Chapter Thirty-Seven

The DJ took a few more calls before going to a commercial break and Justin sat back in his chair with a thoughtful grin on his face as he watched Tom pace back and forth in the control room. He didn't want to give him the pleasure of looking directly at him, but Justin watched him carefully out of the corner of his eye and he could tell that he was hot by the rapidity of his movements. His arms were flying wildly, he was making some quickly covered distance in the small room, and even though the room was soundproof he could almost hear the screams and the anger that was being directed his way.

Overall, he didn't care one little bit that Tom was upset. After everything he had managed to do to Lauren, he deserved to be in the hot seat a little while. Although, if he thought this tiny stunt was bad…he was in for a big surprise one day soon. As far as Justin was concerned, this was only the tip of a VERY large iceberg and Tom would one day know what it felt like to have everything taken away from him because of misunderstandings and lies.

Joey leaned in close to Justin and whispered. "Have you checked out Tom lately?"

"Mmhmm…yeah I know he's there."

"Trying to prove some kind of point today?"

Justin looked him in the eyes and grinned brightly. "Something like that."

The DJ took a long drink of water and turned to the two. "I think what he said was very sweet. I don't know who this Lauren girl is, but I can tell by looking at you that you care a lot about her. The words alone spoke that much."

"Yeah well unfortunately it isn't as easy as that."

The DJ turned to give Tom a look before speaking again. "Let me guess…personal relations director?"

"The one and only. Although, this time he's getting a little taste of his own medicine."

"Maybe you shouldn't answer any more questions from this point on?"

Justin looked the guy over carefully and his eyes rested on the headphones covering his ears. His eyes slid over to the control booth and he could see Tom standing near a microphone that was undoubtedly connected to the man's headset. "Oh, that's quite alright. I don't mind questions at all."

"Are you…"

His head slowly moved up and down before he spoke. "I'm positive. Besides, what does he…I mean you, think is going to happen? I'll try to keep my mouth shut about kissing and/or anything JC and Miranda did in the closet of the recording studio."

JC's eyes widened and he sat forward to look down the counter at Justin. "What the…?"

"ANYWAY, what I'm trying to say is this…no matter whether I try to hide it or flat out say it, the fans will want to know and they will speculate. We'll have the fans who believe it, the fans who love it, the fans who hate it, and the fans who still refuse to believe anything I have to say about my OWN LIFE. Basically, what I'm trying to say to you and YOU TOM, is that I don't care. I'm going to be as honest as I can and if people don't like it…that's their problem."

The rest of the guys looked over at the control booth and they could all see the hatred shining out of Tom's eyes as he watched Justin. They all knew that Tom and Justin had some kind of sick and twisted hatred for one another, but none of them understood it at all. Justin wasn't one who hated or disliked unless he was pushed there, and Tom had taken an immediate disliking to Justin the moment they had set eyes on one another. In fact, they almost didn't sign with Jive because of Tom's blatant disgust with Justin because unless he had done something to Tom before those meetings were held, and he had never set eyes on the man before then, then there really wasn't a reason behind it. If there wasn't an obvious reason then there had to be something personal leading his actions, and that was scary all in itself.

Tom clicked the microphone on and spoke to the guys. "I don't want to hear anything else about girlfriends, about friends, or about Lauren. Have I made myself absolutely clear? I also don't want Justin to answer anything else or the interview is over completely and Jive will never allow any artist to come back here again. Are we clear on THAT one?"

Lance looked back and forth between the guys around him and he saw the same confused look that he knew must be own his own face. "Why is he even in here then? And what if a fan calls in and asks a question directed at him? Is he just supposed to sit back and ignore the question like it was never asked? How are you going to cover THAT, Tom? Rudeness is a little hard to mistake."

Justin grinned again and rolled his eyes over to Tom. "Rudeness is unmistakable. What do you have to say to that, Tom? Think your fancy words and lies can hide the unmistakable obviousness of cold shoulders and rude words?"

"Justin, you're really pushing it."

"I'm pushing it, huh? I'm not allowed to answer anything, so just how WOULD you cover that fact when a fan asks me a direct question and I refuse to say anything? Hmmm? What is your solution for that? I'm WAITING, TOM!"

