You take the records, I'll take the stereo.
You get the tv, and I'll take the radio.
I'll keep the dishes, and you the pots and pans.
You'll need a new car more than me,
so I'll take the second hand.
We'll each keep our own friends,
divide the rest in two.
The older kids seem to understand,
still there's one thing left to do.
It's over in the corner, our little one sits and cries.
And behind that swell of tears she's asking with her eyes.


What you gonna do about me?
What you gonna do about me?
Is it daddy on the weekends
and mom the rest of the week?
Will I have to make new friends?
Live on a different street?
Who's gonna be the one who tucks me into sleep?
Oh what you gonna do,
what you gonna do about me?


I gave her a hug, she pushed me away.
I said in time you'll understand,
and maybe we both will someday.
I wiped her tears, and said "It won't be so bad."
She said "Will you still be my mommy; will he still be my dad?"


What you gonna do about me?
What you gonna do about me?
Is it daddy on the weekends
and mom the rest of the week?
Will I have to make new friends?
Live on a different street?
Who's gonna be the one who tucks me into sleep?
Oh what you gonna do,
what you gonna do about me?


How can I tell her when I dont' know for sure
Why her mom and dad don't love each other anymore?






You know, the funniest things happen to me sometimes... Here I was, finished with this page and working on the last little details when everything seemed to change... Well, most everything. I had written a story about my dad that was not all that nice. I had claimed that I don't love my dad and I think at the time I wrote it, I probably meant it. Or at least I thought I did. I have realized over these last couple of days that I do love my dad. I always have. But in loving him, it means I have to expose myself to being hurt. So it seems easier to say that I don't care one way or the other... That way I feel I can't get hurt. What a stupid way to live. But that is the way I have lived my life for the last several years... Pretending that something doesn't bother me when it does. I won't do that anymore.

First of all, these are pics of my dad throughout this page. The baby pictures are him and the wedding picture is of he and my mother... At the bottom is a picture of my dad and Chris on one of our rare visits to my dad's house... The baby pictures were given to me by my grandmother. I also have 2 pairs of his baby booties that she gave me, too. If it weren't for her, I would have nothing of my fathers' because of his wife. She is extremely jealous of anyone who is close to him and if she had her way, I would have nothing meaningful of his... So thank God my grandmother has a little sense. When I look at these pictures, it hurts me to realize that this innocent little boy was once carefree and happy. That he once had a happy life.

My mother and father have known each other for a very long time... All the way back to elementary school. I have to admit, he was a cute little boy and I can see why my mom would have liked him. My grandmother says he was a good little boy and never got into any trouble. That he always minded and did what he was told... She said he was sweet and shy and quiet. He had average grades in school and didn't mind studying... He played football and ran track for his high school and even still holds the record for fastest runner at his school... No one has yet to beat his record... My mother still has films of my dad running... We used to watch them and laugh at how fast he was and how much different he looks now. My mother kept those when they got divorced and now I am glad she did... I'm sure if he had had the films when he married Barbara, she would have made him throw them away because they reflected his past... Just like we did. And, to keep the peace, he would have listened to her and thrown them away... Just like he almost did to us. So I am glad that one day I will be able to show my children that their grandpa really was happy at one time and had hopes and dreams... That he actually used to smile.

Right after high school, my mom and dad broke up and my dad married someone else... They had a baby named Lee and divorced a short time later. My mom and dad then got married and had their first child together (Chris) in 1971. I was born 5 years later, in 1976. Things were okay when I was a kid. As I said in my story about me, my dad was my hero. He had two sons and one daughter, so he didn't know quite what to do with me. He used to dress me in little boyish looking clothes and my mother would take me back to my room and dress me like a little girl. I remember a picture of me without a shirt on and just wearing army shorts... My long blonde hair was up in a hat bearing the "cobra" from the tactical unit of the police department (my dad was a police officer) and I looked just like a little boy... I think it was cute but my mom didn't... I was a little girl and I would dress like a little girl... But everytime my mom was gone, my dad would put me back in the shorts and the hat...

