Dear Maryam and Sharpen List,
     What I am about to say may trouble many of you.  This is just a warning
to preface what I will be writing regarding the treatment of children in
COBU.  I have intended for some time now to address this issue but you must
realize that it is a painful one for me and I'm sure many other ex-members
as well.
     For what ever reason, ST placed very little emphasis on the importance
of nurturing and loving our children.  He was a pitiful example of a father
and this affected the manner in which members cared for their children.
Please understand this, I honestly believe the parents in the F.F./COBU
sincerely loved their children just as I know John and I loved our little
Jacob.  Sadly though, we adhered  to Stewman's strict policies believing we
were faithful Christians. What we were oblivious to is  St's direction
concerning raising children and family life/marriage was indeed erroneous;
perhaps even close to diabolical.  In saying all this I will try and recall
the most vivid memories that I have regarding this delicate topic.  Many
examples will be left out or this post could go on quite endlessly!
     Early on in the Forever Family, children were left alone in fellowship
houses while members went out witnessing.  While I never did this, I was
aware that it was going on.  I will not mention any names out of respect.
Children were in the way of our all importance goals.  After all they take
time and attention away from meeting the demands of a growing fellowship.
     While John was center leader in Scranton, meetings would at first be
held in the fellowship house.  All the fellowships in the center would come
and ST would be there as well.  At one of these meetings, when perhaps 80 or
so people came, ST decided to give us an example of disciplining a child;
only the child wasn't his!  A young lady, a new convert for a very short
time, came with her child.  This cute little boy was between 3 and 4 yrs
old.  After about an hour of Bible study, ST decided to address this little
boy.  He began talking to him.  At first it appeared ST was just being
friendly.  Then he began to insist that this little child was lying to him
and acting like a brat.  This conversation between the child and ST went on
for I'd say about 20 min to half an hour.  All of a sudden, ST grabbed this
little boy and put him over his knee and began spanking him.  When finished,
he placed him on the floor making the child stand in front of him.  ST began
requiring this child to tell the truth.  The child was terrified and
shaking.  When ST didn't get the desired result, he commenced spanking the
boy again over his knee. These were not just little taps on his bottom.  ST
was using a stick or some type of instrument.  I know for sure he was not
using his hand. This little ritual went on for I'd say about an hour and a
half.  All the while, the mother was looking on but said nothing.  Why she
didn't come to her child's defense I'll never know.  I think she may have
been afraid of ST.  We never did go back to studying the Bible that night.
This was supposed to be a Godly lesson for all us kiddies on how to deal
with a rebellious child.
     Needless to say, the mother was furious after the meeting broke up. I
can recall watching her from a distance as she was saying she would never
come to a meeting again!  Jean Acernese, Primo's mother, was there also.
She was VERY upset afterward and expressed her disagreement with the way ST
handled the child.  I remember being shocked at first as well.  Then as the
whole episode continued it was as if I was under ST's trance watching this
terrible injustice go on!  I felt frozen, as if there was nothing I could
do.  After all, maybe my inward voice telling me it didn't seem right was
just my rebellion like this little boy's.  What did I know about raising
children?  ST had five of them and much more experience than me.  So it
went.  All the dumb sheep allowed this young child to be abused by ST.  We
stood by and did nothing.  I can remember having this sick feeling in my gut
for the longest time afterward!  How was it that we could sweep such things
under the rug?  I'll never know.
     There was a time little Donald was sick.  He had some kind of disease
and a rash broke out all over his body.  ST put off giving him medical
attention for a long while.  Finally, after about a week or maybe more, he
had him taken to the doctor.  My husband was the one who told me about this
so he knows the facts even better than I do.  Just as ST disciplined the
little child above, I recall a time in ST's living room at the Cumberland
Gardens, when he disciplined Donald in the same manner.  He was about 5 at
the time.  It was having to do with Donald lying.  I don't remember if all
that spanking ever extracted the truth out of him.  I have heard from other
ex-members that Donald has some serious mental problems now.  Does anyone on
our list know anything about this?
     Having worked with little children, I know that lying is common among
them.  Are they these evil little creatures who need to have the truth
beaten out of them?  No!  There are appropriate measures to obtain the truth
from a child, none of which are to physically abuse them.  What is appalling
is the audacity ST had to openly hit this child who was not even his own.
He totally disregarded the child's mother as if he had God-given permission
to do whatever he pleased with this little boy.
     Oh yes, and then there was the nursery during the MTC days.  Some of
the punishments were way out of line.  Let me say, I hold nothing against
Joanne Fontana. She was under the great Oz's spell like the rest of us.
Sometimes children were denied lunch if they were exhibiting what Cobuites
considered rebellious behavior.  If children weren't potty trained, and they
had an accident, they were made to stay in their soiled clothing for the
rest of the day.  I remember this happening to a little boy whose mother was
from Montreal fellowship. He had been receiving treatments for his cancer
and had no more hair left.  She was a single mother and had to work during
the day. Then at night of course there were the meetings and witnessing.  I
felt so sorry for her.  When in the world did she have time to potty train
her child?  With no husband to defend her, she was rebuked time and again
regarding her son's accidents in the nursery.  The situation actually came
to a point where the child was getting a rash on his bottom for being
punished to stay in soiled clothing all day!  I still remember that poor
mother's frustration.  I only wish I could remember her name.
     During the loft days some incidents occurred which I still wonder how
we could allow.  There were times I witnessed other men disciplining
children which were not their own.  These children had parents so I don't
know why this happened.  Also, single mothers were encouraged to have
brothers discipline their children.  Imagine the effect upon the child and
the mother.  How should this child view this male adult who is not even his
father.  What kind of relationship should the mother have toward this man
disciplining her child?  Certainly we know it could not be a romantic one
since marriage was not allowed at that time.
     Thank goodness the lofts were closed in October, before the winter.  I
wonder if mothers would have been chased out of the meetings with their
crying babies to stand in the cold.  Children were getting sick all the
time.  Mothers kept their medicine in little ice boxes since there was no
refrigeration.  Jacob, our son who was a little more than a year, acquired
an upper respiratory infection.  When I brought him in to St. Vincent's
Hospital, the doctor told me it was just in time.  If I had waited any
longer, it would have turned into pneumonia!  I was often so concerned that
the health department would find us out and our children would be taken from
us.  Can you imagine what that's like?  I was so relieved when we were sent
out to a center in Sept '76.  I remember when the Fire Dept. forced COBU
members out of the lofts after the article in the paper which exposed our
living conditions.  So many people were getting sick and going to the
hospital giving the same address that we had to eventually be discovered.
Why didn't ST prepare for that?  Anyway, I heard Stewman say on a tape, "If
Darlene were here, she would have welcomed the Fire Department in and showed
them around."
Then he said something to the effect that he was sure I was glad we were
finally kicked out of the lofts.  You're darn tootin' I was!  But of course
that didn't end the atrocious living conditions!
     Well, this is about as much as I am able to talk about for now.  I
don't think of these things much anymore.  I also know and believe God has
forgiven my transgressions from those days.  I now serve a loving and kind
Heavenly Father who "leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's
sake."  Praise His name dear brothers and sisters and rejoice that you have
been cleansed and washed by the blood of the Lamb!
Your sister in Christ,
Darlene