The next few days flew faster that they had expected and soon it was time for Nick to leave. Hannah and Nick silently drove to the airport. Nick fiddled with the radio stations settling in one playing Uncle Cracker’s ‘Follow me’.
“I love this song.” He said, “It’s simple, but nice.”
“Yeah.” She replied staring out the window trying not to look at Nick. She couldn’t believe that he was leaving, but she knew it was coming. It was her own fault for letting it get this far. Nick parked the car but didn’t get out. They sat there silently for a few minutes until Nick spoke.
“You know my offer still stands for you to come with me.”
“Nick don’t, you know I can’t.”
“No, I know you won’t.” he said coldly.
“Who do you think you are Mr. Nicholas Gene Carter? The one time I don’t bend to your wishes you act like a three-year-old and throw a temper tantrum. You know maybe it’s a good thing you’re leaving.” She shot back.
“Maybe it is.” Nick said getting out of the car and slamming the door. Tears fell down Hannah’s face. Nick pulled his suitcase out of the trunk and slammed that too. Nick tried to fight back the tears but they were too strong and fell freely down his face. He walked away from the car. Hannah was now openly sobbing, it pulled at Nick’s heart. He walked on knowing that it was for the best. Hannah tried to compose herself as she moved from the passenger side to the driver’s side. As she closed the passenger side door she watched Nick walking away with his head down. She tried to call out his name but nothing came out because she was crying so hard.
Nick realized that he didn’t want to end it this way. He dropped his suitcase, turned and ran all the way back to Hannah. When he reached her he embraced her tightly.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”
“I’m sorry too,” She whispered back. He released his grasp on Hannah and looked into her eyes.
“I love you Hannah. I’m really gonna miss you.”
“I love you too, Nick.” They’re lips met in a passionate kiss. They ended the kiss with a tight hug.
“Give me a call when you get in, okay?”
“Okay, I promise.” Nick pushed Hannah’s hair out of her face.
“See ya later, Nick.”
“See ya later, Angel.” They kissed and hugged one more time before Nick walked back toward the airport. Hannah watched him until he disappeared into the terminal. She leaned against her car and wrapped her arms tightly around herself as if to keep his last hug alive. Finally she got in her car and drove home. It seemed like there was no end to her tears, they just kept in flowing. She went directly home and went up into her bedroom. There on her bed was the t-shirt that he had worn yesterday, he had forgotten to pack it. Hannah picked it up and hugged it. The shirt still smelled like his cologne. Hannah got undressed and slipped his shirt on, she crawled into her bed and cried herself to sleep.
Nick sat on the plane and wiped the tears that wouldn’t stop falling from his eyes. Luckily there was no one sitting next to him. He just leaned against his chair and stared out the window. The flight back to Florida seemed like and eternity. Finally they landed and it was 10pm but to him it was 7pm. Todd, one of their security guards picked him up. Todd took one look at his red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks and knew something went down on his vacation. Todd felt that Nick didn’t want to talk about it so he didn’t press the issue.
“Hey Nick.”
“Hey Todd, this is all I got.” Nick said lifting his suitcase slightly.
“Great, let’s go, you’re the last one to come back. The rest of the boys are waiting at Kevin’s house.”
“Kay.” Nick was silent for the rest of the trip home. Todd didn’t ask any questions and Nick was grateful for that. They arrived at Kevin’s house quickly. He slowly walked into the house. He hoped that he wouldn’t run into any of the guys. He basically just wanted to go to bed. He was half way up the stairs when Brian saw him.
“Hey stranger, nice of you to stop and say hi.”
“Hi.” Nick said dejectedly and kept on walking. Kevin, AJ, and Howie came out to where Brian was to see whom he was talking to. They saw Nick just as he walked around a corner and disappeared into his room. Brian looked at the guys,
“Something’s up with Nick, I suggest that we find out.”
“Yeah Todd said that it looked like he had been crying when he got off the plane.” Kevin added. They all looked at each other and said,
“Hannah.” The boys bounded up the stairs and piled into Nick’s room. He was putting stuff away from his suitcase.
“Hey, why don’t you guys knock?”
“Because I own the place.” Kevin joked.
“So how was your vacation?” Howie asked.
“Fine.”
“What did you do?” Kevin asked.
“Nothing much.”
“So,” AJ said cutting to the point, “did you talk to Hannah?” Nick winced at her name.
“Yeah.” He said sadly.
“So she didn’t feel the same way?”
“No.”
“So she did feel the same way, so you’re together?”
“No.”
“Huh?” Nick turned and faced the guys,
“Look I really don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m really tired and I just want to go to bed, okay?”
