"…and I just wanted to say I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for everything.  Col, I know I've hurt you so many times in the past.  But no matter what, you're my best friend.  I'm so sorry."

I had been listening to Sophia apologize for about an hour.  I forgave her awhile ago, but she still felt it was necessary to keep apologizing.

"Sophia, don't worry about it.  You were drunk, and people do stupid things when they're under the influence of alcohol.  So, please, stop saying you're sorry," I pleaded.

"Alright.  Listen, I gotta go.  AJ's taking me out to dinner tonight.  I'm just glad we're friends again," she replied.

"Well, I'm just glad you and AJ are ok."

"I wish I could say the same for you and Brian.  Is he that mad at you?" she asked.

"Yeah.  He has a right to be, I guess.  I shouldn't have slept with Nick.  God, that was so stupid of me.  Now they're both angry with me, and I'm left feeling guilty about it," I mumbled, tears beginning to form in the corners of my eyes.

"Sweetie, everything will be fine.  Those two adore you, and you know that," she said, gently.

"I'm really not worth their adoration, Sophia," I cried.

"Yeah, you are.  Call me later ok?"

"Alright, have fun with AJ.  Bye," I said, hanging up the phone.

Ring, Ring…

The loud ring of the doorbell made me jump.  I quickly wiped my tears away, and swung open the door.  It was Brian.

"Brian… hi…"

"Hey.  Can I come in?" he asked, after he had been standing outside for a few minutes.

"Oh, of course," I replied, moving aside to let him in.

"Listen Col, I'm gonna get right to the point.  Nick sent me over here," he blurted out, running his hand through his hair.

"Why?" I questioned.  Why would Nick send him over here?

"He had this whole plan.  He wanted me to come over here and try to get you in bed.  I know it's crazy, but he thought that would be the answer he's been looking for…"

"What answer?"

"He figured if you slept with me, you didn't love him or something.  And if you didn't sleep with me, you loved him," he continued, "I told him that wouldn't prove anything, but he sent me over here all the same."

"Is that what you came here to tell me Brian?"

"Yeah.  I'm gonna go now," he murmured, turning to leave.

"Brian, wait."  I grabbed for his arm, but he pulled it away forcefully.

"Don't," he shot back.

"Don't what?"

"Don't bother.  I've had enough."  His blue eyes were staring into mine, and I couldn't read them.  I had always known him well enough to tell what he was thinking, just by looking at his eyes.  But now, as he stood there in front of me, his thoughts were a mystery… a mystery that I would probably never solve.

He turned again, this time, reaching for the doorknob. 

"Don't walk away from me Brian.  If you have any interest in saving what's left of our friendship, you won't walk through that door," I cried.

He whirled around to face me once again, his eyes fixed on the floor. 

"There was a time when I thought what we had was powerful enough to defeat anything in its' path," he started, "But it's different now.  We've both hurt each other way too much, to ever think of going back to what we used to share."  His voice was now lowered to a whisper. 

"Brian, please.  Don't just close the door on what we have.  You're my best friend," I shouted, my tears beginning to fall yet again.

"Yeah, you were my best friend, Col.  But there are some things that have to be put away.  There are some things that have to be forgotten, before any more damage is done," he said, his eyes beginning to water.  I knew he didn't want to end our friendship… but there he was, standing in front of me, saying all the things I hoped he would never have to say.

He took a deep breath, and continued, "You'll always have that little section of my heart, no matter what.  You were the first girl I ever loved… the first girl I ever trusted.  And I thank God all the time for giving me such an amazing experience.  I think of life as a book.  A book with millions of chapters.  As we go through life, the chapters are torn out of the book, and put in a special place.  The chapters torn out are called memories.  The special place they're put in is the heart.  You took up 14 years of my life, and tons of chapters of my book.  And let me tell you Col, I don't regret anything… except for the fact that we hurt each other repeatedly."

I couldn't even speak.  I couldn't believe what he was saying to me.

"Brian, please, don't do this," I sobbed, "Don't let go."

"I'm so sorry Col," he mumbled, "I'm so sorry."

I slowly dropped myself down to the floor, throwing my head into my hands.  I wept uncontrollably, and he stood there.  Tears were streaming down his face as well.  Why was he doing this to me?  To us?