The station workers had no idea what they should do, so they kept playing commercials while the argument continued. They knew that things weren't going very well and there wasn't a person in that room who didn't feel out of place or insecure about what was going down in front of them. This man obviously had a problem with respect, and the guys obviously had a problem with handing out that respect to the man.

Everyone stayed quiet while Justin and Tom glared at each other and until Tom finally broke the tense silence. "Screen all the calls and make sure that none of the questions for Justin make it through. Does anyone NOT understand that?"

Justin pushed back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest. "Why am I even in the room?"

When he stood up, Tom screamed again. "SIT DOWN!"

JC stood up with him and pushed his chair in. "Ok I think I've had enough."

"Me too." Joey said as he stood up as well and Chris and Lance soon followed suit.

The DJ frantically took off his headset and gave them a reassuring smile. "Ok guys maybe we should think this over. I don't know what's happening here but this is your interview and what you say goes. If Justin wants to answer questions then he should be allowed to, but I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place here. We have about twenty fans on the lines, the phone lines are jammed with people trying to get through, they all expected to hear from you guys, and you can't just leave. Think of the fans!"

Justin gripped his hair through the bandana on head and groaned. "That's all I ever think about! Don't you see that this isn't about them? This is about the fact that I'm tired of people dictating what I can or can't say. I'm not going to stay here and sit back while some hopeful fan is asking me a question and a BASTARD is over there telling me that I can't speak. Uh uh…no way man."

The DJ put his hand over the microphone and whispered to him. "Who says you have to be quiet? I didn't hear anyone say that. He just said that you couldn't answer their questions."

A devilish glint entered Justin's eyes and he heard the man's message loud and clear. "Hmmm…you're absolutely right. I think I'll stay a while."

Joey patted his shoulder comfortingly. "Are you sure? If you want to leave, we're right behind you."

Those sarcastic and evil eyes of his turned to glare at Tom. "Oh no…I'm positive that this is exactly where I want to be right now."

Everyone took their seats again and the commercials were stopped to return to the remaining minutes of the interviews. "Sorry about the long delay folks but there were a few technical problems that we had to sort through before bringing N SYNC back to you, live and in person right here in beautiful Tampa, Florida. Hey guys, thank you again for coming to see us today."

They all thanked him for the opportunity and another caller was directed to ask her question. "Hey guys! I was just wondering if you would ever date a fan?"

Justin leaned forward with his mouth open but he leaned back in the chair with a smile when Tom hit the glass. Lance handled the question instead. "I don't see why being a fan should stop us from being interested in them. If the spark is there, then it's there. I would hope that whoever we date or are interested in would see the talents and the passions that we all possess for music. If they don't understand that or recognize it then what kind of relationship is it?"

They all clapped for him and cheered. "Good answer…good answer!"

The DJ laughed and clicked to the next caller. "Sounds like the Family Fued around here. Hello, you're live with N SYNC."

"My name is Regina I wanted to know what each one of you look for in a girl."

Chris started laughing loudly. "My mind went RIGHT in the gutter. Sorry about that."

The answers were given by each guy while Justin leaned back even more in his chair and studied his fingernails thoughtfully. "Does that answer your question Regina?"

"Did Justin answer?"

Justin sat up in the chair and smiled. "My bedroom is painted yellow and I like eating pretzels when I'm sick."

Everyone covered their mouths to stop their laughter and the DJ coughed loudly to hide his. "How's that, Regina?"

"Um…ok. Thanks for answering."

Tom walked up closer to the glass separating them and sat down behind the counter. "What is he doing?"

"Is that a question for Justin?"

He turned around and eyed each one of the people behind him but everyone acted like they hadn't heard the comment, much less said it. "NOT funny!"

"The next caller is Bridget from your home town of Orlando."

Chris bounced in his seat and screamed. "O-Town! O-Town! Oh wait…nevermind." He hissed dramatically and everyone started laughing.

"My question is for Lance and Justin, what does it feel like being the babies of the group?"

"I can't speak for Justin, but I don't feel like I'm younger than anyone else. It's hard to feel like a baby when you spend so much time with Chris who defines that word."

She giggled on the line when Chris started crying. "Justin?"

Justin pulled at a loose string on his shirt and ignored her.

Tom's fingers were busy rubbing his temples as he waited in the deafening silence for Justin to do something. As much as he didn't want to admit it, rudeness was even worse than the truth.

