"Breaking News singer Brian Littrell of the famous pop group the Backstreet Boys died yesterday. Reports from their publicist say that Littrell had been suffering from 'heart burn' for several days and complained of it often but thought nothing more of it. Much to the surprise of his friends and family it was more problems with his heart. After a surgery in May of 1998 the problem was supposed to be non-threatening. When he finally went into the doctors it was in an ambulance and apparently the doctors couldn't do enough for him. Brian was just 27 years old at the time of his shocking death. Best wishes in this time of sorrow for his friends, family and fans."
"Turn that shit off damnit." AJ demanded one of their security guards. None of the guys usually spoke to any employee as anything but an equal so when AJ yelled everyone knew things would never be the same again without Brian. Once AJ and Howie got Nick, they had all gotten together at Kevin's because they knew that he and Nick would be hit the very hardest by Brian's passing. From there they went out to Georgia and were camped out in a hotel near Brian and Leighanne's home.
"Kev..."
"Shut Up...Get away from Me." he hissed not wanting anybody around him at all.
"Kev listen we have to go...We promised we'd help Jackie, Harold and Baker with the arrangements." Howie said gently. No body dared to say funeral yet. It still hadn't sunk in that far for them to all accept that 4/5 of the Backstreet Boys were left and the other 1/5 would never ever return to them.
"I want out..." Nick said suddenly standing up with tears shimmering in his eyes.
"What do you mean Nicky?" AJ asked cautiously.
"I want out of this stupid group!!" he yelled.
"Nicky just sit down...Please just sit down. There is nothing going to be accomplished by you going out alone half-cocked. Just hang out a little bit longer." Howie said taking his peacemaker job to a new level.
"Yeah...Nicky we've got to be here for each other...And...."
"And nothing AJ...You want money to just keep flowing in...."
"Nick, I was trying to say we don't have to go on as the Backstreet Boys...I mean I don't really see how we can. But we should continue on as brothers. You know more than anyone else that Bri wouldn't want us to abandon each other," he said as calmly as he could but was really hurt by Nick's words.
"I know Aje...But I just...I..." he mumbled as he folded his tall frame into a tiny ball and began sobbing.
"Frack...Come on Frack!! Quit messing around man!!!" Brian called from above him. Slowly Nick opened his eyes to find Brian holding out his hand to him. But there was something different about Brian...his hair was darker and he was younger looking...
"Wha?? Where are we?" Nick mumbled looking around at their surroundings. They were on a Basketball court some where but he couldn't remember how he got there for the life of him.
"Thank god!! You are all right man...you scared the crap out of me!!" Brian smiled.
"What do you mean I'm ok? You are ok!! Dude I'm so glad...I thought it was true...I thought it was real!! I mean I thought you died..."
"Um...Frack maybe we should take you see a doctor...You are kind of starting to freak me out..." Brian said as he frowned at Nick who was still sitting on the ground. "C'mon..." he said holding out his hand to him once again. This time Nick took it and got up.
"OW!!!!" he yelped as his knee gave out and he started to fall again but Brian was there holding him up.
"Man...you hurt your knee...I am going to need Kev's help to carry you." Brian grunted, as he struggled with holding Nick up.
"Hey when did you get so tall Frick?"
"What??"
"You were shorter than me.....You are supposed to be shorter than me..."
"Oh ok crap....Man you really need some medical attention and not just for that knee. How many of me do you see?"
"Huh?"
"Do I look like I have a twin next to me or anything?"
"No you only have..."
"C'mon Nicky. Let's try to walk some ok?" Brian said struggling to hold up Nick's weight until he finally started hobbling a long carrying a little of his own weight. "KEV!!! KEVIN!!!!" Brian yelled as he neared the all too familiar old buses. "KEVIN!!!"
"What? What's going on man?" Kevin asked looking slightly annoyed and with the hair style he was sporting Nick guessed he just woke up.
"Nick hurt his knee...and I think he hit his head too. He is talking all this nonsense about thinking I was dead and that he was taller than me and...a bunch of other crazy stuff..."
"Here...Come on Baby...We're going to get you to a doctor." Kevin said softly as he lifted Nick off Brian's shoulder.
"No...Frick...Man wait!! I want to tell you something..."
