Chapter Forty-Two

(Little Rock, Arkansas. 10:00am.)

The tour quietly made its way into the city of Little Rock and the buzz of excitement was already awaiting each and every one of them. Since this was a one night stop, the need for hotels and swarming fans awaiting them was held back as much as possible when the busses drove straight for the venue and parked inside the safety of the heavily guarded gates. A few fans, the die-hard ones, were lined along the fence and that small group was eager and loud enough to wake the dead.

However, part of the dead was already awake.

Lauren's eyes scanned over the faces of each one of the girls as the bus slowly plowed its way through the mass, and she wished that she could feel a little bit of their enthusiasm. It was hard to concentrate on the glamorous world that surrounded her when all she could think about was the troubles that were now weighing heavy on her heart.

She had survived one of the hardest and most disgusting nights of her life. Being on the bus, knowing that the two people she hated most were only mere feet away, and having to actually hear that pride and thrill in Tom's voice as he threw another dart at her already delicate balloon of life was too much. He had known what he was doing, he had known all along, and she would bet money that this had been an idea of his from the very beginning. It was too detailed, it was too ruthless, and it was too damn much like him for it to be a spur of the moment plan.

After listening to him for an hour, she could feel herself withdrawing again. Just when she promised herself to fight out of the shell she was in and to wage a war to tear HIM apart…he had done that very thing to her. He was good, she had to give him that much, but he didn't play fair. There had to be some way to reach him and to hurt him where it mattered the most. That moment wasn't coming quick enough because while she and Justin had been rebuilding a friendship, Tom was rebuilding a plan that had failed him the first time around.

This time he was stronger, he was using situations and information and feelings that he had witnessed firsthand, and he was using them to his advantage in the most sickening way possible. It took all the strength she had not to throw up all over everything when he explained to her what he was up to and what he wanted out of her next. Just when she thought that he couldn't get any worse or that their situation couldn't get any worse…more was thrown at her to show her that he had only begun.

Her eyes closed and she shifted until the side of her head was against the glass. The only sleep she got was the little bit that had happened before Tom had woken her up. That was a restless sleep all on its own so she felt tired in both body and spirit, but her mind was too worked up and was spinning too badly to sleep just yet. That stupid contract had gotten her into a lot of trouble and it had caused even more trouble with relationships and feelings that were too young and new to survive the battle. There were lots of "what ifs" rolling around inside of her head and all of them led back to or were connected to one person…

Justin.

The biggest tragedy of all was the fact that Tom had managed to make her question herself and question the trust she shared with Justin. Before, there was no doubt in her mind who's side Justin would be on and who he would listen to, but she just wasn't sure about that fact anymore. Justin was like a mousetrap; he could snap without warning or he could sit and wait with all the patience in the world while he plotted his next move. She never understood this side of his personality until recently and there was no way to predict it. She was still trying to force herself to believe that he was torn up and had learned his lesson from the first time, but this would be the ultimate test of his devotion and feelings towards her.

All night she had thought about his reaction to the news she was about to hit him with and all night she could see his face as it turned from shock to bitter anger. If she managed to tell him part of the story, the rest would come out, and the rest was what she was afraid of. Tom had pushed every single insecurity she had and had even discovered a few new ones in the process. He knew that they were iffy at best and he was going to play that up to the full advantage he knew he had.

There was no doubt in her mind that she had to tell Justin, even though Tom had threatened her with punishment if she did, but how he would react was what held her back. She didn't want to let him go again, she didn't want him to push her aside in anger like he had done before, and she didn't want to lose the last piece of herself that she managed to hang onto. They had come so far in the past few weeks, they had clawed and scraped to become the two friends and the two people that they once were, they had fought to forgive, they had fought to overcome, and the arrogance and dirtiness of one man could possibly tear it apart once again.

She had to tell him, at least then she would have her answers. If he didn't forgive her, if he didn't understand her, or if he shut her out, then she would know that there wasn't anything there to begin with. That thought saddened her because she was once again seeing the Justin that she grew to love and it would shatter her heart to know that it wasn't as true as he made it out to be. On the other hand, something like this could make them better, stronger, wiser, and even bring them closer together. It was a flip of a coin and she was really tired of gambling with her feelings being the ultimate stakes.

She could hear the sound of everyone up front gathering their things and she knew it wouldn't be long before Miranda came back to check on her. Earlier, she had told Miranda to leave her alone because she needed to think, but Miranda wasn't one to be pushed off for long. She knew that something was up and it would only be a matter of time before she called her on it. Now was not the time and she couldn't get the implications of this clear in her own mind, much less explain them and try to set them in another person's.