The DJ stuttered and rushed to fill the dead time. "Uh…Justin is…he's…"

Justin broke out of the fake trance he was under and spoke up. "Did you know that I have curly hair?"

Tom's head slammed against the counter in front of him and everyone else started giggling when Justin grinned that Justin grin again and sat back in pleasure.

"Bridget, are you still there? Does that um…does that cover it for you?"

"Right…whatever. Can I ask Justin another question?"

Justin picked at his teeth and yelled out suddenly causing everyone to jump. "DAMN YANKEES!"

There was a long pause on the line. "Maybe I should ask this to one of the other guys since Justin is on crack this morning. What do you think the fans will have to say to what Justin has openly admitted about Lauren?"

"I'm on crack? I'M ON CRACK? JOE MAMMY!"

"Ok, maybe not."

Joey could barely stop laughing. "YO DADDY!"

Justin's jaw dropped and he put a hand to his heart. "Yo hoochie-coochie grandmammy!"

The DJ's eyes widened and he was thankful for the slight delay in sound because things might really get out of hand with this. "Guys…children behave."

Chris threw an ice cube at Justin. "My grandmammy is gonna kick your ass!"

"Who was talking to YOU, Chris?"

"Are we allowed to talk about grandmothers or is that off limits?"

"I talked about a Yankee."

"Which one?"

"Is damn a bad word?"

"Not as bad as hoochie-coochie. Oh wait…my bad."

Comments were being thrown in right and left and it was confusing to figure out who was speaking and what someone would say next. Since Tom had said that they couldn't talk about girlfriends or Lauren anymore, it was their turn. All of them looked at Chris because they knew that he was going to take this one. They knew the moment it was asked.

Chris cleared his throat and spoke low and officially. "How do we feel about what Justin said about Laur…oh wait…can't say that name. I feel…ahem…I feel…I feel like chicken tonight! Like chicken tonight!"

Everyone in the control room was fighting as hard as they could not to laugh, but one ballsy intern leaned in close to Tom and whispered. "I don't envy your job man. Covering girlfriends, drugs, grandmothers, and now chickens. HEAVY man…heavy!"

Tom hid his face with his hands and groaned an unintelligible reply but one that was clearly ground between his teeth in anger.

"Well everyone out there in N SYNC land, I think it's time for the guys to get back to their tour rehearsals but it was great seeing you all again."

Lance pushed Chris away when he started batting his eyelashes at him. "This is hell week for us so we can get the show ready for the tour, but it was a nice break to come here and talk to the fans. Thanks for having us, even when a few of us are totally off the rocker."

Chris held up his fists and eyed him playfully. "Bringin' up the grandmammy again?"

"You really ARE on crack."

"That was Justin!"

"That was YOU but she slipped and said Justin's name!"

"Chris' grandmother is going to be all over us when we see her again."

"Speaking of all over, did you see…"

The DJ spoke even louder and finished his good-byes while the guys argued and fought beside him. "So once again thanks to the guys, thanks to everyone who called up or listened, go out and buy the new album entitled No Strings Attached, and I hope you all had as much fun as I did today. Hope to see you all on the flip side…if I can make it out of here alive. Ciao!"

He left the microphones open for a few more seconds while the guys continued to argue playfully and he had to shake his head at the sight. "If your fans only understood what they are REALLY worshiping here."

All five of them stopped and turned slowly to look at him. "Want your momma brought into this too? DO YOU?"

Lauren, who was on her way to visit Artie and Betsy, had to pull over on the side of the road because she was laughing so hard. She had no idea what was going down over at the radio station, but she knew that they were all about as insane as five guys could get. Her mother had always told her that laughter was the best way to get over any problem, and as hard as she was laughing at what they had said…she should have NO problems at all. If she didn't know them as well as she did, she would assume that they were all on crack and not just Justin like the caller had stated. "And they wonder why people love them so much. It's like a frat house that suddenly went on tour."

