Chapter Twenty-Three

Jayce put his hand on Lauren's back as they walked down the hallway and he steered her towards his bedroom. The longer they walked, the calmer he allowed himself to become. Something inside of him had been telling him lately that there was something different in his sister. She was always one who changed attitudes about as quickly as she could change her clothes, but this was different. He had been noticing big changes in her and he had just pushed them all aside because of everything that was going on in her life and in Justin's.

Walking in and catching the two of them trying to regain their composure and push aside what had been going on between them had been like a slap in his face. To be honest, he was angry with himself more than with anyone else. By pushing those feelings aside that he had been feeling, by pushing aside the fact that his sister probably needed him to help her cope with whatever was going on in her life, he had probably pushed her into a situation or choice that she wasn't ready to make yet.

He jerked the door open to his bedroom and pushed her inside. "Sit down Lauren."

She still hadn't said anything and he had expected some sort of argument from her about coming to his room for the lecture that she knew was coming. Instead she was very quiet and she sat down on the bed with a sigh.

He slammed the door and walked over to sit down in a chair in front of her. "Give me a minute to compose myself."

She slowly smiled and stared down at her hands. "Me too…whew."

His hands froze where they were rubbing back and forth against his thighs. "Do me a favor and wipe that all too pleasured smile off of your face."

It took a lot of effort but she finally managed to stop smiling. "Ahem…ok."

He stared at her and tried to figure out what to say to her. He was too angry to start yelling because if he started yelling, he might not stop. He was also too weirded out to ask her how things had proceeded to the point where she was making out on her bed with a guy who had been hanging around since he was in diapers.

"Are you going to say anything or are you just going to sit there like I'm the big bad wolf and I'm stealing Grandma's stuff?"

He waited, she waited, the silence grew longer and longer until finally she spoke up. "Something to say…how about…WOAHHHHH. Does that work for you? It works for me."

His jaw was locked and she could hear him grinding his teeth even from where she was sitting. "Lauren…do you have anything CIVIL to say?"

She looked up and pushed her tangled hair back. "What do you want to hear Jayce? Do you want me to deny what you just interrupted so then you can yell and scream? Do you want me to give you every gory detail so you can go in there and rip Justin's head off? Or would you rather me sit here quietly, listen to you ramble, and then walk out of here and pretend that I listened?"

He stood up and walked over to the window to sit down with a huff. "What is going on here? WHAT is going on?"

"So you chose plan B…give you all the gory details. Ok well Justin was laying there beside me on the bed and I was gripping…"

He held up a hand and screamed. "YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!"

Justin sat up on her bed and his eyes widened when he heard Jayce's scream from down the hall. "Good God. He's really going to kill me."

Jayce stood over her and glared angrily. "I have to admit that I always wondered if I would be ready to know that you're being…intimate…with someone, but I'm not ready for this. You're nineteen years old and Justin is like your brother." He shuddered and cleared his throat. "I never thought I would literally walk in on you that way and I certainly never thought it would be in your bedroom, at nineteen years old, and with Justin Timberlake. I feel like I walked in on Donny and Marie 'getting it on' in the family compound."

She rolled her eyes and leaned back on her elbows. "Justin and I aren't related and there was nothing wrong with what we were doing."

"You sure are defending it a lot for someone who doesn't think she was doing anything wrong."

That made her laugh because he was so caught up in his own shock that he couldn't see who was really doing all the arguing here. "Jayce, I'm fine with it. In fact, I'm MORE than fine with what just happened in that room. If you really want me to be blunt here, I cursed a few higher powers the moment you walked into that room because I didn't want to be interrupted. I was THAT FINE with it."

He stuttered and sputtered a few times before he was able to get out an intelligible response to that. "You don't know what it's like to have a little sister. I've always been the one who fought for you, I've been the one who has protected you, I'm the person you ran to when you were in a jam, so excuse me if I am losing my head when I see Justin of all people groping and sexing you up."