When I was little, my dad was such a differet man than he is today... He always wore a baseball hat and smoked Marlboro reds... I have no idea how I can remember what brand of cigarettes he smoked because, at five years old, I didn't smoke but I do remember he smoked those... It's strange~ Everytime I see a pack of those cigarettes I think of him... Anyway, back then he favored the color brown and always wore flip-flops... He had a brown robe he wore as he drank his morning coffee and read the paper... He would bring us donuts and McDonald's and play football with Chris. He would drain my kiddie pool by sucking on the end of a garden hose to get the water to come out... He always took good care of our lawn and flowerbeds and made it look real nice... I remember when these little "troublemakers" moved in next door~ He would cut the lawn in his police uniform and one time threw a football at the fence to knock the down as they were hanging on to watch and be nosy... LoL~ He was a fun guy...

I will not tell the things that happened during my parents marriage because they were both at fault in some things and it is none of my business~ They know what happened. So, my mother divorced him and we moved to Nashville. At first, he would come see us a lot and he was always happy to see us... I remember the first time I saw him after we moved to Nashville... He came up the steps to our apartment and picked me up and hugged me so hard I couldn't breathe... I will never forget that. He used to stay with us, too... He would take the couch and it would be nice to wake up and see him there. He and my mom got along just fine during those days. Then he met Barbara.

After he met Barbara, things were never the same... He wasn't allowed to see us as much because she claimed that, "I am only off on the weekends and I want it to be just the two of us", so we had to deal with that... I see now that Barbara has been jealous of us for a long time... That's pretty sad, if you ask me. So here we were, we had moved back home and still we didn't get to see our dad. But that was okay because we had a lot of friends and our friends had dads so we would just go hang out there...

Barbara convinced my dad of several things. First of all, that I wanted he and my mom to get back together... NOT!!! After the things that happened in their marriage, I would never want them back together again... My mom deserved someone who treated her good... But I can see now that this was Barbara's way of getting my dad to convince her that they would never get back together. She took her own insecurities and made up some fairy tale bullshit so that my dad would blame me.

The part that hurts me is that my brother got hurt in all this, too... Chris would never admit this to my dad because he doesn't want to start anything... See, I never cared about starting problems with my dad because I knew he was wrong. But Chris and I are very different and he will never tell my dad just how hard it has been on him. He had to take the place as the man of the house at only thirteen years old, plus take the place of my dad when it came to me. He had to learn to fix things and take care of us when he should have been out playing... Having my dad around would have been nice for him. There is a picture of my brother that has always made me sad... It is his 7th grade school picture. We had just moved to Nashville. Chris looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders... This is when he stopped smiling. I have always hated my dad for doing that to my brother... He could have made this easier for us... He should have made his wife understand that he can love all of us the same. That we aren't going to steal him away from her... We only wanted a father... We deserved a father. She should have considered what it would have been like if someone would have told her at eight that she couldn't see her father... Of course, Barbara claims that her father abused her as a little girl and I doubt that because if that were true, why would she leave Angela over there???

So time went on and we grew up... Chris turned eighteen right before my dad and his skank put me in Second Chance... He was finally an adult. We went out with our dad for dinner becuase his birthday is one day after Chris' birthday... It was my dads' fortieth birthday and Chris' eighteenth. I was so jealous of my brother because he was finally an adult. But he didn't even consider moving out because then my mom would be alone because I was living with my dad.

So I got out of Second Chance and went home to my mother... She had known all along that I wasn't on drugs and she didn't make me follow any rules at home so it was no big deal for me to be out... So I started high school as planned... My dad started telling me to drop out so he wouldn't have to pay child support. ... He kept saying that he couldn't wait until I turned eighteen so I would be paid off... Like I was a car or something... I got tested for drug use by a strand test and it was proven that I never had done drugs. My dad decided he didn't want to see the test results... Because he knew the truth; that I hadn't done drugs. I contemplated on suing the center where I had been and my attorney even said that I definately had a strong case since I had documentation proving I had never done drugs but, in order to sue them, I also had to sue my dad... I declined because I didn't want to sue my own father.