Once security managed to break up the fight, everyone was led back to the vans that had brought them from Lakeland to Tampa. It wasn't a long trip at all between the two cities, but two vans were rented so the guys could ride in style and comfort. They would be put through a lot in the next week and this was Jive's way of trying to soften the blow they were going to be dealt. The rehearsals would be stepped up a notch, it would be fierce, and the sense of panic would be worst of all. This was the last week they had to get everything solid, and looking like fools on the first show of the tour was not an option. Those people deserved a good show just as much as the people who saw the show months into the tour. That worry and that determination would push their bodies to the point of breakdown and all of them knew it.

Justin walked by Tom without saying a word and followed Mike through long hallways to where the vans were parked. Fans were gathered around the fences surrounding the station and he waved at them before quickly ducking inside the van and stretching out on the middle seat.

He leaned the back of his head against the window and closed his eyes when he felt Mike's weight settle down in the front passenger seat. "Did you listen?"

"I heard enough to know that you guys need to have a padded room reserved for each one of you."

"We were just having fun."

"Yes, there was no doubt about that. Tell me Justin, do you like people thinking that you're an arrogant fool?"

His hands froze as he was pulling on his headphones. "Tom told me not to answer any questions, not to talk about Lauren, and to shut up. I was only following orders."

"What you were doing was trying to prove a point to Tom, but it's not his image or his personality that everyone listening was judging. They were listening and judging YOU. None of them even know who Tom is, so none of them could know that you were being that way because you were told to."

What he was saying was true, but Justin couldn't help but feel unaffected by it. "They'll believe what they want to believe. Ninety-nine point nine percent of them will never have a meaningful part in my life so what does it matter? It's not like they're all destined to be my best friend or someone I care deeply about. Things will fade, life will go on, and everything will be forgotten from both sides. That's how I have to live my life, Mike."

Mike almost shouted for an ambulance because the boy was making perfect sense. "You really scare me sometimes, Justin."

"I can tell you're impressed. Go ahead and say it. You don't have to be shy." When Mike pulled on his own headphones, Justin laughed and closed his eyes again. "Where is everyone else? I thought the guys were right behind me?"

"I did too. I guess…uh oh."

Justin's eyelids slowly opened and he focused on a very angry looking Tom walking towards the van. He pulled open the door and jumped inside before slamming it behind him. "Get the driver in here now and let's get back to Lakeland."

"We came in two vans and you only have Justin in this one. Where are the other guys?"

Tom rolled his eyes at Mike's question and leaned forward to yell. "Just get this van moving!"

The driver hopped in and finally they were making their way past the gates. Justin sat up in his seat and looked back to see the other guys and security trying to all get into the other van that wasn't going to hold all of them. There was no way that those people could all fit into that small space even if it was a huge van to begin with. "Why are we leaving everyone else behind?"

"There are a few things that you and I need to discuss, Justin."

Justin looked over at Mike and saw the headphones covering his ears. "Do you realize how much you like to talk, Tom? I think you did enough talking inside."

Tom leaned back and eyed him closely. "Mike, you can concentrate on your music. Get my drift?"

Justin watched as Mike adjusted the volume on his CD player, but he turned it down instead of up.

With a sly grin, Justin gave Tom a curious look. "I was only following orders."

"What you were doing was trying to make Jive look like an idiot."

"Not Jive…just you, Tom."

"You find this funny? What possessed you to go public about Lauren that way? Do you have any inkling what we're dealing with here? Out of all of the guys, YOUR PERSONAL LIFE is hell to deal with. Your fans aren't normal, most of them aren't even human, but what they are is constant. They have proved over and over that they want you to be single, and what do you do today? You not only make it seem like you're dating, you hint that you've found your soul mate."

"I wasn't hinting to anything. I HAVE found my soul mate and I am not going to insult Lauren by sending mixed signals her way or making it seem like less than what I'm really feeling. What are you so upset about anyway? Going public was the plan, right?"

Tom put his pen and clipboard aside because he didn't want to lose it and have any kind of weapon nearby. "We are not going to talk about that here. I just can't believe that after everything she has done, after how much she has hurt you, that you would still want her and need her this way. What about Shai?"

Justin's head tilted and he regarded him thoughtfully. "Shai? Where did THAT come from?"

Tom looked flustered and he looked like he himself couldn't believe that he had just said that. "She's falling for you and she's attracted to you. I heard her say the other day that she's certain that you feel the same way about her because of some kiss that you two shared. Do you want to lead her on this way? What would your fans think if they knew you were professing your undying love for Lauren and seeing Shai on the sly behind her back?"