"It can wait until after you see a doctor Frack...I'm worried about you." he said and his expression backed that up. He had that worried look in his eyes that he got whenever Nick messed up.
"No...No...It can't wait!!! Kev!! Stop!!! PUT ME DOWN!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. "FRICK!!!"
"Frack calm down man...you'll be ok..." Brian said frowning at the fight Nick was putting up.
"NO!! Frick...Man wait...I need to tell you something...I love you man...You are my best friend."
"I ..."
"Wake up Nicky!! Come on...It's just a nightmare...Come on wake up!" AJ said shaking him to wake him up.
"No!!" Nick groaned opening his eyes. He had realized it was all a dream about half way through... but it had just felt so real. It had been real at one point. Things had been a little bit different in the real situation. 'I still remember that...Me and Bri were playing ball and I slipped or something and hurt my knee. Bri was so freaked out and he had to help me walk back to the buses where Bri took to screaming for Kev...' he thought to himself sadly.
"Baby...You ok?" Kevin's strained voice asked softly. The guys all used to call him baby because he was young and vulnerable. For the most part now they only called him baby if they were seriously worried about him or just whenever Kevin was trying to protect him from something.
"No...I'm not..."
"What's wrong?" Kevin asked looking at him worriedly.
"You ok Bri?" Kevin asked looking at his cousin.
"Yeah I'm fine man. Just a little heartburn. It's all that food Howie's mom made...that woman can cook but man do I ever end up hurting from it..." he chuckled.
"Ok well if you are sure cos."
"Nicky, what's wrong??"
"I just miss him Kev...it just...It wasn't supposed to happen..." he sniffled as the tears forced their way into his eyes where they welled up until he finally blinked and sent them down his cheeks in streams.
"I know...It's hard on everyone baby..."
"Kevy come on babe. You have to sleep..." Kristin said gently as she wrapped her arm around his waist. "Come on honey. Let's go to bed." Silently he got up and let her guide him to their bed. He laid down and numbly got into the cold sheets and seconds later he felt Kristin slide into the bed next to him and wrap her arms around his middle just like she always did when they actually got to be together. Kevin flopped on to his side making it so his back was now facing Kristin. It wasn't that he was mad at her but just mad in general because it wasn't fair. 'It's not fair...Why did it have to happen to Brian?' he thought and tears sprung to his eyes.
"It's going to be ok Kevy." Kristin's voice soothed as she sat stroking his hair. He didn't remember her sitting and taking his head onto her lap but some time she had. "I'm not going to tell you to stop crying because I know you need to do this...I'm just so sorry that it even happened." With that he turned back to face her and wrapped his arms around her, letting himself sob on her.
"Nicky where are you going?" AJ called as he spotted Nick leaving the hotel. "Nicky..."
"QUIT! Stop calling me Nicky...My name is Nick."
"Nick, where are you going?"
"Oh I'm sorry, they seem to have forgotten to inform me that you became my dad." Nick spat sarcastically.
"I was just asking man. I am worried about you."
"I'm going and I'm an adult! Grown up...I can take care of myself." He huffed as he jumped into the cab waiting for him.
"Where to go?" the cab driver asked and Nick groaned knowing this guy's English probably wasn't the greatest.
"Just find me a good club or bar."
"Ok...I find you one." he smiled and turned up the radio a little more.
"Yes we're in the 50 minute continuous music hour and this next one is from everyone here at Kiss 106.1 dedicated to Brian Thomas Littrell...Rest In Peace. We already miss you deeply." one of the radio DJs said as they started "Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely".
"Fuck..." Nick cussed as he rubbed his eyes to fight back the tears.
"Sorry sir...they has a lot of traffic here."
"It's alright...Would you mind changing the radio station please?"
"Sure...No problem." he said as he clicked it to something else.
"How do I say good bye to what we had? The good times that made us laugh out weigh the bad. I thought we dared to see forever but forevers gone away. It's so hard to say good bye to yesterday. I don't know where this road is going to lead. All I know is where we been and what we been through. If we get to see tomorrow. I hope it's worth all the wait. It's so hard to say good bye to yesterday. And I'll take with me the memories to be my sunshine after the rain. It's so hard to say good bye to yesterday. And I'll take with me the memory to be my sunshine after the rain. It's so hard to say good bye to yesterday." the radio crooned. 'Bri I miss you so much man...You were supposed to be here. I can't do this alone!!' Nick thought sadly as he listened to the song. It was perfect for what he had been through. He was having to say good bye to his best friend and the group had to see if they could say good bye and look to a new day...But who wanted to think about that right now? Definitely not Nick.
