “Take care of the kid, will you?”
Justin jostled the baby and tried to soothe it. “I’m doing
the best that I can. I’m not a miracle worker you know. If you’re such a
genius, why don’t you hold it!” he exclaimed passing it to me.
“Oh no, don’t give that thing to me!” I replied too
late. Justin had laid the baby in my arms. Within a few seconds the baby stopped
wailing.
“I think he likes you, “ Justin said smiling coming up to
JC.
I looked at the baby. It gave me toothless grin. It yawned. I
guess this wasn’t so bad. Then it promptly threw up all over my new t-shirt.
“Nevermind, then,” Lance said laughing.
I frowned at the baby. “I hate you.”
The baby looked at me and smiled.
Evil little thing…
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