There was a soft knock on the door followed by it opening and Miranda's head peeking around the corner of it. "Lauren? We're finally here."

"I know. I was looking out the window the whole time."

Miranda looked her over carefully and sighed. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Not much. I was thinking about a few things and I don't need much sleep anyway."

"Well I passed out last night and I slept like a baby. Maybe that was a good thing because being on this bus and sharing the same breathing space as 'you know who' was creepy enough but at least I didn't let it bother me too much. Go me! Anyway, I hope you're not going to give me your 'don't worry about me, Miranda' speech because I can save you some time and say right now that I won't believe it. However, I'm not going to press you…yet."

Lauren stood up and stretched to wake up her tired muscles. "I thought I was finished with tests when I finished college exams."

"Life is nothing but a series of tests. Some are pop quizzes, some are midterms, some are finals, some are there just so you can fail, some mean nothing more than the fact that you learned something, and others are big enough and heavy enough to bring your entire average down. Which one are you going through right now?"

Lauren grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder before looking at her. "I'm going through them all. How's that?"

Miranda stepped back to allow her to pass and she watched as the young girl walked quickly down the length of the bus. "Sounds like loads of fun. It also sounds like the work of one sick and twisted man."

"You catch on quick, Miranda. You do catch on quick."

She climbed down the steps and shielded her eyes from the bright morning sunlight that attacked her tired eyes with a vengeance. The bus shielded her from view of the fans so she walked alongside of it until she could cross over and make her way to the steps of the other bus. Things were pretty quiet and that didn't surprise her too much because the guys were always ones to unload off of the bus the first moment they could, but it still seemed a little strange that nobody was around.

The bus door was open and she was halfway up the steps when Joey came barreling down towards her and ruined the tranquil moment. "Gotta go! Gotta go! Gotta go!"

They played tag back and forth in front of each other before Joey grabbed her shoulders and twisted her out of the way. "Uh…Joey? The words are EXCUSE ME!"

He wedged by her and waved back to her. "Gotta go, excuse me! Gotta go, excuse me!"

She rolled her eyes and her head slowly moved back and forth as she watched him run inside the back door of the arena. "God did him a major disservice by not making him a natural blond."

"It's too early to be rude, Lauren."

Her head slowly raised up the long body standing above her on the top step. "No lectures, JC. Just pass your notes on to Miranda and she can hit me with it in one swipe."

JC held his hand down for her and helped her up the steps. "What did you think of last night?"

"I think it was the best put together show I've ever seen. Yeah there were a few mix-ups and slips, but overall you guys put on one hell of a show."

He smiled as proud as a poppa. "Yeah well…you know."

"If you blush, I'll smack you. Miranda is waiting for you and I'm sure she has a lot to tell you about last night on the tour bus from hell."

"Do you have ANY idea how that happened?"

She pushed her hair back with a hand and sighed. "Do I really need to tell you how it happened?"

"I know WHO made it happen, but why Miranda too? Why would he go this far, pull Miranda in, just to make a point to you and Justin?"

"Good reason and rationality doesn't apply here, JC. I figured that out a long time ago."

He squeezed her hand before letting go and started down the stairs. "I'll go hunt down Miranda and see what we can come up with."

"While you're UP, try to figure out a plan too."

His eyes widened and his feet paused against the steps for a second. "I don't even want to know so I'm going to just change the subject. If you're looking for Justin, he's still in his bunk."

"He's still asleep? Is he sick or something?"

JC shrugged and leaned on the edge of the door to smile back at her. "I guess his hips weren't in as good a shape as he thought they were. He passed out last night WAY before any of us did. Talk to you later, Lauren."

She waved at him absently and turned to look down the length of the now quiet bus. "Should I wake him up or let him sleep? Wake up call or sleep? Wake up call or sleep?"

It took her all of two seconds to decide and start walking towards the rows of bunks. Most of them were cluttered and messy already, and they had only been on them for one night. "I'm praying for no sons. Please God, don't punish me like that one day."

All of the curtains were closed except for one and she was relieved to see that Justin no longer had the bunk that was on the floor like on the last tour. This time he must have drawn a longer straw than the others had because his bunk was the farthest from the TV and it was on the top which came up to about chest high on her. There wasn't a lot of light on the bus and since the windows were tinted, most of the sunlight was blocked, but a little bit reflected down the hallway so she was very careful about pulling the curtain apart to look inside.

