The drive back to Justin’s house was relatively quiet, only the occasional sniffle or sigh from Natalia broke the silence.
When he stopped the car Justin had to ask her if she was planning on getting out because she just sat there, staring out of the window. He opened the door for her and she slowly stepped out. Once she’d straightened he caught her eye but almost immediately she looked away and stepped past him. He knew then that she was pulling away.
They stood just inside the house and the silence was extremely uncomfortable for the both of them.
“Do you uh want a shower…something to eat?” Justin asked.
“I’m really tired Justin,” she said, her voice flat, emotionless.
“Sure you are, you’ve had a long night. You can stay in the guest bedroom. You can thank my mother for that one, I doubt there’d even be a bed in there let alone sheets if it wasn’t for her,” he laughed. His face straightened when he got no reaction from her. He found himself rambling to try and break the tension or at least get her to talk; she was just shutting off again, not that she’d been all that open with him in the first place.
He cleared his throat nervously. “So um yeah, I’ll show you where it is.”
She followed him up the stairs and to the guestroom. He switched on the light and walked inside. She remained at the door, swinging her purse back and forth, staring at his back.
He frowned when he looked at her. All the spunk he’d witnessed in her from day one seemed to have been sucked right out of her leaving a tired, worn…thing. He decided he would talk to her in the morning. “Oh you need something to put on,” he realised. “I’ll go get you something. There’s a bathroom across the hall if you want to clean up, I think there’s a spare toothbrush in the cabinet under the sink.”
She simply nodded, turned and walked across the hall to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
He shook his head. She was upset, he reasoned. She was blaming herself for things she couldn’t control and tomorrow she’d realise that and he could talk to her and maybe he’d get some answers this time. Somehow he didn’t think it was going to be as easy as that though. She always seemed to throw a spanner in the works.
He went to his room and grabbed a T-shirt out of his closet. He knocked on the bathroom door and it cracked open seconds later. “Here,” he said, passing it through the gap.
“Thanks,” she said before the door closed once again.
He went back into the guestroom and folded the covers down for her. He fluffed the pillows before sitting down on the bed to wait for her.
He looked up when he heard the door across the hall open. She emerged from the bathroom, her discarded clothes in her arms along with her purse. He swallowed when he saw her in his T-shirt. Although a little long in the arms she was quite tall so the hem hovered mid-thigh exposing her long tan legs. He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. Now was not the time to be thinking such things.
She dumped her armful of belongings on the chair in the corner of the room, moving to the bed but stopping when she saw him eyeing her closely.
Justin noticed her discomfort and jumped up from the bed. “I’ll…uh be in the shower if you need me. Just call if you need anything.”
She nodded and he reluctantly left the room, stopping at the door first to take one last look at her. He headed for the shower, where he’d told her he’d be. He hadn’t been planning on taking a shower, he could have quite easily flopped into bed and fallen asleep…then again he’d probably be kept awake worrying about her.
Once he stepped under the hot spray he was glad for the idea. The hot water was soothing on his aching shoulders and the lingering smell from the hospital finally seemed to be washed away. If only all his troubles could be washed away so easily.
Natalia lay in bed listening to the shower. Justin had left the hall light on but it wasn’t keeping her awake; thinking about her mom, countless hospital visits, her job, her brother, money, her dad, all of that seemed to be doing the trick in rendering her sleepless.
The smell of the hospital, the sickly taste it left in your mouth, she was all too familiar with it.
Justin had been there this time though. For once it hadn’t just been her and Alexei, she’d had someone else there to be by her side, to comfort her. But she hadn’t let him do it, comfort her that is. He’d been ready and willing but she hadn’t let him. She would be eternally grateful that he had been there, she knew she’d lost her head there for a while.
All of that night's happenings had just highlighted why she shouldn’t get involved with Justin. All of her previous doubts had been thrown in her face, taunting her that she couldn’t be with him. She couldn’t get him mixed up in her life, as much as she wanted him there.