"Can you just turn the radio off please?" Nick begged.
"Sure...You no like music?"
"No I don't..." he said not wanting to talk to this guy. Nick loved music just not when it was bringing up so many painful memories with Brian. He looked out the window as he heard some funny noises that almost sounded like singing. 'Oh my lord...' he thought as he gazed at the large group that had gathered in the front of a record store with candles and posters proclaiming their love for the departed Backstreet boy, Brian. Nick looked around at the signs and the tears they all shed together. That was just it for him. "Frick...Oh god man I Miss you." he said aloud without even thinking.
"You ok sir?"
"Yeah...could you um take me back to the hotel please? I promise I'll give a good tip to make this worth it..."
"Yeah...no problem." he said as he turned around and made his way back to the hotel. When they finally got back Nick did just as he promised by paying the driver double what he was charged. He ran up to Kevin's room hoping he'd be able to get the guys together again like they had been last night.
"Kev!!" Nick called as he started knocking on the door. The door was quickly yanked open to reveal Howie, AJ and Kevin looking at him worriedly.
"Oh thank god!!!" Kevin cried as he threw his arms around Nick. "Oh thank you god..." he mumbled and Nick felt his shirt getting wet so he knew Kevin was crying.
"What's wrong Kev??" he asked worried about the reaction he'd received and feared they were going to tell him more bad news.
"Baby, I have to talk to you..."Kevin said softly on the phone.
"Ok...well then Kevin talk...I know you can talk faster..."Nick teased.
"I can't do it over the phone. I need you to come out to my place. Pack a bag to bring with you..."
"What's going on Kev?"
"You are going to have to be here...I want to talk to you in person. Please Baby?"
"Yeah, yeah alright. I'll be there as soon as I can..."
"We were so worried about you...Aje said that you took off and we were afraid that you were going to get hurt." Nick didn't remember walking inside or sitting down on the edge of the bed with the guys surrounding him but there he was and there they were.
"I was actually trying to get away from everything but I saw this candle light vigil for him on the way and all those people came together to heal...I want to be here with you guys..." He said firmly as he fought to keep his emotion under his control.
"That's right, we're going to do this together." AJ said wrapping his arm around Nick's shoulder. Kevin did the same on the other side and finally Howie joined making it a slightly smaller circle than they were used to but the support system was still there.
"I miss him..." Nick mumbled as he pushed the tears off his cheeks with the palm of his hand.
"We all do baby. We all do." Kevin said softly.
"We need to go talk to Jackie and Harold tomorrow..."
"No...I called her and told her we just couldn't do it. Aunt Jackie, Uncle Harold and Baker are fine. I mean they are handling the arrangements on their own with help from Leigh." Kevin said not wanting to face them just yet.
"I...I don't know what to do next...Kev I never told him I loved him...He was my brother but I wanted him to know...I love him like family." Nick said drawing in a deep.
"He knew baby...He knew. And he loved you too. He used to worry about you more than me at times. You two always took good care of each other."
"I need out..." Nick said feeling suffocated. "I know I said I wanted to do this together but it's too hard..."
"No Nicky, you probably need some time alone. But please, please, please stay in the Hotel. I don't think I could stand to lose another one of you guys." Kevin pleaded as he stood up, breaking the circle.
"I'll stay in...I promise." Nick said evenly as he got up and walked out of the room.
"Whatever happened to the rule that you should never have to bury your children?" Jackie sobbed as soon as the man to help them make funeral arrangements left.
"There is no rule...It's just a hope Mom." Baker said softly.
"But he overcame so much and to just...It could have been stopped." she said and sobbed harder.
"I wish I had done something...It wouldn't have happened if I had made him go to the doctor..." Leighanne sighed heavily.
"Bri, are you sure you shouldn't be going to the doctor? I'm really starting to worry about you baby." Leighanne said to her husband who was once again 'taking a break' with complaints of 'heart burn' as he called it.