The sight that greeted her was one that never failed to melt her heart. Justin was snuggled up tightly inside of a deep blue sleeping bag, his body was curved at the waist where his torso was close to the opening and the back of his legs were against the wall. One arm was folded underneath the pillow that was tucked underneath his cheek, his other hand was relaxed against his lips, the white shirt he was wearing was strained and pulled against his muscular arm, and the covers were drawn up to his ear like he couldn't get warm enough.

Her eyes twinkled and warmed when she looked at his beautiful face completely relaxed in sleep. His cheeks were puffy, his lips were parted slightly, and the long eyelashes on both eyes were almost tickling his cheeks. Her hand reached out hesitantly a few times before she finally rested it against the side of his face and gently ran her thumb back and forth across his slightly scruffed cheek.

"How can one person be so beautiful?" She could hear the dreamy tone to her words so she knew that it must be five times worse than what she was capable of admitting.

Her fingers trailed over his cheek, down his jaw, and over the side of his chin before she rested her hand on top of his and looked away with a sigh. She had too many decisions to make and too many things she was dealing with at the moment to risk blowing this with Justin. He would wake up soon enough and she could wait until then to talk to him. It was dread she was feeling, but she would rather feel dread than walk away from everything knowing that she wasn't as truthful and honest with him as she could have been.

He took a deep breath and her eyes were drawn back to his face as he stretched and yawned. His eyes slowly opened and she held her breath as the deep blue depths of them focused in on her. "Lauren?"

She felt him rub his cheek against her hand before yawning again. "Good morning."

"What time is it?"

Lauren turned his arm and checked his watch, but she didn't forget to roll her eyes beforehand to show him how stupid it was to ask her what time it was when he was the one with the watch. "It's a little after ten in the morning. How late were you going to sleep? If you want to sleep longer then I'll just…"

His head rocked back and forth against the pillow and his chest rose and fell deeply as he tried to get a grasp of his surroundings. "Don't go anywhere. I guess I was more tired than I thought."

She stood there with her hand clasped in his and leaned against the bunk as he rubbed his eyes and stretched again. "Justin, I need to…"

He scooted over to the far side of the bunk and pulled on her hand. "I'm freezing and you're letting all the cold air in here. Hop up so I can close the curtain."

Something told her that she shouldn't, but at the same time another side of her was saying that she should kill the good angel that sat on her shoulder from time to time. When he pulled on her hand again, she carefully hopped up and stretched out beside him on the bunk. His arms went around her to close the curtain and they were masked in semidarkness that took a while for her to get used to. Sleeping in bunks like this on a bus wasn't her idea of fun, it was a lot like a coffin, but it definitely had some possibilities. This being one of them.

Justin flipped and flopped on the small mattress and she thought she was about to be pushed out onto the floor when she froze at the sound of a zipper being pulled. "Justin…uh…what are you doing?"

"I don't have a zipper on my pajamas so your innocence is safe with me…for the moment. Get in."

She saw him hold up the edge of the sleeping bag and when the warmth of his body heat hit her like an oven door being opened, it took all of two milliseconds to take him up on his offer and scoot in next to him. Luckily, or unluckily…it depends on how you want to look at it, it was a fairly big sleeping bag so they fit easily, but that didn't stop Lauren from snuggling close to his chest and resting her arm over his waist. Justin worked on getting the sleeping bag zipped up and finally managed the feat after several attempts. He stroked her hair back over her shoulder, kissed the top of her head, and pulled her tightly against his chest before finally relaxing and closing his eyes again.

"Did you get any sleep last night, Val?"

"A little."

"Anything I should know about?"

Her arm tightened around his back and she buried her head into his throat. "I'm not used to the sway of the bus or the vibration of it. You know how I get when I'm on the road with you. We'll talk about it later."

"Tom didn't try anything like…"

"No…no nothing like that. I don't want to talk about Tom right now. I just want to enjoy this."

His eyes popped open when he heard her say that. "Enjoy this huh? We're two adults, alone on a bus, in a sleeping bag, and I can think of many ways to enjoy this situation."

"And that better be a flashlight I feel under the covers, Justin."

He hugged her even tighter and laughed wickedly. "Why don't you reach down and find out yourself?"

Much to his surprise, her arm came away from his waist, and it slowly moved between them until she could grab the object and pull on it. The strength and the maltreatment she showed were enough to make him cringe. Finally her hand appeared above the covers and she smiled as she held up the flashlight. "A girl can never be too safe."

