Jesus Swims at 2004 Olympics

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.


Dear Desperate,

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run these applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot food 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.

Tech Support

Mothers cannot do it all
But surely do they try.

Mothers hear the angel's call,
To comfort all who cry.

Mothers for themselves may fall,
For others they will fly.

Mother's bear the weight of all,
For their children, they would die.

A Mother's gift extends beyond
All bounds of time and space.

Her lovingness and nurturing
Make Earth a peaceful place.

Below is a list of the best moms in the world!

The Donkey Story

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.  The animal cried
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well..

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.  A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw.  As every shovel of dirt hit his back, the donkey did something amazing.  He would shake it off and take a step up.  As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed, as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.

The Moral:

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.  Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.  We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!  Shake it off and take a step up.
 

Current Homeland Security Advisory!