He didn't know if it was a threat or not, but it sure sounded like one. "I'm not seeing Shai or even thinking about the stupid girl. The only reason she's here is because you have brought her into this web of games and stupidity! I didn't kiss the girl, she kissed me. If you want to know if I responded…hell yeah I did. Who wouldn't? However, I want more than just a girl who I know I could have underneath me in the span of about two seconds. I want more than a girl who I know with just a look…would be talking flowers, commitment, and whose room she could occupy later on. I…want…PURITY for God's sake."

Mike waved a fist and grunted a cheer before covering it. "Yeah! Uh…GO BRAVES!"

Tom's sneer was enough to make Justin sick to his stomach. "You're leading her on, you're leading Lauren on, and both of them are going to leave you high and dry. So go ahead and make a fool out of yourself. Go ahead and hurt your fans and make them cry. In the end, you're going to be alone and don't make the mistake of saying that I didn't warn you."

"What is your problem with me, Tom? From the very beginning you have been fighting me and trying to push Lauren and I away from each other. Do you actually have a reason for this hatred and patheticness or is this just your way of charming us?"

His eyes lowered and he actually appeared worried about it all. "You made an agreement, Lauren made an agreement, and that's that. It's my job to make sure that everyone follows what they agreed to do or NOT DO."

He knew he had struck a nerve, so he leaned forward to whisper quietly. "Are we talking contracts here?"

"Well I…this isn't exactly what I had…"

"What you had planned? Is that what you were going to say, Tom? Worried about something? You seem a bit…shaky."

Tom's head raised and he cleared his throat loudly. "Your agreement with Jive…"

"Don't you mean contract? You're big on those. Let's save us both some time." He leaned in even closer to Tom and the corner of his mouth tilted in a smile. "I know what my contract says, and I also know that I didn't leave any spaces blank when I signed it."

And after hearing that, Tom leaned back in his seat and didn't speak for the rest of the trip back to the hotel. Justin couldn't help but grin as he stretched out even more on the seat and covered his ears with his headphones. Tom was beginning to run scared, and that meant that he was afraid of loopholes or gaps in his master plan. That was perfectly ok as far as Justin was concerned because with every gap and every hole he found…Tom would come closer to finally falling. He wasn't going to get away with this and by the time everything was finished…Tom would have a full understanding of his feelings for and his bond with Lauren.

Miranda closed her eyes and groaned in pleasure as she licked her lips. These were the moments in life that deserved no explanation and no interruptions. This was pure heaven in the simplest form.

The door to her hotel room crashed open and she ignored it to concentrate on the bliss she was feeling at that moment. "Miranda, you are the one that I've been searching for."

She held up a hand and her eyes remained closed as Justin strolled in and sat down on the bed opposite her. "Too late, JC already staked his claim and you're too young for me sweet thing. MMMMM."

He gave her a strange look and watched as she raised a spoon back up to her lips and groaned. "Did I interrupt a moment?"

She chewed slowly and only after swallowing did her eyes slowly open to focus on him. "Just a little bit of advice, Justin. I don't get many moments of privacy or pleasure in this form, so please don't ruin it for me."

"Miranda, you're eating fruit."

His tone was filled with concern and she had to smile at that. "This isn't just fruit, this is a fruit CUP. I swear I would be a happy woman forever if I married someone in the Dole family. Have you ever had one of these? Sinful!"

"I really worry about your relationship with JC if a cup full of fruit pleases you this much."

"JC will never come between my love of these things and he knows not to interrupt during these times. YOU obviously haven't learned that lesson, but you're young and I'll forgive you this time."

Justin watched her eat another spoonful and his eyes widened when she groaned again. "This is a really sad thing to watch."

She threw the empty container away and sighed. "Passionfruit is like a really good kiss. It overtakes the senses and leaves you begging for more."

"God help JC then. I'm not sure how much passion is going to be left in his fruit after you get finished with him."

She rolled her eyes with a smile and sat back down on the bed. "I'll ignore that comment because you're too blind to understand much. Why are you here anyway?"

"Where is Lauren?"

"You interrupted my fruit cup moment to ask about Lauren? You have A LOT to learn about women. She left a while ago to visit someone named Artie and Betsy? I think those were the names. I don't know who they are but after biting my head off, she decided to go abuse the elderly a little while. Are you an influence there?"