"I was reading. Well, I was trying to read but I fell asleep. I needed something to keep my mind off of you on that bus with Tom and…"

She touched his lips to shush him and leaned her forehead against his. "Things are going to be different. I'm right here and nothing Tom does or says is going to change that." The words were said to comfort herself as much as anyone else.

She knew that he was watching her, sizing up her words, and trying to find hidden meaning in her reassurance. It was one thing to be unhappy about her bus assignment, but it was another to come to him having no sleep and eyes that favored a raccoon's. He wasn't stupid, he wasn't blind, and he wasn't going to accept this explanation for long. She really didn't expect him to, but they needed some place more private and secluded to handle something of this magnitude. They needed a time and a place to become a team or to end it all.

His lips grazed over her fingertips and over the back of her hand. "We're going to be in Memphis in two days."

She swallowed hard when he kissed the inside of her wrist, and she couldn't resist reaching up with her other hand to softly stroke his hair. "Yeah I…I know."

He seemed content on making a meal out of her hand, but then he tucked it under his cheek and watched her quietly for a few moments. "Maybe you can come with me to visit my dad, Jonathan, Steven, and the whole crew. Hmm…I'm not as cold anymore."

It wasn't the words as much as the way he said it, that made her think that he was talking about more than just temperature. "I'm not either." She twirled a curl around her finger and grinned.

His eyes skipped between her eyes, her lips, her nose, and her cheeks, before he finally closed them and leaned forward to rest his lips against hers. It wasn't much as far as kisses go, merely a touching of lips, but it had the potential for more. Justin wasn't going to push her into anything she wasn't ready for, she wasn't going to push him into something he wasn't ready for, but at that moment they both wanted to throw all practicalities and niceties aside.

Lauren leaned into the kiss and coaxed his lips with hers until he gave in and relaxed against her. She could feel his hand fist in the fabric of her shirt when she kissed over his jawline and down the column of his throat, but still he remained controlled and allowed her to set the pace.

There was a limit to his patience.

When the tip of her tongue touched the hollow of his neck, he lifted her head up and crushed his lips against hers. Lauren was surprised, but excitement soon took over that feeling of uncertainty and suddenness. He shifted in the tight space until she was laying somewhat flatter and he deepened the contact and the intimacy of the touch.

Lauren inhaled sharply when his tongue lightly touched hers and she tightened her hands on his hair when he sat up to get a better position. His head slammed against the top of the bunk and his forehead fell flat against her shoulder as she giggled and petted the injured spot on his head through his hair.

"Oh my God, are you ok?"

His head came up and she could see his bright but embarrassed smile. "I'll live."

They took up right where they left off and Lauren found that she couldn't get close enough to him. They were in a small and confined space to begin with, but the zipped sleeping bag wasn't helping matters any. It was awkward and it was pulling them together in places that made shifting or making more space…impossible. It had been so long since they had lost themselves in a kiss like this, and Lauren decided that she was going to let him take charge and make the most out of this while it lasted.

He felt her excitement and her need and that drove him to keep pushing her. He knew there was a line that he wasn't going to cross, but at the same time he didn't give a damn. His breathing was heavy, so heavy he felt like he was suffocating, and she wasn't about to let go. He pushed back for a second to pull off his shirt and toss it to the end of the bunk, and pulled her right back into his arms. "I'm not cold anymore."

His lips pulled at hers and he pulled back to catch his breath for a second and groan. "Open your mouth, Val."

And there wasn't a person or thing on earth that could have stopped her from doing that very thing. Her fingers gripped at his bare shoulders and over the strong arms that were holding her, while Justin concentrated on other matters. Her eyes popped open and she inhaled sharply when his fingers fumbled with the bottom of her shirt. Instead of questioning it or adding words where none were really needed, she laid there and watched the hard look of concentration overtake his face as he pulled the fabric up to her bra. His fingers grasped her waist and he yanked her against him as his lips swallowed hers again.

At the contact, Lauren began trembling. The simple pleasure of having his bare stomach against hers while he kissed her like this, was so good that it almost felt painful. His fingers glided over the soft skin on her back and down to her waist where they ran along the inside of the waistband of her jeans. Things were moving faster and faster and Lauren could hardly catch a breath herself, much less think about anything other than the sensations Justin was creating inside of her.

The curtain to the bunk suddenly flew wide open and bright light hit Justin in the face. Lauren jumped and she snuggled closer to his chest to avoid the light while he put a hand over his eyes and held her in the safety of his arms. "What the…?"

"What's UP, Justin?"

Justin pulled the edge of the blanket over Lauren to preserve her modesty a little better. "Dammit, Chris! What are you DOING?"

