(Saturday, February 12, 2000)
It had been four whole days since Justin and the gang had left to go over to Europe for promotions and each day was getting a little easier for her. She wouldn't go as far to say that she was ok with the fact that they were gone or that she was comfortable with it, but she was handling it the best way she knew how and so far it was working. She had dived into her schoolwork and she had concentrated on her photography to keep her mind at ease and to keep them away from her thoughts.
Of course that rarely worked but it did make her feel somewhat better. The hardest thing she was dealing with at the moment was the confusion she was feeling about why she was so torn up about them leaving this time. It was always sad whenever they left and she always sulked for a few days before snapping out of it and finding something better to do with her time and energy, but this time was different for some reason. This time she felt like the wind had been taken out of her sails and that she was struggling alone in the sea of people who resided around her.
The sight of Justin's back as he bounced down the empty skyway towards the plane a few days ago replayed over and over in her head. She was losing her mind and she was definitely getting into something very unhealthy here because there was absolutely no reason why she should be this clingy or this needy for him. He was her best friend, he had a life, she had a life, and now it was time to explore those lives on their own.
Justin had kept his promise and he had called her at least two times a day. Sometimes he would call three or four times to see what was going on in Orlando or to get the scoop on what was being done on MTV and on the radio to promote their new album's release. She was more than happy to give him as many updates as he wanted to have because with each update she was able to talk to him and confide in him on some level. That was another interesting thing that had happened this time, Justin had never been one to call her that much. Sure he always called to keep in touch or to check up but he never called her as much as he had been calling her the last few days. It was almost like he couldn't get enough of her voice or that he was clinging to it.
Once again she was being stupid in thinking that and being stupid for making assumptions on why he would be calling. He could be bored for all she knew and here she sat thinking about why she shouldn't be thinking about him. It was stupid and pointless to try to guess what was going on in his world because right now she wasn't a part of it other than to listen to his voice on the telephone.
That looming feeling that she felt in the back of her mind was still there and that made her worry about the guys more than usual. She did notice that Justin sounded extremely happy when he talked to her and that put her at ease some. He was excited but why wouldn't he be? Even though touring and performing was his number one love, he was thoroughly enjoying the fact that he could meet up with some of the fans they never got to see. They didn't get to travel overseas all that much so to spend this month with those fans just had to put a smile on their faces. It was hard work but oh so rewarding.
Before he left, Justin had made her promise that she would open up more while he was gone and she had kept her word. So far she had made many new friends. The bad thing was that she couldn't be completely free and herself with them. There were too many secrets in her past and too many secrets about her private life to be able to open herself up to these people completely.
That was the hardest thing because Justin and the guys were so much a part of her life that she felt she was being untrue to these new friends and to herself by omitting the guys and the memories she shared with them from her conversations and life. It was absolutely necessary, but she was giving up a part of herself by constantly trying to hide who she REALLY was.
BUT she had to admit that there were some really cool people in Orlando and it was nice to talk to them. It was so nice to talk to new people who were living their normal lives day to day. Justin had been right, she had isolated herself lately and she had no idea how that had happened. In high school she always juggled a school life with friends and a private life amidst N SYNC hysteria, but since high school she had changed and most of those changes had occurred very recently without any warning.
Now she was fighting hard to regain a part of who she used to be…a person who could have a little bit of both worlds. She was just so terrified of starting over. Her whole life she had had Justin and making new friends wasn't a thing she had ever put her mind up to going out and doing. Her friends had always happened along the way, but this was a different situation and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't let go of the cautiousness that drove her to be silent and untrusting. It was getting better, but she was nowhere near the point she needed to be at.
On the school front since she had dived into her work so much, her relationship with Professor Buck had grown as well. There was a lot of potential for development because she knew so much about photography and how to get started in the business. There was no reason why she shouldn't have listened to her and taken her advice before. Now it all made sense and it had only been four days but Lauren already felt like she was getting closer and closer to the career that would make all her dreams come true.
Professor Buck pushed her to see things a new way, she pushed her to use her potential and her talent, pushed her to fight for the shots she wanted, and pushed her not to give up whenever things seemed to be over. In the past two days her camera hadn't left her hand and it seemed like the world was a new place for her. She saw the world differently and saw the beauty that surrounded her even when privately she wondered what the hell was going on with her life.
Life really did go on, time didn't stand still, and no matter how much you might fight it…everyone grows up at some point.
"Hellloooo Lauren. Are you going to take the picture or not?"