So I went about my life and when I was nineteen, my dad and Barbara took me, Chris, Mamaw and Papaw out for dinner. I was sick because of the prime rib I had eaten the night before (see the story on my mom) so I didn't eat... Just sat there with everyone else. Chris ordered a beer and Barbara gave my dad a "look"... I mean, the guy was almost 24 years old. She needs to stop thinking of herself as "holier than thou" because I happen to know for a fact that she has an ugly past but we won't open up that can of worms. Anyway, after dinner, my dad told us that he would be out of town for a few weeks for work. We didn't pay attention... I mean, who cares if he is out of town for a few weeks, right? So a couple weeks went by and I forgot that he was "away on business" and called him at work one day. His work informed me that he was on an extended leave and I said, "Oh yeah, that's right, he's is at some police workshop", and the woman said, "No, he isn't". I was shocked because it scared me because I wondered what my dad was doing. So I said to her, "What if there were an emergency? How would we get in touch with him?" and she said she didn't know. I hung up and a few minutes later the phone rang. It was Barbara. She was yelling at me telling me that it is none of my business where he was and that if I knew what was good for me I would butt out of her business... She had no business talking to me like that. But I hung up on her and went to bed. A few days later, I got a letter from my dad. Obviously Barbara had lied to him and told him I was starting a bunch of crap here and he went off on me. But at least I knew where he was now. He told me in the letter... And I didn't worry anymore... He was away taking some sort of self-help class that I am sure Barbara convinced him he needed. I thought it was weird but it was none of my business.

So a few months later is when he called and told Chris the "good news" about them adopting the baby. Chris was upset as well but they were more worried about me. When my dad told me, I just said,"Okay... I gotta go to sleep cause I gotta work tomorrow". I acted as if he had just told me he was getting a new cat. When I hung up, I went to pieces... How could he raise a child that is not even his when he couldn't stick around for the children that were his??? What baffled me more was I didn't understand how she could be a decent mother to a child that wasn't a part of either one of them when she couldn't even accept the kids that were part of him... I didn't have to wait long to see that she is just as bad a mother as she is a step-mother. This child was four years old and not even potty trained... Poor Angie. And it's not like Barbara had a stressful career and no time to potty train a child... She didn't even work. Just sat home all day and fed her face. Anyway, so, they adopted the baby and had a little party... My brother, Chris, went because he didn't want to start anything... Plus, my other brother, Lee, was there and he wanted to see him. When he got home, he was upset and I felt sorry for him. A few months later, they had the nerve to send me an invitation to Angie's christening... As if I would actually go... I wrote "return to sender" on it and sent it back.

That was the first Christmas and Thanksgiving I spent away from my dad. Since Angie was adopted, I have gone to one Christmas and Thanksgiving. I have nothing against her. After all, she is a kid... But I do not like Barbara and I am 25 years old now and no longer have to pretend. My dad came to counseling with me a few weeks ago. In that session I told him that I didn't feel that he loved me... He just sat there looking shocked, which bothered me. I guess I expected him to agree with me but he didn't. He told me that Barbara says the reason I don't like her is because I can't manipulate her... If this is what she has been telling everyone, she is nuts... I don't like her because she is a bitch. No other reason than that. We all see through her now, though. And I think it is funny how she thinks that Chris buys her crap. He has always pretended to like her for my dad's sake. Pretty nice of him, I think, because I never even did that for my dad. My father knows that she is mean... So, for those of you who she has told that to, let me say now that it is not true... When I was a little girl, I wanted her to like me... I didn't understand why she was so mean... Now I know why. She has been fearful for years that I will somehow steal my dad away from her... What she needs to realize is that I probably will... When she least expects it.

I saw my dad today because my birthday is this weekend and he wanted to give me a present. It was the goofiest thing I ever got for my birthday but, believe it or not, it is probably the most meaningful thing he has given me for years. It is a little frog with a motion senser in it and when you walk by it, it says,"Ribbet"... I know, goofy, right??? But what was important to me is that HE bought for ME. He knew I would like it and he got it for me. That meant more to me that he will ever know. What hurt me is that he kept apologizing for it not being expensive... Let me just say now, Dad, you may never see this but I want you to know that I don't care if you hadn't bought me anything at all. A simple phone call would have meant the world to me. It's not what you can or can't buy for me that matters to me most... It's you.