Chris grinned evilly and bounced up and down as he watched the pair struggle to get their composure back. "You never sleep this late, Lauren was missing, and…oh my goodness! Did I interrupt something?"

Justin's eyes darkened with anger. "You have five seconds to get out of here. One…"

"Lauren, you're taking good care of the sleepyhead I see. That IS Lauren, right?"

Her hand came out over Justin's shoulder and Chris hissed when she shot a bird at him.

"Two…"

"Don't get so touchy, JuJu. Oh wait, that's exactly what you were doing. Hee hee!"

"Three…"

Chris touched the sleeping bag but backed up quickly when Justin reached out to grab his hand. "Johnny sent me out to wake you up because you need to have breakfast before we rehearse later. Or was Lauren your little McMuffin and a side of sausage?"

Justin's head fell back on the pillow with a groan. "FOUR!"

Chris' hands were up in front of him innocently as he backed towards the stairs. "Alright, alright, no need to kill the messenger. I'll just let them know that you were exposed…I mean, you were BUSY but that you'll be down soon. I mean out. I mean, you'll be up. Er…you'll be off here in a second. That sounds bad too, you'll…"

"SHUT UP, CHRIS!" They both shouted at the same time and it echoed throughout the bus.

"Ok! Ok! Sheesh. I come on here to do the boy a favor and all he can do is threaten and yell. You'd think he'd have better manners than that…and maybe a few scratches too. Hmm…JOEY!"

His voice faded off and Lauren reached back to unzip the sleeping bag before pushing her shirt back down and laying flat on her back to stare up at the top of the bunk. "Unbelievable."

"At least this time we were caught in a high traffic area. We weren't being interrupted in a place that is in the middle of nowhere or unexpectedly."

Her head turned on the pillow and she glared at him. "You planned this?"

"Did it seem like I was planning that? It was more of a 'do what feels GOOD, Justin' type thing. DAMN, what I could have done to you if Chris wouldn't have come in here like the moron he is."

He sounded regretful, like he was just realizing how out of control the situation had been, but at the same time it was thrilling to know that she had caused that lack of control inside of him. To know that he had needed her that badly was definitely good for the feminine ego. "You're not the only one."

He stared up at the top for a few seconds before a smile broke across his face and he started chuckling. Lauren watched him until he began full out laughing, and she couldn't resist giggling herself. "This is a soap opera, Val. I honestly don't know what I would do with myself if we ever DID go a span of time with no interruptions."

"I know EXACTLY what I would do with yourself." She laughed even harder when he choked and started coughing.

"You are an evil girl but I've always liked it."

"You are an evil guy, but I've always liked it."

His fingers linked with hers under the blanket and he pulled it up to kiss the back of her hand. "I want to know why you didn't sleep last night and I'm hoping that you'll tell me before it becomes a bigger problem with time."

"Is that your version of taking a cold shower? Mention Tom and go with it?"

He chuckled again and sighed. "It worked, right?"

"Like a charm. I…I think we need more privacy for that discussion."

"Right now, privacy is a DEADLY thing. We might want to wait a few hours…days…months…uh yeah."

She wasn't sure how long she could wait because she wasn't even sure if she could tell him to begin with. This was going to blow his mind, it was going to make them both question everything they ever believed in one another, and once again she prayed that they had rebuilt bridges that had been torn down by similar things before.

(A few hours later.)

Lauren stared down at the newspaper in front of her and reached over her shoulder to push Lance's face back. He grumbled something about sleeping bags before walking away and grabbing something to drink. She turned the page and looked over it at Chris who was grinning at her like a Cheshire cat.

Her eyes lowered back down to the print. "Somebody is playing with fire."

"Somebody was just playing."

"Chris, you might not be scared of Justin but you can't even imagine the ways I could hurt you."

His chair slid closer and he looked away innocently when her eyes raised. "I'm just protecting the innocence of youth."

Slowly she put the paper down and stood up to walk towards him. She could see his eyes widening as he tried not to look at her, but it was clear that he was focused on her every move. The slower she walked towards him, the faster his leg bounced up and down. "Chris…should we throw down right here?"

"Uh…I um…"

The door opened and Justin strolled in with a muffin in his hand. He chewed carefully as he looked back and forth between the two. "Chris, whatever you are doing…I advise you to stop."

"You're taking HER side?"

His chewing slowed as he looked her over. "When she has that particular look on her face…damn right I do."

Chris scooted back in the chair when she got too close and he shrugged. "She don't scare me none."

Lauren was just about to grab a hold of him when Justin intercepted her by stepping in front of her and pulling her along with him. "Oh you just wait until I get you alone, Chris."

