Chapter 6

"I can't believe I let you talk me into wearing this!" Ashlee complained loudly on the way to the stadium.

Beth just rolled her eyes at her. "Stop whining, you look great and Lance won't be able to keep his eyes off you."

This caused Ashlee to think about Lance and she knew that she had to back away from him before she hurt him. She was falling for him but he was better off without her and her problems.

Beth saw the sadness flick across Ashlee's eyes and she leant forward in concern. "What are you thinking about Ashy?"

Ashlee looked at her in pain. "I really like him Bethy, but it would so much easier if I didn't, if I hadn't let him get close to me."

"But why Ash? Lance would never dream of hurting you, he cares too much for you," Dani asked in confusion.

Ashlee shook her head. "I know Lance would never intentionally hurt me but I'm not ready to take that leap of faith. I would be ruining his life too; he couldn't even begin to understand the depth my problems run to. Lance deserves someone without complication, someone who can love him unconditionally like he would them."

Dani and Beth just looked at each other in hopelessness but Kelly took charge. "That is crap Ash and you know it!"

Ashlee just gaped at her in shock, so Kelly softened her tone. "We know you have been to hell and back, but you said it yourself Lance would love you unconditionally. You need to give him a chance, give each other a chance at something that could be fantastic and last a lifetime... Lance just wants to find love like everyone else and you can't walk away from the possibility that he may choose you!"

Ashlee gripped Kelly's hand, silently asking for her understanding. "I want to be in love Kelly, but I don't think I could ever let anyone into my life now."

This time Beth disagreed with her. "Ashy you already have!"

Ashlee looked at her in confusion so she continued. "You let 7 complete strangers into your home, your haven, you let Lance help you last night. Your heart is healing and you have opened your life to new people."

Ashlee sat in silence digesting all that had been said, knowing that they were right but unsure as to what to do about it. She was that preoccupied that she didn't notice that they had arrived, she didn't notice the way the conversation haltered as they entered the tent, nor the way Lance's eye's darkened with passion as he looked at her. She didn't hear Justin swear softly under his breath nor hear Joey and Chris's woof whistles and she didn't see JC smile knowingly at Lance as he watched him devoured her with his eyes.

The first thing she did notice was the sharp pain she felt when Beth elbowed her in the side. "Ashy we're here and the guys are staring at us!"

Ashlee blinked at the interruption. "What.... Oh crap they're already here!" She smiled self-consciously as they continued to stare brazenly. "What are you guys staring at?" she asked feeling defensive.

Huge smiles appeared on their faces and Justin slowly sauntered towards them. "You take my breath away ladies," he said with charm oozing out of his words.

His obvious appreciation caused Ashlee to laugh. "Jeez J you certainly lay it on thick... Do you talk to every girl like that?"

"Just complimenting some of the finest looking women I have every seen. You all look stunning," he replied with sincerity.

"Well thank-you kind, Sir," Dani said with a twinkle in her eye as she and Kelly headed towards their loved ones.

Justin held out his arms to Beth and Ashlee, walking them over to the table where JC and Lance were still standing. Lance was looking a bit stunned but he didn't take his eyes off her, making her heartbeat faster and her hands to shake slightly.

"You look beautiful Ashlee," he said with a slightly crooked smile.

Lance was stunned speechless when he first saw Ashlee walk in, she was wearing a pair of black leather pants with a sparkled midnight blue top that exposed her elegant neck and shoulders and matched her eyes perfectly. Her thick, slightly curly, chocolate brown hair was cascading down her back and she was smiling at him in such a way that his heart literally stopped beating.

They all sat down at the table after collecting food and Ashlee looked around at her new friends is wonder. Joey was telling Kelly about the one-sided telephone conversation he had with their daughter that afternoon. They were smiling into each other's faces with their knees touching.

Dani had her head on Chris's shoulder with their hands entwined. Chris was talking to Justin and Beth using his free hand to emphasis his point. While Beth looked stunned as Justin threw an arm around her squeezing her in a tight hug. Ashlee looked over at JC to find that he was smiling at Beth unaware that he was being watched. Beth looked up at that moment and smiled directly at him, causing his smile to turn into a grin.

Ashlee turned towards Lance to see if he had caught the look between them but was surprised to find him starring at her with the same adorable crooked smile. Her breath caught in her throat causing her to gasp lightly and she saw Lance's eyes darken with emotion.

Lance was tempted to jump the table and take Ashlee in his arms and kiss the confusion out of her eyes. He was about to ask her if she was ok when Johnny walked into the room, coming towards their table.

"Hi girls, I'm sorry to interrupt but the guys have to go get ready now."

The guys gave another brilliant show but Ashlee was still thinking about what the girls had told her. After the concert it was decided that it was too risky for them to go out and celebrate the guys' holiday so they returned to her house for a private party.

Marie was prepared for the group and she had made enough food to feed an army, which the guys quickly devoured without pause. After dinner Joey suggested they watch a movie and the guys settled on 'The Matrix', but half way through it, Ashlee was fighting yawns off, as was Beth.

"Bethy you are staying here tonight. I don't want you to drive home when you are so tired."

Beth nodded in agreement. "Thanks Ashy I don't think I could move let alone drive. I think I will be a party pooper and go to bed now."

"It's 2am Beth I don't think anyone would call you that. Actually I think I will join you," Ashlee said while yawning again.

