There once was a chicken named Duckie. She was the queen of Narnia and the divinely powered ruler of the chickens. The rule of the neighboring sneeze, Tir Na Nog, was Clover, queen of the leprechauns.

Since they were sisters, these two were the craziest monarchs in the entire kingdom. But Duckie had a secret plot to kill Clover because she liked killing. But Clover, the clever little leprechaun she was, had already escaped and was disguised as one of the chickens of Narnia.

FLASHBACK

"Duckie, did you steal my scepter, again? Give it back!!" Clover barked angrily.

"Quiet you! Before I set your feathers on fire, you cow!" Duckie seethed. She hated cows with a passion.

(Clover was not offended, because she was a mistress of disguise and was posing as a cow at the time.)

"Shut up! I will lord over all the lands of the universe and banish you to a distant asteroid. I have powers even you can't block!" Clover declared, her face a tempestuous shade of red.

"Oh yeah? Well guess who slept with thy royal husband last night? And it wasn't the chamber maid," Duckie retorted.

"Oh yeah, I know all about him and the pool boy. Why? Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Yes." Duckie sighed. "I have made a terrible decision. I want to leave my kingdom and live with the pool boy and his child. Or maybe it's your child. And then I'll teach your bastard child all about the evils of Narnia!" Duckie declared, giving the Vulcan sign of death.

"Um, I'm very sorry to disappoint you, Duckie, but all of the leading psychologists say that chicken-leprechaun pool boy relationships never last."

"Huh? What did you just say? You were boring me and I fell asleep," Duckie spat out bitterly. "Alright! That's it! I've had enough of your sass! Damnit Clover, I'm gonna kick your green leprechaun ass straight into Narnia!" she screamed her face glowering.

Clover squinted at Duckie in concern. "Wow. I've never seen a chicken turn that shade before. Are you having a heart attack? If you are, I'll get the poolboy. He knows CPR."

"Arrgg!" was all that Duckie could muster before her head exploded into a raging fireball.

"You better not go to Colorado anytime soon," Clover chuckled. "The last thing they need is Lino on their hands."

Duckie grinned maniacally and pulled a long sword from behind her.

Clover whistled low. "Jesus, is that the pool boy's? I'm getting sick of him leaving his crap everywhere. Let me go get him."

"ARRRGHH! Can you be serious for one freaking moment?!" Duckie screeched, waving the sword above her head like a matador.

Suddenly, a loud crash startled the queens into silence.

"What was that?" Duckie whispered timidly. "I'm scared."

Clover grinned. "Maybe it's the pool boy ready for another romp in the royal bed chamber. I'll go get him, because you can have him chicken woman."

"Would you just STOP it with the pool boy? Now I'll always regret ever setting eyes on that gorgeous ass."

"Hey, hey now! Whatever mating process that chickens and leprechauns and what not take part of is none of my business. Matter of fact, it's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of," Clover stated.

Clover continued. "Could we get out of this flashback already? I think the readers are getting bored."

Duckie shrugged and dropped her sword. "Whatever."

PRESENT

The entire universe of the Giant Flush is at war. And of course, Duckie and Clover are still fighting over the pool boy.

Duckie threw a fireball at Clover. "And this is for sleeping with the pool boy, you ancient cow!"

"Hah! Do you realize that this entire war is based on the pool boy? What is his name? What is his favorite food? Don't you even know this man?!" someone's conscience kicked in.

"Of course, I don't know him, conscience! I'm just being possessive! Who asked you, anyway?" Clover mooed. (She was now guised as a cow.)

The conscience continued. "When you think about it, the pool boy isn't even that attractive! And he's slept with you, your sister, your husband, and god knows what else! Talk about easy! He's probably got more diseases than the entire realm of Narnia!"

"But he has powers even I don't have!" Clover pleaded. "Sexual powers. Sure he looks like a dog, but he can go hours in the sack. HOURS! That's like 56 more minutes than the average man."

Her conscience mused quietly. "Hmm…I see your dilemma here….Fight to the DEATH!!"

"You know what? I don't care! Santiago is an ugly ass Angel Boy, anyway! Here!" Clover chucked a handful of gold at Duckie. "That's to buy him off my husband!"

Duckie seethed. "I don't want your charity, or your ugly whore! You take him!"

"Ey! You talkin' 'bout me behind my back! You-a tella to my face!" Santiago the pool boy flounces in, clad in a half shirt and a thong. He is from the Philippines. His full name is Santiago Jiang Eduardo Chien Meuh de Rodriguez the Fifteenth.

"Oh Santi, darling, we were just wondering if you could do us a little favor," Duckie cooed.

"Yeah," Clover chided. "Do you mind getting the hell out of my castle? The last thing we need is the room to be contaminated by your STD like diseases."

"Ey! I gave you the best 5 minutes of your life!" Santiago shouted as drool dripped from his mouth.

"You gave me 5 minutes in sex and millions of dollars worth of venereal diseases!" Duckie exclaimed.

Clover burst out laughing. "All you could get was five minutes?! I had him in the royal bedchamber for so long, he was walking funny for days!"

"Yeah, but not all of us are easy leprechaun whores, you know," Duckie retorted.

"Could you just get to the point? I've got a prostate screening in 5 minutes!" Santiago said.

Duckie laughed. "God knows you need it. Clover?"

"Yeah?" Clover.

"The pool boy, though great in bed, has caused us several years in feud. Let's blast him to a distant asteroid!"

Clover shrugged. "Fine with me."

After Santiago had been blasted, and the castle had been disinfected for Santiago's diseases, the two queens sat around bored.

Duckie sighed. "With Santiago gone, how are we supposed to get some ass?"

Clover thought for a moment and remembered the earth commercial she had seen yesterday. "We could always kidnap Justin Timberlake and keep him as our sex slave."

"You mean that earthling with a thrusting problem?"

"The very same. That one'll spread his legs to anyone!" Clover confided to her sister.

Duckie shook her head. "Who knew those earthlings could be so easy? Oh well. Should I go get him or should you do the honors?"

"The pleasure is all yours, sister."

With the wave of her wand, Duckie had transformed herself into earth teen pop princess, Britney Spears. She shuddered. "God, I hope this doesn't take too long. This body is hideous. She doesn't even have webbed feet! Or a penis!"

Clover nodded, blinded by the hideousness of her sister. "It's amazing how these earthlings find her attractive. No penis, indeed."

"Oh well. Goodbye, dear sister." Duckie waved her wand and flew into outside space.

Clover cackled evilly with happiness. "Wait till Duckie finds out that he's gay…Tehehe!"

~*~DNE EHT~*~