Yes, now she could admit it. She wanted Justin to be in her life, to be there for her. But what could she offer him? Not enough, she had decided.
She’d noticed the way he was there for her brother that night too. She knew she’d been irrational, uncaring…a plain bitch better described it. He’d been the easy target though. She needed someone to blame.
She knew Alexei was probably telling the truth when he’d said their mom had told him to go out. She was forever telling her to do the same thing, not to let her life be consumed with caring for her. She couldn’t help it though; she worried non-stop about her.
She knew Justin was probably hurt that she hadn’t told him. There was so much she hadn’t told him but somewhere inside she’d been scared that he’d run away. She’d dealt with it before; not many people had stuck by her. Justin though, even way back in the beginning when he’d bugged her all the time, when he was driving her crazy, as much as she’d acted like she didn’t want him around and told him too to go away, she didn’t want him to leave her alone.
She secretly loved the smart comments they threw back and forth. He’d make her smile, laugh, scream, but he hadn’t felt sorry for her, that she was grateful for.
He could give her so much but she couldn’t give him anything in return and to have him, she decided, would be selfish.
Justin came out of the bathroom; dressed in a pair of shorts he’d found chucked in the corner by the hamper.
He went to turn the light off in the hall, glancing into the guestroom as he reached for the switch. His heart sank when he saw her face. She was staring blankly in his direction but she didn’t seem to have noticed him standing there.
He moved slightly and the light picked up a wet trail on her face. He did what his heart told him to. He switched the light off and made for the bed. He climbed in behind her and she only seemed to notice his presence as the bed dipped.
“Justin?”
He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her back into his chest before tucking the covers around them. “Shh,” he soothed. “Everything’s going to be okay. Get some sleep and we’ll talk in the morning. I’m here for you,” he spoke softly into her ear.
That did it. She shook as she cried silently, all the time he was stroking her hair, her back, her side or simply clutching her hand. She finally fell asleep honestly believing that someone was there for her and that it was Justin meant all the more.
She’d tossed and turned a bit during the night but Justin had stayed with her throughout.
When he woke up he had propped himself up on his side just studying her face while she slept. She had looked so peaceful; he didn’t want to see that frown appear when she woke up and realised everything that had happened. It was starting to scare him just how much he wanted to protect her, to see smile and not worry.
He didn’t move as she stirred. When she opened her eyes she jumped to see him so close, staring down at her.
“What time is it?” she asked as she struggled to sit up.
“11.”
She was rubbing her eyes but they flew open when he spoke. “What? I’ve gotta get to the hospital.”
She tried to pull her legs out of the twisted bed sheets but he stopped her. “You’re not going anywhere yet. Besides, they won’t let you in until visiting hours.”
She tried to protest but his look silenced her.
“Now I’m just going to phone the guys and tell them why I’m not there and then I’m going to make you breakfast.”
“You were supposed to be at work?” she asked as he got out of the bed. It was a Saturday but that meant nothing in *NSYNC land. Then she realised for the first time just what he was dressed in - just shorts. If she’d registered that last night there would have been no way in hell she would’ve relaxed enough to sleep.
He nodded. “Yeah right about now, but I’m not going in.”
“Justin,” she protested.
“Natalia,” he mocked.
She knew he wasn’t going to change his mind, he was stubborn like that. She gave him a small smile. “Thank you.”
He grinned. “No problem.”
She settled back against the headboard, smiling as he left. Seconds later she looked up as his head appeared around the door again.
“Next time though we’re sleeping in my bed, it’s a lot more comfortable.” He grinned wickedly before he was gone again.
Natalia had wandered downstairs. Justin was still on the phone and she was gasping for a drink.
She went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. She settled on an orange juice. After pouring a glass she leant up against the counter waiting for Justin.
She was looking out of the window wondering what was taking him so long when she thought she heard a noise from the front of the house.