"Being alone is what got you into trouble earlier, remember?"

Justin knew she was about to attack so he picked her up and slung her over his shoulder as he made his way to the door. "Remember what Dr. Smiley taught you in anger management classes, Val. Remember his words."

"Kill them all?"

He carried her down a long hallway and then opened the door to an empty dressing room before depositing her on a couch and leaning down on one knee in front of her. "Stop plotting Chris' death for a second and listen to me."

She looked down at his hands on her knees and nodded. "Ok."

"I know I exaggerate things and worry about other things that are probably nothing, but I'm picking up on something here. Those dark circles under your eyes and the strain I see on your face shouldn't be there. Don't lie to me and say that you couldn't sleep because of the motion of the bus because I know that you can sleep just about anywhere. Yes it takes a bit to get used to but you have always adjusted well. I might have bought the whole discomfort thing with Tom being on your bus, but you're so stubborn that you would have handled it just to spite him. Tell me what happened."

She leaned back and closed her eyes. "And cause more problems? Tell you and have you run off and beat his ass when really there's nothing we can do about it? Is that it? Or would you like me to tell you so you can close up in front of me and push me aside again?"

His eyes widened and he pulled back at those words. "Do you really trust me so little that you think I would do that?"

"I wouldn't put anything past you now."

He stood up and walked over to lock the door. "You're not going to push me into an argument or fight just because you want to avoid the issue. It's not going to work this time, Lauren. You trust me, you don't want to trust me, but you do. I screwed up BIG TIME…I know that. There's not a day that goes by that I don't regret those decisions I made, but that's not going to happen again. I learned my lesson and I learned from my mistakes. So push me all you want, throw digs and try to hurt feelings, but it's still not going to matter. I'm still going to be on your side and I'm still going to fight for your side. I'm still going to LISTEN!"

She watched him pull up a chair in front of her, turn it around to straddle it, and lean his arms on top of it. "Justin, you can't know that. You can't sit there in front of me and assure me that you won't be pissed off about this. You can't!"

"Try me."

"You don't know what we're up against and…"

"A wall?" He smiled charmingly when she gave him a dirty look. "Ahem…sorry about that. I just couldn't resist. Go ahead."

"Tom isn't playing around and as much as I hate him, want to fight him, and want to kill him…he's not giving up."

"Tom is a scared BABY. Did you see how he backed down and wouldn't fight back? Did you see how he wasn't man enough to press charges against me when I hit him? He could have gotten rid of me right then and there, but he didn't. He didn't because he knew that he was outclassed."

She sat forward and shook her head. "No, Justin. He didn't fight back physically, because he doesn't need to. He can fight back in other ways. In ways that won't fade as easily as bruises will."

"What are you afraid of? Has he threatened you?" His hands balled into fists at the thought and it made him even angrier that she was hesitant to talk to him about this.

"You're getting mad."

"I'm getting pissed, there's a difference."

She leaned back again and hugged her waist. It was quiet as she stared down at the floor and Justin watched her, but until she was ready to speak…that's all that could be done. "I promised myself that I would never let him tear me apart or make me afraid. I have never been afraid of anyone, but the power he had over us was like a nightmare that had come to life. I…I know you take the blame for a lot because of the way you acted, but I was the one who was afraid. I broke promise after promise to myself and I'm still trying to forgive."

"I understand that you don't completely forgive me for…"

"No you, Justin. I'm trying to forgive myself. Remember what it was like to be together and to fight everything that came our way? Tom was NOTHING and I never gave him a second thought because he was nothing more than a piece of trash that I passed on the sidewalk. I've seen his power, I've seen his determination, I've seen his strength, and I've seen his hatred. I feel helpless because I don't know why he is doing this to us. How can I fight something I don't understand?"

Justin was beginning to see the depth of her pain and the anger that still resided inside of her. She wasn't only scared that Tom could do something to them again, she was terrified that she could never truly find herself again. "You are still Lauren Owsley and I am still Justin Timberlake. That didn't change."

"But don't you see…"

"What I see is that you're scared to see that you're still the same girl! YOU didn't change…the people and the situation around you did. You fought, you pushed, you waged this battle alone at times, but you still held onto who you were. You still held onto the fact that you KNEW you were right and you were determined to do whatever it took to show me that. The Lauren Owsley I know, the girl I've grown up with, never would have gone down without a fight. She might get a few cuts and scrapes along the way, but she's not going to roll over and play dead. You didn't! You're STILL fighting and that…is…YOU!"

