"Adventures in Dirt land- Venturing Outside the Paradigm"

Year 3010

"Mom! My foot's stuck in the food transmitter again," I cried, struggling insistently with my calf that was sticking out of the large machine. I don't even know how I manage to get myself in these situations. By some strange happenings I just do.

"Oh Florence. What am I going to go with you?" my mom said shaking her head slowly as she stared at the predicament I was in. Here's an idea. How about getting my foot out of this stupid thing before it swells to the size of a football?

I sighed, mimicking my mother, as I often do. Thank god I keep my sarcastic comments to myself. God forbid my parents find out what I actually think of them.

My dork of a brother, Josh, passed by me with a smirk on his face. "Got your foot stuck in the transmitter again, eh?" He's such a waste. I only deal with him because my mom pays me 20 bucks a week to ignore him. Otherwise, I'd kick his butt to kingdom come. I rolled my eyes. "Josh, why are you still living here? Oh yeah, I forgot. Your girlfriend still beats you, right?"

Josh's face flushed red. "Hey! She's a strong as any man," he replied defensively.

"And you're as weak as any woman," I quipped.

Josh's eyes narrowed and he purposely bumped into me, shoving my even further into the food transmitter.

I shook my head at him sadly. "Joshua, your wounds will never heal this way…"

My mother came up to the two of us with jar of butter in her hand pausing any further altercations between my brother and I. "We're all out of Melba grease, but I guess this will have to do," she said, slathering the yellow substance on my leg.

I shivered. My mother and her old-fangled ideas… "Whatever, mom. Just hurry it up. I'm starting to smell like a piece of toast here."

"Butter can't overcome some things, Flo."

I turned sharply to my brother sharply. "Why are you still here? Don't you have other people to annoy and persecute besides me?"

Josh smirked. "You're lucky I have a date with Jamie at the Bubbletron today. Your annoyance with me is what keeps me going."

The Bubbletron is the popular hangout for teens in our town. Well actually the only hangout in our town. We live in a giant bubble for god sakes.

"Dang, Josh. You're still dating Twiggy? That stick?"

"Twig- I mean, Jamie is a nice average girl," Josh said defensively.

"Do you mean average before she had that attack of Bulimia? Because I'd have to differ, dear brother," I replied sweetly.

Meanwhile, my mother was still working hard at my foot. She gave the greasy leg a fast tug and it finally popped out. She wiped the sweat at her brow and exhaled. "Jesus, I haven't worked that hard since childbirth. You kids make nice. Mama needs herself a Martini."

"I'm free!" I shouted, jumping up and down. I paused my celebration shortly after, as pain began to vibrate off my foot. I grasped my foot and my face screwed up in agony. "Oh. My. God. Pain. I feel the pain of a thousand suns! I can't feel my leg! Can someone please explain to me why I can't feel my leg?!"

"Uh, maybe because they're like still covered in butter. Duh," my idiot brother replied with a roll of his eyes.

"Thanks Josh for once again observing the blatantly obvious. Now get out of my face before I snap your skinny stick of a girlfriend," I said, limping away. Stupid brothers. They're the worst.

After I beat up my brother, regained my dignity, and after my foot stopped swelling, I left our bubble-like apartment to meet my amigos, Linglo and Jay.

Linglo, Jay, and I go way back. We've been hanging out since the first day of kindergarten when me met in the sand bubble. When I chose them for friends I felt like I had made the best decision of my life. Of course, back then, I wore my hair in pigtails and ate paste. I really wasn't a good judgment of character. But still, nonetheless, Linglo, Jay, and I have been best friends ever since. We like each other. We understand each other. We all have a love for shiny metal things. We're family almost. Except for the fact I'd shoot myself if I'd ever shared genes with them. I rather have loser Josh even if he's a stupid dork.

Jay lives in the apartment across from us and Linglo lives in the apartment below us, so I hobbled over to Jay's house first.

Jay's unruly curly hair was sticking up in every direction and he had a big pillow crease the size of Texas imbedded on his forehead. But not even a lack of sleep could keep Jay from laughing at the size of my foot. He grinned stupidly. "You got your foot stuck in the food transmitter again, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did, ok?! There was freaking spider the size of Africa up there. He had to die. His time on earth had to be ended. It was disgusting!" I exclaimed, trying to make a big deal out of the situation as I often do. The spider was about the size of an ant. Me breathing on it probably caused more damage then me actually inflicting death upon it. But my foot needed love and attention right then. Thinking, before I spoke, came later.

Jay yawned opening the door to the apartment wider. "Come on in. I think my mom keeps ice around here somewhere. I'll call Linglo too. I got this idea for a really great plan last night."

I cringed inwardly. Every week Jay comes with a hair brained idea that manages to get us either in trouble, arrested, or seriously hurt. Linglo and I stopped fighting it a long time ago. Though, in the process, all three of us have become great friends with the staff at the emergency room.

Linglo rang the doorbell a few minutes later. His long black hair was tied up in a ponytail and he still had that familiar twitch in his brown eyes.

I cleared my throat and spoke loudly. "How's it going, Linglo?!"

Linglo looked at me confused. "Where am I going? Nowhere, I just got here, remember?"

I sighed, shaking my head. Jay's last romp rendered poor Linglo deaf in one ear. Jay still feels guilty. The doctors say they hope to have an ear transplant soon. We all have our fingers crossed.

Jay avoided Linglo's eyes and turned towards me. "So anyways, my plan…"

"Wait a minute, hold it Jay. Is this plan going to get us arrested?" I put in, interrupting.

Jay shrugged. "Probably."

"Eh, just wanted to make sure. We have to ask my sister this time for bail though. My uncle still has to make down payments on his house," I replied picking at my nails. "So what the big plan, Jay?"

"Well, I had this dream last night. It was so cool you guys. There was this place, like this magical fairytale, like the stuff the old ones talk about and then we laugh at them and called them senile. But it's true! All true. There was dirt, grass, and water. There was everything!"

My eyes widened. "Dirt? Even my mom has never seen dirt before, and she's as ancient as they come!"

Linglo looked at Jay. "Bert? Who the heck is Bert?"

Jay ignored Linglo's comment. "But anyway, my idea is to drill a hole on the main walls of the city and then…we could venture to the Outsided lands, to see if the old ones are right. Maybe there is a better life down there. Then we could leave Bubbledomia forever!

I gasped. "That's crazy! That's ludicrous! That's insane! That's…the best idea I've ever heard of! I'm so in!"

Jay looked to Linglo. "What about you Linglo? You up for the challenge?"

Linglo shrugged. "I still have one more ear to screw with. Let's do it!"

And so, Linglo, Jay, and I made our plans for our voyage to the Outsided lands. It would be a mission so hard and vigorous, so intricate and detailed, so amazingly stupid that we'd probably get ourselves killed in the process. Not that it's ever stopped us before. If we were to pull this off, we'd make names for ourselves, names that would remembered shouted for forever and throughout the future of Bubbledomia. But first we needed to find Linglo a hearing aid. But of course, that's another story.