"I'm fine Leigh. Really I am. It's just I think you might have had a little too much onion in that chili and it's coming back to get me..." he laughed easily.
"You had better not be insulting my cooking Mr. Littrell..." she said trying to sound angry with a huge smile on her face.
"I would never Mrs. Littrell." he said giving his best innocent look.
"Good and if you don't feel better tomorrow I am taking you to the doctor."
"But Leigh..."
"But Leigh nothing Brian! I do not want you continuing to go around being this sick! It's not like we don't have enough money for you to see a doctor."
"Ok ok. Calm down Leigh. I'll be fine but if it's not gone by tomorrow, I swear I will let you take me to the doctor, ok?"
"Ok. I have your promise now...this better not be like that surgery because I don't want to have to threaten you like that again!"
"Neither do I baby." he said remembering when she had given him the ultimatum of 'get this done now or lose me.' He obviously chose the surgery over losing her.
"I know Leigh...But we can't change things. Brian wouldn't want you to feel bad or think that this was your fault at all." Harold reasoned knowing that his son loved Leighanne very deeply and would hate for her to carry the burden of his death.
"Hey Kev..."
"Nick?" he asked groggily.
"Oh...I'm sorry I woke you up...I'll just talk to you later." he apologized getting ready to hang up.
"No...wait now. What's going on?"
"I just wanted to see if you could come over here to talk...I..."
"I'll be there in like five seconds, just sit tight Nicky." he said and hung up the phone without even waiting for Nick to answer. Seconds later Kevin was at Nick's door just as he promised he would.
"You really didn't have to..." Nick started when he opened the door.
"Are you ok Nick?"
"Yeah I'm fine I was just...I don't know what I was doing."
"Well you said you wanted to talk...so let's talk." Kevin said as he walked into the room with Nick following behind him. Kevin plopped on the couch and Nick sat on a chair facing it. "Are you sure you are ok Nick?"
"I just wanted to talk to you without the other guys around...I just feel more comfortable talking about Bri with you..." he said uneasily.
"Listen Baby I know this is hard on you...it's hard on all of us."
"But Kev...I really meant it when I said I couldn't stay in the group anymore, I just can't. I don't know what exactly you three are thinking but I really don't want to disappoint you either..."
"Let's not talk about that right now Baby. Right now let's just focus on trying to get through the next couple of weeks." Kevin said gently.
"Kev...What am I going to do?"
"You're going to give yourself time to heal, just like the rest of us. Then you're going to pick up the pieces and move on with your life."
"I don't know if I can that do ...Why can't he just be here? He didn't do anything!! I wish it was me instead." Nick sniffled as he roughly wiped the tears away with his arm.
"No, don't even think that Baby. You know life doesn't work that way. When my dad died I wish for so many things, I wished it had been me instead, I wished it could have been someone else and I even wished that I could have gone with him. But I couldn't...nothing could be changed. Just had to learn to accept and cope. You and the rest of us are going to have to do the same thing with Bri."
"I'm sorry Kev..." Nick said so softly that Kevin almost didn't hear him.
"For what?"
"Bri was your cousin, I should be comforting you. But instead you are once again forced to handle all my shit."
"Sh...Baby listen to me. You are doing just fine. Don't worry about me. I will worry about me. As much as you may think you are just helping your self by confiding in me, it's not true. I'm glad you chose to turn to me. I know you loved Bri just as much as I did, So you're helping me by spending time with me." Kevin said gently as he took Nick into his warm embrace.
"I miss him Kev...I don't think I can get past the fact that he is never coming back." Nick choked as the tears began to come faster and tiny whimpers and cries escaped him every once in a while. Through is all Kevin stood hugging him, while the tears flowed freely from both of the men.
"Leigh?? Brian shouted clutching his chest. "LEIGH!!!" he cried out in pain.
"Bri?? What's wrong??" she asked frantically as she led him to the couch to sit him down.
"I think it's time to go see that doctor." he mumbled.