“We just wanted to know if you were okay that’s all.”
“I’m fine, really. I just want to be alone.” The boys mumbled okays and walked out of his room. Nick sighed and went back to unpacking his suitcase. He reached in taking a shirt out. Underneath the shirt was a square box. Nick was confused he didn’t remember packing that. Nick put the shirt down and picked up the box. It was slightly heavy. He sat down on his bed and opened the box. The smell of Hannah’s coconut cream cookies wafted out. He smiled and picked up the note that was lying on top. Nick slowly unfolded the paper and read the letter she had written.
“Dear Nicky,The letter took Nick’s breath away. A new wave of tears flowed from his eyes. He loved Hannah so much it hurt. This isn’t the way things were supposed to work out. Fairytale love deserved a fairytale ending, didn’t it? He looked into the box to see that there was a picture of them. It from when they had been playing in the mud. They were covered from head to toe in mud. There were a few clean spots on their faces, just enough so that you could tell it was them. He chuckled at the picture and flipped it over. Hannah had written a note, ‘Sixteen years and nothing’s changed a bit.’ Nick thought a bit, he got up and rummaged through the closet and pulled out a small wooden box. In it were all of his cherished pictures. Pictures of his family, the guys and then he found it. It was a picture of Hannah and himself during the first summer they were friends. It had been a hot day and they were playing in the pool. When they got out Hannah slipped and fell into a pile of mud. She was upset so Nick joined her so she wouldn’t be alone and one thing led to another and soon they were covered in mud. Hannah’s father found them and took a picture. Nick put the pictures side by side and in each picture they were standing the same way and in the same positions. He chuckled knowing Hannah was right. He knew exactly where to put them. He had gotten two photo frames that were hinged together from his sister, Leslie. Nick found them and slipped the pictures in. He placed the frame on the table next to his bed.
I bet you weren’t expecting this to be in your suitcase. Here’s your own stash so that the boys won’t eat them. I sent them a box to share so they shouldn’t bother you.
This week really blew me away. I've never felt like this about anyone. I’m really glad we had these last four days together. Who would have guessed that the boy who used to chase me and put mud in my hair, I mean the man who still chases me and puts mud in my hair, would come to love me and I would love him in return.
I woke up last night in the middle of the night. I don’t know why, but I did. I sat there and watched you sleep for a little while. Watching you sleep was probably my favorite moment of the last four days. I could see it in your face how much you loved me. I can’t really explain what I saw, but somehow it just radiated from you even when you slept. I was the happiest woman in the world in those few special moments. That’s why I decided to write you this letter because I didn’t know if you knew just how much I love you. You make me happy when I am with you or even thinking about you. I love the way your blonde hair flops into your eyes and I love the way you smile, especially when you’re being mischievous. I love the way your blue eyes sparkle when you get excited, I love all of your energy and how crazy you can be. I love how we can talk for hours about nothing at all. I love how you think (it’s exactly the way I do :)!). I love the way you wrap your arms around me and I feel like nothing can harm me. I love the way you protect me, even thought you know I can protect myself. I love the way you find the ten-year-old living inside me and make her come out to play. I love the way you make everything okay when I think nothing is going my way. I love the way your voice sounds when you sing me to sleep. I love that space between your jaw and your collarbone where I rest my head when you hold me close. I love the way you know so much about music but you are never afraid to learn more. I love the way your forehead crinkles up when you’re concentrating or thinking. I love the way you smile at me from across a room and make me feel like I am the only other person on this planet besides you. I love your hands and how mine fit perfectly in yours. I love the way you look when you just get up in the morning. I love the way you walk. I love how even though you’ve had a personal fashion consultant for years now, you still ask me what you should wear. I love the way you laugh. I love how you make me laugh. I love those four scars on your upper thigh. I love that no matter how crazy your life gets you still take time to call me. I love how you play with your thumbs when you’re nervous. I love those calluses on your thumbs from hours of playing video games. I love how you opened your heart to me. I love the way you play piano. I love the way that even if I’m not right (on a rare occasion), you still let me think I am. I love the way you make me feel inside. Most of all I love you.
I hope you know that this is just the tip of the iceberg of things that I love about you. I’m sorry things couldn’t work out now, but maybe one day they will. I know we crossed a line that we can’t go back over, but I’m glad we did and I will never regret the last four days, ever.
