Ally: "The real truth is I probably don't wanna be too happy....or content. Because...then what? I...I actually like the quest. The search. That's the fun. The...the more lost you are the more you have to look forward to. Whadda know, I'm...I'm having a great time and...and...I don't even know it."
Ally: "Men are like gum anyway. After you chew, they lose their flavor."
Ally: "Sometimes I'm more persuasive when I lack conviction."
Ally: "Well where does it say that women can't act like men sometimes? I saw a piece of cute meat and I said to myself 'You only live once. Be a man!' "
Ally: "I cannot believe the things that I am hearing come out of your mouth. But then again considering the places it's been I guess I shouldn't be so shocked."
Ally: " Whoever said that plenty of fish in the sea thing was lying. Sometimes there's only one fish. Trust me."
Ally: "I can't believe it. I'm here just to smile at him. Three years of law school...it all keeps coming down to my teeth."
Ally: "I am human. I am temperamental. I am guilty. And, I'm ovulating!"
Elaine: "I'm sure she's quite stupid and in time gravity will get her."
Ally: "I mean with all due respect, you sort of walk around with uppity breasts...and the hair flips aren't the most subtle...and your perfume! You could be flammable! Now what if somebody shut you down as a safety hazard. How would you feel then?"
Elaine: "That was with all due respect?"
Elaine: "That was a snappish remark disguised in a soft tone."
Richard: "You know, I had a great aunt once who said if you stare at a beautiful woman too long you turn to stone. She was partially right."
Richard: "The bigger it is, the more of him she doesn't want, that's all. Fishism."
Ally: "I don't want you, I'm not having any baby and you can't make me think I want you whenever I think about sex! Nothing's ticking and I don't want you!"
Ally: "We're women. We have double standards to live up to."
Guy cop: "You know what it is?"
Lady cop: "Oh yes."
Guy cop: "What?"
Lady cop: "Let's put it this way. Every thing that a man truly has to offer a woman...it's in that cup."
Renee: "Snow White. Cinderella. All about getting a guy. Being saved by the guy. Today it’s Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas. All about getting a guy."
Ally: "So basically we're screwed up because of..."
Renee: "Disney."
Elaine: "Men love to be thought of as funny......except when they're in bed."
Richard: "Whipper dumped me last night. I don't feel like smiling. If that troubles you go stand on a railroad track and take a moment."
Richard: "John, if you don't kiss a girl on the first date, you're a gentleman. If you don't on the second, you're gay."
Renee: "You're a wacko!"
Ally: "And I like it."
Ally: "Renee, even if I get past all my problems I'm just going to go out and get new ones."
Dr. Tracy: "Seems like you're nuts."
Ally: "I didn't think a therapist was supposed to call her patients....nuts."
Dr. Tracy: "Ally, you've got a see-through baby in a diaper ugachaking spears at you. You're doing this Lloyd Bridges thing through your office. You're a cracker. But that's why you're here."
Elaine: "Well, I could tell you how to get back with me, but I'm, you know....
Richard: "A slut."
Elaine: "Exactly."
Dr. Tracy: "He's afraid."
Ally: "Why?"
Dr. Tracy: "He's interested."
Ally: "Men are supposed to pounce when they're interested."
Dr. Tracy: "Hel~llo! They pounce on the wrong girls. When it's the right girl, they turn into bumbling little chickens."
Ally: "I am not a weakling."
Richard: "Elaine, why do you seize upon any occasion to do a number? If you want to be a performer, take off your clothes."
Bobby: "Get out of my face."
Billy: "I'm in your face!"
Ally: "So am I! I'm, I'm just shorter..."
Georgia: "So he's cute, this Donnell guy?"
Elaine: "Oh my god, I would just like to take my thighs and squeeze his head."
*John gives a baffled look*
Elaine: "Poughkipsee..."
Richard: "In every person's life there comes a time when you have to go forth and be vicious."
Ally: "Well, wh....wh....what brings you here?"
Bobby: "Uh, a case. I represent two men against a hospital. There could be a conflict of interest so I need outside counsel. Interested?"
Ally: "In you? I...I...I mean....what sort of case?"
Elaine: "In the meantime, I'm...you know..."
Richard: "A slut."
Elaine: "Exactly."
Elaine: "In high school, boys called me the human window of opportunity."
Richard: I'm sure you were proud."