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I wasn't born here; I am an immigrant to this country. Like most robots who can transform into vehicles, I set up a freelance delivery service. Urgent parcels that needed to be dispatched immediately, bulky furniture (bulky to you humans anyway), greeting cards, mobile phone and credit card bills, groceries from the supermarket that you can't be bothered to go down to, and even pizza. What you ordered, I sent it to you promptly. Even if you’d rather do without the bills.
Anyway over time I established Prime & Sons as the premier express delivery service. From a small scale family enterprise, Prime & Sons has now grown into an international corporation. And doesn't Autobots Inc. have a nice ring to it (though Rodimus wasn't exactly thrilled about the name change). Boy, are your rulers (do you call them rulers? I'm still not entirely comfortable with your lingo) proud of me. And I have three "Robot of the Year" awards on my mantelpiece to prove it.
However talented as I am, I still had to work hard for my success today. I remember candlelit nights spent learning English so that I could read road signs. Mugging for my basic and advanced theory in the lead-up to my driving test as I did not have a license in Cybertron either. The fact that I was practically "driving" myself on the road and hence had no need for a license either escaped your rulers' attention or was beyond their powers of comprehension. Anyway, law-abiding citizen that I am, I dutifully obtained the relevant papers, paid my taxes and Prime & Son was born.
Now that I have clout as a successful, self-made entrepreneur, your rulers want me to teach you lot how to transform into monkeys. And nimble ones at that. However I can think of a thousand better ways to serve you better instead of showing you how to hold a banana in one foot while peeling it with your hand. For instance, I can lower petrol prices, cut taxes, increase the speed limit and widen roads --- especially those leading to Seng Kang. Things that all of us need. The ERP gantries will be the first thing to go of course.
Waits for applause
Alas, there are more pressing concerns that require our immediate attention. Our military is still too inexperienced, and we need to increase spending further to improve our efficiency at hunting down disorientated robbers skulking around on our military island. And also to combat the Decepticon menace.
Megatron is bad. Megatron is evil. Megatron does not believe in free trade. The world needs to be rid of him. Perhaps my words are too moralistic, too black and white. But look at him! He transforms into a gun! He has an evil laugh! He has the squarest jaw there is! And I know, from my trusted aide Bumblebee and my son Rodimus Prime, that Megatron is working on a new weapon; a weapon that could destroy the world!
Some of you doubt the authenticity of my words. Some of you cynically think that I want to eliminate Megatron because he refuses to share Energon cubes with my Autobots. Apathetic citizens have questioned my judgment just because I transform into a container truck instead of a Formula One car. But I will not dignify them with a retort. Remember, I have a premier express delivery service to run!
Do you want to be ruled by a bunch of deranged Decepticons? No! Heaven forbid, what will you do when a Decepticon double-parks next to your car? I say the time now is ripe for an attack! Why? Because if we don’t attack now, Megatron will attack first. The war on Decepticons is the focal point of a War on Terror. Let's put monkey-transformation lessons on hold. Let's forget about admission criteria for University for the moment. Let's fight terror!
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