Even though she shouldn't have, she smiled at that. "The big brother thing is cute, it's admirable, it even gives me that warm fuzzy feeling all over, but I'm not a child anymore, Jayce. I would NEVER judge or bitch you out because of a girl you're dating…and believe me there has been AMPLE opportunities for me to do so, so put the big brother macho crap on the back burner and walk away from this."

"Walk away? I don't work that way. I know what nineteen-year-old guys are like and you are a PRIME target. That attitude, that air about you that screams unobtainability, and that 'just don't care attitude' is VERY eye catching when a guy's hormones are racing. I've always said this about you…you're a challenge. You're the girl that guys want and they just can't figure out why they want you other than the fact that you are hard to get by nature. Justin can't be doing this because he cares about you. You're his flavor of the month and I don't want to see you used that way."

She pushed up and her eyebrows lowered in anger. "Run that by me again."

"I'm really not saying things the way I want to."

"If that isn't stating the flat ass obvious then I don't know what is."

He sighed and lowered his voice to a calmer tone. "This doesn't seem sudden to you? I mean, you two have always been inseparable, but I never thought you would be INSEPARABLE."

"Oh we separated, right as you knocked on the door and opened it up like you were coming in to claim a prize."

He growled and sat down on the bed beside her. When she gave him an angry look, he slid to the side to put some distance between them. "Lauren I love you more than anything else in this world. I would die for you if that meant it would keep you safe from pain or harm. I'm not saying that Justin is using you, I'm not saying that in his head he's sitting there thinking 'oh I'm gonna get her and toss her', but that Y chromosome is a BITCH to deal with and right now that chromosome inside of him is aching to get a piece of you. He might not know why, he might not ever know why, but to go from brother/sister to almost starring in a porn movie in your bedroom in a little under a month…that's a stretch."

Jayce didn't know what they were doing, he didn't know that they had started all of this because they were covering Justin's butt in front of Tom, and she couldn't explain it either. Yeah things had changed and they had changed dramatically in a short amount of time, but as wrong as it may be…she wanted to believe that there was something there that was more than just setting out to fool Tom. She wanted to believe that Justin had actually come to realize that she wasn't a little girl anymore and that they could have a deeper relationship if they took a chance and went for it.

"You know what it's like to be nineteen, you know what it's like to be a guy, but do you know what it's like to be Justin? Do you know what it's like to be Justin right now and do you know what it's like to look me in the eyes and see something other than a little sister? Do you?"

He ran a hand over his face and through his hair with a sigh. "I can't say that I do."

"Do you know Justin the way I know him?"

"Lauren, I've been around that guy since he was barely able to walk and…"

"Do you know Justin the way I know him?"

He knew what she was saying and as much as he didn't want to agree with her…he did. "I don't know Justin the way you do and I don't know what it's like to be in his position or to see you the way he does."

"Then why can't you give us the benefit of the doubt and give us a chance?"

He stood up and walked over to the window again. "I'm sorry but I can't. I can't push aside this feeling I have that something isn't right here. Nobody's feelings change that quickly. Nobody grows up with someone and then BAM one day they're almost having sex in her bedroom."

"We weren't almost having sex. It was nowhere close to that."

"Whatever. You two certainly weren't playing LEGOS or Barbies. You're going to have to forgive me for not accepting this completely right now because it seems out of place and it seems…it just seems STRANGE ok?"

She sat there listening to him breathe heavily and she had to give thanks for having a brother who cared so much about her. Yeah he was a pain sometimes, he was full of surprises, he was nosey as all hell, but she loved him and she loved the fact that he was worried about her first and foremost.

"Soooo…have you calmed down any?"

He turned to look at her with eyes that were still blazing. "Does this answer your question?"

"Ok so you're hot, but that's not going to change anything. You're going to have to let me live my own life and make my own mistakes. This is not a mistake though. This is probably the most right thing I've ever done in my life."

"How do you know this?"

She looked down at her hands and smiled slightly. "Well…I can feel it. I can feel it when I look in his eyes, I can feel it when I see his smile, I can feel it when he laughs, I can feel it when I touch him, I can feel it in his lips, and when he says my name…when he says my name it's like harmony. It's complete, it's full, and it's almost like my name was invented just so he could say it that way. It's too right in my life for it to be wrong or untrue."