She pushed up and walked across the room. "The old Lauren wouldn't be scared of what she knows now. She wouldn't be terrified about what it could mean or what it could mean to you. She wouldn't have let Tom leave that bus without a major limp after everything he slammed her with, and she sure as HELL wouldn't be scared of losing you! The old Lauren would know and understand that we're a packaged set that won't come apart for any reason. She would know that giving her heart to you this way, giving her soul, was the easy and RIGHT thing to do."

His jaw dropped slightly when realization hit and he blinked a few times before answering in a whisper. "You're scared of becoming the old Lauren."

"That's ridiculous!"

"Is it? What comes with being the old Lauren? Hmm? You would be the girl that everyone thinks can handle anything and everything. You would have to walk around here every day while people pile more and more on top of you and you would have to deal with it all because that's exactly what Lauren did. Weaknesses? She couldn't show any weaknesses because she was STRONG or so everyone believed. She couldn't lose a battle, she couldn't be hurt, and she certainly couldn't fall in love because that would be the ultimate weakness. There was a lot on her shoulders and she had to push her way through it no matter what."

She pushed a tear out of her eye and growled. "You're not getting this!"

"I'm getting this exactly. If you are the old Lauren, if you go back to the way you were, then you would be the girl that Tom went after to begin with. This new Lauren, the one who is careful, the one who is unsure, he might not be as interested in that kind of girl. But the girl who fights, the challenge of it all, would catch his eye and you don't want to risk that kind of pain again. Being the old Lauren would lure him in and would bring you more heartache…or so you think."

"Justin, I'm…not…her!"

He walked over to her and cupped her cheeks to raise her head. "Yes you are."

She pushed his hands away and walked around the chair again. "You think you know everything. You think you understand everything there is to know about me. FINE! Want a real wake up call, Justin? Want to know what I'm REALLY capable of screwing up?"

"Shoot."

Her arms raised up to the ceiling and her head fell back with a groan. "EVEN NOW you act all confident. Where was that confidence earlier? Where was it when it should have been there? Where was it when I was signing that contract?"

She watched him sit back down in the chair quietly.

"I signed that contract because I wanted you. There! I said it! I…wanted…you! Does that make me any better than Shai? I'd like to think so because at least I honestly loved you and all Shai loved was the idea of you. I signed the contract that sold my soul and I screwed up by not telling you. You were angry, Tom was happy, and Lauren was gone from the life she once knew."

"I'm going to tell you a few more things you're not going to want to hear, but you know what? I don't care if you believe me. I don't care because you're either going to push that pride aside or you're going to hate me. Either way, at least I can say that I was honest and up front about it! At least I can say that I learned from past secrets and lies and changed my ways!" She took a deep breath, and let it go. "That piece of paper says that I must do whatever Tom feels is right for you and our relationship. He feels, as my boss, that you and I are no longer a good thing. It's his feeling that we aren't exactly the couple of the century anymore and that my talents can be better put to use elsewhere."

When he didn't say anything, she continued. "Guess who you're looking at, Justin. You're looking at the girl who is going to dump the almighty Justin Timberlake and have a wild affair with Tristan Hardsworth. That's right, we were close before but when he opened for N SYNC I realized through spending SO much time with him that he is really my one and only love. So not only do I realize this, I cheat on poor Justin who is left shattered and tormented because he doesn't know that I would die before doing something like that to him. Shhh…make sure you don't tell him about this little plan because we wouldn't want Tom to show Justin what his little Val is really like."

"And what is she really like?"

She stared at him for a few seconds while she tried to catch her breath. "What is she like? She's the kind of girl who would get sloppy drunk and kiss all over another guy even though she feels nothing for him."

"You kissed Tristan?" His tone was flat and unreadable.

"That night at the club, I guess I kissed him. I remember hugging him and laughing, but I must have kissed him too because it was right there in living color. He has photographs that prove that I was kissing him and we all know that photographs don't lie."

He didn't say a word and the silence dragged on for minutes while she waited. Finally, she couldn't stand it any longer. "Go ahead and say it. You're disappointed in me, you can't believe I would do that, or add any other comment you want. I'm just tired of caring and of being scared. If Tom knew that I told you this, the photographs would hit the tabloids and we all know what the fans would do if they thought I cheated on you. It wouldn't matter what you said or what I said to them…they would see the pictures and make up their own minds. Then there's the small detail of my contract being voided and me being banned from your professional life. I guess you can believe what you want, Justin."

