Anyway, being the consummate professional that I am, let me get my part of the deal over and done with first. Since the last editorial (which I found rather bland, I hasten to add), there have been three new entries in "A Story from the Bowl". I'm such a ruthless goalscoring machine that I often have to leave sentiment behind when I take to the field to annihilate my opponents; but even I must admit to being a trifle touched by some of the lines written. Hope it makes you stop and contemplate about your own life, much as I perplex my manager sometimes with the chances I miss.

Besides that, there have also been two new "Musing" entries. Being the ordinary common-folk that you readers are, allow me, the ultimate goalscoring machine Andy Cole, to let you in on something. Those illogical lines you find at the top of each musings page are actually quotes from my fellow professionals. For the full picture, follow the link at the bottom of the "Quotable Quotes" page. There, there, your feeble gratitude is unnecessary. Just make sure not to jeer the next time I miss an open goal. Hey, even ultimate goalscoring machines make the odd mistake sometimes.

(Thoughtful pause) And at other times as well...

I'd also like to comment briefly on the Quizlet survey you find in the form of a pop-out box on the cover page. Out of 17 votes, 7 chose "Musings" as their favorite section. I can relate to that, being an international world-class striker who gets lots of adoration myself. 4 readers picked "This pop-up box" as their favorite. I can relate to that too. I mean, who'd actually want to read the stuff put up here? Having said that, it's real clever of the webmaster to invite me here as a guest columnist. Just watch the ratings soar. What? The counter only reads up to the million mark? That's not good enough, mate. How will my adoring fans be able to read this column? Upgrade to a new counter!

Ahem... sorry for the digression there. It's like when I sometimes get distracted by the ball when I fire a shot at goal. Oops... just gave away my little secret there. Anyway, 3 readers chose "A Story from the Bowl" and 2 chose "Travels" as their favorites, with the odd reader picking "Poems". Whilst the webmaster is genuinely touched that there's someone out there who likes his poetry, I'm baffled by it. I mean, how could anyone possibly like stupid poems that rubbish me, the ultimate goalscoring machine, Andy Cole? Said reader probably clicked on the button by accident rather than intent. Either that, or he/she must be illiterate.

Whew. That's it over with then. Now, here are the reasons why I deserve to be England's number one striker in Euro'2000. What do you mean, I've run out of space...