"We were wrong about her, Miranda."

A smile crept across her face and she started giggling. "WE? Where did you get the idea that you and I equal we?"

"I know that you said you were disappointed in her but there were a few things that we didn't know at the time. Lauren wasn't trying to hurt me and she wasn't trying to lie to me about Tom or the contract. She was tricked into it by Tom and he knew that he could tear her apart because…he…" From her sarcastic tone, to her twinkling eyes, he realized how once again he had been a complete idiot. "You knew all along."

Miranda gave him a sweet and innocent look. "Me? Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Please don't play your head games with me anymore. I should have realized that day we were talking that you weren't mad at Lauren or against her. I should have KNOWN that you picked up on the truth or that you had inside information but I was too…too…"

"Too stupid?"

He cringed against the truth. "Thank you. I was too stupid to listen. I've been trying to talk to her and I've been trying to make her see that I forgive her for everything that I thought happened, but she won't listen. No matter what I say to her or tell her…she doesn't believe me." Miranda leaned back on the bed to get comfortable when she recognized his rambling tone. "I know what you're thinking, I totally deserve it, but the proof against her was pretty solid. I mean, what would you have done? If someone would have told you all that about JC and shown you the proof, wouldn't you have been scared a little bit? Wouldn't you have believed them?"

She opened her mouth to answer but he kept going. "I know I never should have listened to Tom or even THINK about believing him much less actually do it, but dammit I made a mistake! I always thought that she was perfect and when someone showed me that she wasn't…it scared me. It scared me so bad that the one true thing in my life might actually be against me in some way. I couldn't risk being hurt that way so I pushed her out of my life because I thought that was the best way to handle it. I know I shouldn't have said those nasty things to her but I was so mad that I couldn't think straight. I lashed out and I hurt her. I didn't want to hurt her!"

Miranda reached over, grabbed another fruit cup, and leisurely popped the top as she half listened to his frantic ramblings.

"I know what you're thinking. I can tell that you have no tolerance for this kind of thing and I don't even know why I'm coming to you, but I know that you're close to Lauren and that she talks to you. I know that she had to have turned to you when she had nobody else to turn to. It hurts to know that she didn't have anyone to help her out, that I should have been the one helping instead of hurting, but what's done is done and I have to make it up to her. I have to let her know that I care about her. The radio interview was a start but I doubt she was even listening. If she was listening, I doubt she paid much attention because…are YOU even listening?" He stopped when her eyes closed again and she groaned with delight.

"I'm hearing every word. Wow this stuff is good. Whoever stocked the refrigerator with this is getting a raise."

"Miranda, I need your help here."

"Oh my bad, did you want a fruit cup too? I'm sorry, but…well…they're all mine so go buy your own."

He gripped his head and leaned forward to rest his arms on his legs. "Miranda please. I'm begging here."

The sadness in his voice and the smallness of it made her feel bad for him. It didn't make her feel too bad because he had been awful to Lauren, but it did make her feel for him a little bit. "Oh no you don't. Uh uh. I'm not getting involved any more than I have to. No way. JC would have my nosey head on a stick."

He looked up at her with his lip stuck out in a pout and his eyes full of sadness. "So you don't want to see us together again?"

She stared at him for a few seconds and thought it through. "Damn you and that face!"

"Yeah well, it helps."

"I'll…I'll…just stop giving me that look and I'll do my best to listen and help any way I can. I can't promise that you'll like what I say, though. I don't have all the answers when it comes to Lauren and you know the girl better than I do. Just stop giving me that pitiful look before I start crying and give you one of my fruit cups."

This looked hopeful and knowing that someone was going to help him through this gave him the strength to sit up and hold his head somewhat higher. "Ok…thank you Miranda. You know you rock."

"Yeah yeah…just fill me in quickly."

His eyes were twinkling with newfound hope as he smiled at her. "You're a woman, right?"

She continued to stare at him for several moments while she waited for him to finish the punch line of this joke. It worried her when he didn't say anything else and only sat there waiting expectantly. "Last time I checked. Oh LORD, if this is where we're starting, you need more than my help, Justin. You need a MIRACLE!"

"Bear with me here. I've never really been in this situation before."

