"...JC"
"Mmm," me mumbled against her neck.
"Go slow," she whispered.
JC's eyes met hers, the emotions mirrored in them. He slowly lifted her shirt and tossed it aside. He smoothed her hair down before turning so she was now underneath him and then removed his t-shirt, joining her own on the floor.
They once again resumed kissing. This time they didn't rush anything. They had all the time in the world.
Running her hands down JC's back and chest she could feel his tight muscles beneath her touch. He didn't have the biggest build but he had definitely made the most of his body. She reached the waistband of his jeans and noticing her hesitation JC took over, removing his jeans along with their remaining clothes.
With that the pair let the passion take over.
~*~
Alanna woke as she heard a door creak. Opening her eyes she saw JC standing in his doorway fully dressed looking back at her, her body covered in nothing but a sheet and the moonlight.
"I'm sorry Alanna. I shouldn't...I'm sorry." With one last look JC closed the door behind him leaving her alone.
"No please..." Alanna whispered.
A door closing could be heard. She wrapped the sheet around herself and moved to the window just in time to see JC start his Jeep up and head down the driveway.
A lone tear escaped her eye as the car disappeared from view.
~*~
Alanna entered her house and looked at the clock in the living room. 3 am it read.
Dropping her bag she ran up the stairs to the bathroom. She slammed the door and immediately threw her clothes off before stepping into the shower. She turned the water on, setting it as hot as she could stand. Standing directly under the spray she soaped her whole body. Anything to take her mind off of what happened.
She stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her body. She was about to leave the bathroom when her reflection in the mirror caught her eye. She just kept staring at herself trying to find a reason why, what possessed people to hurt her?
Alanna sank to the floor finally breaking down. She curled up into the fetal position as she sobbed on the cold bathroom floor.
~*~
Alanna sat on her bed. After what happened in the bathroom she had returned to her room and dressed for bed.
It was now 4 am and sleep did not seem an option. That night just kept playing over in her head like a bad dream. She thanked God her parents had not been home. She couldn't have explained what had happened. To them she was their little girl still and she couldn't help think that they would have been disgusted with her. She wasn't even dating JC. By no means was she an angel but she liked to think she had some morals. She hadn't been a virgin but JC had only been her second. Her first experience being Nathan and she had been with him over a year beforehand. If her parents had been home this would not have happened. She would have been home with them instead of over at his house.
Alanna's eyes wondered over to her bookcase. She spotted something from her childhood. At one point it had been her most treasured possession. Her diary - it held all the important information from her first crush and kiss to fights with her parents and Ashlyn. When she had started dating Nathan it had been forgotten. It had been sitting there for over 2 years unused.
Alanna walked over and picked up the medium-sized book bound in purple velvet, her favourite colour when she was 13.
Walking over to the bed she decided that now was the time the book would be re-opened. Today was the day her feelings would once again be revealed on the pages of the book and locked away from others.
~*~
As the sun was about to rise Alanna drifted off to sleep clutching the book that contained the night's heartbreak. When she awoke it would once again be locked, as would her feelings, away from the world to see.
~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~
Dear Diary,
After over 2 years of neglect I'm back and with a new story to tell. I kinda feel a bit old for this but I need to do something. So much has happened. I finished high school, went to college for a while, I broke up with Nathan, and I'm not talking to my sister, became a singer and went on tour with ‘N SYNC. That's the short version.
Tonight was possibly the worst night of my life. For a while now I've had feelings for JC, I admit that at last. I never thought anything would come of it though, I mean he's JC Chasez of 'NSYNC, why would he want ME?
Yesterday we almost kissed. JC's friend, Justin, interrupted us though. Things were a little awkward after that so I was really surprised when he called this morning asking how I was. I spent the day at his house. All we did was watch some movies and talk but I had a lot of fun. It was just good to spend some time with him out of the spotlight.
I was joking around with him and we ended up in his bedroom. We ended up making love...or should I say sex? It obviously didn't mean anything to JC. He walked out on me. He obviously didn't plan on talking to me beforehand because he was halfway out the door when I woke up. He just walked out and drove away. I sat in his room for a while hoping he'd have a change of heart and come back. He didn't.
Now I feel used. It hurts that something that was special to me could so easily be dismissed by him. I feel dirty, like a piece of trash. I even felt like a slut at one point because of how fast everything happened. I know it's not my fault though. I just followed my heart, something people have been telling me to do for years.
And how do I feel now? I feel empty...
Chapter 17
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