"Oh my gawd...I'm calling 911. Stay there...Oh my gawd." she cried as she rushed to the telephone. She dialed as quick as she could her eyes hardly leaving her husband. It took about 20 minutes for the ambulance to finally show up and by the time they got there Brian was in major pain and all Leighanne could do was hold his hand and pray. There was just enough room in the ambulance for her to ride over with them in the front seat. All the way over she prayed that he would be all right and that maybe he was just feeling some extreme heartburn but in her heart she knew it was much bigger than that. As soon as they made it to the hospital Brian was rushed in and immediately tended to. Leighanne sobbed as she sat in the sterile little waiting room with only one other person who had fallen asleep in his chair.
"Leighanne Littrell?" The doctors called as they walked into the room.
"Yes...yes that's me...What's happening? How is he?" she asked frantically as she jumped out of her seat and rushed over to them.
"Why don't you have a seat Mrs. Littrell?" he asked pointing at one of the chairs. His expression was somber and he looked at her like he knew she wasn't going to want to hear his news. Obediently she sat down and watched them.
"We're very sorry Mrs. Littrell...Brian just couldn't take anything more. His heart was back to extremely over-size but it was about 3 times as bad. We tried any emergency operation but his heart was just not able to handle everything at once. We tried our best Mrs. Littrell."
"Oh my gawd...No!" she sobbed not even wanting to comprehend the fact that Brian was gone because he just couldn't be. They had been married for almost 2 years and now he was gone.
Leighanne woke up in a cold sweat breathing hard and feeling disoriented she reached over to snuggle up next to Brian but found nothing. Instead she held the pillow tight wishing she could change the past couple of weeks, wishing that Brian were still alive. That night as impossible as sleep seemed she finally cried her self to sleep.
"Hello?"
"Are you on your way yet?" Kevin's bass voice asked.
"Yeah, yeah I'm just about there. Why can't you tell me what's going on man?"
"I just really need to talk to you about this in person. Just trust me please baby?"
"What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing Baby. Just get here. And if you get bored put in a CD. Don't listen to the radio..."
"What? Why not the radio?"
"Just please baby don't listen to it. Just listen to your CDs. Ok?" he pleaded and paused to give Nick plenty of time to agree. "Nick? Promise me please?"
"Alright, alright. I promise you I won't listen to the radio. But if you think that's some kind of distraction, a phone is a hell of a lot more distracting than the radio. And CDs are just like the radio." he argued being stubborn for no real reason.
"I know...Just...You promised, so just don't. I am going to let you go for now. When do you think you'll be here?"
"Well I should be there in like 40 minutes but if I gun it I can make it in like 25."
"NO! Don't gun anything Nick!! You go the speed limit and I'll see you here in 40 minutes." Kevin ordered just as Nick expected him to, but still following tradition Nick wasn't exactly going to listen to that.
"Ok, see you later Kev." Nick said as he hung up the phone. 30 minutes later he was at Kevin's front door and began to feel extremely nervous. Kevin had never called him up without giving him a reason and he still couldn't think of any. Slowly he made his way up the walk and knocked on the door. When the door opened the sight he found was a complete shock because there stood Kevin messy hair, puffy, red eyes, and he looked like he hadn't slept well.
"Come on in and have a seat." he said welcoming Nick inside. Cautiously Nick took a seat on the couch and saw that AJ and Howie were there as well.
"What's going on??"
"I don't know how exactly I can tell you this Baby...Brian uh has been having some trouble with his heart and..."
"He has to have another surgery?? What went wrong? Is it going to be another open-heart thing? Is it dangerous???" Nick asked his questions like rapid fire and gave no one a chance to answer any.
"No baby, no. Not this time. He was taken in to the hospital from extreme chest pains and they discovered his heart was enlarged again but worse. They performed emergency surgery that night."
"Oh...So now we're all going to see him? Let's go. We can swing by and pick up some flowers or something..." he rambled as he got up and started for the door.
"No baby, he is gone. Brian didn't make It." he said softly as he gently stopped Nick by holding his arm.
"No, Kev. Quit it. Brian is just at the hospital...He was probably just knocked out when you saw him..." Nick argued knowing he was wrong but he didn't want to hear that. The tears had already begun to well up in his eyes and threaten to spill out if he so much as blinked.
"Brian is gone baby. I'm sorry...I...that's why I had to tell you in person. I'm sorry."
"But...No...He can't be Kev...He just...NO!!!" Nick wailed as he sank to the ground huge sobs shaking his entire body as he breathed quickly almost as if he just couldn't get enough air to fill his lungs.