Seeing my dad today really hurt me. He had thatsame look that I have grown used to because it is the same look Chris gets when he has a lot on his mind. My dad didn't tell me what was going on but I already know. He is living through hell right now and feels as if he has no one to turn to. Well, I hope he knows that he can always turn to us. Chris and I have been hurt by our dad's actions but we are from a close family and after talking tonight, I realized that we are a lot alike... No matter what our dad has or hasn't done in the past, he is still our father. And we still love him. And we will not sit here and let him get hurt. Not one will hurt someone we love and get away with it.

This page will probably get my father in trouble with his witch and I don't know why. I am saying all of these things, not him. I have been around this sad excuse for a woman for the last 16 years and have created my own opinions of her. I think that she is a coward. She will not face me. She won't even answer the phone when I call... I think that is funny. Because she knows that I see right through her. And now everyone else does too.

I don't know what will happen here... But I do know that if my dad needs me, I am here... And so is Chris. We will never walk away from him. We never have before. If she thought that by taking our dad away from us she was alienating him, she was wrong. If she thought that she would succeed at severing the relationship between us and our father, she was wrong. We are still here and always will be. Something else that struck me as funny was that on Christmas I met up with my dad to give him his presents and Angie's presents. She knew I had gotten Angie some Christmas presents and she didn't let her come with him. That was funny to me. It didn't bother me; it showed me once again that she is a coward. She needs to realize that one day Angie will be an adult and she will want to know what's going on and I will tell her the truth. So the best thing for Barbara to do is move away and never mention me to Angie again and hope she forgets who I am. Because the day will come where that child will be grown up and confused about what happened with this family. And I will tell her. Every detail. And I know that day is coming because it came with me. I wanted to know what happened and so I asked... And someone there was kind enough to tell me... Because I had a right to know. As does she.

If my father gets upset with me because of this page, so be it. None of what I am saying on these pages is untrue. These are my feelings. I have never been a part of their relationship before and certainly don't need to be now. I know that if I get a call from him, it will be because of her. I know that anything mean he ever says to me again is because of her. And I will not take it personally. He knows deep down that she is a bitch. He may never say it to me but I can see it in his face. And let me say now, she will get hers. For everything she has ever done to my dad, she will pay a price... I will see to it.

Let me say in closing that my father can be a good guy... When he is away from his "Master of Puppets", and I have spent time with him that she knows nothing about, I have enjoyed myself. More than anything, I feel sorry for him. I hope he can get his life together and come to his senses. He may not have done much in the past to deserve a relationship with us, but WE deserve a relationship with HIM. He will realize that one day soon... And then my world will finally be at peace.






This has always been my favorite picture of my dad and I together... The way we are looking at each other has always made me smile.



UPDATE: Well, a lot has happened since I wrote this last year~ First of all, my dad finally left Barbara~!!!! This is something we all waited for for a long time~ Sadly, she is still playing little kindergarten games and this time she has involved Angie... She hs screwed that kid up so bad... I hate it because she is such a sweet kid and I know what she is facing... Barbara has lied so much, she is tripping herself up... She has tried to intimidate our dad to a point that I think he i finally going to put his foot down... He is obviously sick of her games as well... She keeps feeling smug about how she is screwing with her kids head and getting away with it but, believe me, I know enough about the system to know that it won't be long before she gets stopped... Someone will find out how she is treating this child and step in... I know it will happen~ Everything else I predicted did...

We have had chance to be around our father as much as we have wanted, which is strange but great... I can now call him whenever I need to and have no problem reaching him... I see him at least twice a week and am enjoying every minute of it~! I am so glad that I fought her and didn't let her completely ruin the relationship with my dad! I have realized more and more why she is in therapy~~ She NEEDS it~!!! I wouldn't trust her to take care of my houseplants~! She would have THEM in counseling... LOL~!

Anyway, I have never felt more at peace about the relationship with my dad as I do now and it is even more realization for me that it was HER that was the problem, not him...



The words to the song played on this page... I mean these words to my dad with every ounce of my soul~


I Hope You Dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances, But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth making

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion, always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion, always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

Dance
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder
Dance
Where those years have gone