Alanna had spent 6 days in New York - three days at Katie’s and three days working. Lance had travelled up to New York to be with her. She always liked it when he joined her. The other members of FreeLance were great but having Lance there was always nice. Not only was he close to her age but he also had the knowledge of what it was like to start off in this business. The pressures to succeed and the doubts about your talent from other people could all bring you down at times and he could relate. Alanna also found he had a very calming influence on her as well. He was very laid back but also knew the job at hand needed to be done. Lance was now home in Mississippi for the holidays and Alanna was back home in Florida.
Things with Katie were a little better, still strained but better. After their little talk the two of them had gone on a bonding marathon consisting of late night chats, shopping trips and lots of ice cream. Basically they caught up with each other’s lives. The ice between them was now broken and Katie would be flying down in two days to join the rest of the family for Christmas. She was now looking forward to the holidays knowing that they could at least be civil to one another.
Alanna stood on the doorstep of her last problem and perhaps her biggest problem…JC Chasez. She had casually asked Lance what the rest of ‘N SYNC would be doing for the holidays and she had discovered that JC would still be at home before joining his parents and other relatives in a few days time.
She was now putting on a brave and confident front although inside she was a bag of nerves. She in fact felt physically ill at the thought of having to face him but it was something she had to do. She had come to realise that there was no choice in the matter.
So here she was…7 pm on a chilly night, she stood shivering waiting for someone…JC…to open the door.
The door opened and the light from the house swept out over her shivering form. JC stood staring at her in shock for a moment before he realised it was indeed cold out. “Oh, come on in.”
He stepped back to allow her in and she still did not utter a word as she walked past him. She did not stop there though. JC watched as she climbed the stairs up to the first floor of the house. He stared up at her in confusion. When she reached the top of the stairs and she still didn’t stop JC finally followed her lead. When he reached the top of the stairs she was nowhere in sight. He checked all of the rooms before finally arriving at the last room at the end of the hall…his bedroom. That was where he found her, her back turned to him, looking out of the window.
JC felt nervous, he had done since the moment he had seen her on his doorstep. He felt as though at any moment she was either going to start screaming at him or even worse start crying. She did neither though. The uncertainty of the entire situation was killing him.
“This is where it all started…this is where everything went wrong,” she said calmly.
JC didn’t say anything. There were so many responses to that but until she indicated he didn’t feel he had the right to say a word.
He stood biting his lip nervously. The silence was deafening. The tick of the clock seemed to increase in volume by the second until he just wanted to smash the things into pieces.
“We should have never done that.”
“Don’t say that,” he said softly but forcefully.
She turned. “What?”
“”Don’t make it out to be a big mistake. It wasn’t.”
“Then what the hell was it JC?” she asked angrily. “As I seem to remember, please correct me if I’m wrong, you were the one who freaked out afterwards. You were the one with doubts. You were the one running scared. NOT me. YOU. You don’t think I was scared about what was happening too? I didn’t run though. I was willing to face you the next morning, face the situation we put ourselves in. You couldn’t do that though,” she said sadly. She quickly recovered her composure. She was going to be strong. “Now you think you have the right to tell me it wasn’t a mistake?” she asked in disbelief.
She stood with her hands on her hips glaring expectantly at him. JC figured this was her indication for him to talk. “The only mistake was…” He took a deep breath. “Was me leaving you, me walking out on you.” He threw his arms up in frustration. “I can’t go back Alanna, all I can say now is I’m sorry and that I truly mean that.” He kept his eyes locked with hers hoping they would radiate the remorse he felt.
When she turned away from him to once again look out the window he was angered. She was turning away from him when he felt vulnerable – what he had done to her he realised too late.
“What do you want from me?” he almost pleaded.
She swung back around. “I want the truth JC…the truth,” she said gently.
“The truth?” he repeated.
“Yes! I can’t handle your mixed signals anymore. You’re confusing the hell out of me. I need to know where I stand. I need you to tell me what you’re feeling JC. I mean it I need the truth. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings or embarrassing yourself. I need to know,” she begged desperately. The tough act was becoming too hard for her and she needed to get down to business however hard it would be.
JC took a deep breath and took a seat on the bed. “Okay,” he said exhaling the air. The games were over. Too many had been played in the past and it was time to put everything else aside and for the two of them to start being honest with one another.
“Please sit,” he said gesturing to the bed. He noticed her eyeing it cautiously before she sat.
“Okay you wanted the truth…well this is it. Taylor…I thought she broke my heart. Back then I thought she was the love of my life. After her I guess I thought women were all out to hurt me.” He noticed her look of disapproval but she let him continue. “Then I met you,” he sighed. “We had a lot of fun together, you were easy to talk to, you didn’t make me feel like all my worries were in my head.” He shrugged. “I thought we could be good friends but the only problem was…”
“Yes?” she prompted.
JC sighed and covered his face with his hands. “I kinda…um I sorta…”
Alanna pulled his hands away from his face. “JC just spit it out,” she said in frustration.
“The only problem was I wanted to be more than friends.”
Chapter 30
Chapter Index
Main Page