Written from Bronwen’s point of view. "Please Forgive Me" by Bryan Adams is featured in this part.
He scanned the pews and eventually his eyes fell upon me, and I smiled warmly at him. He gave me a quick wink and then went back to his story telling as the last few guests filled the seats. I couldn't pay attention to the ceremony. My mind wandered and thoughts flew in and out. I had been thinking a lot lately, and sometimes that is dangerous. I had plans now though, and was going to follow through with them. I knew I couldn't live like this, in false hope. I was hurting myself too much.
After the service I congratulated JC and Debbie and drove my car to where they were holding the reception.
"I finally have a date!" Joey laughed as I walked into the hotel lobby.
"You didn't have to wait for me," I said, as helped me take off my coat.
"I couldn't go in all alone," he snickered.
"Well let's have some fun then!" I smiled, grabbing his arm.
We walked into the ballroom, and it was gorgeous. Music was playing and everyone was mingling. We spotted the guys table and walked over. "You look beautiful by the way," Joey whispered against my ear as I took a seat. *************
The night went by fast. It was full of speeches, food, dancing, and fun. Joe had even caught Deb's garter, I refused to even try for the bouquet. It was coming close to one in the morning and I figured it was about time for me to leave. I had an early day. I shuffled my way through people on the dance floor to say good bye to Joe. The music that was playing died out and another song began as I tapped his shoulder, "I gotta get going," I said, "But I need to talk to you first."
**"It still feels like our first night together
"Well then, you better dance," he answered slipping his arms around my waist. I swayed against his body in time to the music. I could almost feel the heat from the first time we danced. He was making it so hard, but I had to say it.
"Joe, I'm moving to New York."
"What, why, when?" he spurred out looking down at me.
**"So if you're feelin' lonely ... don't
I pulled him closer, not able to look into his eyes. I rested my chin on his shoulder and began to explain. "I can't find a job here, Joe I tried, but it's not working... I need something better. I've gotten a couple of offers from New York, they like my stuff."
"So you've been planning this for a while?" he asked.
"Well, sorta, I sent some pictures up there about a couple months ago. It was just in case I couldn't find anything here," I answered.
"And you didn't tell me? What about your job now, with that magazine, I thought you liked that?"
"I do sort of, but what New York has is better, I still have two or three places to choose from, but that's where I'm going," I said, now resting my temple on his shoulder.
**"Please forgive me - i know not what i do
"And when?" he asked, sounding a bit hurt.
"Tomorrow," I choked as a tear slid uncontrollably down my cheek.
He pulled back slightly to look at me, "Tomorrow? And you never said anything to me."
I again buried my face into his shoulder, "I have a few things to check out first, but if I like it, I'm just going to have the rest of my stuff shipped up to me."
"This isn't just the job thing is it?" he asked.
**"Still feels like our best times are together
"I can't do it Joe," I should have known he wouldn't buy that angle, "I can't just be your friend."
"I thought you understood, I thought you were ok with it?" he pleaded.
"I thought I was, but I can't. I know we can't be the way we were... because I know you can't forgive me in that way, and I wish you could, but I know you can't." Tears were flowing down my cheeks, though I wasn't hysterical.
**"So if you're feeling lonely... don't
"Well, if you see that, then why can't we be friends?" He asked, not understanding as we continued to dance. I was hoping the song would never end.
"I can't do this Joe," I tried to tell him how I felt. "I can't watch you date, and I can't watch you find the girl of your dreams, I can't watch you fall in love, and I sure as hell can't do this," I sobbed. "I can't watch you get married."
**"Please forgive me - i know not what i do
"But I love you," he spoke softly, into my hair.
"I know," I said wiping moisture from my face, "And I love you, but it's not the same, you don't love me that way I need you to, and I know you can't."
"Isn't there something we can do, I mean can't we be friends at all?" he begged.
"It's too hard. Just being near you is too much for me, it brings back too many memories... of things I can't have anymore," I answered honestly. "I need a clean break, to be able to move on, and I can't do that if I'm holding onto a hope for something that's never going to happen."
"What's never going to happen?"
"Your forgiveness," I explained, "I mean I know I have most of it, but that part that stops us from being together is still there."
**"One thing i'm sure of - is the way we make love
"So I guess this is good-bye?" Joey asked half heartedly.
"Mmm," I mumbled into his chest, praying that the song was longer, but I knew I had to go, now.
"I'm going to miss you, you know."
"I'm going to miss you too, and I will always love you, you will always be my first love," I said.
"Me too," he added as I pulled away slightly.
"I love you," I whispered pressing my lips gently against his, as I let a tear hit the top of his lips.
"Good-bye," he mouthed as I walked away, leaving him on the dance floor.
**"Please forgive me - i know not what i do
I walked into the sanctuary and took my seat on the grooms side. I was early. I was nervous, and for no apparent reason. I smoothed the satin of my dress as I sat down. I was overdressed and looked more like a member of the wedding party or like I was going to a prom. I did not look like a guest. I was uncomfortable, but they told me it was a very dressy wedding. My hair was down, pulled up the sides. It was better than having it all up, that would have been too fancy. Guests started pouring in as I sat, trying not to stare at people. The groomsmen came in. I watched Joey walk in laughing at Chris' side. His face was lit up, looking more amazing in that tux then I could remember. I had gone to proper events with him, and seen him in Lauren's wedding. But today, today he looked beautiful.
Feels like the first kiss and it's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
I'm still holdin' on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met - it's the same feelin' i get
Only feels much stronger - i wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on..."**
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than i should..."**
Please forgive me - i can't stop lovin' you
don't deny me - this pain i'm going through
Please forgive me - if i need ya like i do
Please believe me - every word i say is true
Please forgive me - i can't stop lovin' you"**
Feels like the first touch
We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough
I'm still holdin' on - you're still number one
I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves - i remember you
I remember the nights - ya know i still do"**
You're the only one i'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than i should"**
Please forgive me - i can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me - this pain i'm going through
Please forgive me - if i need ya like i do
Please believe me - every word i say is true
Please forgive me - i can't stop lovin' you"**
And the one thing i depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath i'm prayin'
That's why i'm sayin'..."**
Please forgive me - i can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me - this pain i'm going through
Please forgive me - if i need ya like i do
Never leave me - i don't know what i'd do
Please forgive me - i can't stop lovin' you"**