Men & Women Jokes
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Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford, "Well, you've been such a good
guy and your invention---the assembly line for the automobile--- changed the world. As a reward, you
can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven." Ford thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself." The befeathered fellow at the Gate takes Ford to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God says, "Ah, yes." "Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in you invention: 1. there's too much front end protrusion 2. it chatters at high speeds 3. the rear end wobbles too much, and 4. the intake is placed too close to the exhaust." "Hmmm...." Replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Henry Ford, "but according to My Computer, more men are riding my invention than yours." |
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What's the difference between your penis and your pay check? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your pay check! |
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There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman One month later on this absolutely stunning deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following has occurred: One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois. The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman. The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. The Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Bulgarian woman and they started swimming. The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer, and how her relationship with her other is improving. But at least the taxes are low and it is not raining. The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey, but at least the English are not getting any. |
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Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. |
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Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? A. Money Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job? A. After five years your job will still suck. |
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One day a man was driving to work. That day there was a lot of traffic and he was late. In order to make
up for time he passed beside the cars and drove along merrily. To his dismay, he sees flashing lights
behind him. "Uh oh, the police", he says to himself. He expertly maneuvers in and out of traffic
attempting to lose the police vehicle. However, the police car efficiently pursues him, catches up to
him, and pulls him over. Move in closer as we listen in on the conversation. "Do you know you were going a bit fast?" says the officer. "Yes I do, and I am sorry," replies the motorist. "This is going to cost you. Unless you can give me a good reason why you were driving so fast and reckless," says the officer. "Well my wife left me last month for a police officer," replies the motorist. ";How does that have any bearing on why you were driving SO FAST!" states the officer. "Well, I thought the policeman was trying to return her!!!!!!!" replies the motorist. |