Lance lent over Ashlee and turned the video off as well as turning the lights on, which woke the rest of the group up. "Come on guys we're hitting the hay."

Ashlee looked back over at Beth catching her yawn. "Bethy, your boss works you too hard" she said with a smirk, causing Beth to laugh.

"Yeah she, does the slave driver!"

JC looked from Beth to Ashlee. "But I thought you said that you two were business partners."

Beth looked at Ashlee and they burst out laughing. "Yeah we do work together, it's just an inside joke we have," Beth explained.

Everyone just nodded tiredly in understanding and Beth moved over to hug Ashlee goodnight. "Am I in my normal room?"

"Yeah, you're next door to JC so you don't have to worry about being woken by Chris in the morning."

Ashlee heard Chris's muffled reply coming from under his down bent head. "Hey I heard that."

Ashlee just laughed. "Yeah I know, come on sleepy heads let's go to bed." Everyone agreed and soon they were all in their own rooms, preparing for bed.

Lance lay awake in his room for what felt like hours, his body prepared to jump out of bed in a matter of seconds if Ashlee had another nightmare. He was so attuned to the silence that he instantly heard the sound of her door opening quietly and her soft footsteps walking down the hallway. He waited for her to return but when she is hadn't after 10 minutes he began to worry so he got up to search for her.

He was passing her father's study when he heard the quiet strains of a piano and he slipped his body through the partially opened door. Ashlee was silently pacing near the large study window as the beautiful notes of Beethoven’s ‘Fur Elise’ played through the stereo. Her head was moving slowly with each keystroke, and she appeared to be lost completely in the serenity of the music.

Lance stood in the shadows of the doorway and just watched Ashlee as she continued to pace slowly, her thoughts obviously miles away from her present surroundings.

The final notes of Beethoven echoed throughout the room and Ashlee automatically used the stereo remote to change the CD without even looking up. Lance was about to speak up when he recognized the song beginning so he held his tongue in silence.

The song was Sarah McLachlan’s ‘Full of Grace’ and he watched silently as intense emotions flicked across her face, sadness, loneliness, grief, then he saw her back stiffen in defiance and her emotions were once again hidden behind her mask.

Lance knew that he should have left as soon as he realised what was going on, but the emotions flashing across Ashlee’s face had him suspended in the shadows. Ashlee again lifted the remote to change the song then finally sat down on the window seat, looking out into the darkness.

Lance heard the soft stains of 'On My Own' from "Les Mis' begin to form and he watched as Ashlee began to sing along softly to the words. So softly that Lance wouldn’t have known it until he saw her lips moving in synchronization with the words, to which she was obviously moved by.

'And now I'm all alone again.

Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.

Without a home, without a friend, without a face to say hello to.

And now the night is near, and I can make believe he is here.

Sometimes I walk alone at night.

When everybody else is sleeping.

I think of him and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping.

The city goes to bed. And I can live inside my head.

On my own.

Pretending he's beside me.

All alone I walk with him till morning.

Without him I feel his arms around me.

And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me.

In the rain, the pavement shines like silver.

All the lights are misty in the river.

In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight.

And all I see is him and me forever and forever.

And I know it's only in my mind.

That I'm talking to myself and not to him.

And although I know that he is blind, still I say there's a way for us.

I love him.

But when the night is over.

He is gone, the river's just a river.

Without him, the world around me changes.

The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers.

I love him.

But everyday I'm learning.

All my life I've only been pretending.

Without me, his world will go on turning.

A world that's full of happiness that I have never known.

I love him, I love him, I love him.

But only on my own."

Ashlee finished the last verse softly and with feeling. She opened her eyes and gasped in surprise to find Lance standing silently in the shadows.

Lance stepped into the lamplight and smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry to intrude Ash... But I heard the music."

"It's ok Lance I don't mind, but you did catch me by surprise. What are you doing up at this time?"

Lance walked over towards Ashlee and sat down next to her, lightly running his fingers down the window frame and ignoring her question. "I liked those songs."

"They have always been my favorite" she said quietly to his statement.

"My Dad likes to listen to Beethoven. But I like sneaking down here at night when I can't sleep and just play whatever comes to me. It's relaxing and I don't have to think."

Lance looked at Ashlee intently, "Why can't you sleep tonight Ashlee? You look like you need the sleep?" he said with concern.

Ashlee just looked at him tiredly and he knew. He cupped her cheek gently. "You need to sleep Ash."

Tears formed in her eyes and she looked at him in sadness. "I can't Lance!" she exclaimed, grabbed his T-shirt in her hands as she broke down. Lance held her tightly in comfort. "I'm afraid to sleep now, Lance," Ashlee whispered.

"I'm so tired… But I'm so afraid to dream so I won't let myself sleep."

Lance pulled her closer and kissed her forehead, allowing her to breathe in his scent and his strength as he held her safely in his embrace.

He stood up slowly and held his hand out for Ashlee to take. "Come on Ash," and he led her back to her room.

Without a word he led Ashlee to her bed and lay down next to her, pulling her gently into his arms, holding her safely. 'Sleep now baby… If you have a nightmare I'll be here to keep you safe," he said while kissing her on her forehead again.

Ashlee lay silently for a few minutes listening to his strong, steady heartbeat, which eventually lured her into sleep. Lance felt her body slowly soften in sleep, knowing that she was peaceful he too slipped into unconsciousness.