"AJ get some water!!! Howie get me a paper bag!!!" Kristin ordered as she walked into the room and found Nick on the ground sobbing and Kevin attempting to comfort him. There wouldn't be too much of a problem with the scene had Nick hyperventilating hadn't been a factor. As soon as Howie and AJ brought the items she had asked for she knelt down and said, "Nick, Hon you have to calm down some. Here breathe into this paper bag. Nice and slow..." Nick did just as he was told and his breathing slowed down to almost normal. "Ok here drink some water and keep breathing nice and slow."
"It's true isn't it Kev? He is really gone?" Nick asked looking up to Kevin.
"I'm sorry baby..." he feeling a stabbing pain looking down at Nick. It was almost like when he was 12 again, looking up to Kevin to fix everything or at least tell him what he wanted to hear.
Nick woke up in his bed still clearly remembering the dream. All of the things he'd rather forget. That was easily the worst day of his life. He always had assumed it would be the day Brian got his surgery. Never had he predicted it would be the day he found out Brian was dead. There was no way he'd be able to sleep again after that so he grabbed a blanket and walked out to his balcony to sit. 'I hope Brian knows I love him like a brother.' he thought as he plopped onto one of the chairs out side and after a while fell asleep.
Since Brian was a small town kind of guy with a small town kind of family, that was just how he went out. His family kept the funeral very private and personal. Only close friends and family were admitted into the church. Nick stood uncomfortably outside the room, looking in at all the people gathered to say their final good byes to a dear friend or to some a family member. For Nick it was deeper than that. Brian had been 1/4 of the people that he spent most of his teen-age years with and was the closest of the four.
"Come on Baby we've got to go in now." Kevin said softly as he wrapped his arm around Nick's shoulder. Soon after the service started and Nick's mind was flooded with memories.
"Go B-rok, Go B-rok! Uh, It's your Birthday! Go B-rok!!" Fatima called encouraging Brian who was doing the best as she watched the guys practice for the "As Long As You Love Me" video shoot.
"B-Rok, you may be rocking the dance steps today but buddy what's with this outfit?" Nick teased as soon as they got a break and walked outside for some fresh air.
"Look at you!!! You're real tall now!!" Brian joked about Nick's hair as he jumped up to touch the top of it. "You look like you just stuck your finger in the light socket!!" he laughed.
"Baby, you ready?" Kevin asked shaking his gently.
"Ready? For what?" Nick asked frowning at the sudden departure from his daydream.
"To give your speech..."
"Uh yeah...I'm ready." he said nervously as he made his way up to the podium. He quickly scanned the room and saw that he knew most of the people there. "Well I never expected to do this...at least not after Brian's surgery. It's not that I expected him to live forever but I thought we'd be at least old and grey. He has always been my big brother. We did everything together and most was just getting in trouble with Kev..." he tried to laugh but it came out as more of a squawk than a laugh. "He was just always there for me and stood up for me when no body else would. You just can't get much closer than Bri and I were. I know he is in heaven looking down at us now but I wish he could come back because life will never be the same without my big brother and best friend there to do everything with." he said and could no longer fight back the tears that had welled up in his eyes. They spilled down his cheeks in streams and he looked down briefly before his gaze settled back on the crowd in front of him. "Rest in Peace Frick...I will always and forever respect, honor, miss and love you deeply." he said wiping away his tears as he looked back at Brian's casket where he lay pale and lifeless. 'I wish you were just asleep Bri...' he thought as he took out two beanies hats that he had been holding and carefully placed them in the casket with Brian. They had gotten them from fans and absolutely loved them because they said 'Frick' and 'Frack' across the top. 'Please god, take care of Brian...I know you will because he was a really good guy...But just for me, please take extra good care of him just like he always did for me.' Nick silently prayed before stepping away from the casket and back to his seat.
"I'm going home, I'll see you guys later." Nick called as he peeked into Kevin's room where the rest of the guys were trying to figure out what they were going to do next.
"Don't forget Nicky, that we've got that meeting in Orlando in a week."