Lauren broke out of her thoughts and shook her head to look over at Mary Beth. "Huh? Oh yeah…yeah I'm just trying to get it to look right in here."
Mary Beth folded her arms over her chest with a smile and watched as Lauren put the camera back up to her eye and zoomed it in again. "You've been trying to take a picture of that old woman sitting on the bench for the last ten minutes. I was beginning to wonder if you had turned into a statue."
Lauren touched a few buttons and the frame zoomed in even more. "Yeah well I was just thinking about a few things."
"Sounds pretty deep and important if it makes you freeze up like that. How is the shot now?"
Her finger pressed down and the shutter clicked in front of her eyes. "I think I got it just as she was reaching down to feed the squirrel beside her. That should be a pretty good one right there."
"I can't believe that Professor Buck gave us this assignment. I know that Florida is the land of the elderly but I really don't get any cheap thrills out of zooming in on dentures and blue hair as they chew the remains of last night's dinner that got stuck under their teeth. What could we possibly do with pictures like these?"
Lauren put the camera back up to her eye and took a deep breath as she focused the lens. "We're making a portfolio remember? There needs to be a wide range of photographs in there and a portfolio is all about showing how much character and personality you can capture using a thin strip of film and a camera. It's all about capturing personalities."
Mary Beth sat down with a loud sigh on the bench Lauren was leaned over the back of. "You sounded just like the professor just then. 'Personality ladies and gentlemen…make sure you capture the essence of the world around you. Pictures should…'"
"Pictures should tell a story and should create moods and feelings much in the same way that an author or a poet creates those things in words."
She looked up at Lauren and giggled. "You've heard that one a few times too huh?"
"Oh yes. Now hush so I can get this shot."
Mary Beth's legs bobbed up and down as she looked around the park they were at. It was a beautiful spot to be in and it was straight out of what she imagined Florida to be like. It was green even though it was winter, it was plush, people ran by or walked as they talked and laughed, and it was a place that she knew she could fit into and love. These were going to be the best four years of her life.
Lauren reached over and gently punched Mary Beth's bobbing legs. "This is going to take forever if you don't sit still so I can get this."
"What are you trying to take a picture of?"
Lauren's voice was soft and slow with concentration. "Do you see that little girl sitting beside the fountain over there?"
She turned on the bench and squinted her eyes to make out what Lauren was talking about. "You mean the one sitting beside her brother?"
"That's not her brother."
Mary Beth pulled out her camera and zoomed it in to get a closer look. "What do you mean that's not her brother? How do you know?"
"Look at how she's looking at him. There are only two relationships that create a look like that on a girl's face. The first one being love and since those two are all of eight years old we know that's not true."
There was a long pause before Mary Beth finally asked. "And the other?"
"The other is a close friendship. We're talking one of those friendships where they overcome all the obstacles that come with being a guy and a girl who care about one another and want to be there for each other."
She heard the click of the shutter and smiled. "Sounds like you know a lot about this."
Lauren smiled slightly and turned the camera to get a better angle. "I know a little."
"Are you almost done? I'm getting hungry. I can't believe you called me and asked me to go out to work on this with you. I thought you hated me."
"Why would I hate you Mary Beth? I know that I've been kinda…well…scary lately but it takes a lot for me to trust someone so don't take it personally if I wig out or close up on you from time to time."
"Yeah me too. Everything is so new here and I'm glad that I've found someone who can lead me around like the blind person I am."
Lauren giggled and took another picture. "You're not blind but I will say that it's pretty obvious how much of a small town girl you are. You remind me a lot of Mir…uh…a lot like a friend of mine who came here from a small town too."
Mary Beth sighed and slouched down on the bench to get comfortable. "I never realized how hard it is to make friends until I came here. I thought it would be a new beginning but all I've done is shut myself off from things that I used to enjoy. I think I'm too dependent on the things that have always been my security blanket."
Lauren pulled the camera away from her eye to look at her curiously for a moment before turning back to the camera. "Ye…yeah I…I know what you mean."
Mary Beth stood up and put her hands on her hips defiantly. "Well NO MORE. I have come this far and I'm going to make Orlando my home even if I have to fight for it. Now can we go to get a hot dog or something? I need to EAT before my stomach starts to digest itself."
Lauren turned around and put her camera into the case before standing up. "Ok ok…we can go eat now. To tell you the truth I'm rather hungry myself."