I love you,
Hannah
“Perfect.” He said to himself. He went into the box again to find another bunch of pictures. They were from the past week. There was a picture of the entire gang at the park, one of Mike and Hannah, one of the four girls and one of the guys. Then there were pictures from their dinner. His favorite one was the one of Hannah on the deck, looking just gorgeous. The last two pictures were of the two of them, one on the deck with the beautiful night sky behind them and one of them kissing. He added the pictures to his box keeping the one of Hannah on the deck out and propping it up against the photo frame. The cookies made him realize how hungry he was and he pulled one out to eat. Nick remembered that he was supposed to call Hannah when he got in. He dialed her up, she picked up after a few rings.
“Hello?” She said groggily.
“Hey it’s me. Did I wake you?”
“Yeah I was taking a nap.”
“Oh do you want me to call back later?”
“No it’s fine, I have to get up anyways. I have to head over to the bar soon.”
“Oh, I thought you had tonight off.”
“I did but Kerrie called and asked if I could take her shift because tonight’s her and Mike’s six year anniversary and well they wanted to spent it together, go figure.”
“Wow, they’ve been dating that long?”
“Yeah, they started dating in high school.”
“That’s cool. So what time are you heading over to the bar?”
“In about and hour or so.”
“Okay.”
“How was your flight?”
“Long, it seemed like it would never end.”
“How are the guys?”
“Good, I guess, they stopped in to say hi. We’re at Kevin’s house.”
“Oh, okay. When does the tour start?”
“In about six weeks. For the next two weeks they’re gonna have us going 24/7 to finish up everything for the tour and then we’ll open in Orlando.”
“Oh okay, so you’ll real busy for a while huh?”
“Yeah, but I’ll find time to call you don’t worry.”
“Well that’s just it, Nick. Maybe we shouldn’t call each other for a while, just till things work themselves out.” Nick was silent on the other side.
“Nick?” She asked a little worried.
“Um, I really don’t know how to respond to that. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, it’s just that things are really weird right now and well I guess I want some time to figure things out, that’s all.”
“What about the letter you wrote me? Were you just saying those things?”
“That’s just it Nick, I did mean every word of that letter and that’s why I need some time to figure out how to deal with what I’m feeling right now. I don’t know, just forget I said it okay?”
“No, Hannah, if you want space, you can have some space. We’ve gone for a month and not talked. I’m sure a couple of weeks won’t kill me.”
“But that was before.”
“And this is now. Look you can take some time to yourself and you call me when you want to talk okay?”
“That’s not fair to you though. What if you want to call me , if you’re having a bad day?”
“It’s fine, I’ll be okay. Things will work out, you’ll see.”
“Who are you and where did you put Nick Carter?” Nick laughed,
“I’m right here Hannah, just like I’ll always be.”
“When did you grow up?”
“When I fell in love with my best friend, who taught me an important lesson. The best things in life are worth waiting for.” Hannah sat there in awe. She was completely speechless.
“Thank you.” She said quietly.
“For what?” He asked.
“For being so good to me.”
“Well you deserve the best.” There was a long pause. “Well you should get going, don’t want to make you late for work.”
“Yeah, I should, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Talk to you later.”
“I love you Nick.”
“I love you Hannah.”
“Bye.”
“Bye, Angel.” Nick hung up the phone and leaned back against the headboard of the bed. Hannah’s letter was lying on the night table, he picked it up and began reading it again, in the middle of reading it, his exhaustion took over his body and he fell fast asleep.
Hannah got out of bed and went over to her closet. She didn’t feel like working at the bar. All she wanted to do is go to sleep and never get up again. The pain from missing Nick was too much. She hoped that the bar would get her mind off of him. Why did love have to be so crummy? It was supposed to be some great thing, well it was until she ruined it. Hannah pulled out a sparkling white tube top and a pair of black pants. She hoped that a nice outfit would cheer her up. She showered quickly and got dressed. She pulled her wet hair up into a bun, it would dry by time customers showed up. She got dress and put on her makeup. She did feel a little bit better. Hannah grabbed a jacket and her keys and headed to the bar. When she got there Roxy was already stocking the coolers with beer.
“Hey babe. How are you?” Hannah shrugged her shoulders and grabbed a case of glasses and began hanging them up.
“I don’t know, fine I guess. Where’s Anna?”
“Oh, she’s gonna be late. Her and Garrett had a fight.”
“Again? Why don’t they just cut to the chase and fuck.” Roxy laughed.
“I know what you mean. So Mike and Kerrie are going out tonight?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you know where they’re going?”
“I think she said The Turf.”
“Ooo, that’s a pretty fancy place. Why can’t I get a guy to take me to The Turf? Does your uncle have any rich single guy friends?” Hannah laughed,
“I don’t think so. Most of them are married or gay, but I can have him look into it.”