He was still quiet so she finished. "I've learned so many lessons and right now I wish I could drop out of the school of life for a little while. How come there are no spring breaks or teacher workdays during THESE lessons?"

He walked over to her and reached for her arm, but she pulled away. He fought with her as she tried to push his hands away and finally he managed to corner her with his body. "Stop fighting me and tell me who took the pictures."

"I don't know for sure but this has to have Mary Beth's name all over it. She's been taking pictures and sending them to tabloids and newspapers, so I guess she has somehow come in contact with Tom."

Justin pulled on her hand until both of them were sitting on the couch. "Do you want to know what I think about all this?"

"Fine."

"Tom's plan didn't work because we didn't hate each other. So he comes up with a new plan to pull us apart. You are supposed to seduce and flirt with the guy who I dislike the most…ok who I'm jealous of the most because of the way he looks at you, and the whole time I'm supposed to be confused. It's supposed to look like you're cheating on me, I'm supposed to think that, and then I WOULD hate you."

"Yeah."

He turned her head when she looked away. "Don't disappear on me yet. So you and Tristan would be a couple, the fans and I would hate that you cheated on me, and who does Tom think I would turn to? The girl who is so conveniently placed here…Shai. If I started seeing Shai publicly then you would hate me. Right?"

One of her eyebrows raised defiantly. "I would cut your balls off with a spoon."

He swallowed hard and fought not to scoot back away from her. "Anyway, he would be able to sit back and smile over the havoc he has created. I would hate you, you would hate me, and boom it's over. Tom is getting stupid in his panic because what he didn't count on was me not getting mad or upset over those pictures of you and Tristan. He didn't think that you would tell me because you would be too scared of admitting to me that you kissed the one guy that I can't stand seeing around you."

Her eyes lit up and she stuttered a bit before speaking. "You're not mad?"

"I can't say that I like the idea and those are photographs that I would really like to never see, but you were drunk and you weren't yourself during that time. There are worse things that could have happened that night."

He believed her, he believed IN her, and she felt like she was floating above the clouds. "Thanks."

"Tom is strong because he has Shai, he has people feeding his evil ways like Mary Beth does, and he has a solid position with Jive. If we can nail Shai to the wall then he will be much weaker. He's already getting sloppy with his work."

"Can we add Mary Beth to our hit list?"

He chewed on his bottom lip and grinned. "Do you know what he has done? He has given us the perfect opportunity to kick some ass. He has HANDED us the answers!"

"Justin, you're scaring me."

He grabbed her shoulders and kissed her before pulling back and smiling into her eyes. "Do you think that you can argue with me?"

Her eyes drooped with boredom. "I've been arguing with you for nineteen years. I could do it in my sleep."

"I mean, do you think you could REALLY argue with me and still know that it's all an act? Like, could you be purposefully hurtful and nasty to me?"

"What do you mean? I don't want to hurt you, Justin."

It was his turn to stand up and pace around the room. "GOD this is perfect! Can you pretend to go along with his plan? That would mean you and I argue, you act cold towards me, you act like you don't want me anymore…just for his benefit, and…"

"And be Tristan's girlfriend? Justin, could YOU play along with that?"

"It would be a stretch, but I think I could do it as long as he doesn't get used to the idea. Maybe we should talk to him and let him know what is going on so he doesn't get hurt in the process. Can we trust him?"

She thought about that and shrugged. "I don't know who to trust anymore, but I don't like the idea of leading him on."

"Then don't do anything too serious. You need to convince Tom that you're going along with him, convince him that you're with Tristan like he wanted you to be, and show him that you're breaking down. Can…you…do…that?"

"I don't want to do this. I don't want to lead Tristan on, or argue with you, or pretend to hate you, or pretend to hurt you, and I don't want Shai stepping in and trying to get to you."

An evil grin spread across his face. "You leave Shai to me. We're about to give her all the fame and exposure that she can handle."

"Are you sure you…"

He walked back over to her and kissed her again before leaning his forehead against hers and nodding. "I told you once that I would do anything to see that you're happy. I will even risk myself to see that it happens. Tom is trying his best to keep that from happening and I will NOT sit by and let him win…not when he has put the answer and the solution in our hands like this."

"This is all an act, right?"

"It's all an act except for a very important detail."

She leaned back and questioned. "Shai and Mary Beth? What I wouldn't give to see them go down."

"You're going to do more than just see them go down. You're going to lead them to the trap. We are about to kill two birds with one very big, egotistical, and manipulative stone." His eyebrows moved up and down as he smiled. "Kiss me and I'll tell you how this is all going to unfold."

"How could I say no to an offer like that?"