"Well Ms. Dickenson…just how many poems is Justin writing about YOUR life right now?"

Her eyes fell and her spirits slipped a little. "Another nineteen year old guy thing to do huh? Let the girl get all flowery and lyrical while he sits back and tries to play it off as nothing?"

"We learn that when we're thirteen but it's not really perfected until a guy reaches eighteen or nineteen."

She shrugged to show him that it didn't matter, but it did. It mattered a lot more than she wished it would. "It's risky but I've never been the conservative type."

"So you're willing to risk your friendship with him to 'play house' for a little while? That's one hell of a risk."

"Yes it is, but it's an even bigger risk to go through life never knowing what might have happened had I gotten up the courage to do something about it."

He held his hands out until she took them, and then pulled her to his chest and hugged her. "You'll always be that little demon who used to run around with my underwear on her head while mom and dad screamed for you to be a lady. It's so hard to admit that you're all grown up and it's even harder when you're falling for someone like Justin."

"Your underwear were the only ones in the house that had Mighty Mouse on them, and Justin is a good guy. I could do a lot worse here."

"He's an icon and he's a celebrity whether you want to see him that way or not. He'll never have a normal job, he'll never be the guy who calls you up to go out every Saturday night, and he'll never be the guy who is normal in any sense of the word because of his status. He's trapped by it, and you will be too."

Her arms tightened around him for a second before she pulled back completely. "He's been a performer ever since he was born, he's been something special just as long, and the world has noticed it since we were twelve. If I'm not used to it by now then I'll never be. If I can look at him now, in the midst of the hysteria that surrounds him at this moment, and still see the guy who always dared me to run around with your underwear on my head...I think we'll be ok."

He laughed and tugged on her hair before realizing that it was still messed up and then jerked his hand back. "The caveman routine was a bit much huh?"

"It was a little much, but what you saw was probably a little much." She looked down at the floor while her foot slid across it nervously. "Are you still going to go in there and ream him out?"

His head shook back and forth slowly. "Nah I think he and I are going to go for a little ride. I wouldn't want you to be listening at the door or come in and interrupt."

She punched his shoulder on the way out and laughed. "Of course not, that interrupting crap is all YOUR style. Not mine."

Justin sat there picking at the comforter underneath him and wondered about the silence that had been stretching longer and longer around him. Lauren was explosive, Jayce was more than explosive at the moment, and he had to wonder what the hell was going on down the hall to make things so quiet. Maybe they had killed each other, maybe Lauren had slammed Jayce down and had knocked him out, or maybe…just maybe she had managed to calm him down a tad. He prayed that the last option was true because while Jayce was her brother by blood, he had always been an older brother figure to him as well. He was dominating, he was clever, and he was rather scary when he needed to be.

Over and over he wondered what had made him come in there to her room and let loose with actions that were questionable at best. He never dreamed that they would be walked in on or that Jayce would be the one walking in. It made sense since he lived there, but…but…

He gripped his head and sighed loudly. "This is probably the most embarrassing thing I've ever been through in my life."

This equaled about the same thing as if his father or mother had walked in on them because Jayce had just about as big of a history with him as they did. But at the same time Justin couldn't help thinking that he wouldn't change any of this if he could turn back time to do it. It had been reckless and it had been crazy, but it had made him feel so alive and so complete at the same time that he would risk being filet alive by her big brother in order to do it again. He could still feel her lips, he could still feel her hands on him, and he could still feel the reckless need that both of them had had for one another a few minutes ago.

The door opened slowly and he straightened to look at the door. When he saw Jayce standing there alone, he swallowed hard. "Oh I'm dead. Uh…hey."

"Hello…Justin."

It was really hard to determine just how dangerous Jayce was at that moment but he could see that the guy's eyes were still blazing with anger. "Um…is…is Lauren ok?"

Jayce crossed his arms over his chest and slowly nodded. "She's perfectly fine."

Justin fought to swallow again and just couldn't push past the lump in his throat. "Is…is she still breathing?"

