Alanna and Ashlyn took their seats on the plane. They were on their way to the next destination on the tour after their short break.
"Alanna are you okay?" Ashlyn asked cautiously.
"I'm fine. I just didn't sleep much last night."
"So what did you do these past few days?"
"I just spent time with my family." Alanna deliberately left out her meeting with JC. In actual fact she had spent the time holed up in her room.
"I'm looking forward to seeing the guys again aren't you?"
"Yeah," she muttered. The both of them had grown quite close to the guys in the last few weeks. She didn't expect to spend a great deal of time with them on tour but she had been surprised at the effort they made to get to know them. She missed them but where Justin, Joey, Lance and Chris were JC was not far behind. She had no idea if JC had mentioned what had happened to the others. Maybe he'd been bragging about his latest conquest and in that case she would have to face everyone. Would their opinion of her change? Even worse though JC could be ashamed.
She closed her eyes to avoid any further questioning from Ashlyn. The sooner the tour was over the better.
~*~
"Alanna 5 minutes," a crewmember called.
Alanna checked her appearance once more before leaving her dressing room. The make-up artist had done a good job hiding the tiredness on her face. Sleep had become a problem these past few days. Lying in bed at night she had found she couldn't stop thinking about that night. The tears would come at night as well, when nobody was there to witness them. She hated herself for crying over it, for crying over him. She told herself that he wasn't worth it. In her heart though he was.
Alanna walked over to one of the sound guys who helped fit her pack and microphone. She had a few moments to get herself together before she performed. A door opening to her right caught her eye. Justin came bounding out of the room, Chris closely behind. They must have just finished the meet and greet.
"’Lanna, ‘Lanna, ‘Lanna!" Chris picked her up and swung her around.
"Woah Chris. Put me down. I don't need to be throwing up before I go on."
Chris put her down and Justin stepped up to give her a hug. "Long time no see. Have fun out there."
Alanna smiled. "Justin it's been like 3 days and yeah I will."
Justin and Chris left leaving a clear view of the door again. There stood JC. She felt her heart pounding in her chest. This was the first time she had seen him since he walked out of his room leaving her alone. JC began to make her feel uncomfortable. He just stared at her, unmoving. Alanna held his gaze until she could no longer stand it.
Walking over to meet her dancers she felt shaky. She gave them all a "good luck" hug. Taking a deep breath she tried to concentrate on her upcoming performance. Now was the time to put all other worries out of her mind.
Hearing her name announced she ran on to the stage with her dancers, to the cheers of the fans. The opening beats of her song began and she threw herself into her performance.
~*~
Thankfully the first 2 songs had passed by without a hitch. Alanna was finally beginning to relax and enjoy herself. Tonight the fans had been particularly good to her.
"And now I've come to my final song of the night. I'd like to thank you all for being such a great audience and I hope you enjoy the rest of the show. This is...'Tell Me What You Like'."
Alanna turned around to get into position for the beginning of the song when she spotted him. There standing at the side of the stage arms crossed, expressionless face was JC. He was looking right at her again. He had the nerve to look her in the eye after what he did. She could faintly register the opening chords of her final number but she couldn't tear her eyes away.
"Alanna," a voice hissed.
She finally looked in the direction of the voice. Ashlyn shot her a look as she danced. She pulled herself together as quickly as she could. She'd missed the opening dance and the first line of the first verse. Having rehearsed so much she was easily able to get back into the routine but her movements were stiff and her voice shaky.
The dancers kept shooting her curious looks, which she tried to ignore. One thing she couldn't ignore was the presence of JC in the wings. She could feel his eyes burning through the back of her.
As soon as the last note faded away she rushed off the stage. Pulling her microphone off she thrusted it into the hands of someone working backstage. Usually she would stand patiently until someone would come and collect it off her but there wasn’t time for that today. Frantically she searched the area for him but he was gone.
"Alanna?"
"Not now Ashlyn,” she replied distractedly.
"What the hell happened out there?"
"I mucked up okay? I'm sorry I can't be perfect all the time, now can you just get off my back?"
"This isn't like you." Ashlyn was worried. Alanna's performance was usually flawless.