"I have to leave now, Colleen.  Because if I don't, I'll never be able to leave you like this," he whispered, giving me one last glance, before walking out the door… walking out of my life. 

I watched him get into his car, and slowly drive down the block.  I slammed the door with such force, that a ton of my glass ornaments had fallen to the floor.  I remember last time I had broken one of them.  I cried for hours because it had been a gift from my Grandmother.  And now about five more of them were broken, and I didn't care. 

When someone is sad, or depressed… you always get one person that comes up to you and says, "What's wrong?  You look like you've just lost your best friend."  I never thought I would have to answer that question with, "Well, I have." 

Brian's View 

I took the long way back to Nick's house.  I couldn't stop the constant flow of tears… that steady feeling of regret.  I wasn't sure if I had done the right thing.  I had just let go of the most important person in my life… the one I cared about the most in this world. 

"God, I need some help right now," I cried out, "How am I supposed to get by without her?  I know I was the one who made the decision, but how am I supposed to know if it was the right choice to make?"

I pulled up into Nick's driveway, and gradually made my way up to his front door.  He flung open the door before I had the chance to knock.

"Yes!  She didn't sleep with you, did she?" he shouted, excitedly.

I shook my head 'no' and pushed him aside, letting myself in. 

"Brian?  Man, what's wrong?" he asked, lowering his voice a little, "You look like you've been crying or something."

I ignored his question, and went to sit down on the couch.  I laid my head in my hands, and sobbed. 

"B, tell me what's wrong, please," he begged, coming to sit down next to me.  Nick is terrible with people who cry… he just can't handle it.

"What did she do to you Brian?"

"She didn't do anything," I finally said, "It's what I did to her."

"Which is…?"

"I had to let her go, Nick.  I had to," I whispered, my lips trembling.

"What?  What are you talking about?" he questioned, motioning for me to continue.

"I ended what was left of our friendship," I stammered.

"You what?  Why?" he asked, a look of disbelief on his face.

"Look at us, Nick.  We've all fallen apart… all of us." 

"Yeah, but we can put ourselves back together," he replied.

I shook my head sadly, "No, that's where you're wrong.  Not all things can be put back together by apologizing and moving on."

"So are you ending our friendship too?" he whispered, almost afraid of what my response would be, "I can't lose you, Brian.  You're not only my friend, or my fellow band-mate… but you're my brother."

"I only end things when I feel they can't be mended."

"And can we be mended, Brian?"

"I think so," I said, trying to slow down my constant flow of tears.

"Thank God," he sighed, "But how come you don't think you can fix things with Col?  I know you two better than anyone, and you guys can get through anything."

"That's what I thought too.  But some things aren't supposed to be fixed over and over again… after they've been broken over and over again." 

Nick's View

I continued to look at Brian skeptically.  He was making a huge mistake… I know it, and he sure as hell knows it. 

"Brian, I can't even begin to try and talk you out of this decision.  But can I at least give you my honest opinion on it?"

"Yeah…"

"I think you're making a mistake," I firmly stated.

"Well, I appreciate your opinion Nick."

"You and her have shared 14 years of friendship.  14 years!  Do you realize what a long time that is?  Do you realize what a big accomplishment that is?  We're gone for months at a time, and you two still managed to keep that strong bond alive," I shouted, trying to convince him that what he was doing was stupid.

"Nick, she'll have you.  You don't plan on ending your friendship with her, do you?"

"Of course not!" I shot back.

"Well then you can take over my position."

"She doesn't want me to take over your spot, Brian.  To her, you're irreplaceable."

"Listen, I don't wanna talk about this anymore.  I'm going home."  He jumped off of the couch and headed for the door, "I'll talk to you later… but not about Col."

"Please Brian, you're making a big--," I began.  But he was out the door before I had a chance to continue. 

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. 

I wonder how Colleen is dealing with this.  I picked up the phone and quickly dialed her number. 

1 ring… 2… 3… 4 rings…

I hung up the phone when her answering machine picked up.  She's definitely home, but she obviously doesn't want to pick up the phone.

I quickly grabbed my keys, and ran out to my car.  All I wanted to do was see if she was alright, and hold her for a little while.  If I was really supposed to take over Brian's position… now was the time to start.