"At a much slower rate, yes."

"Will I be breathing for much longer? I really enjoy it. You know, breathing. I wasn't saying that I really enjoy making you angry or making out with your sister on her bed. Well…actually I did enjoy it but…um…ok I'll shut up before I give you any more reasons to beat my head into the wall."

Jayce opened the door wider and motioned. "Care to take a ride with me?"

"Not really."

"Get in the car Justin."

He stood up quickly and skirted through the doorway as quickly as he could before the guy could grab him or lock a hold in any way. "Where are we going?"

"For a drive. Lauren, I'll be back in a little while."

Justin paused in the kitchen and gave her a pleading look before turning to look at Jayce again. "You'll be back in a little while? Um…will I be returning with you?"

Lauren rolled her eyes and drummed her fingers on the counter in front of her. "You better be, and in ONE PIECE. Do you hear me Jayce?"

He picked up his keys and started walking toward the door to the garage. "Yeah I hear you. Justin, I'm waiting."

He jumped and gave Lauren a pitiful look as he walked by to follow Jayce into the garage. "Maybe I shouldn't have pulled you away from going to mass tonight. I think I'm going to need ALL of God's good fortune to get me out of this alive."

She grinned and winked as he ran at Jayce's yell to hurry up. "Don't let him scare you."

"Too late Val. WAY too late for that because I think I've already peed in my pants."

"If that isn't sexy, I don't know what is."

Justin stood at the door to Jayce's car and reached out with a trembling hand to open it and then cautiously slid into the seat. He hadn't been in his car in a very long time and this was not one instance that he ever though that he would be reliving the moment in. He put his seatbelt on and almost groaned when Jayce started the car and turned off the radio. The car was silent, it was tense, and it was probably going to end up being his burial ground.

"Make sure that seatbelt is clicked good because sometimes it's tricky."

Justin checked it and held onto the strap like it was his lifeline. He jumped about five feet when the doors locked with a thunk and he closed his eyes as he tried to calm his erratic breathing.

Jayce turned to look over his shoulder as he backed out and he couldn't help but grin at Justin's terrified face. "You're not going to pass out, are you?"

"Not…not that I know of. Not right now anyway. Uh uh…no I'm fine."

The car was even quieter as Jayce drove until they were outside of Orlando and Justin was getting more and more worried the further from civilization they went. He looked over at him from time to time and he could see that Jayce was angry, but he didn't look homicidal just yet. That might work in his favor but at the same time the books he had read about violent people being completely calm whenever they killed kept replaying over and over in his head.

The silence was getting to him and so was the sound of his heart slamming against his ribs. "Do you mind if I turn on the radio?"

"Go ahead."

He clicked it on and quickly swung his arm back to his lap. "Thanks."

Jayce wanted to laugh and it took a lot of strength not to just bust out when he saw Justin's almost cartoon-like frantic movements. "Is there some reason you're feeling so jumpy?"

"Shouldn't I?"

He turned to smile at the younger guy. "Yessssss you should."

When Bye, Bye, Bye started playing on the radio, Justin groaned and Jayce chuckled. "Hmm…interesting fate right there. Bye, Bye, Bye."

Justin's head jerked to the side and his eyes widened. "Does this trip involve cement shoes? I'm asking because I really like these Nikes I'm wearing and I'd like to donate them to charity or something before you fill them with any kind of dirt that may harden and cause me to…to sink."

"I'll keep that in mind."

They drove a little while longer before Jayce pulled over and parked in front of a huge lake that Justin hadn't seen before. "The cement shoes comment was a joke. You took it as a joke right? I wouldn't want to give you any ideas."

"It was a joke."

His voice was flat without a trace of amusement and that made Justin even more nervous. "You know, um…America loves me."

He lowered the windows and turned off the engine. "They do huh?"

"Yeah and…and I would be missed if I…disappeared in any way."

They both sat there in silence while Jayce tried to figure out what he wanted to say, and while Justin tried to figure out if he should unbuckle his seatbelt, unlock the doors, and run as fast as he could. He almost crawled out of the window when Jayce's seatbelt snapped against the door.