They went over to the nearest hotdog stand and after getting their lunch, walked over to the nearest picnic table to sit down and watch people go by. Lauren had to admit that Mary Beth was a lot different then the assumption and the stereotype she had immediately placed her in. So far the girl had been funny, honest, a little shy, a lot out of place, but that's what made her pretty cool. Lauren realized that she wasn't trying to get anything out of her because there was no way that she knew what position she was in and that made her feel somewhat secure. Mary Beth didn't demand answers and she didn't demand information that Lauren wasn't ready to give and that made her all right in Lauren's book.
"Are you going to be doing anything special the next few days?"
Mary Beth shrugged and chewed slowly on a pickle spear. "You're talking about Valentine's Day right? Nah I'm not going to do anything special. I hardly know any boys except for the guys who live above me at my apartment complex. You wouldn't happen to know any boys would you? Maybe a handsome older brother?"
Lauren looked up with an evil grin. "I know a couple but they're out of reach right now. My older brother Jayce is single but he's twenty five so that might be too old for you and he's a pain in the ass so I wouldn't wish that on anyone."
"Is he the one who picked you up the other day when we were talking?"
Lauren took a bite of her hot dog and groaned when mustard got all over her hands. "Uh huh."
And right on cue just like the person calling knew she couldn't reach for her phone even if she wanted to…her cell phone rang. Chewing quickly she swallowed and walked over to Mary Beth. "Would you take my cell phone off of my belt and answer it while I go wash my hands at the fountain over there? I don't want to have to wash mustard out of my clothes. Whoever it is just tell them to hold on." That shouldn't be too big of a deal and even if it were one of the guys calling, which they never did during the day, then holding wouldn't give them away.
Mary Beth pulled on the phone until it was free and answered it. "Uh…hello? I mean, Lauren's phone."
A smooth voice answered her. "Hello? Who is this?"
"This is Mary Beth and um…"
"Would Lauren be around anywhere or did you happen to find her phone laying around somewhere?"
Mary Beth's eyes slid over to where Lauren was busy washing her hands and fighting off a kid who wanted a drink of water. "She's fighting some kid right now."
"What did you say?"
"That sounded stupid. I mean that she's over at the water fountain trying to wash all the mustard off of her hands."
There was complete silence on the other side of the line for a moment before the he cleared his throat and tried again. "This is like an episode of Three's Company. That is Lauren's phone you have in her hand, she's off bathing in a water fountain, and she has mustard all over her. Can you see why I'm a little confused right now?"
She smacked her hand against her forehead and realized how stupid she must sound to this strange guy with an awesome voice. She wasn't sure who he was but he sounded familiar and he had a voice to die for. "I'm really sorry. We're at the park eating lunch and the mustard on the hotdog she was eating got all over her. The phone rang and I answered it so she wouldn't get it messed up and so she could go wash her hands. Is that clearer?"
There was another pause and another silence on the other end of the line and then she heard the sound of purely giddy male laughter. "Oh that is just priceless. Yeah that's my Val. Could you do me a favor and let her know that she has a phone call whenever she decides to stop playing in the water? I need to talk to her even if it's only to rub this in."
"Ok I'll let her know."
A few minutes later Lauren stormed up to the table and sat down in a huff. "Stupid kid trying to hog up the entire water fountain like he owned it. That's ok though because when momma came by to ask what all the commotion was I told her that he squirted me with all this mustard." Her angry yet playful eyes locked on the boy again as he walked away. "How you like me NOW Mr. "if you don't move girl then I'm gonna splash you and tell my mommy' boy?"
Mary Beth watched with an amazed expression as Lauren pushed her hair back and smiled. "You are really aggressive huh?"
"I just don't put up with any crap from anyone."
"Someone is waiting for you on your phone. It's some guy with a GREAT voice. Remind me to ask you about YOUR Valentine's Day plans when you get finished. If he doesn't ask you out then can I ask HIM out? Whew that voice is a present all by itself."
Lauren picked up the phone and stood up to walk over by one of the trees. "You have no idea. Hello?"
"Is the child still alive?"
She smirked and leaned her hip against the tree with her back to the table she had just left. "He's limping a little but I think he'll be fine with a little therapy. What are you up to or were you just checking up on me?"
"Just checking in like the sweetheart I am."
She could see the innocent grin from there and she coughed loudly a few times in the phone. "Oh excuse me for coughing in your ear but that load of crap was so big and so vast that it choked me all the way over here on the other side of the world."
"Cute Val…really cute. Sooooo…who was the girl on the phone?"
"That was Mary Beth and she is in some of my classes. We have to work on our portfolio for photography class so I thought I would invite her to come here with me and get some shots. Does that pass inspection sergeant?"