"I won't. Bye." He said as he turned and left. He packed light enough that he just took his bags himself. He hopped into the elevator and sighed not wanting to believe that he had come to Kentucky to bury his best friend. As soon as the elevator reached the bottom he picked up his bags and waited for the doors to open but the sight he saw was not welcome at all. There were tons of reporters all over the place. Some had video cameras, other photography and some just notebooks. Without even giving it a second thought he dropped his bags and frantically pushed the button to go back up. As soon as he got back up to the floor that he and the rest of the guys were staying in he ran directly to Kevin's room. He began knocking on the door and without waiting more than about 5 seconds started pounding as if all the reporters were chasing him who had luckily not seen him.
"Who is it?"
"It's me Kev...Let me in!"
"What's wrong baby?" Kevin asked as he swung the door open.
"The lobby is filled with reporters..."
"Ok well, we're going to do this now...Come on in Nick. We're going to have an emergency meeting with just us guys."
"Nick, you're back??" AJ frowned wondering what had brought him back so fast.
"Nick said there's press all over downstairs. We need to have this meeting now that Nick is here."
"What meeting?"
"We need to decide..."
"Now??"
"Baby it's better than doing it when all the record company people are around. We need to each figure out how we're feeling."
"I'll do whatever the rest of you do..." Howie said not sure of what he'd pick if he had to chose on his own.
"I guess I'll just do what you two do also..." AJ said looking to Kevin and Nick.
"Well I think maybe if we took a break that I could come back...but I could just stay gone just as easily...So baby this is on you. You will not, I repeat not disappoint any of us if you want to leave. Whatever happens today there will be no hard feelings Right Aje?"
"Right...No hard feelings what so ever Nicky. You'll always be my brother no matter what."
"Right Howie?"
"Of course. I love ya Nicky, so no matter what you chose I'm still here for you."
"Same here Baby. We'll all be fine. AJ can go do Johnny No-name or whatever...Howie's got Tabu and his condos and I've got time to start a family and work at JWR...So what do you want to do baby?"
"I don't know..." he mumbled looking around at the three men whose futures depended on his one answer. He knew he never wanted to go back on the road again without Brian but knew that it was in the best interest for the rest of the guys if he were to say they should stay. "Can I sleep on this?"
"Alright...Please try to let us know by tomorrow ok Baby?" Kevin asked gently and Nick nodded.
"See you tomorrow Nicky." Howie called as Nick walked out of the room.
"Nick, Nick! Nick!!" a voice called shaking him.
"What? Huh?"
"Wake up..."
"Frick??" Nick called shooting up out of bed.
"Yeah...Listen I'm sorry."
"FRICK!!!!" Nick exclaimed hugging him. "Oh thank god...Oh thank you lord!!!"
"Frack, I can't stay long..."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I just have to talk to you a little. I know you are real confused right now, so I am here to help you."
"Oh...Ok. Well good!"
"You are feeling a lot of pressure from the guys about if the group should break up or stay together huh?"
"Yeah..."
"Well I'm here to help you."
"How?" Nick asked as he frowned at Brian in confusion.
"We're going to weigh..." he said holding out his hand where a scale with one side labeled 'Stay' and the other 'Leave' appeared. "Your options." he finished with a smile.
"Ok but how?"
"Simple...Think of reasons to stay with the group and reasons to leave. And for each I'll place a skittle on that side of the scale."
"Ok...I guess if this works..."
"It will, trust me. So what's a reason you'd ever want to leave your dream behind?"
"Because you're not there anymore. How could I go back?"
"Alright...reason to stick with your dreams?" he said as he dropped a skittle to the side of leave.
"I don't know. I know it's be in the best interest of the rest of the fellas if I stayed..."
"Err...Wrong Frack. Let me rephrase my question. What's a reason that is made purely for you?"
"I guess because it's always been what I love...It's almost all I've ever known."
"Ok...Now go free for all and give me reason for either side." he said as another skittle was dropped but this time into the 'Stay' side.
"Well staying might keep us all closer so I know that your memory is never forgotten..."
Kurplunk into the 'Stay' side. "Ok good...Anything else...?"
"I have no idea what I'd do if I wasn't in Backstreet..."
"See Nick..."
"See what?"
"You should stay. I'm not really supposed to be telling you what to do but you have to see. You need the group. If you don't you guys will lose contact and I know you are all better because you have each other in your lives...Don't give that up."