"Justin, you need to relax."

"I'm calm. I'm cool. I'm completely at ease here. Nothing is bothering me whatsoever and…what are you doing?"

Jayce had leaned up in the seat to reach into his pocket but he sat back down with a sigh. "I was getting a piece of gum. Want one?"

His mouth was about as dry as a desert so he took a piece and popped it into his mouth. Jayce watched with amazed eyes as Justin's teeth flew over the piece of gum and he chewed like he was about to start a motor with his jaws.

"Justin, you can relax."

"I told you, I'm calm."

"Uh huh. Well I'd hate to see you in a freak then."

The silence started again and Justin went from tapping his leg, to biting his fingernails, to chewing on his finger, to tapping on his leg, and then bouncing up and down in the seat. He was tired and he was probably making more out of this than there probably was. Jayce wasn't going to hurt him so there was no fear of that, but he felt REALLY guilty for some reason. He felt like he had just gotten caught taking nude pictures of Mandy Moore and posting them on the Internet. It was like a sense of innocence was lost and he was struggling to come to terms with that.

Who really cared if Jayce was pissed off? He had nothing to do with what was going on with Lauren. He didn't even know or understand what they were fighting against and that left him not only at a disadvantage, but that also left him clueless as to what they were feeling at that moment. The world was spinning faster and faster, and to him the only sense of stability was her. She was his calming force and she was the one that he was slowly but surely needing more and more every day. As her brother, Jayce couldn't possibly understand that or understand the need that he had to have SOMETHING as pure and as stable as Lauren was.

The longer he sat there thinking, the angrier he got, the more nervous he became, and the more he needed to let loose and forget about the consequences. He didn't feel ashamed of what he had done with her. He was embarrassed to have been caught, but he didn't regret going in there, laying next to her, or kissing her to the point where he wanted to throw caution to the wind and SHOW her what he was feeling inside.

"I kissed her! OK? I kissed her and I liked kissing her. It wasn't the first time I've kissed her, and it certainly won't be the last. I…like…kissing…your…sister! See, I said it. Go ahead and shoot me…er…bad choice of words. I'm sorry that you walked in to see that, but I'm not sorry that I kissed her the way I've been wanting to kiss her for a long time now."

Jayce took a deep breath and was shocked by his outburst. "I'm sorry I walked in to see that too. Seeing my sister being…THAT WAY with her best friend…with YOU is just…ugh. You used to be at all the birthday parties and slumber parties and…"

He couldn't help but grin. "And I was always the only guy there besides you. You were always the one locking us up in the GI Joe fort and Lauren was always 'Val the Violent' who would break the fort apart and rescue the handsome prince. I remember it well."

"Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that you two would move from Sesame Street birthday parties to orgies."

He reached over to grab something out of the glove compartment and Justin pushed back nervously. "Have I mentioned that America loves me?"

Jayce gave him a curious look before holding up his gum wrapper and tossing it inside. "Yes you did mention that. The only problem is…so does my sister."

"Whaaa?"

"I just finished talking with my baby sister, and I've never seen the glow in her eyes like the one she has when she talks about you. You two have always been close, you've always had an awesome relationship, but this is different. This isn't the friendship glow or the protective look that she is famous for when you're around or your name is mentioned. This is an all too serious and all to adult look that she has now."

He watched as Justin turned to look out at the water with a shocked expression on his face. "Justin, she's the only sister I have. That means I would do whatever it takes to take care of her. You know how she is, she's rough and mean, she's got a mouth you would just love to leash, but there is also a loyalty and an honor inside of her that you can't help but fall in love with. I also know she's picky and Lord only knows why she chose you at such a young age to be her hero, but she did and she still feels that way. Only this time it's not some childish fantasy or make-believe. This is mature, it's well thought out, and it's backed up by the strongest part of her body…her heart."

"I'm her hero?"