“Justin. Justin honey, are you here?”
She could hear the voice coming closer. “Justin’s mom,” she whispered to herself. She couldn’t think who else it would be.
She looked down at what she was wearing. Oh shit!
Her head flew up and her eyes were wide as the woman walked into the kitchen.
She watched as the woman stopped in her tracks, her arms full with shopping bags. “Oh…I-I’m sorry,” she finally stuttered.
Natalia was lost for words but she knew what conclusions the woman in front of her was jumping too, if she’d been in her position she’d be thinking exactly the same thing. “I...it’s not-”
Justin’s mom placed the bags on the counter. Natalia could see her trying not to make eye contact. “It’s okay…I’ll,” she quickly looked up at Natalia dressed in her son’s T-shirt, the one she’d bought him for Christmas, and then turned her head away quickly. “I’ll just leave these here and I’ll be going.”
“Wait,” she called as she watched her turn to leave. “Don’t you want to see Justin?”
She took a deep breath. “Just tell him I’ll call him later.”
“Nat, you down here?” she heard Justin call.
Natalia watched him walk into the kitchen and straight into the path of his mother. “Mom, what are you doing here?”
Natalia looked at his state of dress…or undress. She cringed at the situation and wanted to crawl into a hole. He was still just dressed in the shorts he’d slept in and with her in just the T-shirt, oh this wasn’t good, it wasn’t good at all.
His mom looked between the pair of them. She didn’t look mad, just extremely, extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed. “I was just going,” she said, before stepping around Justin.
Justin looked clueless. “Well that was weird.”
“Justin!”
“What?” he asked.
She gestured between them a couple of times, tugging on the hem of her T-Shirt and then pointing at his shorts. Justin finally seemed to understand. “Do something,” she hissed.
“You mean…” He didn’t finish for he was laughing too hard.
“Justin!”
“Okay, okay I’m going, I’ll sort it out.”
Justin hurried out of the room and after his mom. Natalia settled down at the table to die of embarrassment.
“Mom!” Justin called.
She stopped where she had her hand on the doorknob.
Justin grabbed a T-shirt that was hanging over the back of the sofa and pulled it over his head.
“It’s not what it looks like,” he started.
She held up a hand. “There’s no need to explain, you can do what you want in your own house.”
“Mom-,” he tried to cut in.
“I shouldn’t just barge in,” she continued.
He sighed. “I gave you a key.”
She nodded. “Yes for when you’re away and emergencies.”
His mother knew he was no angel but he had to explain for Natalia’s sake. “She just stayed the night, nothing happened.”
“Justin-”
“No listen. Her mom was rushed into hospital last night, she was upset and I offered her a place to stay, I didn’t think she should be on her own.”
Lynn finally relaxed and her concern broke through. “Is she okay?”
“Natalia or her mom?”
“Both.”
“Natalia’s holding up. Her mom is gonna be fine, she needs to stay in a few days.”
Lynn nodded. “Good, tell her I’m thinking about them both.”
“Okay.”
“Tell her I’m sorry…about everything.”
Justin rolled his eyes. “It’s not like you walked in on anything.”
Lynn looked horrified and Justin tried not to laugh. He had a feeling she’d be knocking from now on.
“I’ll tell her,” he assured her. “Thanks for the groceries.”
“No problem.” She gave him a kiss goodbye before leaving.
Justin walked back to the kitchen trying not to laugh.
Natalia looked up at him as he entered. “Is she gone?”
Justin laughed. “Yeah, she said she’d go so we could get back to our mad hot sex.”
Her eyes were wide. “JUSTIN!”
He continued to laugh. “Relax, everything is sorted, she knows why you stayed.”
She sighed with relief. “Good. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.”
“Don’t worry about it. Now I’m going to make you breakfast and then,” he looked her in the eye, “we’re going to have that talk.”
Chapter 18
Chapter Index
Main Page