"I know you are right but I am so depressed that I don't want to have to be the smiley happy popstar Nick Carter that can't have a bad day by law."
"You need a break like Kev was saying..." he paused. "Besides you have your days...TRUST ME...I've lived through some..." he laughed but Nick just looked at him sadly.
"Yeah lived...Past tense...You aren't going to live through anymore..."
"Aw come on Frack...You know I love you like a brother...I don't want you crying over me..."
"I can't help it Bri...I just miss you so much. I can't stand the thought that you are gone...It's not fair!!"
"I know...Nick, don't you think I know that? I thought I had a life ahead of me...I was coming up on my 2nd anniversary and Backstreet was doing well and I felt pretty good...I didn't expect it either."
"You are mad about it too?" Nick gasped looking at Brian.
"I feel a little cheated, yeah. But I know that this is God's big plan so there must be a reason for it. Right?"
"Right..."
"Anyway Nick...I miss you tons and I really love you like a brother. I'd have you tell the rest of the guys 'hi' but knowing Kev, he'd have you checked into a mental clinic." he laughed easily and Nick noticed something. Brian seemed to glow, his whole body but not like the bright phony glow some shows used to represent Angels. He was just a glowing but normal looking person.
"I miss you too Bri...I'll see you when I get there..." he said as he hugged Brian tight.
"I'll be the first one to welcome you as soon as you walk through those gates in like 80 years. You live a long healthy life Frack. Good Bye and God bless you."
"Good bye Bri..." he whispered as Brian disappeared.
As soon as Nick had woke up he realized it was the perfect time for a meeting. He had slept through the night and all he dreamed was his one dream with Brian then he woke up. It was 10 A.M. so he called up all the guys and had them meet in his room which for once was clean because he had been planning to check out last night but got stuck. "I decided..."
"What'd you decide Nick?" AJ asked quickly.
"Yeah what's your choice Nicky?" Howie piped in.
"Let him talk yall...Go ahead and tell us your decision Baby."
"I really, really need a break."
"Ok...Well we're going to have to call the record company and tell them...Expect some lawsuits but we'll be alright..." Kevin said ready to fix any problems he could foresee.
"Let me finish Kev...I said I really need a break but I don't want to throw it all away. If we break up, we'll go our separate ways and probably rarely see each other. Bri wouldn't want that and I don't want that. I just want some time off to cope with everything."
"I'm glad Baby. That means since we recorded the album during the last tour we'll just tell the fans we're working on the new album..."
"No Kev...Just tell them we're taking a break. I want to release the album with Bri's vocals on it. If we tell them that we're recording now, we would have to cut out Brian. I want him in on this one more project."
"I agree..." AJ said as he looked at Nick.
"Me too." Howie seconded.
"You thought of something I didn't consider and I also agree with you Nick." he said looking at Nick just the same way the others had. All of them were confused because they never recalled Nick growing up but he just proved that he had. Just no body noticed.
"Thank you so much for coming out to our Concert. It is much appreciated after our little break. We're back but I'm not sure I could possibly say better than ever because we still feel the loss of Brian deeply. But we're going to try our very best." Howie said as he greeted the first audience they had since they took a break.
"Welcome to the world of Backstreet and I hope you enjoy the show." AJ grinned, taking on his stage personality right away. "And all the fine ladies...My wife is NOT in town..." he cackled his famous cackle before the spotlight moved onto Kevin.
"I have to agree with the other two clowns. Thank you for coming. We're glad to see so many people out for this show. It may be a little different since our group has been changed in many more ways than one but I promise you we will try to give you your money's worth."
"Well I'm last to greet yall. Thanks so much for coming out...It mean a ton to me personally because yall are still supporting us. And I totally loving all the posters and signs for Brian out there. We all miss Brian very much but I know he's up in heaven with our heavenly father watching down on us tonight so this will be a good show. I love you all and I especially love all my brothers, Aaron, Kevin, AJ, Howie, and most importantly Brian. Rest In Peace Man. We're going to perform "Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely" in honor of Brian and if any of yall got a lighter...Hold it up and wave it from side to side." Nick said just before the music started. The crowd's response was amazing there were hundreds of people holding up their lighters in memory of Brian Thomas Littrell.
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