"I'm tired okay? It was the first show back. Tomorrow will be fine I'm sure. Listen I'm sorry for yelling. Alex," she shouted. "Can we get out of here?"
"Sure, I'll just make sure the driver is ready to leave."
"You're not staying for the show?" Ashlyn asked.
"No. Like I said, I'm tired. I'm just gonna go crash back at the hotel."
"Want me to come?"
"No you stay and watch the show. I'll see you later okay."
"Alright, if you're sure."
"Alanna let's go," Alex called from the exit.
"Bye Ash."
Bewildered she watched her friend leave. "Bye."
~*~
Alanna groaned with frustration. "Why me?" she muttered to herself as she lay on her bed.
After leaving the arena she had gone to a diner to get something to eat. After an hour of watching her play with her food Alex had dragged her back to the hotel claiming he couldn't stand to watch her mope a second longer.
She had showered and then she had aimlessly flicked through the channels on the television. That hadn't occupied her for long, she was so restless tonight. Finally she could no longer sit in the confines of the four walls. Leaving the room she headed down the hall towards the drinks machine. The hallway was empty so she assumed the guys hadn't returned from the show yet. There was usually at least one guard around.
Turning the corner where the drinks machine was situated she spotted someone in a baseball cap getting a drink. He collected his can and as he turned to allow her to use the machine she smiled politely. The smile vanished when she saw who it was. There stood JC in front of her, at first with a look of surprise on his face quickly replaced by the ever-present blank look. Alanna was suddenly filled with anger. "What the hell were you doing tonight?" She stood hands on hips, waiting for an answer which didn’t seem to be coming. "I'm waiting JC," she shouted.
JC grabbed her arm and pulled her into a room, slamming the door behind him. "Get your hands off me, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm trying to prevent your public outburst hitting tomorrows newspapers," he said evenly.
Alanna sneered. "Afraid your fans will find out what a bastard you really are JC? Boy could I tell them a few stories."
He looked down; the carpet suddenly became very interesting to him.
"Don't worry JC. No one will find out your little secret...on one condition."
JC looked up. "What do you want?" he asked suspiciously.
She held his gaze, appearing to be stronger than she felt. "It's quite simple really. Keep the hell away from me. Now if you'll excuse me I'd like to leave."
JC remained in front of the door looking at her.
"Do I have to scream JC? Because I will."
JC stepped aside. "Just remember what I said okay," she reminded him.
Alanna left the room and headed back to her own room, completely forgetting about her drink. She stormed down the hall not looking where she was going.
"Woah there, what's the hurry?"
She distractedly looked up searching for the owner of the voice. "Hi Justin."
"What's wrong?" Justin looked genuinely concerned.
"Nothing. Just having a bad day I guess. I didn't have the best performance tonight," she shrugged.
"Are you sure that's all it is?" Justin raised his eyebrows giving her a questioning look.
"Yeah. Listen Justin I'm really tired. I'm just gonna head to bed. We leave early tomorrow."
"Okay, night Allie," he said quietly.
Alanna felt bad for brushing him off. She stepped forward and hugged him. "Thanks for caring Justin, goodnight."
She carried on down to her room and on entering she headed straight for the bed needing to lay down after the confrontation back there. She suddenly grabbed a pillow and threw it across the room. "Ugh men!"
Her reaction when she had seen JC had surprised her. Up until then she had only expressed hurt. Seeing the blank face before her had angered her. Didn't he feel sorry? Was it all just a game to him? The anger had made her tell him to stay away. In reality that was the last thing she wanted. Memories of how good being close to him had been were still fresh behind all the pain. If they couldn't be together though she could not stand to have him near constantly reminding her of the fact.
She sighed in defeat. She was not going to get an explanation tonight. She stood from the bed and changed into her nightwear. What she had said to Justin had been partly true; she should try to get some sleep. Tomorrow was an early start and her lack of sleep of late was going to affect her.
She turned off the bedside lamp and drew the covers up over her shoulders trying to get warm. Even after only one night with him the bed felt empty and herself alone. She stopped shuffling and the room was once again silent. Silence was dangerous. It allowed her to think. She didn't want to think. Her thoughts centred on one thing only, JC turning away from her. Now here in the darkness the anger had dwindled and the pain and emptiness again returned along with the tears.
Chapter 18
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