Jayce smiled when he heard Justin's rough and emotional words. "I would have said that yesterday, but after talking to her today, after seeing her defend you, after hearing the confidence and maturity lacing her tone, after seeing firsthand the depth of the love she feels inside of herself for you…I don't think you're her hero anymore."

"I'm really confused."

"You're no longer her hero…you're her everything."

His shocked and glazed over eyes stared out at the water in front of him and he tried desperately to understand all of this. "But she never said…she's never said anything like that."

"Messages aren't always conveyed through words. In fact, words are often overrated. They mean nothing until they're backed up time and time again by honest intentions."

Justin sat there and his mind spun with image after image of what Lauren had done for him the past few weeks, the past few months, and basically his entire life. There was so much he should thank her for and so much he should love her for, but through it all he had overlooked the fact that she was doing it because she loved him.

"I can't apologize to you for kissing her. That's why we're here right? That's why you drove me all the way out here and that's why you're hitting me with all this. Well I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to insult myself or insult Lauren by making it seem like I regret what has happened."

"I never thought I would say this, but it's not the kissing I'm worried about as much as you being in her bedroom, her being nineteen, on her bed, and…remind me again why I'm not beating your ass for this."

Justin chuckled at his words. "Because you know I care about her."

"Do you really, or is this a phase that you're going through? If it's a phase, go find another girl to fall for your charms because I won't let you hurt her. She needs you too much and YOU need her too much."

"Yes I do."

Jayce slumped in his seat and rubbed his forehead. "Just try to contain your NEED for her. Get what I'm saying?"

"I'll certainly try."

"I remember what it's like to be your age, to have a girl like Lauren who has a huge chip on her shoulder with everyone except for you. It makes you feel different and special when a girl like that is open and loving towards you and not for anyone else. She has that whole attitude thing going and nobody is more terrified of that temper of hers than I am, but inside she's soft and she's vulnerable. You've seen that by now I'm sure."

He stretched to relax his stress-cramped muscles and nodded. "I'm not going to hurt her. I want to protect her more than anything. She's basically all I have. At least, it feels that way most of the time."

"You're living the wild and crazy life. Women, groupies, and wild parties are your scene if you wanted it to be. That's not Lauren at all, but you will drag her into it. I'm not sure I like that idea. Being with you will automatically draw her into that world and will put her with people who will try to destroy her to get to you."

Justin immediately thought of Tom and his guilt level rose even higher. "Don't hurt me for saying this…but she's nineteen, and you're not her father."

"You have two little brothers. What would you do if they were being thrown into a situation like this?"

"My brothers…Jon thinks that girls have cooties and Steven only knows that girls give milk. Not a good example."

"PRETEND."

He took Jayce's words to heart and he honestly tried to put Jonathan and Steven into the situation that Lauren was in. When he was able to do it, it made him nervous and it made him scared to realize what Jayce was talking about all this time. "She's in good hands. I promise you that."

Jayce started the car with a laugh. "You just make sure you watch where you put those 'good hands' and I'll be happy. A woman's heart is a dangerous thing. It's loyal, it's passionate, it's confusing, but it's also one of the most precious things a guy can receive. What makes it dangerous…is the power she has to take it all away. When you're man enough to take that heart and give up a piece of your own in the process…then you'll understand if it's worth fighting for. You'll understand if it's worth losing a part of yourself over."

Justin licked his lips and chewed on his bottom lip while he worked on his thoughts. He felt raw and at the same time he felt like he had just been handed the world on a platter. In fact, he felt eerily like a schoolboy who had gotten his first "do you like me, circle yes or no" letter from a girl he thought didn't even know he existed. Only this was heavier and this was more meaningful because Lauren wasn't some girl who he viewed from afar. She was a woman who had grown up right before his eyes and who enchanted him in a new and different way every day. There weren't many people like that and there was nobody like that in his life except for her.

Whether he meant to or not, Jayce had opened his eyes and had pushed him out of the cloud of denial he had been in before. Everything that Lauren had done for him, everything she had ever said, and the WAY she had said them all haunted him. It haunted him to the point that he couldn't ignore them anymore. He couldn't ignore the signals and the signs anymore.

For her sake and for his own.