"With that hot head of yours, I would have thought you'd be a pro at this by now."

One of his eyebrows raised in challenge. "That's not helping."

"Ahem…sorry. So what do you want from me? I don't know how to make Lauren understand YOU because I'm not Lauren and I'm not you. You said you've talked to her, that she talked to you, but that nothing came of that, right?"

"Yeah. She opened my eyes to a lot of things and finally she made me see what an ass I was to her, how blind I was, and how much I lost when I tossed it all away. She shouldn't have signed that contract, she shouldn't have kept it from me, but that was no excuse for me treating my best friend the way I did. She's everything to me and I pushed her away as easily as I would push that fruit away."

Miranda hmphed and gave him a dirty look. "You touch the fruit and I'll be the one apologizing to your mom for marring your beautiful face."

"JC would finish me off because I don't think he would be happy with sporadic conjugal visits in prison. Anyway, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make her see that she means the world to me. I don't know how to make her see that she's all I've ever cared about."

He was freaking, but he was freaking out over things that were out of his control. "Justin, you're going to have to stop lying to yourself if you expect to not lie to Lauren."

"What?"

"She's not the only thing you've ever cared about because if she was…you never would have pushed her away. She's not the ONLY thing you've ever cared about because you have so many passions and so many dreams that are a part of who you are and a part of your heart that you can't say that you ONLY cared about her. I love this fruit cup right here, and I would fight whoever tried to take it away from me."

Justin gave her a strange look. "Where did that come from?"

"Sorry…sugar high moment. Anyway, I have a point, I really do. I personally love JC, I care a lot about him, and I would fight to the ends of the earth if someone tried to make me believe he's not who he says he is. I would fight them because JC has EARNED my loyalty and he has earned my trust in him. He managed to do that within months, but you…you knew Lauren for your entire life and you didn't love her enough to trust her. She trusted you. She trusted you enough to fight ALONE to protect you."

"I'm not lying to myself."

"You're trying to make yourself feel better and that's fine, but don't lie to yourself and try to soften the blows that should wake you up to lessons that you need to learn. You need to understand how much you have disappointed and hurt Lauren in order to fix it. You need to be able to see how much pain and hurt she is going through in order to understand the reasons why she is fighting you now. Yes she loves you and I have no doubt about that, but her heart is running scared. Imagine being turned away over something stupid, and then wondering what reaction your declarations of love would get. If stupid things caused something this terrible to happen, why should she go ahead with the big stuff?"

Justin laid down on his stomach and stared down at his fingernails. "If she trusted me so much, why didn't she tell me a long time ago how much she loved me? Why did she wait?"

"You love her right now, why haven't YOU told her?"

He chewed on a hangnail for a second before shaking his head. "It's not that simple."

"Why isn't it? It's not easy putting your heart on the line and baring your soul to someone you care for. You know what the most vulnerable feeling in the world is, right?"

"Jealousy?"

She smiled and even giggled when she thought about how perfect they were for each other. "Love, Justin. That simple feeling can make every part of you scream with joy and excitement, but it can also strip you and drag you around until you're raw and have nothing left inside of you. We all do stupid things when we're in love and we all make decisions that were better left alone because it's a feeling that can blind us. It makes you vulnerable and it even has the power to make the strong…insecure."

"Lauren isn't scared of anything. She's scared of ME, but after everything I put her though I don't blame her."

"Lauren is terrified and she always has been."

She could see the anger in Justin's eyes when he looked up at her. "She's one of the strongest people I've ever met and…"

"Don't get mad. I'm a huge fan of Lauren's and I love her deeply. But that attitude of hers, the pushy personality, the loud words and attacks…all of it is done to hide the fact that she's not completely sure about herself. She acted rough and tomboyish around you not because that's what she wanted to do…that's what she thought you EXPECTED from her. Insecurity, Justin. She wanted you to see her for the beautiful woman she has become, the woman who loves you, but she played the part that you felt comfortable with."

"Where do I go from here, Miranda?"

She leaned over, grabbed a notepad and pencil, and tossed them his way. "You need to get yourself organized and you need to get your head clear. She talked to you, told you where you went wrong, so list it out and get a good look at what you're up against."

Justin chuckled the moment a list was mentioned. "She was right."

"What?"