He chuckled and the sound made her smile. "Any guys along on the trip or is this a chick trip?"
Her eyes widened slightly at his question because his tone spoke volumes. It was a question that he had thrown at her many times, but there was just something about the way he said it this time that made her wonder what he was thinking. "No guys on this trip. Speaking of trips…how is your little one going? Make any girls pass out yet or are you going easy on them by taming the wild beast?" An image of his hair appeared in her mind and she started laughing.
"I don't even want to know what you're laughing about so please spare me. So you're at a park taking pictures huh? Find anything good or do you need me to come home so you can get some REALLY good shots?"
She rolled her eyes playfully and laughed again when she could picture him flexing his muscles. "I am finding some wonderful ones right here stud muffin. Aren't you tired of the camera being in your face yet? I mean you would think that as much as you groan and complain about the flashes that you would be hiding from it. Now you want to volunteer for some? Have you been drinking the dirty water over there and it has somehow affected your dirty mind?"
"I haven't been drinking any dirty water thank you but I think JC has been. He's been looking kinda green around here lately and I think he has become best friends with every single bathroom that we've past so far."
"That was a little too much information Justin."
There was a pause and Lauren could only hear the sound of him breathing for a little bit while he tried to think of something clever to say. He surprised her by whispering the words that made her heart drop. "I miss you Val."
She couldn't find her voice for a few moments because the raw emotion that was in his voice as he said those words almost made her cry. "I miss you too Justin, but I'll be right here when you get back. I'll be standing in front of that window at the airport anxiously waiting for you to walk out of that skyway and smile that smile you just KNOW tears me up."
"Tears you up huh?" There was a loud noise followed by a commotion behind him. "I'm talking here…what…no…no you can't. It's MY phone…whatever…let go…let go…"
Lauren's eyebrows lowered and she was on the brink of either laughing or asking if he was getting mugged. "Are you ok?"
Her fears were calmed when Chris' voice sounded over the line. "Hey baby girl! Waaazzzzuuuuppppp?"
"You guys are crazy."
"Wassssssuuuppppp?"
She laughed at his antics and pulled out a motherly tone. "You haven't been picking on him have you?"
"Us? Pick on him? Now why would we do something like that?" She could hear Justin trying to take the phone away but Chris said something she couldn't understand and then started talking again. "You have no idea how cool it is over here. We wish you were here with us because somebody needs to get this boy out of his sulk but we've been teasing him."
"What's new about that?"
"J have you been dreaming about Lauren? Have you been snuggling your pillow at night dreaming it was her? Woah what have you been doing with that pillow? JC! We need a 'birds and the bees' lecture here because that pillow has been abused! For shame! Not even pillows are sacred around here!"
There were a few more knocks on the telephone and the sounds of a struggle before Justin's calm voice returned. "Sorry about that. He's had sugar and is being a MORON!"
"Chris is just being Chris. Let them all know that I miss them and that I think about you all every day."
"Will do. You haven't opened your mail today have you?"
She checked her watch and realized that she needed to let him go. "I left early this morning and it hadn't run yet. Why?"
He chuckled evilly before clearing his throat and answering innocently. "Oh nothing. There should be something in there that you need to save for Monday. Do you hear me Val? DO NOT open that letter until Monday."
"Hmmm…Monday as in Valentine's Day?"
"That would be the holiday I'm talking about. Hey I need to go but you have fun and tell that Mary Beth girl that I said hi."
She rolled her eyes and turned to look at Mary Beth who was busy eating a potato chip. "Good one."
"No seriously…that is one friend that I want to meet some time. The stuttering, the high pitched voice, the giddiness, oh yes that is one sexy bitch I bet."
Lauren laughed and started walking back towards the table. "Yeah well she might give you a run for your money. Now get off of the phone and go shake that thang."
"Yes ma'am. Talk to you tomorrow Val."
"You better. Bye cutie."
She clicked off the phone when she heard his shut down and stopped walking when she realized what she had just said. She had just called him "cutie" and endearments were something that she had NEVER done with Justin and yet that one had slipped out so quickly and so comfortably that she had to stop and think if she had really been the one who had said that.
"I'm the moron here. Are you ready to go Mary Beth?"
She looked up with a strange expression on her face. "You're not going to finish your lunch?"
Lauren threw her trash in the garbage can before looking back at her with a smile. "Nah…my appetite was just sated with one phone call."
"If I had to spend time talking to that sexy voice then mine would be too."
Lauren looked over at her as they walked down the sidewalk towards the car and grinned. "You have no idea…absolutely no idea."