editorial

Mark Bosnich, Manchester United's much-maligned former goalkeeper here. I've kept my dignity and remained silent on the turmoil enveloping Old Trafford so far, but I tell you, the way people have been pinpointing the sale of Jaap Stam as the root of all our--- sorry, THEIR--- recent problems shows a complete lack of respect. For anyone in the know will tell you that it is Fergie's foolish decision to release me, Australia's number one (used to be, anyway), that had set the rot in. I mean, just look at that buffon Fabien Barthez in goal now. Ok, so he has a famous girlfriend. BIG DEAL! So he can actually kick the ball straight unlike me. Straight at Thierry Henry that is, HA HA HA.

Hey why are you eyes rolling upwards like that? No, I'm telling you, my dear sir/madam, that I speak the truth. Remember two seasons ago when I arrived in a blitz of publicity to take over from old red nose himself, the great Peter Schmeichel? We retained our league championship AND captured the Intercontinental Cup thanks to my heroic efforts in goal! And I had to play consistently behind Gary Neville and David May too! It was utterly unfair the way Fergie bracketed me with the calamitous Taibi and statuesque Van der Gouw!

Anyway as John Lennon once eulogized so beautifully, I'll just "Let it Be", and not go crying to the press every fortnight like that druggie Stam is doing now. Speaking as Ryan Giggs' former teammate in the United youth team--- Gawd! We were so meant to play together! --- I'd offer Mickey Silvestre some sagely advice and shut his goldfish gob up before the United fans turn on him! They already have? Aye, but that was a long long time ago, innit? Just be very careful, Mickey, or you'll end up rotting in Chelsea reserves like me before you know it. Oh how I envy David May!

Whew that's my spleen vented then. Now let's see, what was I supposed to say again? "New entry in musings"? What's that supposed to mean? "Updates in A Story from the Bowl"? Hello? If you want to listen to stories then I'm your man, mate! "Someone taking a cross-faculty module in literature?" Yeah, whatever, blah blah. Gotta go now. I'm a very busy man, you know.

This column has been painted black in tribute to all the lucky black cats in the world. Meow!

P.S. That's not my foot above, so go away now and leave me alone, ok?