"I said, I'm not going down without a fight."

She didn't believe him for a second but let it slide. "Yeah right. So what upset her? What hurt her the most? What sins are you going to be burning for?"

His eyes raised in shock. "Miranda!"

"Sorry I…I just got carried away. Stupid fruit cups."

He started writing and said a silent prayer that this would help. "This is like a checklist of things I need to make up to her, right? Well, I changed my cell phone number, kept her out of my house, um…"

Miranda sat down beside him and grabbed the paper and pencil from him. "You're an amateur, and this is your handwriting? Justinnnnnn…buddyyyyyyy. You talk and I'll write, but stop with the cell phone and the locked doors. How did that make her FEEL?"

He laid back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. "I shut her out, I wouldn't listen to her, I believed Tom's word over hers, I didn't trust her when she deserved that trust…are you getting this or should I talk slower?"

She kept writing and shook her head. "Keep going. If it's flowing, go with it."

"I feel like I'm in therapy here. I gave up on our friendship, I turned in my memories like they meant nothing when they really meant everything to me, I made her feel like she wasn't worth my time, I gave up on HER, and in my stupid anger I called her names that I never once believed."

"What were the names?"

He covered his face with his hands and groaned. "Do I really have to say?"

"This is your list and your sob story. If her heart is as stubborn as mine, each word would have to be worked off."

It was embarrassing but maybe it was time for him to be embarrassed for his actions towards her. "I called her a liar because I thought that she had…"

"I don't need your reasons because it's not my job to forgive you for anything. Just give me the words."

"I…I called her cheap. I said that I would never forgive her if she signed a contract like that and I know that stripped away what was left of her hope. Um…then there was the prostitute comment."

The pencil moved quickly and Miranda mumbled under her breath. "Prick…prick…prick."

"Did you say something, Miranda?"

"Tisk, tisk, tisk. This is just a shame."

"Uh huh."

"You're not the only one who can cover up words when someone questions them. Keep going."

His blue eyes scanned the ceiling as he thought about Lauren's story. "I didn't fight for her when I should have. She thinks I took her for granted."

"Me thinks she's right, King OBVIOUS."

"Sugar again?"

"It's a bitch. So what else do you want to add here?"

He sat up and looked over the words she had written. It was a long list and he had never been as disappointed in himself than he was at that moment. "I have a lot to make up for. If I told her…"

"That's your problem right there. You're TELLING her too much. The keyword here is show. You need to show her that you didn't mean those things. Show her that you care. SHOW her that you love her. SHOW…HER."

"Words don't count, huh?"

She put the pad aside and shook her head. "Words mean nothing. Yeah they make the ears feel snug and warm, but actions, good intentions, complete and heal the soul. Your actions are going to have to send the message and the words…words are like a sidekick. Sidekicks are there to complete things and make it a better picture overall, but they should never have the lead role."

"The tour starts in a little over a week, she can't stand the sight of me, she'll undoubtedly go home tonight because there's nothing here to make her stay, and then what? What do I do then?"

"You give her a reason to stay. Right now you need to run scared because Lauren is still fighting, but she's fighting to stay away from the pain you brought into her life. Make her see that the pain is over, make her see that the good times are what you're all about now, and I don't think you could beat her away with a stick after that is made clear. Be honest with the girl and don't make her guess about ANYTHING. Directness is going to get you far, Justin."

He took his list, put it in his pocket, and stood up in front of her. "I'm going to make this up to her."

"I have no doubt about that, but Lauren needs to see this determination more than I do."

He kissed the back of her hand and leaned in to give her a quick hug. "JC is a lucky guy…even if you are scary."

"I'm telling you, it's the sugar. Good luck."

He checked his watch and saw that it was almost three o'clock. "She should be back soon to grab her things. I just hope I can stop her before she leaves."

"Play with her head, but do it in a helpful and good way. You two also need to get away from Tom and every other negative thing that hangs around this place. Go out for some together time and I guarantee that Lauren will have to listen to what you're trying to tell her."

He walked towards the door and stopped to look at her. "What I'm trying to tell her with my actions, right?"

"You're a quick learner."

When the door closed behind him, Miranda leaned back on the bed and sighed. "Quick learner, but an idiotic prick. Lauren, I sure hope that cute face of his is worth all this."