If I walked on water, my critics would say it is because I couldn't swim.


m u s i n g s ...
an alternate universe

August 29, 1999 Sunday
1540 hrs A Dream

Last night I dreamt of myself. I was an antelope, scurrying frantically through the densest of woods I had ever been in. An abyss-like quantity of darkness blanketed my surroundings, engulfing us whole.

An unfathomable impulse drove me forward. I checked to ensure that there wasn't a blindfold tied around my head. There wasn't. And yet I could not see. I was vaguely aware of my surroundings, but its intricacies eluded me.

The parched prodding branches of the unfeeling trees cut open my skin as I raced through the darkness, exposing my flesh and rendering it as vulnerable as my current state of emotions. But still I moved unflinchingly forward, in rhythm with my rapidly pounding heart. The trees were in such close proximity to one another, but each looked away at a different direction, as if ignoring the others' presence.

As I flew ahead blindly in the pitch darkness, I felt fear and doubt creep into my mind, wondering where this inexplicable chase was leading me, or if there was to be a destination at all. Such enervating demons drained the life out of me, and I felt myself wilting.

Eventually I spied a glimmer of light seeping through the coarse multitude of frowning barks ahead of me. I ventured forward, to where I expected to be the deepest part of these forbidding woods.

A vast space of lush greenery opened before me, and central to this opening lay a virgin pond shimmering with magnificence. Its radiance blinded me; yet this temporary lost of sight was markedly different from what I had experienced in the woods. It was as if I had been trapped in a strongbox all along and someone had come forward to unlock the gates to my freedom.

Immense with relief, I allowed myself to sink onto the ground in a weary heap, shedding the enforced show of strength and courage necessary to see me through the dark woods. As I remained spellbound by the reassuring essence that the pond radiated, taking it all in, I discovered an object lying at the bottom of the pond. I strained forward, marveling at the magic of it all. Then a rapturous smile broke on my dirt-ridden face and a warm drop of tear trickled down my sullen cheeks as I identified the thing at the bottom of the pond. It was your heart, and the holy radiance of this place was the essence of all that you stood for.

I bowed reverently forward to take a sip by the bank of your heart, knowing that the water that I tasted would keep me awake in spite of my weariness. I knew that the water that I drank was blessed by you; it

Accustomizes me to staying awake
In order to dream of you;
And helps me to escape from
The hunter in my dreams that is solitude.



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