“Yeah, tell him that one of your young, beautiful, sexy friends are looking for some companionship.”
“You know prostitution is illegal in California.” Hannah retorted and Roxy threw a rag at her, which missed by a mile.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Uh huh sure.” Hannah joked as she went over to the jukebox and played music. Dexy midnight Runner’s, ‘Come on Eileen’ came on. She sang along to it while she wiped down the bar.
“Who’s on for the bouncers tonight?”
“Sam, Alex and Tim are coming in. You know we should think of hiring a new bartender and maybe some new bouncers. This place is really popular and we should have at least four of each to keep up with the crowds.”
“Maybe you’re right. I’ll look into it. That way we can have more than one day off a week.”
“Ooo, maybe we can have like two. What a luxury.” Roxy said sarcastically.
Anna showed up just in time for them to open the bar for happy hour.
“Well look who decided to finally show up.” Roxy said as Anna hopped over the bar and threw her coat in the back.
“Sorry the fight lasted longer than I thought it would.”
“You mean the make up session lasted longer than you thought it would.” Hannah retorted.
“Okay maybe you’re right.” She laughed. People began coming in and Tim showed up to his shift an hour early.
“Hey you’re here early.” Hannah said to him.
“Well I figured the since it was Friday you could use the help. So I’m offering my services free of charge.” He said opening his arms wide.
“And you’re worth every penny.” She joked.
Roxy and Anna were watching Tim and Hannah from behind the bar.
“I don’t think it’s his bouncer services that he’s offering.” Roxy said smiling and Anna laughed.
“Speaking of services, has she said anything to you about Nick?”
“No, I’m guessing that it’s a sore subject with her.”
“Why?”
“Because she was kind of upset when she came in tonight.”
“She seems fine now.” Anna retorted nodding towards Hannah and Tim.
“Hey Barbie Girl!” Roxy shouted form the bar. “Are ya gonna work tonight or just flirt with the bouncers?” Hannah yelled back,
“I’m gonna flirt with the bouncers a little more and then I’m gonna flirt and dance with some of the customers, after that I haven’t really thought of what I’m gonna do!”
“Funny, real funny, Hannah!” She yelled back. Hannah turned to Tim,
“Well I guess that’s my cue to get back to work. Thanks for coming in.”
“Anytime.” Tim said winking at her. Hannah went back to the bar and hopped over it.
“You girls need some help?”
“Nope,” Anna said, “but these people need some entertainment, right?” The crowd cheered and Anna handed Hannah the mike as ‘I will survive’ played on the jukebox. Hannah sang along and got lost in the crowd’s cheer. As long as she was singing the pain of missing Nick went away. But soon the night was over and it was time to go home. Tim and Roxy locked up with her. She turned the key in the lock and pulled them out.
“Time for home.” She sighed sadly to herself.
“Goodnight guys, see ya tomorrow.” Hannah said as she started walking home. Tim jogged up to her and said,
“Where’d you park? I’ll drive you there.”
“Oh I walked today.”
“You were going to walk home?” She shrugged her shoulders.
“Yeah, so?” Tim put his hands on his hips,
“You are getting in my car and I’m driving you home.” Hannah wasn’t up for any arguments so she didn’t protest and climbed into Tim’s jeep. She stared out the window on the ride home.
“Are you okay, Hannah? You seem a bit off tonight.”
“I’m fine Tim, thanks for asking.” She said not taking her eyes off the window.
“Okay.” They were silent for the rest of the ride home. Tim pulled into her driveway and Hannah slowly opened the door.
“You know,” Tim said quietly, “I know Mike’s not around right now with Kerrie and all…”
“Yeah Tim?”
“Well I know I’m not Mike but if you want to talk or just want some company, give me a ring okay?” Hannah nodded her head and then reached over and hugged Tim.
“Thanks Tim, that means a lot to me.”
“Your welcome.” Hannah got out of the jeep and waved one last time before she went into her house. The house felt large and empty now that Nick was gone. She slowly made her way upstairs and went to bed.
The next couple of days seemed to drag on forever. Hannah felt like a zombie floating through life. She rarely talked, she didn’t sense anything and she didn’t feel anything. The world was one big gray blob to her now that Nick wasn’t there to share it with her. The only time she felt alive was when she was at the bar singing. She began working there every night at the bar never taking a day off. Everyone was getting really worried about Hannah especially Mike.
It had been two weeks since she had talked to Nick and she still couldn’t figure out what to do with all the emotions that she had inside her. Hannah poured that emotion into songs that she began to write. Any time that wasn’t spent at the bar or sleeping was spent in the recording studio writing and producing songs.