General Fun
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A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says, "No problem, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em." |
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Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they
always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on him. Then one day he fell in love. When
it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself "She is such a sweet girl. She will never
go for this kind of carrying on". So, he made the supreme sacrifice and he gave up beans. They were married shortly thereafter. Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work, and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that since he had several miles to walkhome, he would be late. On the way, he passed a small cafe and the odor of freshly baked beans was overwhelming. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured that any ill effects would wear off by the time he got home. So, he stopped and had three large orders of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted, but by the time he arrived, he felt reasonably safe. His wife seemed somewhat agitated and exclaimed "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight". Then she blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. He seated himself, and as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She made him vow not to remove the blindfold until she returned and ran off to answer to phone. Seizing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud but also rotten as ripe eggs. He took the napkin from his lap and fanned the air vigorously around him. Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge, so he let go again. While keeping his ear to the conversation in the hallway, he went on like this for ten minutes until he knew the phone farewells indicated the end of his wife's conversation. He folded his napkin carefully in his lap and was the very picture of innocence when his wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked if he had peeked, which of course he had not, so she removed the blindfold to reveal... Twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a Surprise Birthday Party.... |
